


Running on Empty

by thelastaerie



Category: Freier Fall | Free Fall (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, M/M, Mystery, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:20:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 95,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28614249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelastaerie/pseuds/thelastaerie
Summary: This is a AU story based on Freier Fall/Free Fall characters.  Plus a few original characters.For Marc Borgmann, life is good.  He’s about to get married, the security company he co-owns finally hits the big league, landing a lucrative contract to protect prominent businessman, Wenzel Wolff.  What he isn't expecting is Wenzel's aloof and ambitious executive assistant, Kay Klossner, who seems to be hiding a secret or two, of who he really is - someone from Marc’s past.Kay Engel thinks he has the best-laid plans.  He is so close to the truth now, all he needs is a bit more time.  What he isn't expecting is his first crush, Marc Borgmann, reappearing in his life again, stirring up feelings Kay thought he has long given up.Marc sees himself as a protector, but he has no idea who he might end up protecting.***
Relationships: Marc Borgmann/Kay Engel
Comments: 254
Kudos: 87





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a darker and plot-heavy story than my other FF stories. 
> 
> Although this is a Marc & Kay love story, there are elements of consensual sexual favour and it features explicit scenes of Kay’s and Marc’s relationships with other people. Kind of angsty before their happy ending 😬
> 
> This story is also a tribute to and is inspired by Sidney Bell's "Bad Judgement". A m/m novel I have reread a lot and have taken liberty to borrow a few things from. I highly recommend it, of course. 👍
> 
> And yes, part of the 999 ways to reunite these two...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc and Kay - 12 years ago

**_-12 years ago -_ **

(Marc)

“Pussy!”

“Pussy, eh?” Marc bit his lips, mustered the last bit of strength to accelerate, he caught up with Kay and swatted the teenager’s head.

Kay laughed and ran further ahead of him. “Catch me if you can,” he shouted back.

Marc shook his head.

Marc used to hate track and field sports, they were boring and pointless, unlike team sport, unlike football. Marc needed teammates, he enjoyed being around people who shared the same goal - to score, to win. 

Running is... boring. And lonely.

Kay was three years younger than Marc. When you are 17, a 3-year age gap can seem like a decade. A 14-year-old seems like a generation younger than yourself. And that’s how Marc saw Kay at first: that he’s a kid. A baby. 

They went to the same school, but Marc ignored Kay in school. Seniors don’t hang out with juniors, that’s it. He would rather die than being seen hanging out with Kay Engel. It was a fact that Kay seemed to be taking quite well. 

But sure, outside school, Marc liked to go running in the forest with Kay sometimes. 

Between his father’s high expectations and constant pressure from his coach and teammates, Kay was like a refreshing cool breeze suddenly blew into his life. Kay wanted nothing from Marc except for his company; he was a good kid. A happy kid. He’s goofy and funny. And he looked up to Marc. 

In other word, he’s very good for Marc’s ego.

But there was also something else. Something unique. When Marc was with Kay, he felt free. Free to run, free to be himself. Even when Marc still hasn’t figured it out who he was or what he wanted to be; he knew Kay would like him no matter what.

Their running rendezvous continued well into the summer as their friendship deepened. 

Without peer pressure, Marc no longer found it awkward to hang out with a junior. Most of his school friends were busy with their girlfriends and overseas summer holidays. Marc didn’t mind. He knew his father’s police officer salary couldn’t afford these luxuries and the two girlfriends he had had before were more trouble than it’s worth, he would rather wait til university to find a proper and mature girlfriend.

He had football practice and running with Kay Engel, that’s all the summer activities he needed.

Marc finally caught up with Kay, who had gone off the normal trail and went deep into the forest. He swatted the back of Kay’s head. “There are wolves around. They are going to eat you!”

“You are the big bad wolf!” Kay laughed, ducking his head to avoid another swat from Marc. Then he carefully took out a slim brown tube from his running shorts’ pocket; he presented it to Marc like it was the crown jewels.

It’s a joint.

Marc’s eyes widened. “Where the hell did you get that?” Of course, Marc had smoked it before, but having a police officer father meant he always had to be careful.

Kay grinned, clearly happy that he had surprised Marc. “I found out where my mother hid them.”

“Have you tried it before?”

Kay shook his head. “But I want to try it with you. You can teach me.” He added eagerly.

Marc was still considering it when Kay played that lethal card again. “Pussy.” He dared Marc.

Marc grabbed the joint from him. “I’ll show you who’s pussy.”

So Marc showed him how and when to inhale, how to hold the smoke and when to exhale. Kay coughed a few times, but he kept going, like the determined little devil that he was.

They took turns smoking the joint, relighting it a few times, sharing it slowly.

“It’s dead.” Kay giggled and passed the joint to Marc.

“Dead as a doornail.” Marc agreed and flicked it away.

Insects buzzing and humming, birds chirping around them, Marc and Kay lay down on the grass with their hands behind their head, enjoying the warmth of the late sun, drying out their sweaty bodies.

Marc had no idea how much time has passed.

Then Kay turned to face him.

Marc has always thought Kay was a good-looking kid, like a poster boy of Germanic perfection: fine blond hair, sparkling big blue eyes, straight nose and chiselled jawline. His eyes travelled down to Kay’s wiry runner’s body which Marc thought, in a few years would develop into a bigger and toned body. In a couple of years, Kay would look...

Kay had a silly smile on his face, still high from the joint they shared. He reached out and touched Marc’s face with his fingers, like he’s memorising his facial features. Going from Marc’s eyebrows to his nose and cheeks, then moved down to his lips...

Suddenly the little flutters in Marc’s stomach shifted gear, the tingling sensation began to spread across his body, before he knew what was happening, Kay has leaned over and pressed his mouth onto Marc’s. 

It was just a featherlight touch. A peck and Kay moved away. He was giggling like it was the funniest thing, totally unaware of the powerful electric shock coursing through Marc’s entire body.

Horrified. Marc bolted upright. He began to pull the hem of his t-shirt down to cover the front of his joggers.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Kay was looking at him, his pupils slightly dilated, his lips apart.

“Marc?”

“Shit. I... I am late. I forgot...” Marc stammered the excuse out as he stood up hurriedly. “I have to... shit, I have to go,” he said and ran away like he was being chased. 

He left Kay alone in the forest.

The next day, he found Kay outside his front door around 3pm again.

Kay flashed him a shy smile, his eyes warm and his voice full of hope. “Hey, do you want to go running in the woods?”

“Nee. I had enough running practice.”

Kay licked his lips, they looked rosy and shiny under the afternoon sunlight. Marc made sure he’s looking anywhere but at those lips. His heart pounding.

Kay rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Right. I nearly forgot what a great runner you are.” Kay mockingly teased him but there was hurt in his downcast eyes.

At first Marc didn’t know what to say. He almost changed his mind. Then he thought of the panic attack moment in the woods yesterday. 

“I think it’s better if you find someone else to go running with. I am busy with football practice.” He delivered this like a computer robot.

Kay stared at him for a good second before he slowly walked back across the street to his house.

Marc never went running with Kay Engel again. 

And two weeks later. Kay Engel disappeared from his life forever.


	2. Death Threats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc and Frank land a big contract  
> Marc meets Kay Klossner

(Marc)

“Say that again?”

Marc thought he had heard it wrong.

“Five. Hundred. Thousand. Euros.” Frank repeated the number slowly.

“For three months of round the clock protection?” Marc asked incredulously.

“Yes.”

“Plus expenses?”

“Yes, expenses are extra, on top of the 500,000.”

“Fuck me.” Marc purred. That’s almost their whole year’s turnover.

“I know.” Frank smirked, looking very pleased with himself. He had a good reason to.

Because this was it. This was the big league the two of them has been working so hard for since they started their private security consultancy firm. Well, firm is a big word. It was still just Marc, Frank, one office manager, one accountant and three contracted staff. 

“Why us?” Not that Marc was complaining. They needed the business. Half a million or a tenth of that. Frank usually handled the marketing and the pitching for jobs; Marc was the one on the ground.

“They get death threats from time to time, but recently it’s very targeted to their Chief Medical Officer, Wenzel Wolff. Big Pharma companies are prone to industrial espionage and government watchdogs, so they don’t trust the police or international security companies. Being private and small finally became our unique selling point.”

Frank handed him a large folder. “We promised them they would have our best staff and 100% dedication for these three months - subject to renewal and threat assessment.”

“For half of million? They could have me, you and your wife,” Marc joked and flipped open the folder.

Inside was a A4 size headshot of Wenzel Wolff, the Chief Medical Officer of Medikunft, the company that hired them. 

According to the personal details sheet, Wolff was 54 years old, but he looked to be in relatively good shape. Salt and pepper hair, short and perfectly coiffed, icy cool blue eyes on a tanned face, every bit of a rich company man.

“So, what’s the threat?” Marc asked. Frank was the one who went to the meeting with Medikunft, they were one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in Germany.

“They aren’t sure, or they wouldn’t tell me. All they say is that it might have to do with their medical research programmes. But Wolff got personal death threats in the post this time and they are worried enough to ask for protection.” Frank rubbed his chin. “They hired us to protect Wenzel Wolff and assess risk, but not to investigate. Apparently, they are doing that part in-house. Although I told them we can’t do a full risk assessment if we don’t investigate the source of the threat.”

That was a bit odd. Marc thought. Sometimes with cases like this, they would partner with a P.I. Company to work on the case. Frank was an expert on cyber security, that was another source of income for their company; he liked to joke that he was the brain and Marc was the muscle in their operation.

They could definitely protect and investigate. 

“Although for half a million, we should do whichever way they want.” Frank didn’t seem to care.

“Maybe they are wary of trade secrets, maybe they will change their mind later on,” Marc commented without looking up.

He continued to read the info sheets. There was a floor plan of their office, Wenzel Wolff’s home address, floor plan of his home, an organisational chart of the departments reporting to Wolff, with staff photos... shit, there were a lot of people working for Wolff.

Marc concentrated on the few photos placed closest to Wolff, staff who were reporting directly to Wolff. There were a few Medical Officers, the Head of R&D, the Head of Regulatory Affairs and Wolff’s own Executive Assistant...

Marc stared at the staff photo of the E.A.

It’s uncanny. He thought.

“What is it?” Frank asked when he saw Marc muttering to himself.

“Wolff’s Personal Assistant - “

“Executive Assistant.” Frank corrected him. “He doesn’t like when you mix that up. Executive Assistant is more than a secretary.”

“His _Executive_ Assistant.” Marc rolled his eyes. “He looks like someone I used to know, that’s all.”

“Who?”

Marc ignored the question. He checked the name on the chart - K. Klossner. Different surname. “You’ve met him already? What’s his first name?”

“Kai? I think. Everyone calls him by his surname, Klossner. Always. Except Wenzel Wolff.” Frank shrugged. “I spoke to a few staff after we signed the contract, he’s quite a character. But Wolff trusts him, his right-hand man, he’s also in charge of Wolff’s itinerary.”

“Isn’t he a bit young to be the right-hand man of a CMO.” Marc was curious. But he looked the right age for the Kay he had known before. Marc thought.

“He’s 26. He has the right qualifications for the job, but he is still young, considering this is a big international company. He’s also a pain in the ass. I heard he joined a year ago for an entry level position in R&D. Wolff promoted him to be his assistant within three months. That’s all you need to know.”

Marc frowned. He had never had a 9-5 office job, but he has been around enough company men to know that was quite rare.

“Do we have a file on him?”

“Only a standard HR file. He’s not a suspect of the death threats. Well, Wolff ruled him out. Anyway, he doesn’t think the threats come from within the company.”

Marc rolled his eyes. Most clients either claim adamantly they know who want them dead or they have zero clue except ruling out people they like. Wolff seemed to be latter.

He studied the small headshot of the EA again. Blue eyes, blond hair and a handsome face but the demeanour was all wrong. Kai Klossner looked aloof, arrogant, even cold. Zero trace of that those sparkling eyes and mischievous smile in Marc’s memory.

_No, I am just seeing things. He can’t be Kay Engel._

“I will see if I can get more information on the nature of the threats, so you can plan your protection detail better. Gregor and Mehmed will share the bodyguard shifts with you.” Frank threw a Medikunft staff pass to Marc. “You start first from next Monday. I will inspect and clear Wolff’s family house on Sunday, he also has a penthouse apartment in the city, that can wait. You go meet up with Wolff’s driver outside his home at 8am sharp on Monday.”

******

Marc watched Bettina put a large bowl of potpourri on the top shelf, then next to the TV, then back to the top shelf and finally on the console table by the door.

The whole living room smelled like they were in a lavender field.

“Sometimes a house just needs a woman’s touch.” Frank’s wife, Claudia had said when they found this new house.

Bettina took the potpourri up from the table again.

“What’s wrong?” Marc asked. He just wanted her to find a spot for it and be done with it. They still had twenty boxes to open.

Bettina put it back down and walked over to Marc. Her delicate slim arms went around his waist, with a faint smile on her face, she tip-toed to give him a kiss. “Just want everything to be perfect.”

He kissed her back. Her soft and lithe body melded against his, he held her in his arms, like second nature.

“You’re perfect.” Marc whispered in her ears.

Bettina grinned. She’s in a very pleasant mood. They’ve been talking about moving in together to a bigger house for a while now. After the engagement two months ago, it seemed like the perfect next step. 

She had wanted to have the wedding in this summer before moving in, but with their business taking off, Marc had convinced her to push the wedding back to next Spring, so he could concentrate on his work.

Moving in together was part of his way to placate... no, to show that he’s committed to a future with her. 

Marc knew it’s the right time, his company was finally more than breakeven last year, they had actual profit, not just drawing a merge salary. When his father was his age, he was already married with Marc in kindergarten. In his mother’s eyes, he had a lot of catching up to do.

Thinking about his parents...

“We should clear the dining room and unpack the kitchen things. My mother volunteers to cook tonight.”

It wasn’t very obvious, but Marc didn’t miss the little wince flashed across Bettina’s face. “Right. I forgot they are coming over tonight.” She lowered her arms. “But it’s our first night here... can we just - “

Marc didn’t know what she saw on his face, but before he could react, she changed her mind again. “I guess it’s a good idea. We won’t have time to cook ourselves.”

His father arrived bearing housewarming gift, a new coffee maker; his mother carrying two bags of groceries for dinner and the new kitchen.

“Did Frank help you guys?” His father, Wolfgang, asked as they sat down for dinner. Being an only child, Marc had to convince his father to let the moving company do their job.

Marc shook his head. “Frank is busy. Actually, I am busy too. That’s why we hired the moving company.”

Wolfgang scoffed. “The two of us could have done it in half a day. Why waste money?”

Marc knew his father well enough not to talk back, just dropped the argument with a shrug.

“They just signed a half-a-million-euro contract with a big pharma.” Bettina said, taking Marc’s side. Wolfgang, a retired and decorated police officer hasn’t forgiven Marc for leaving the police force after just a few years. 

“Which big pharma?” He asked Marc, rather grudgingly.

“You know I am not allowed to tell you. Clients don’t want public to know they get death threats.” Marc made a side glance to Bettina.

Wolfgang snorted. “There are always loonies who make threats against these imaginary enemies. Big pharma, media companies, weapon contractors. Too many left-wing loonies in the country.”

Marc tried not to roll his eyes. He and his father would never see eye-to-eye when it comes to politics. “Why not? More business for us,” he said flippantly.

“They’d rather hire private guns. I bet they have too much dirty laundry to contact proper authorities.”

His father’s hostility towards the private sector was misguided, he thought all security consultants were mercenaries or private soldiers. Then Marc suddenly remembered something.

“Do you remember the family who used to live across the street from us? When we were at living in the house Oma left us?”

His mother looked up. “You mean that big yellow house? Oh, that poor family.”

“Of course, I remember, I was one of the first on the scene after their son found them.” Wolfgang said.

Marc started. He didn’t know it was Kay who found his parents’ bodies. His father hadn’t mentioned that at the time.

“What a tragedy. I remember Maria, she was such a doted mother. I still can’t believe they just left their son like that. And that poor, poor kid.” His mother lamented.

“What happened to that family?” Bettina asked, looking confused.

Marc’s father thinned his lips, clearly not happy a morbid subject was brought when they were supposed to be celebrating. “Double suicide. Their teenage son found their bodies the next morning.” Wolfgang concluded quickly.

“My god...” Bettina was horrified.

It had been a hot summer that year, Kay was 14 at the time. Marc remembered that. He was taken away under government care at first, then his father told him Kay had moved to Trier to live with his Oma. Marc didn’t know what happened to Kay after that.

He hadn’t thought about Kay Engel for a long time. The boy who abruptly disappeared from Marc’s life 12 years ago.

“Why do you bring that up?” His father asked.

“Nothing...” Marc mumbled. “Just saw the school yearbook when we packed our things, it reminds me.” He lied.

“I remember you used to go running with the kid.” Marc’s mother said.

“Oh, you did?” Bettina chimed in.

Marc didn’t answer.

“It wasn’t our case back then. The homicide team took over before they determined it’s suicide. My buddy in KriPo told me Guntram Engel was in a shitload of legal troubles, that’s why they killed themselves.”

“Whatever happened to the kid?” Marc’s mother wondered out loud.

Wolfgang shook his head. After a beat, he said, “Sometimes bad luck just follows you around. I heard the kid died in a car accident with his Oma a year later in Trier.”

******

“I was expecting a bigger and taller bodyguard.” Wenzel Wolff’s chauffeur greeted Marc.

“I was expecting an older and quieter driver.” Marc replied dryly.

The driver laughed. “Mr Wolff will be out in five minutes. Or do you have to go into his house to do a sweep?”

Apparently, he found it all rather amusing. Joey was his name. Marc learned it was short and Americanised for Josef. Joey was in his mid to late thirties, used to be a taxi driver. That might explain why he talked a lot.

Marc shook his head. “Unless he wants me to. Has Mr Wolff ever ridden with a bodyguard before?”

Joey shrugged. “Not that I know of. But then, I’ve only started working for him two years ago.”

Marc used that five minutes to walk around the short driveway and the front garden, taking note of the location of security cameras, condition of the fence and lights. Everything was in place as shown on the floor plan he had seen. He mentally made a note to ask Frank to check who else has access to their home security system, it wasn’t on the information sheet.

When Wenzel Wolff came out, he looked like he’s been up and working for a few hours already, with a trench coat on his arm and brief case on the other.

He acknowledged Marc with a tight nod. “Marc? Frank said you’ll do the first shift today.”

“Morning, Mr Wolff.” Marc nodded and got into the passenger seat.

Wolff didn’t bother to make small talk on the ride. Marc had read the brief Frank had prepared and understood the death threats were very not specific, but Wolff received photos of himself taken on his way to work and when he walked his dog in the nearby park, so they knew he’s been stalked and photographed. Medikunft was reluctant to tell them more or what was written on the note accompanying the photos. Again, they weren’t making their job easy.

Cagey clients were part of the job, Marc didn’t mind all that much. He just needed to make sure Wolff was safe for the next three months.

The ride was short and quiet. Marc observed his protection subject through the rear-view mirror. Wenzel Wolff was looking outside the window with a pensive expression, he looked older than the headshot Marc had seen with deep lines around his eyes and forehead. Full head of salt and pepper hair, more salt than pepper. Not exactly a handsome man, he had the type of good looks that money contributed a large part. Well-groomed, well-tailored clothes helped. His body seemed fitter than most fifty-something men. Plus, some people find power an aphrodisiac; Wolff had plenty of that in supply.

The sudden mobile ringtone pierced the silence.

“Where have you been? I told you to call me last night.” Wolff answered impatiently, but his voice was soft with unmistakable relief. 

“Uh-huh... yeah? You can tell me all about it...” Then his voice got lower and lower. 

Marc looked up at the rear-view mirror, there was a big indulgent smile on Wolff’s face, like the sun has suddenly come out. But Marc couldn’t make out what he was saying. 

Wolff hung up after a minute. Then he said to the driver, “Joey? Make a stop at the Bachmann’s.”

Bachmann’s turned out to be a cafe & bakery.

“Two coffee and a Franzbrötchen?” Joey asked knowingly with delight.

Wolff nodded. “You are welcome to add yours to the order.” Then he added, “you too, Marc.”

“I ate already. Thank you.” Marc answered politely. He’s not munching some damn sweet pastry on his first day of a protection detail.

******

“I didn’t know you’ll be armed!” Wolff looked flabbergasted for a second there. “To be honest, I think Christoph is overreacting. There is always some lunatics or conspiracy theorists threatening us whenever we are about to get a new drug approved.”

Wenzel Wolff sat behind his large glass top writing desk, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Without his suit jacket, Marc could see he’s a big man, well over 6 foot. While he no longer had a ‘gym-bod’, Wolff still looked after his body and he had strength.

He might be one of those over-confident men who think he could handle the matter himself. Wolff might be taller, but Marc knows Krav Maga and he has a gun and the licence to carry it.

“Threats with a stalking nature are always bad news. It means the perpetrator put in actual effort, not just empty words. It requires planning, resources and patience. Not something to be underestimated.” Marc offered his professional opinion in a neutral tone.

Wolff pursed his lips. He’s not happy with the round the clock security arrangement, which seemed to be forced upon on him by his boss, Christoph Forst, the CEO.

“I still don’t believe I need round-the-clock protection.” He shook his head. This arrangement definitely bothered him. 

_Maybe he’s a very private person, who knows?_ Marc thought. “We won’t be standing right next to you, as long as we can check out the venue you will be at first, you won’t notice us around,” he offered. 

No response from Wolff, he grimaced and then said he had another meeting to attend. That was what he has been doing the whole morning, going from one meeting to another. Marc had already inspected and cleared that meeting room, so he simply waited outside.

He took the opportunity to survey the office environment. It was unusually quiet, probably because of there were only a few workstations outside Wolff’s office and they were half empty. 

There was a smaller office right next to Wolff’s, it belonged to his executive assistant, Kay Klossner. Marc only knew that because of the name plate on the door said so. He hasn’t met Klossner yet.

The door was open, and Marc didn’t need permission to inspect the room, so he went in. The first thing he noticed was a Franzbrötchen sitting untouched on top of a delicate looking china plate on Klossner’s desk. He wondered if it’s the one Wolff asked Joey to order this morning.

“I am not interested in hearing your excuses. I told you yesterday that Wenzel needs the results analysed and presented today. TODAY. Not tonight. Not tomorrow.”

“I did! But you weren’t happy with it and didn’t give me time to do it again.”

“You had 12 hours between yesterday and this morning.”

“I had to sleep.”

“No, you didn’t have to if you a report to write.”

Marc got out of Klossner’s office. There were two men arguing by the photocopier. The guy who said he had to sleep was one of the Medical Officers working under Wolff, Dr. Franke, Marc had met him earlier. The man was middle-aged and nerdy looking. The other man was younger, he had his back facing Marc, but Marc could feel his presence all the way from where his stood.

Marc couldn’t explain it, but he knew instantly he was Kay Klossner, Wenzel Wolff’s infamous executive assistant. 

From this distance, Marc could only see his shiny blond hair in a buzzcut and his athletic built. Klossner had both hands on his hips in an intimidating posture, his crisp and tight-fitting white shirt straining against his lean muscles.

The few remaining staff were gawking at them and murmuring among themselves, but no one was stepping in.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t have the qualifications to critique medical trial analysis.” The Medical Officer shouted.

After that. Everyone made eye contact with each other, but the room has gone dead quiet.

Klossner didn’t shout back. After a few seconds, he said in a calm and clear voice for everyone to hear, “Read the notes I’ve written on the report. Redo it and have it ready on my desk by 5 o’clock. If you don’t, you can take your grievance to Wenzel, if you like.”

The Medical Officer cursed under his breath but said nothing. 

Marc straightened himself as Kay Klossner walked back to his office, his eyes glued to his smartphone.

“Excuse me.” Marc called out.

Kay Klossner looked up.

It wasn’t often that Marc got awestruck by someone, certainly never by a man. But when he finally laid his eyes on Kay Klossner, Marc was rendered speechless for a second.

Marc wondered if the buzzcut was Kay Klossner’s attempt to look modest, to show that he’s not vain, not just a pretty face. Because he’s a serious looker, the kind that turns heads and draws attention. But the close-cut hairstyle only made his perfectly symmetric face and cut-glass jawline more prominent. Up close, Marc could tell Kay Klossner was fit, with a gym-toned physique, smooth skin and handsome facial features. His attractiveness was almost in-your-face. And he knew it, too. Marc could tell.

But it wasn’t Kay Klossner’s masculine beauty that made Marc’s heart skipped a beat. It was that flash of recognition in Klossner’s light blue eyes. The shock was brief and subtle. Gone in milliseconds, but Marc was watching him, so he didn’t miss it.

_Interesting. And it changes everything._

Since his father told him that Kay Engel had died in a car accident, Marc has put away his little theory. But now seeing Klossner’s reaction, the idea quickly bubbling up again. 

Could it be? Could Kay Klossner and Kay Engel be the same person? Right look, right age...

“So, you’re the bodyguard.” Klossner said coolly. The shock vanished without a trace.

Marc offered his hand after a beat. “Yes. Marc Borgmann,” he said, watching Kay’s reaction to his name.

His face betrayed nothing. “Kay Klossner. Nice to meet you.” His handshake was strong, and his skin was smooth; his fingernails tidy and cleaned, he smelled faintly of cologne, something expensive and sandalwood. A man who took care of himself.

Marc was still cataloguing Kay’s appearance when the executive assistant pulled his attention back to business. “I can forward you Wenzel’s itinerary every morning to your phone, or do you want a hard copy?”

“Phone is fine. Thank you.” Marc was still watching him. But Kay Klossner has already moved on to something else on his smartphone. “Excuse me.” He offered the apology without looking up.

Marc patiently waited for Kay to finish his phone-call - listening to him patiently ordering someone to submit some report on time, and that he would need to read the report before Wenzel Wolff. 

The right-hand man.

Finally, when Kay got off the phone and about to return to his office, Marc followed him and asked with extreme politeness, “do you mind telling me where you are from?”

Kay Klossner’s back went still. “Why?” He turned to face Marc.

“You look like someone I went to school with. In Ludwigsburg.”

Kay gave Marc a once over, unsmiling, like he’s trying to determine if it’s worth his time to answer a personal question. 

“I grew up in Köln,” he told Marc.


	3. Hello Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay remembers his first crush

(Kay)

_Marc Borgmann_.

Kay repeated the name quietly to himself as he lay down in bed that night. He said it like the name has gone rusty, so he needed to practise saying it again.

He hasn’t spoken this name for a long time; he hasn’t thought about Marc for a long time. A name from another lifetime. 

Marc. He said the name again. His first crush. Except back then Kay hadn’t known what it really was, well, he _knew_ what it was, he just _didn’t want_ to know what it was. He remembered he had wanted to spend as much time with the brooding senior. Well, as much as Marc would let him. 

_Like a puppy following Marc around. How pathetic must I have been._

Kay remembered the taller, bigger, gorgeous boy across the street. Kay was a teenager at 14, Marc Borgmann was 17, with that crucial extra 3 years between them, Marc had seemed like a grown-up to Kay. 

Six months. That was all the time he had known Marc Borgmann for, after they moved to the village near Ludwigsburg for his father’s new job in Medikunft. Kay had been the new kid in school; Marc had been the school football team captain. Why would Marc have any time for him?

But they did become friends. Sort of. 

Kay was good at running. He had out run a few seniors in 200m and 400m events in the school track and field day, then suddenly Marc was running with him in the woods. It was like a secret between them because Marc wouldn’t acknowledge him in school. At that time, it had seemed normal to Kay, because Marc was a senior. When it was just the two of them together in the woods... Marc had been... he had been good to Kay. He would laugh at Kay’s immature jokes, he tolerated Kay’s silliness and insecurities. He was like a big... Kay used to kid himself that he was only looking up to Marc like a big brother, but deep down he had known, even in his 14-year-old mind that he had a crush on Marc. He hadn’t just wanted Marc to be a friend, or a brother, he had wanted...

And then just as sudden, Marc had decided he didn’t want to go running with Kay anymore. Few days later, Kay saw Marc start dating a girl, another senior in his class. A girl with butterfly hair clips in her hair, who had ridden on the back of Marc’s bicycle to school. 

There had been no time for Kay to mourn the sudden death of the budding friendship, because two weeks later, Kay’s own world had come to a violent end.

Kay turned again in his bed, his pillow smelled of another man’s cologne... he didn’t have the chance to change the bedsheet last night and Marc’s appearance had thrown him off completely...

The room felt colder, quieter and darker tonight. The 800 thread count Egyptian cotton bedsheet suddenly felt rough against his skin; the immaculate king size bed felt empty; his body felt dirty. He sniffled, tried to hold back the tears behind his eyelids. _It’s okay, you’re alone, you can take your mask off._ His mother’s gentle voice whispered in his ears.

He hasn’t cried for years, not since he has mapped out his plan. Crying did nothing for him. Crying wouldn’t clear his father’s name and crying would be a weakness; it would only spoil his plan.

An image of a smoky and darkened garage appeared behind his eyelids. “Mama? Papa?” The 14-year-old Kay cautiously called out. The smell of car exhaust, the low humming sound of the car engine the only sound...

Kay closed his eyes and let the tears drop.

He hasn’t thought about that morning for a long time. Of course, he thought about his parents every day, memories from his childhood, happier days. Not the image his mother’s flushed face lying on his father’s shoulder, their hands interlaced, two dead bodies inside their family car in the garage. He couldn’t bring them back, so he has trained himself to focus on his plan instead. 

The plan. Kay cleared his throat and fought to concentrate on the problem on hand. 

He needed to make sure that Marc Borgmann wouldn’t find out his real identity. Marc could have his suspicions, but as long as he has no proof and didn’t mention it to Wenzel...

Scheiße... what a giant clusterfuck coincidence that Marc would be the bodyguard. The person protecting Wenzel. Kay’s boss. Kay’s lover. One of the important names on Kay’s list.

******

Marc wasn’t the bodyguard assigned to the office the next day. Kay welcomed the chance to regroup. He needed to find a way to fend off Marc’s interest in his background.

Kay handed over Wenzel’s schedule to the new bodyguard, his name was Gregor Limpinski. Big, buff and talkative, more of a blunt force power than Marc’s agility. Kay had a friendly chat with him and found out a team of three ‘security specialists’ would rotate to provide protection for Wenzel, sometimes two at the same time. Marc was the leader of the team; he was also the co-owner of the firm.

“Marc is the best bodyguard money can buy. I am the second.” Limpinski boasted shamelessly.

Kay smiled but didn’t comment. He wasn’t surprised that Marc has grown from a teenage football captain to an expert in personal security. A protector. Kay smiled inwardly, it suited him. Kay remembered the young Marc with his thick furrowed brows and hooded blue eyes. At 17, Marc had been a brooding teenager. Serious but kind. And so handsome. In young Kay’s mind, Marc Borgmann had been perfect.

He made good use of the Marc-free day to concentrate on a few tasks he had planned to accomplish. The Board was waiting for the results of the new drug trail, in order to boost the company’s stock price. Wenzel was set to gain a lot from it, so he was desperate to deliver some good news. 

Kay knew Wenzel had taken a lot of liberty to make the results look a lot better, even fudging some data. Kay had noticed a few discrepancies in the report; he had marked some notes on them for Wenzel but raised no red flags. He wanted to show Wenzel that he was diligent at work, but he wasn’t suspecting anything illegal. Playing the ‘smart but innocent’ role he cast himself. 

All small steps in his bigger plan. 

One of them was ordering flowers for the IT director’s secretary’s birthday tomorrow, Kay’s iPhone reminded him. He quickly ordered a dozen of deep purple tulips and a box of marron glacé for the secretary’s 40th birthday, those were her favourite things, according to her Facebook page.

One job down. Kay made a double espresso for himself from the coffee machine Wenzel has installed in his office. He massaged his temples, feeling a tension headache coming, but he soldiered on to work on the other part of his job: booking table for a business lunch with Wenzel tomorrow, arranging car service to pick up Wenzel’s grandmother from the airport, writing notes for Wenzel’s daughter’s school essay on ‘The Debate between Keynesian and Neoclassical economics’. 

He was typing away on his laptop when Marc Borgmann walked into his office. Kay wasn’t expecting to see his childhood friend today. Seemed like Gregor Limpinski’s shift ended at 6pm and Marc was taking over.

“Working late?” Marc’s voice was causal and friendly. 

Marc was wearing a plain white t-shirt, a pair of dark blue chinos and same colour suit jacket. It was off the rack, not the expensive tailored ones Kay wore, but it fitted Marc perfectly. 

Kay’s eyes lingered on Marc’s taut muscles under the stretch cotton for a brief second before he signalled ‘just a second’ with his index finger; he bought time by pretending to be finishing something on his laptop. Then he schooled his face into a neutral expression before he looked up to face Marc.

Instead of answering the question, he asked, “the meeting is over?” He knew Wenzel has been with the Chief Financial Director in the boardroom, one of those closed meetings that no assistants were allowed to attend.

Marc nodded. “Mr Wolff is still in the meeting room, on the phone with his daughter. He asked me to check if you are still in the office.”

“Great. Now he’s treating his bodyguard like a butler...” Kay muttered. That brought a smile on Marc’s face. 

“I don’t mind.” He told Kay.

Marc at 17 had been the moody boy next door with a permanent scowl on his handsome face, like he was disappointed with the whole world. His body has filled out, he looked strong, assertive and ready to rescue anyone in need of his help.

But Kay wasn’t looking for someone to rescue him. Least of all his first crush. 

Those familiar blue eyes fixed on Kay’s face again, like he’s searching for something. Someone.

_Don’t look at me like that. Like you are looking for your friend. He doesn’t exist anymore._

Kay knew avoidance would only make him look suspicious, so he tilted his head sideway, meeting Marc’s curious gaze head-on. “Don’t let him boss you around. I don’t think he’s taking the death threats serious enough. If he’s doing something to hinder your job, don’t be afraid to tell him.”

“Thank you for the tip, I’d remember that” Marc said. After a moment, he asked, “do you have any idea who and where the death threats come from?”

Marc was fishing for information. Kay knew Medikunft was investigating the death threats in-house. “Well, I thought we only hired you to do the protection detail, not to investigate our staff.”

Marc’s expression was a mix of surprise and appreciation. 

_Yeah, Mr Bodyguard, take note: Wenzel tells me stuff._

Marc simply shrugged and said candidly, “Kind of hard to protect someone if we don’t know who and what we need to watch out for. These two come hand in hand. The more we know the nature of the threat, the better we can plan, even neutralise the threats. We already know whoever was responsible knows where Mr Wolff lives and his routines, that usually indicates something personal.”

That was a fair assessment. Kay had some idea who was behind the death threats, but he wasn’t going to share his suspicions with Marc because Christoph Forst and Wenzel obviously didn’t want to a security consultancy company sniffing around their business activities.

But talking about death threats against Wenzel was better than Kay’s background, so Kay decided to encourage it. “All I can say is Medikunft and Wenzel have their fair share of rivals going back for years. Some might take it personally.”

“Care to share some names?” Marc said in a teasing tone. The faint smile made him look warm and approachable. A hint of the awkward but kind-hearted boy next door Kay used to know

Kay made a funny noise with his nose, matching Marc’s teasing tone, he said, “Hmm... not sure the NDA you signed covers industrial gossip.”

“Well, company gossip is my specialty, maybe we can trade.” Marc seemed relaxed and ready to continue to with the harmless banter.

“Is that right?” Kay smirked; he licked the corner of his lips subconsciously and saw Marc’s eyes strayed to his mouth.

Kay averted his eyes. _Scheiße, do not engage him._ He knew he needed to be careful.

“Kay, are you ready? I am running late.”

They both turned to the entrance. Wenzel Wolff’s tall figure filled the door frame, he walked in without looking at Marc.

Marc moved back to wait by the door. 

Kay gathered the printouts of the notes on his desk and handed them over to Wenzel. “These are the key notes for Mila’s economics essay, I have included some articles and books, they are recommended reading,” Kay said.

Wenzel barely looked at them before putting them in his briefcase. “You’re a godsend, Mila was just chasing for this. She can’t fail the class again.” Wenzel frowned. “And I am running late for dinner. Where did you book - “

“Ritzi.” Marc and Kay answered at the same time. Kay had given Wenzel’s schedule to Limpinski earlier.

“Ritzi at 7pm. Sofia said she will take a taxi to go there from the hair salon, so you don’t have to pick her up from home.”

Wenzel nodded, looking slightly guilty that Kay had to make dinner reservation for he and his wife’s date night, as if Kay would mind. 

_Well, I want Wenzel to think it bothers me, don’t I?_ Kay reminded himself. He looked down, like he’s upset.

“Hey...” Wenzel stepped closer to his desk. Then he stopped. 

“You don’t like Franzbrötchen anymore?” Wenzel pointed to the half-eaten pastry; he glanced at Marc briefly but didn’t seem to care what the bodyguard might think of him buying breakfast for his assistant. “You’ve only taken a bite.”

Kay had completely forgotten about the damn pastry. He didn’t particularly like Franzbrötchen, but Wenzel loved that bakery and he liked to think he’s indulging Kay, so he usually played along. 

But maybe could be a good opportunity to score some points with Wenzel. Kay thought for a second, he was keenly aware of Marc’s presence in the room, feeling self-conscious but he ploughed on, stepping closer to Wenzel, he said in a low voice to make sure Marc couldn’t hear it. “You know I love it.”

Wenzel’s eyes grew soft, not caring they weren’t alone in his office, his hand went around his shoulder, “you know I like to reward you for all your _hard_ work.”

The cheap innuendo made Kay sick in his stomach. 

But he needed to play his card right. He sighed, “I wish I had time to enjoy it. Weiss was breathing down our neck for the reports.”

“What does Heine want? Drug trial is hardly his area of expertise.” Wenzel said dismissively. 

The mention of Heine Weiss’s name promptly spoiled Wenzel’s mood. Kay was still trying to figure out what caused the bad blood between them. From his research, Kay knew the two used to be good friends in university. Weiss was the one who brought Wenzel into Medikunft. There was no friendship left now between the two, as far as Kay could tell. Sometimes he thought Wenzel was scared of Weiss as much as he despised him.

And the only thing Kay was certain was that by undermining Weiss, he would gain brownie points and Wenzel’s trust.

Eager to show solidarity, Kay pursed his lips. “He was very rude to me and the team. He insisted on having first look at latest trial results. But you know, he’s the COO and I am just an assistant. If he asked for the reports...”

Wenzel’s jaw moved. “Tell him I said he can have it after I have a look first. He doesn’t even have a medical degree, what does he know?”

Kay didn’t want to remind him that he also didn’t have medical degree, but Wenzel still let him look through drug trial reports and write down notes and highlights on his behalf.

“I can flood him with all the related old reports, that should keep him busy for a few days before he complains to Mr Forst.” Kay suggested.

“That’s my clever assistant.” Wenzel chuckled; his hand still lingered lightly on Kay’s back moving lower. “Don’t work too late again. Remember our _meeting_ later tonight.”

He fought with every fibre of his being not to wince. Even through layers of shirts, Kay felt the touch like a burn. Fuck. It hadn’t been a problem for him for a long time, Kay had always able to treat it like an acting job. He snuck another glance at Marc, who had a blank expression on.

_Get your act together._ Kay cursed to himself.

“You know I can’t wait.” The lie still came easily. Kay leaned into Wenzel’s touch.


	4. The Penthouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc finds out who lives in the penthouse

_(Earlier that day)_

(Marc)

Marc used the key to open the penthouse apartment Wenzel Wolff owned in the city.

“Fuck me.” Frank exclaimed behind him. “Maybe I should have studied medicine. How much do you think CMOs earn?”

A lot. Marc reckoned. And Wenzel Wolff came from a wealthy family to begin with. Like his father likes to say, that’s how the world works, the rich get richer.

To call it a “city pad” would be the biggest understatement. Marc had read about this building in magazines. It’s in the tallest building in downtown Stuttgart, lower floors belonged to a first-class boutique hotel. Upper floors were all luxury apartments. 

And Wenzel Wolff owned one of the two penthouses. 

Floor to ceiling windows with panorama view of the city with a wraparound balcony. Brazilian walnut wood flooring, Italian marble kitchen and designer furnishings everywhere. The whole place screamed privilege, money and entitlement.

Wolff had notified them in advance that he would be staying in his “city pad” tonight, so Frank had asked for a copy of key to inspect and clear the apartment with Marc beforehand.

The building had its own security, 24/7 concierge and only authorised key cards could operate the elevators to go up to the penthouses. Unfortunately, there were two penthouses on the same floor, so the bodyguard would still need to be inside the apartment or at least in the hallway.

Marc knew Wenzel would not like that. Because 5 minutes into their inspection of the penthouse, he was certain this wasn’t just a place for Wenzel to sleep after working late, it’s where Wenzel kept his mistress.

Marc shared this supposition with Frank.

“Why do you think that?” Frank asked while touching the gleaming hi fi system in the ‘home theatre room’ inside the apartment.

“There is fresh grocery in the fridge, the coffee machine and toaster are in constant use, as recent as this morning. There were books with bookmarks by the bedside table and the bed was half made. It looks lived-in, not a place someone use to sleep in once in a while.”

The only things missing was the mistress and her clothes. Marc’s brow furrowed. “Although this place feels very clean line, very masculine to me... it doesn’t have a woman’s touch.”

“So? Maybe he just takes different women here.” Frank said it matter-of-factly.

Marc didn’t answer that. He couldn’t explain it, but the apartment felt like it’s someone else’s home. The furniture and decor were high-end, but they were subtle and kind of youthful. He walked over to the shelves, the few medical books were not a surprise, but there were more books on economics and psychology. What stood out was a stack of comic books in between. Then there was the music collection: the vinyl records were all jazz and classical, the CDs were indie rock and rap. An odd mix.

_This isn’t just Wenzel Wolff’s apartment, someone else is living here, someone younger._ Marc was almost certain of it.

*******

Marc sat by the bar with a glass of lime Pierre while he watched Wenzel Wolff have dinner with his wife and daughter. 

Wolff’s wife, Sofia Wolff, was an entrepreneur, at least that’s what they called rich housewives who owned a few art galleries and appeared on list of ‘local prominent businesswomen’. 

Frank had done a standard background check on Wolff’s wife just to rule out the possibility that the death threats were coming from her side of business. Nothing stood out. Like Wolff, she came from money, they met at the university of Heidelberg while doing their master’s degrees, have been married for over 25 years. Their daughter, Mila Wolff was a first-year freshman in a university in Ludwigsburg. 

Marc studied the three diners with shrewd eyes: Wenzel Wolff was bored. He seemed distracted, checking his watch every 10 minutes, eating little and drinking too fast. His wife had her entire attention on their daughter, talking quietly among themselves. If they weren’t sitting at the same table, you’d think they didn’t know each other. 

Well, his wife had to make an appointment to have dinner with Wenzel Wolff, that’s all he needed to know about their marriage. Marc thought about that penthouse apartment and the unknown mistress. Initially Wolff didn’t want to give access to that penthouse apartment to them, but Frank was adamant. They simply couldn’t provide full protection if they couldn’t clear a place he’s going to spend the night in.

Of course, Wolff could stop going there until the threats were investigated and dealt with. So, whoever she was, Wenzel didn’t want to stay away. This was only the 3rd day and he already caved.

Wenzel Wolff asked for the bill. 

Marc checked his watch, 9pm. His mind wandered back to Kay Klossner, who was probably still slaving away in the office, waiting for his boss to finish dinner and have yet another meeting. Kay was driven and ambitious, Marc could tell. And Wolff wasn’t an easy boss to work for. 

_I hope he pays him well._ Marc mused. “Mind your own business.” He imagined Kay Klossner frowning and telling him off. That rosy lips of his pressed together in a disapproving thin line. The more time he spent with Kay Klossner, the less he reminded Marc of Kay Engel. First of all, his Kay loved to smile...

_His Kay...? Give me a break._ Marc scowled at himself.

The sound of multiple chairs pushing back jolted Marc, he agilely sprang into action and began to walk in front of Wolff. He was keeping a watchful eye on the street as Wolff said goodnights to his family.

“Wait a second.” Wolff said when Joey the driver opened the car door for him.

“Something’s wrong?” Marc made another sweep with his eyes.

The maitre d’ of the restaurant came out with a small hamper, Marc blocked her path before she reached Wolff. “It’s okay. These are for me.” Wenzel Wolff did a dismissive wave with his hand. 

“The takeaway you ordered, Herr Wolff.” The hamper had several food containers and a bottle of red wine in it.

Wenzel thanked and tipped the maitre d’ with a €20 banknote. 

“Let’s go.” He got into the car without waiting for Marc.

Marc rode shotgun with Joey, who flashed him a knowing grin. 

Takeaway meal for his mistress. So, Wenzel Wolff was still being discreet around his wife, in a way, that meant he still cared enough to lie. But what if Wenzel’s wife had found out and was plotting revenge? From jealousy to murder could be a short journey. Marc mentally filed this under ‘warrant further investigation’.

“Wait. Aren’t we going back to the office?” Marc was alarmed when he noticed Joey had driven past the office building.

“We are going to my city pad.” Wenzel answered unhurriedly from the back seat.

“Okay.” Marc made no further enquiry; he assumed Wenzel has cancelled the meeting with Kay Klossner. Until that moment, he hadn’t known he was disappointed not to see the blond assistant one more time today.

When they arrived, Wenzel quickly relieved Joey for the night. He turned to Marc. “I understand you’ve already inspected my apartment earlier today.”

Marc knew what Wenzel was going to say, so he pre-empted it. “I am sorry, but I still need to clear the apartment again, hours have passed. It won’t take long. After that I will stand guard outside in the hallway.” At Wenzel’s family home, they were allowed to stay inside the ground floor during overnight shift, but Marc definitely didn’t want to be in the same room with Wenzel and his mistress. _No, thank you very much._

As expected, Wenzel wasn’t happy about the extra check, but relented in the end. “Don’t forget the NDA you signed.” He reminded Marc.

They rode up in the private elevator together in silence. Despite having Marc here as a third wheel, Wenzel was in a good mood, holding the hamper with his hands like an eager suitor.

“Let me check the apartment first.” Marc took out the spare key he was keeping. Wenzel made an impatient noise. 

But at the same moment, the door opened from the inside. Marc found himself looking directly into Kay Klossner’s pale blue eyes.

“Sorry, I thought the meeting has been - “ Marc began to say.

Wenzel inserted his body between them and pushed the door open. He walked into the apartment before Marc could stop him. “Kay and I are working here tonight. Clear the rooms quickly and leave us alone.” Wenzel ordered loudly and went straight to the kitchen area; he put the hamper on the counter and fetched two wine glasses.

It took Marc a few seconds to recover his composure. _Working late my ass._ He thought, his mouth tasted sour all of a sudden. 

Impatient and looking a bit tipsy, Wenzel barely cared to pretend now. He probably thought since he couldn’t stop Marc from finding out, he might as well get on with it. The ‘we are working’ excuse was entirely for Kay’s sake, who hasn’t moved an inch from the entrance since he opened the door.

Kay was still wearing same clothes from the office, he has loosened his tie, his white shirt has three buttons open at the top and both sleeves rolled up, he looked like he had just come back from the office. Marc could see crimson colour rising in his cheeks. He looked shellshocked. 

And ashamed. He looked ashamed.

_Fuck. He’s the one living in this penthouse. He’s the bloody mistress!_

Kay closed the door and walked stiffly to the kitchen area. He made eye contact with Marc for a brief second, Marc couldn’t describe what he saw in them. Some kind of raw emotions and... sadness. This was the first time he has seen the shrewd and efficient executive assistant looking so unprepared. 

Kay turned his face away when Wenzel offered him a glass of red wine. 

“Hey... come on now.” Wenzel coaxed softly. But Kay wouldn’t look at him; he leaned against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms over his chest. Wenzel shot an angry glance at Marc, as if this was all his fault.

_Fucking hell._

“I’ll check the rooms and get going,” Marc said. Then began to clear the rooms one by one, made sure the emergency button was working, doorknobs, air vents... he went through everything and every step in his mind. He has done this hundreds of times, could do it in autopilot; Marc knew he needed to do this thoroughly because everything is life or death in his line of work. But damn it, it was hard when he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. 

_How did I miss all the signs? What an idiot._ The way Wenzel always stood extra close to Kay; the content in this apartment; Joey’s knowing smirk; the damn Franzbrötchen! What kind of company director would buy breakfast for his assistant? 

It was right there in front of him the whole time.

“I told you I didn’t know he has to check the place again...”

Marc returned to the living room just in time to witness a nauseating scene of Wenzel Wolff’s hand rubbing Kay’s lower back, talking urgently and softly, seemingly trying to placate his ... fuck, Marc didn’t even know what Kay was to Wenzel Wolff. His boyfriend? His paramour? His kept man? Marc didn’t know why the news hit him so fast and so hard. He felt sick to his stomach.

Kay’s back was stiff as a cardboard. Marc could see him trying hard to maintain minimum body contact without pushing his boss away.

“Umm...” Marc cleared his throat.

They both turned to look at him. Kay nearly jumped away from Wenzel, but the CMO’s arm easily went around and pulled him back in.

_Kay can’t be a willing participant in this._ The thought popped into Marc’s mind.

“The apartment is all clear. I’ll be outside. Goodnight.” Marc said without inflection. He went straight to the door without waiting for either to respond.

The hallway of this top floor was equipped with an elegant console table, matching chairs and phone access to the building’s concierge. Like a hotel. 

Marc pulled himself together and vowed to stay professional. Work first. He immediately checked and secured the staircase and emergency exits. They have already notified the other penthouse owner of his presence, so Marc simply notified the concierge that they weren’t expecting further visitors tonight. He logged his current location with his company’s online logbook and wrote down some notes and items to check for tomorrow.

His to-do list cleared; Marc expelled a long sigh as he sat down in one of chairs. 

_Fuck me!_

Kay Klossner’s shocked and sad eyes appeared in his mind. Marc rubbed his forehead, suddenly feeling very tired. He tipped his head back against the wallpaper and closed his eyes. Kay Klossner’s face slowly morphed into someone else, a distant memory of young Kay Engel running and laughing ahead of him in the woods. His angelic face innocent and full of energy, like a ray of sunshine on cold wintry day.

_******_

The night was long and slow but finally 7am arrived and Gregor Limpinski took over his shift the next morning. Marc met him at the building’s lobby.

“How was the apartment, heard it has a home threatre room?” Limpinski asked. No doubt Frank had marvelled at the man-cave in front of him. 

“We are guarding the place in the hallway, so it doesn’t matter what it looks like inside.” Marc answered. He decided not to tell Limpinski about who Kay and Wenzel Wolff’s relationship for now. He wanted to discuss it with Frank first.

And he knew Frank hadn’t shared Marc’s theory of it being a place for Wenzel’s mistress, otherwise, that would have been Limpinski’s first question. Gregor Limpinski wasn’t the most liberal person he knew, maybe it’s better he didn’t know, at least until he and Frank decided what to do with this new information.

At least Limpinski wouldn’t know Kay had been in the apartment, the blond assistant had come out of the apartment at 6:30am, already dressed for work, with a coat on his arm and a briefcase in his hand. Looking handsome and freshly showered.

It had been a weird evening for Marc. He kept thinking of what was going on the other side of the wall. From benign images of Kay drinking and talking on the sofa with Wenzel to freaky detailed ones of Wenzel unbuttoning Kay’s white shirt, his big hands on Kay’s bare skin. Marc had to shut down that train of thought more than once. Fortunately, he had no first-hand knowledge of what two men do in bed, he couldn’t go far with his imaginary thoughts.

It was obvious that Kay had gotten over the shock and back to his default aloof self. He had said good morning to Marc and informed him that he’s going to the office first to prepare for a meeting this morning. But Marc had detected a slight tremor in his voice when he said, “If Wenzel is not out by 8am, could you - “

“I will ring the doorbell,” Marc had quickly said.

Kay had simply nodded without meeting Marc’s eyes before he stepped into the elevator.

Marc did the handover with Limpinski and logged off.

He saw Joey waiting in the underground car park downstairs, leaning against the gleaming black Mercedes-Benz S Class, reading a newspaper.

“Good morning, Marc.” Joey greeted. “I saw Kay has already left.” That knowing smirk on his face again.

“I guess there’s no secrets between a man and his chauffeur.” Marc quipped.

Joey laughed a little. “Well, even millionaires have to trust someone somehow.”

That was a good point. Marc wondered what’s Joey’s take on the death threats.

Joey seemed happy to be solicited for his opinions. “Wenzel doesn’t think the death threats are serious. Neither does Kay. He thinks it’s a tactic employed by one of their rival companies. I don’t know the details, but Kay is almost always right.”

Good. Seemed like both Wenzel and Kay talked to Joey and the driver had relatively loose lips.

Marc made a mental note to check out the rival company angle, remembering Kay had mentioned that before as well. According to Frank’s research, Medikunft had a new drug in final testing stage, this could be the reason why their protection contract was within that time frame. They wanted to ensure the safety of their keyman. 

Marc was about to leave when an idea hit him. He asked Joey slowly, “So... I assume Mrs Wolff doesn’t know.” Marc didn’t need to elaborate; Joey knew what and who he was referring to.

“I think she knows Wenzel has a side dish. She probably doesn’t know who or the gender of that person.” Joey shrugged. “I don’t think she cares enough to find out anyway.”

So much for the scorned wife angle, but it’s useful to know.

“And he trusts you not to tell her.” Marc applied some flattery.

“He paid me enough not to snitch.”

On-brand with someone like Wenzel Wolff. To him, money solves everything. Marc wondered if money was also the reason for Kay to...

“Kay -“ Marc stopped and started again, “Klossner... how long have they been together?”

Joey thought for a moment. Not because he didn’t know the answer, but he’s considering if he should share that gossip.

“Just a few months. Wenzel was relentless in his pursuit.” Joey winked. “They are still in honeymoon period.”

Wenzel was smitten, there was no denying it. With Kay... it’s hard to tell. If the shame on his face was any indication, he was at least uncomfortable with the situation.

“For your information, you’re at least 20 years too young and 100K short in your salary to be Kay’s type.” Joey said, with that annoying smirk on his face again.

Marc looked up sharply. At a loss at which part of Joey’s statement annoyed him more. That Kay was a gold-digger or that Marc fancied Kay.

“Wha? No, I... I am not gay.” _What the fuck? I don’t look gay._

But Joey simply shrugged, didn’t seem to care one way or the other. “I am just saying Kay is into _Daddies_ , if you know what I mean?” He waggled his eyebrows. “Anyway, I don’t judge. Kay is good to me. He has a pretty face, if he wants to use it to get ahead, good for him.”

_Is that why Kay Klossner is sleeping with his boss? To get ahead?_

_******_

Marc shared the rival company angle with Frank and they both decided there was no harm to do some research.

“I think Kay knows more about the death threats than he is willing to say.” Especially now Marc knew the true nature of Kay’s relationship with Wenzel.

“Medikunft is still wary about us digging into their business dealings, so be careful when you pry information out of him. He seems like a smart guy and very loyal to Wenzel Wolff.”

Marc scoffed, tried to banish the image of Kay lying next to Wenzel Wolff in that super king size bed.

“Loyalty doesn’t cover it. He’s very close to Wenzel.” He went on to tell Frank about Wenzel Wolff’s relationship with his assistant.

Frank didn’t even bat an eye. “Well, it’s no different from men in a position of power banging their secretary, though we found no other same sex relationships when we did our research on Wenzel Wolff,” Frank said.

Marc’s brow furrowed. “Wolff is almost twice his age! He could be his father. And he is his supervisor, it’s coercion - ”

“All of these can be an aphrodisiac to some.” Frank deadpanned.

Marc thought this was all kinds of wrong. But Frank was right. It could a power thing for Wenzel Wolff, more than a sexuality thing. “The HR file we have on Kay Klossner wouldn’t have details on his personal life, I suppose?” Marc asked, even though he already knew the answer. Companies weren’t allowed to record such invasive personal details. Not legally anyway. It would be a job for private investigation or security consultancy companies like theirs.

“No way. Unless it’s a requirement to fulfil their job. I don’t think being gay stop anyone from performing any task!” Frank seemed to find it very funny. “Why? Do you think we should investigate Kay Klossner?”

Marc didn’t really believe Kay was behind the death threats, unless he had psycho ex-boyfriend...

“I don’t know. I just got a feeling that Kay isn’t a 100% willing participant in the relationship.”

_If the shame on his face was any indication._

“So, this is what it’s about.” Frank snorted. “You know you keep calling him Kay. What? Are you friends with him now?”

Marc was unsettled by Frank’s keen observation; he covered his shock with a flippant reply. “Bodyguard training 101: make sure you are familiar with the people around your protection subject. Anyway, I just thought he looked embarrassed when I saw them in the apartment.”

Frank shook his head. “Wouldn’t you? It’s not something anyone would like to broadcast, is it?” He watched Marc carefully. “I know what you are thinking, but we aren’t being paid to play hero. And Kay Klossner is not some helpless damsel,” Frank said, extending a friendly arm around Marc. “Hey, he probably likes powerful men like Wolff. What do straight dudes like us know?”


	5. Whatever you call yourself now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc begins to suspect Kay's real identity

(Marc)

There was another death threat in the post. Sent to Wenzel Wolff’s office.

Kay held up the offending envelope with the tip of his fingers. 

Marc took it from him with gloved hands. He watched Kay carefully but couldn’t read the expression on his face. More annoyed than worried?

Like the previous ones, the postmark indicated it was sent locally. Inside was a photo of Wenzel jogging in the park, taken two days ago. Taken by a long-range camera, so it could be from anywhere. There was a red target sign drawn over his face. Wenzel had changed the time and route of his daily jog under the advice of Frank. The latest photo proved that new route and schedule has been compromised.

“I suppose they are still following Wenzel?” Kay said, leaning close to Marc to look at the photo. 

Marc was temporarily distracted by the now familiar sandalwood and eastern spices cologne. It was Santal Blush by Tom Ford, Marc had learned. He cleared his throat. “Looks like it. It would really help if you all let us handle the investigation part. As much as we would like to profit from this protection gig, the longer this drags on, the more dangerous it gets.”

Kay thought for a moment. “I can talk to Wenzel. See how much he’s willing to share with you all.” 

Marc was surprised by the offer. _Why is Kay Klossner extending a helping hand?_

Today, Kay was wearing a dark blue suit with a pale blue striped shirt and orange tie, impeccable as always. Marc remembered he was baffled by the absence of women clothes in the penthouse, now he knew the Armani and Hugo Boss suits in the closets were Kay’s. Perhaps they were all charged to Wenzel Wolff’s black American Express? Marc mused. He had no idea how kept men live; do they get pocket money? Or a supplementary credit card?

But there were also dark circles under Kay’s eyes, like he’s not getting enough sleep. Marc knew he practically worked from 7am to 8pm every day. 

_Why does he work so hard, surely if you are sleeping with your boss, you can afford to slack off a little?_

The sour taste returned in Marc’s mouth. He didn’t know why Kay’s relationship with Wenzel irked him so much. But if Kay was willing to talk...

“Joey said you don’t think the death threats are serious,” Marc said.

“I like Joey, but he’s got a big mouth that doesn’t match the size of his brain.” Kay replied sardonically.

“But you do think it’s from a rival company.” 

“I am sure Wenzel doesn’t want anyone following him around. Bodyguard or arch-rivals. Like I said, I’ll talk to him, but I am not promising anything.”

_Of course, I am sure your pillow talk skill is excellent._ The bitter sentiment entered Marc’s brain before he could stop it. “That would be great. Thank you.” His rational mouth said instead.

Marc dusted the whole thing before he handed it over to Medikunft’s HR department. No fingerprints whatsoever.

After the latest threat, Frank decided to tighten security. They hired another contractor. Two bodyguards for each shift, so they could cover every bathroom break and one of them could stay close to Wenzel while the other check for potential threat.

Over the next two weeks, nothing else happened. Marc and his team got into a well drilled schedule. It wasn’t deliberate, but Marc hasn’t been on any of the night shifts when Wenzel was staying in Kay’s apartment. 

Probably better this way. Frank was right. Marc shouldn’t try to be a hero. So what if Kay Klossner wasn’t 100% onboard with this unbalanced relationship? He’s a grown man with a sound mind, he had entered into this illicit affair with his eyes open.

_And what do I know? Maybe sleeping with your boss is the way to go._ Because career-wise, Kay was thriving.

He still saw Kay in the office during day shifts. Kay Klossner was often the last to leave the office. After a few weeks’ observation, Marc has noticed that Wenzel let his assistant/lover make a lot of executive decisions on his behalf: the whole research team pretty much reported to Kay first before Wenzel had the final say - with Kay’s advice; Kay sat in executive meetings with Wenzel; he handled Wenzel’s work emails and posts independently. In other word - you couldn’t get to Wenzel Wolff without going through Kay Klossner first.

Other employees basically have three kinds of reactions to Kay Klossner: admiration, envy or fear. The only exception seemed to be the company’s COO, Heine Weiss, who seemed to be a thorn on Wenzel Wolff’s side.

In fact, he was the main player in the only incident of this week.

On Wednesday, Heine Weiss angrily charged into Wenzel Wolff’s office, slammed the door shut and proceeded to have a shouting match behind closed door with Wolff. 

Through the window Marc could see the two directors arguing, while Kay Klossner stood in a corner with his arms crossed, looking indignant and frosty.

Five minutes later, Heine Weiss stormed out and threw a final insult for the whole department to hear, “keep your fuck-boy assistant out of NordenMed and Rudi Schmitt. Tell him to stay the fuck out.”

Marc wrote down three names on his mobile: Heine Weiss, NordenMed and Rudi Schmitt.

*******

“What kind of event is this? Some kind of Oscars for Doctors?” Gregor Limpinski asked, adjusting the black-tie Frank ordered him to wear for this shift.

Limpinski wasn’t too far off. They were at the annual Medical Excellence Awards banquet, a big deal event for the medical industries. A black-tie event. Even lowly bodyguards like them were donning suits.

Wenzel, in a well-cut black tuxedo, was talking to a group of men. Marc recognised, Medikunft’s CEO, Christoph Forst and the ill-tempered COO, Heine Weiss, the fourth man looked to be in his sixties. A large man, his ramrod posture suggested ex-police or military.

Wenzel’s wife, Sofia has formed another mini circle with other female spouses next to them, having their own group chat. It was all very 1950s.

According to Frank, Christoph Forst planned to step down in the next six months. The insider guy told Frank, the successor race would be between Wenzel Wolff and Heine Weiss. The general consensus was that Wolff was the front-runner, Weiss was the dark horse.

That could explain the apparent rivalry between the two directors, as Marc had witnessed. Could Weiss be the one behind the threats? Was the CEO title worth making death threats for? Marc couldn’t see how it would help Weiss’ chances, not to mention if discovered, it would destroy his career. And how did NordenMed fit into this?

Marc was still pondering all these questions when he caught sight of a lone figure entering the ballroom.

Kay Klossner. He was wearing a perfectly fit, midnight blue velvet tuxedo jacket, white dress shirt and black bowtie. His blond buzzcut hair lightly moussed and glistening under the spotlights. He moved with easy confidence between guests, a standout among all the ageing and too well-fed bodies. Marc watched him pluck a flute of champagne from a passing waitress, who turned and gave Kay’s departing back a once-over.

Kay didn’t join Wenzel Wolff’s group. Instead, he was standing alone in a quiet corner, about 6 metres away from Wolff and Forst, sipping his champagne, watching the crowd.

Marc used his security microphone to let Limpinski know he’s leaving his post.

“Didn’t know you were invited.” He stood next to Kay.

The gaze Kay landed on him was icy cool. “Wenzel gets a kick out of looking at me at event like this. With his wife and peers around.” He explained without inflection. 

The blunt reply was supposed to shock Marc. The discomfiture Marc had seen outside the penthouse apartment that night was long gone. While he appreciated Kay not trying to insult his intelligence with lies, it was one of the most fucked up things Marc has ever heard.

“You’re joking.”

Kay didn’t reply. Eyes forward, he continued to sip his champagne, but Marc noticed he barely drank in any.

“Who’s the older man next to your CEO?”

Kay frowned slightly. After a second, he said, “Rudi Schmitt, COO of NordenMed.”

“Is that the rival company you asked me to look into?”

“I didn’t ask you to do jack shit.” Kay scowled. But the corner of his mouth twitched: he’s impressed that Marc remembered.

“Come on, you are killing me. Give me something.” Marc said, like a tease.

Kay gave him a sideway glance, full of mischief. In that brief moment, he reminded Marc so much of Kay Engel. 

“OK.” He touched the rim of the flute glass with his finger. “Get this: Rudi Schmitt grew up in East Berlin, he is ex-Stasi.” He watched Marc carefully, enjoying the shock on Marc’s face. “There. This is your office gossip of the day.”

Marc smiled, slowly shaking his head. _Oh, he’s good. That is some gossip._

“How did you find - “

But the easy banter was short-lived.

“If you want to keep this protection gig, step away from me now.” Kay muttered under his breath.

And sure enough, Wenzel kept glancing their way, his eyes moved from Kay to Marc. He did not look happy.

Marc walked slowly away back to his post. 

_Note to self: Wenzel Wolff is possessive._ Maybe he should make use of it. Marc pondered the idea.

******

**“If you love somebody, if you love someone, set them free. Free free... set them free...”**

_Easy-for-him-to-say._ Marc rolled to the side. Sting’s singing voice from the Alexa radio alarm filled their bedroom. 8:30am on a Sunday.

“One month down. Two more to go.” Bettina yawned, stretched her arms. She lay back down in bed, turned to face Marc. “Should we do something today?”

What Marc really wanted was to stay in bed, have sex and sleep a bit more, then watch a football match on TV in the afternoon. But this was his first weekend break since the Wenzel Wolff protection detail started. He knew Bettina wanted to spend some time together. She has been cooping up in their new home for too long, working from home mostly as a freelance journalist,

“What do you have in mind?” He asked, touching her soft and clean no make-up face. 

“The weather is nice; we should go to Neckar river. There’s a wedding venue I want to check out. They have a yearlong waiting list.”

When Marc didn’t answer right away, she said, “I know you have no patience for this and want to leave it all to me, but don’t you want to have a look at least?”

Marc knew he’s been too focused on his work; he was leaving all the wedding preparation to Bettina to handle. “Show a little enthusiasm, my friend, or you’ll be hearing complaints for the rest of your marriage.” Frank had warned him.

He thought of the dinner Wenzel Wolff had with his wife and daughter. Like two groups of strangers sharing a table. Marc didn’t want to end up with a marriage like that. His mind drifted briefly to Kay Klossner. According to the schedule they received, Wenzel played golf every Sunday in a country club, Kay was probably alone in that luxurious penthouse, working on his laptop, maybe waiting for Wenzel to call.

“Okay. Let’s pack some lunch and have a picnic by the riverside? Then we go check out the venue.” He suggested, wanting to indulge his fiancée. 

He was rewarded with a brilliant smile on Bettina’s face. 

Marc grabbed Bettina by her waist. “But before that... let’s have some fun first!” He proceeded to tickle her. Bettina squealed and laughed. “Hey, it’s not fair.” She rolled away and threw a pillow on his face. Marc caught it with one hand and they began to chase around the bed.

They were standing near the hotel’s French style garden, where they held wedding receptions. In fact, there was one in motion as they spoke. 

“At the moment, we have no opening on weekends until next Summer, but sometimes we have cancellations, minimum three months in advance. We can put you on our waiting list...”

Marc was only half listening to the hotel manager’s marketing spiel; his eyes were drawn to the riverside running trail just outside the hotel’s garden gate. A few joggers ran by, then turned back when they saw the wedding reception taking place. 

One of them stopped and lingered. He seemed to be looking at the wedding’s proceedings.

“Bettina? Could you wait here. I will be back in a minute,” Marc said to Bettina before he walked over to the riverside.

Kay Klossner didn’t see him until Marc was standing in front of him.

“So, you do have a life outside work.” Marc drawled.

Kay literally jumped. His eyes widened like two saucers for a brief second. He was startled.

“Scheiße, why do you sneak up on people like that? You nearly give me a heart attack. Thought your job is to protect.” Kay rubbed the back of his neck, his face flushed. Suddenly he looked like the inexperienced young man he should be at his age, not someone who climbed the corporate ladder by sleeping with his boss...

“Why? You have something to hide?”

“Fuck you.” Kay scowled but there was no heat in it.

Marc smiled. He had no idea why he felt giddy catching Kay off-guard.

Up close under the sun, Marc noticed two tiny moles on the right side of Kay Klossner’s face, he tried to remember if Kay Engel had the same ones. If only he had a photo to compare...

“What are you doing here?” Marc asked. But Kay didn’t need to answer. Marc gave him a once over, taking in Kay’s black jogging shorts, the sweat-soaked black t-shirt and hoodie. “You run often?”

_Kay Engel loved to run. Kay Engel was a great runner._

Now Kay’s face turned even redder. He frowned at Marc. “What do you care? What are you doing here?” He tried to change the subject.

Marc shrugged. “This is a public park. And that’s a hotel with a restaurant.” Marc pointed with his chin; he was mindful not to look Bettina’s way.

Kay snorted, like he thought Marc’s cocky reply was total bullshit. “Have a good weekend, Mr Bodyguard,” he said sarcastically. Then turned and started to run back to the direction he came from.

Marc stood rooted on the spot for half a minute. He was watching, studying and memorising Kay Klossner’s running form and style. The way his shoulders pulled back instinctively, the way his elbows stayed close to his sides with two thumbs pointing skyward, the way he hit the road with the ball of his foot, knees not too high to preserve energy.

Marc knows that certain physical mannerisms stay as people age, especially techniques we practised for years.

Standing in the middle of the riverside park, suddenly there was no doubt in Marc’s mind that Kay Klossner and Kay Engel were the same person.

******

That evening when they got home, Marc dug out the school yearbook. There was no headshot of Kay Engel in it, but Marc found him in a junior class photo.

The group photo was grainy and too small to check Kay’s facial features in detail, but Marc was sure it was him. Then he logged onto his old high school’s website with his alumni account, he remembered there were photos of school track and field days in the archive.

Fuck. Who the hell built this website? There were hundreds of photos and they weren’t indexed, so Marc couldn’t search with Kay’s name or year. He spent the next 20 minutes clicking through years and years of sport events before he finally stumbled upon a few medal ceremony photos.

“Marc?” Bettina was calling him from the living room.

_There he is. Kay Engel._

“Marc?”

“Just a second.”

Marc clicked to enlarge the photo. Kay was standing on the platform, holding up the 400m gold medal around his neck, grinning into the camera.

In the photo, Kay looked happy, proud and mischievous. Just like Marc remembered. 

And Marc could clearly see the two tiny moles on right side of his face. 

_Got you, Kay Klossner. Or whatever you call yourself._

“Marc! Frank and Claudia are here.”

“Coming.” Marc shouted back. He saved the photo and closed his laptop. 

Kay Engel didn’t graduate from his school. According to Marc’s father, he had moved away to Trier to live with his Oma after his parents’ double suicide. Then a year later, he had died in a car accident.

_Or so everyone thought._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now. I hope these five chapters give you a good idea of this story and not too confusing. I don't know if the plot is too much or not enough 😬
> 
> I am rewriting/editing chapter 6, so it should be posted soon. 
> 
> If you are interested to look at some image reference for the story:  
> https://thelastaerie.tumblr.com/post/639752581306007552/young-marc-at-17-young-kay-at-14-kay-at-26
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. ❤️


	6. Father Figure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay tries to find evidence  
> Kay learns that Marc is digging into his past
> 
> *explicit content*

(Kay)

Wenzel Wolff was on top of him. 

His slightly soft stomach pressed against Kay’s taut back muscles, his tanned arms holding Kay down, he’s huffing and grunting. Only a sheen of sweat separating the two bodies. Wenzel’s strong spicy cologne clogged Kay’s nostrils, he turned his face and quietly exhaled through his mouth onto the pillow. 

Kay willed his mind to go blank, to go to that place, that empty white room where he was alone. _It’s okay, it’s just sex. It’s okay, I am not really here, it’s just my shell being used._

“I miss fucking you like this. That’s right, daddy’s got all night.”

Fuck, he hated it when Wenzel took Viagra. The pill made him aggressive and last too fucking long to come, but the worst side effect was the nonstop dirty talks. 

“I know what you like. Oh yes, I do... you crave for my power, my experience, don’t you? I know you do.” Wenzel’s words were slightly slurred, like he was drunk. Kay knew it’s another side effect of the blue pill. 

“You like being pinned down and fucked like you’re getting punished for being naughty, huh?” He pulled Kay roughly against him by the hips and entered him gracelessly in one go. “Fucking begging for it. Yeah, you are. I know your type. And I can give it to you. I can give it to you good.” Wenzel’s fingers dug into his flesh; he’s fucking Kay in fast strokes now. “Oh Kay... oh god... you’re so goddamn tight, tighter than a virgin pussy.” The dirty monologue continued.

Wenzel wasn’t a terrible fuck and if he would just shut up with the daddy stuff and get it over with, Kay could find release easily. Sex is sex. Physical reaction, orgasm aren’t hard to achieve, it’s biology.

The first time with Wenzel had been the hardest. When Kay hadn’t known if he’s letting his parents’ murderer fuck him into the mattress or he’s toying with the heart of an innocent older man. 

But after a year working in Medikunft and five months sleeping with Wenzel Wolff, Kay knew for sure he was no innocent bystander. He still didn’t know who had framed his father and who had ordered the kill, but Wenzel had definitely played a part.

The realisation has given Kay’s plan a new meaning. Because nothing hurts more than being betrayed by the person you trust. Hey, by the time Kay finished with him, Wenzel might even be in love with him.

Kay twisted his body and made a needy whimpering sound, knowing Wenzel would lap it up, trying to get the older man to get all worked up, hurrying the process. 

With Kay egging him on, Wenzel pushed harder into him. Clumsily and greedily. _Fuuuuck_... Kay winced inwardly. _Wenzel’s sloppy prep, there’s not enough lube._ He breathed out through his mouth again, ignoring the pain. _Tough it out, you little pussy._ He cursed himself. 

“God, you’re so damn beautiful... and you’re all mine.“ Wenzel’s big hands squeezed Kay’s hips tightly, leaving bruises. This was okay, better than when Wenzel kissed him on the mouth. Kissing was definitely the worst.

His mouth came down hard on Kay’s neck, sucking and biting. Marking his territory like Kay was his goddamn property. 

“Yes, you’re mine. Come on... scream for daddy, come for daddy.”

_“Shut the fuck up, you are not my father, you creep.”_ Kay scolded him in his mind. Luckily, he had enough experience and more than few tricks to speed it up. Even with the little blue pill, Wenzel’s stamina was no match to him.

Before long, Wenzel gave a throaty groan and started shooting into the condom inside him. He flipped Kay over to face him, his eyes all glazed over, then he moved down to hover above Kay’s groin area.

Kay was ready for the final performance; he began to pull his own cock, fast and hard, like he’s between pain and pleasure. All he needed was one final push; he flipped through other male images in his mind: previous hook-ups, some dark-haired guy he saw in the gym shower, Marc’s teasing smile, his deep blue eyes... _“Come on, give me something,”_ Marc said...

He came all over Wenzel’s face.

******

Kay watched Wenzel’s sleeping form; he carefully rolled him to sleep on his side, to stop the snoring. Wenzel barely moved or made a sound. 

Finally. Dead to the world. The wine earlier at dinner, the Viagra and the energetic sex had made sure of that.

Kay got out of bed and took his cigarette case and lighter with him. Something he always carried with him when he snuck out at night, so if Wenzel woke up and found him in another room, he could always have the excuse of insomnia and wanting to smoke in another room.

He found what he’s looking for in Wenzel’s suit jacket’s inside pocket.

Kay could access Wenzel’s normal work mobile, but this 2nd mobile phone was a new discovery, he had only noticed it few weeks ago when Wenzel asked him to look for expense receipts from his suit jacket. Kay had been trying to get into it since.

His hacker friend, Grisha, had suggested a trick for him to try after Kay gave him the phone model. Kay prayed that Wenzel used an android pattern password for this, otherwise it wouldn’t work. He brought the mobile phone under a single spotlight in the kitchen counter, move it around in different angles and looked for smudge patterns on the touchscreen.

Kay wrote down all the possible locations and combinations on a napkin. He could only try nine of them. Wenzel must not find out the failed attempts on his secret phone.

Kay unlocked the phone after five attempts. The mobile only had a few Medikunft proprietary apps installed. One of them was an intranet messaging app, not the one used by the whole company. It’s like a private WhatsApp between a few Medikunft directors. Kay opened it and saw most messages were between Wenzel and Heine Weiss, but when he tried to read the content of the message, it asked for further verification - a 2nd PIN.

Dammit. Kay tried the PIN number he knew Wenzel used for his other mobile. The error message came back: >>Wrong PIN. You have two more chances<<

_Fuck. No, it’s too risky to do this now._ He couldn’t get caught. Kay decided to leave the messaging app for later.

The other app on the mobile was for accessing files requiring highest security clearance. Mostly drug trial documents, but not the normal results and analysis Kay had access to. Things that Medikunft didn’t want the media to see.

These were drug trial incident reports, unfavourable outcomes and other fuckups... The files were not downloadable, so Kay took screenshots of them quickly with his own mobile. 

These would come in handy one day, but they weren’t what Kay was looking for. 

Until he came across a folder marked ‘For your eyes only’.

They were all sorts of things: non-disclosed drug trial problems, abandoned projects and reasons, risk assessments, minutes of closed meetings between directors and... past lawsuits and pay-outs. 

_Bingo!_

Kay’s heart almost jumped to his throat, his hands shaking... he took a glance back at the bedroom door, the whole apartment was dead quiet. 

He began to type: ‘Der Staat gegen Guntram Engel’ (People vs Guntram Engel) into the search field.

******

There was something different about Marc Borgmann these days.

First of all, Kay was surprised to find him in the hallway the next morning. For some reason, he was under the impression that Marc had been avoiding nightshifts in the penthouse. 

“Hey. Good morning,” Marc said pleasantly. He looked alert and well rested. Unlike Kay himself. His rich brown hair combed back and gelled; Kay remembered it was thick and soft to touch.The blue shirt he’s wearing made his deep-set blue eyes pop. He had his headphone clamped to his ear, looking like a capable secret service agent. 

Kay nodded. “Morning.”

“Going to work already? It’s not even 7am.” Marc frowned slightly. He looked... concerned? 

Ever since Kay ran into him by the park near Neckar river, Marc has been acting differently around Kay. It wasn’t very obvious, just a touch of warmth, extra attention, fondness.

Kay gave him a sad smile and lifted one of his shoulders as in ‘what can I do’. Their gaze met and lingered. Marc had that look again. Like he’s searching, longing for something.

Kay reluctantly pressed the button for the elevator. He had taken screenshots of the files last night, but he needed to speak to Grisha about accessing the files without being detected and how to unlock the private messaging app on Wenzel’s 2nd phone. He could only do that without Wenzel around.

His hope was dashed just before the elevator arrived. 

“Kay?”

Wenzel opened the door in his bathrobe. “Where do you think you are going?”

“I have to prepare the report for Weiss. He’s asking for it yesterday.”

“Fuck Weiss. I’ll deal with him later today. Come back in, I need you to do something.” Wenzel spared a dismissive glance at Marc.

Kay noticed Marc’s jaw moved but his face remained stoic and expressionless. He walked back into the apartment.

The something that Wenzel needed Kay to do was to suck him off by the kitchen while the coffee brewed.

“Best breakfast in the world, eh?” Wenzel chuckled. His fingers digging into Kay’s scalp, pulling Kay’s freshly moussed hair. “It’s your fault, getting me all riled up in your tight little white shirt, I want to bend you over there and give it to you good. But goddamn, you were feisty last night, you tired daddy out... ooohh... Jesus... “

The underside of Kay’s tongue pressed down hard on Wenzel’s cock, shutting him up. 

_Fucking Viagra._ Kay cursed inwardly.Wenzel was still in a dirty talk mood.

Kay closed his eyes and concentrated on the task. He thought of the documents he had read last night, remembering sentences like _‘Guntram Engel’s signature was on all consent forms allegedly, but he denied signing any and their existence... Wenzel Wolff to find evidence to prove Engel’s involvement... R &D should distance itself from Engel’s legal case... Suggests Medikunft to cut off legal help to Guntram Engel to minimise...’_

Wenzel’s raspy panting sound indicating he’s very close, so Kay knew the time was right, he increased his speed, deep throating, his hand fondling Wenzel’s balls. Wenzel let out a loud moan, he bent forward, holding Kay’s head and fucking his mouth hard a few times, then he shot his load.

Kay swallowed quickly.He always swallowed because it fuelled Wenzel’s ego. He knew men like Wenzel all too well.Kay wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.He felt light-headed, nauseous and disgusted with himself. 

Wenzel pulled him up and touched the side of his cheek. “I can’t get enough of you.” He kissed Kay on the mouth.

Kay turned his face away. 

“What’s wrong, sunshine?”

Kay grimaced and looked down. It wasn’t hard to act uncomfortable at all. “I don’t know.It feels weird, with the bodyguard outside.” As if kissing was worse than what he just did on the kitchen floor.

Wenzel laughed. “Don’t worry about them. We can do whatever we want. They don’t care. That’s what half-a-million euro buys you. Silence and secrecy.”

“You aren’t worried that they accidentally tell you wife?”

“They won’t.” Wenzel said confidently. He began to pour the coffee into two cups.The he shook his head like it was a silly joke. “In fact, they are more worried about your ex-boyfriends.”

Kay snapped up. Instantly alarmed. “What do you mean?”

“Marc.The guy who’s outside now? He asked if there’s any chance one of your jealous ex-lovers might be behind the death threats.” Wenzel took a sip of the coffee, looking amused. 

This was a sucker-punch Kay hadn’t expected. Marc wanted to get Wenzel’s approval to dig into his past.

“So? Do you have any ex-boyfriend who wants me dead?”

Wenzel was just teasing, of course.Kay knew for a fact that, at the beginning, Joey had followed him for two weeks under Wenzel’s order.So Wenzel knew there was no ex-boyfriend, that Kay liked to go to gay bars and clubs, that Kay sometimes went home with older men.Men in similar age to Wenzel.All part of an image Kay had carefully cultivated to get Wenzel’s attention.

“What other boyfriends?” Kay asked slowly. 

“I told him it’s unlikely. But no harm letting them have a look.” Wenzel pulled Kay close, his bathrobe was open, his flaccid cock pressed against Kay’s thighs. He whispered in Kay’s ear, “Better than they sniffing around Medikunft’s business. And who knows what they will find? Maybe you have a secret admirer who wants to get rid of me?”

Kay changed to another suit and trousers, rinsed his mouth and did his hair before leaving the apartment with Wenzel. He could tell Marc noticed the change of clothes, that chiselled jaw of his moved again, his disapproving gaze narrowed.

_Yes, I let him fuck me again. Is that a problem? Do you want a list men who’ve fucked me?_ Kay thought bitterly.

Now he knew all the friendliness and fake concerns were part of Marc Borgmann’s plan to get information, to investigate him.Kay felt naked. Exposed.

He greeted Joey and got into the car without saying a word to Marc.

Wenzel’s good mood continued; he talked all the way to the office. Not caring who might see them arriving in the same car. 

Kay made a few appropriate responses to acknowledge Wenzel, but he wasn’t really listening. He stared at the back of Marc’s head, his own head spinning.

If Marc found out about his father’s case or Torsten Brandt and shared it with Wenzel, it would be game-over. 

He needed to find a way to stop Marc.


	7. I Know You Remember Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc looks into Kay's background  
> A meeting gone wrong  
> Kay invites Marc for a smoke

(Marc)

Now that he’s certain who Kay really was, the very air in the car felt different when he climbed in.

Marc felt that old uneasy restlessness, that mysterious yearning. He had hated that feeling, hadn’t known what to do with that feeling back then. Still didn’t.

Feeling which resurfaced after such a long time. A _lifetime_ ago.

Marc resisted the urge to check out Kay through the rear-mirror; he could hear Wenzel having almost a monologue by himself in the backseat, with Kay making a few obligatory “hmmm...” “right...” responses. 

Marc wanted to erase that image of Kay coming out in a different suit, with Wenzel smiling smugly behind from his brain forever. Wenzel was getting more and more brazen every day. That little power play he had done this morning in front of Marc, ordering his lover back in the apartment to fuck. 

It made Marc’s stomach roll. 

And then there was the scornful look Kay gave him. Marc was certain Wenzel have told him about the ex-boyfriend theory. Kay was probably mad at him now.

_“Do you want to go running in the woods?”_

_Maybe I should have left it alone_. Marc began to second-guess. He didn’t understand this urgent need to find out the truth. To find Kay Engel. Someone who was just a blip in his youth. 

Marc continued to stare out of the car window as the Mercedes Benz moved slowly through peak-hour traffic. He moved restlessly in his seat, disgusted by his own jittery. He couldn’t work out what was wrong with him. Why did he feel like he’s done something wrong. 

He could feel Kay’s piercing gaze burning a hole at his back.

The plan had worked like a charm. Marc had raised the ‘ex-boyfriend’ theory to Wenzel, the CMO was dismissive of the possibility, but liked the idea of finding out more of Kay’s previous relationships, so he gave Marc the go-ahead to look into Kay’s romantic past.

Marc had then taken the liberty to into Kay’s background.

He had started with Medikunft’s HR file on Kay. Kay had graduated in a university in Köln with a BA in International Business and Economics. His previous schools and addresses were all in Köln, just like he had told Marc the first day.

The university details all checked out. The grade transcript, his student photo and name, all matched. His last residential address in Köln was in an affluent area, not a place a student with no support from parents could afford. But maybe he’s sharing it with a few other students, maybe he’s working part-time.

It was his high school details that began to look more suspicious, the transcripts were incomplete and only in digital form, which was unusual. Marc would expect high schools in those early days would still be using paper form. HR department might not scrutinise too much on his high school diploma qualifications, as long as his BA degree was verified.

Marc contacted the high school in Köln and sure enough, the transcripts were reissued copies due to a... _name change_. And Kay Klossner only attended his final year in that high school, his grades were transferred from another school before... _in Trier_.

That’s the town where Kay Engel was supposed to have died in a car accident with his Oma.

Marc knew he needed to find a way to speak to Kay alone.

******

“Watch out. Both lover-boy and his sugar-daddy are in a foul mood today.” Gregor Limpinski warned Marc when he changed shift with Marc at 6pm. He was referring to Kay and Wenzel Wolff.

“What happened?”

“A meeting gone wrong?” Limpinski shrugged. “They went to NordenMed’s office today for a meeting. Mehmet and I were guarding outside. Then they stormed out and as soon as they were outside the building, that COO went crazy on lover-boy, almost punched him. Wolff pushed him away. Then I had to pull that COO guy away from Wolff. Total chaos! It’s good that no one else was around. I’ve put it all in the incident report.” Limpinski gestured to Wenzel’s office. “They are still arguing in there. So, good luck.” He said before he left.

Marc’s first thought was Kay’s safety. He knew about Heine Weiss’s bad temper; he had witnessed it before. The blinds in Wenzel’s office were closed, Marc could only hear sounds of indistinguishable conversation.

Other staff have all left for the day. Marc was the only one on the floor after he had sent the other bodyguard to the reception floor. He stared at door to the Wenzel’s office, resisting the urge to knock.

Until he heard a loud bang from inside, followed by the sound of fallen objects.

With one hand pressed against his gun holster on his waist, Marc charged into the office.

The first thing he noticed was a row of books on the floor and a broken bookshelf. Heine Weiss was standing next to them, his chest heaving up and down. He must have been the one who trashed the cabinet.

Wenzel Wolff raised his hand as a stop sign to Marc, telling him to stand down. “Our COO is just having a little tantrum.”

“Fuck you, Wenzel! You got some nerve.”

“It’s your stupid file! You are the one responsible for it.” Wenzel’s reply was deliberate cool; he was sitting behind his desk, seemingly unperturbed by Heine Weiss’ theatrics.

Kay was standing by the wall with his hands behind his back, he flicked a glance at Marc briefly, his expression was indifferent; like he was simply a spectator.

“You have your dick so far up his ass you can’t even see straight! The file was completely fine last time I checked.” Heine Weiss turned to Kay, finger pointing. “Something is fishy here. I know you did something, you little whore.”

“You keep a civil tongue in your mouth, Heine. This is my last warning. Leave Kay out of this. Why would he want to sabotage your proposal? We all want to solve the NordenMed problem. We are in the same boat.”

“Really? I can think of plenty of reasons - “Weiss countered.

“Anyway, whatever you were proposing wouldn’t have worked,” Kay suddenly talked over Weiss. “It’s obvious that Rudi Schmitt is taking this personally. He’s not going to back off from the fight. He needed this win to stay in power in NordenMed. It’s not a rational business decision for him so you can’t solve it with a business proposal - “

“What the fuck do you know, you dirty whore.” Heine Weiss snapped. He suddenly grabbed the front of Kay’s shirt; his arm pulled back, fist raised, ready to strike.

“Heine!”

“Hey!”

Wenzel and Marc shouted at the time. Marc stepped in front of Kay, blocking Weiss with a hand on his chest. “Don’t.”

Heine Weiss glared at Marc menacingly, but he backed off.

Wenzel got out of his chair. He gave a shake of his head to Marc. Marc moved back reluctantly, his adrenaline still pumping. He fought not to show anything on his face, certainly not the uneasy nervousness he felt. The urge to pull Kay out of harm’s way.

“You okay?” Wenzel asked Kay.

Kay nodded, standing up straight and smoothing his shirt like it was nothing. “I am fine.”

Wenzel turned to Heine Weiss. “Go home, Heine. What’s done is done. Let’s find another way,” he said wearily.

Weiss stared at Wenzel in disbelief, shaking his head. He flung the door open and made a snide parting shot before he left, “Watch out while you sleep, old friend. This time don’t come to me for help!”

The slamming door shook the room. No one spoke for a full minute. 

Wenzel rubbed his forehead. “You didn’t do anything to his file, did you?” He asked Kay.

“I didn’t. I promise.” Kay said quickly; he gave a slow, considering moue. “Although I am glad that he messed it up. I would hate to see him taking credit for solving the NordenMed problem, Weiss thinks he will be the CEO if he can single-handedly get this done, he would be insufferable if that happens.” Kay pouted and ran a hand back through his short blond hair, and Wenzel’s hungry eyes followed the movement.

Wenzel shook his head, but his eyes were gentle and full of indulgence; he clearly agreed with Kay’s assessment of Weiss.

Marc watched Kay’s little show of loyalty and seduction and the way Wenzel lapping it all up. Suddenly, he wasn’t so sure if Wenzel was the one holding the power in that unbalanced relationship. Because Kay could easily have Wenzel eating out of his hand.

It didn’t surprise Marc that Wenzel decided to sleep in the penthouse that night. Marc knew from the schedule that he was there last night as well. Usually, Wenzel never spent two nights in a row in the penthouse. He’s getting sloppy. Once again, Marc wondered the state of Wolff’s marriage.

Marc sat next to Joey and rode with them in the car. He could hear Kay and Wenzel discussing what they referred to as ‘the NordenMed problem’. Despite the confidence he had shown in front of Heine Weiss, Wenzel Wolff sounded worried.

“What do you mean when you said it’s personal for Rudi Schmitt?” Wenzel asked Kay.

“Ever since they lost market share on that diabetes drug to us, Rudi Schmitt has been holding a grudge against you. His position in NordenMed is not safe if he loses again. So, he’s not going to budge on this patent case, not even if we give them a cut on the profit, because he doesn’t want our new drug to be approved.”

“So, you think he is just playing us? He has no intention to settle?”

“I think NordenMed’s board told him to sort it out. But Rudi Schmitt is using these meetings to buy time. Instead of settling the case with us, he wants to win over the board by getting their new drug out before ours.” Kay said.

“That sneaky motherfucker...” Wenzel cursed. “What can we do then?”

“Leave it with me. I am working on something. Maybe I can give you a surprise soon” Kay said almost whimsically.

“Oh yeah? You are full of surprises.“

Kay’s laughs filtered through from the backseat. 

_Fake laughs._ Marc thought. He remembered the sound of Kay’s laughs, they were light, playful and infectious, they used to make Marc wanted to smile just hearing it. Not this calculated fake one. Marc knew that he probably shouldn’t check the rear-mirror. But Marc was never one to listen to warnings, so he looked. 

Fully expecting to see Wenzel snogging his assistant like a hound dog, Marc was relieved to find Wenzel pouring a drink from the wine cooler in the backseat. He took a sip, leaned back against the plush leather seat and closed his eyes.

Marc’s eyes moved to meet Kay’s, who wasn’t laughing anymore. In fact, his eyes were bleak. He looked lonely... and sad.

******

**“... whose destructive behaviour means the child pinballs around foster homes, emergency refuges and schools who simply cannot deal with his violence... pushing the German social care system to the edge...”**

Marc lost the line again. He reread the same paragraph before finally he gave up and put down the magazine. Bettina had a feature story on social care in it, the first one she has written for this publication. As a loving fiancé, Marc bought a copy as soon as it came out. He knew she had spent weeks of research on it. She was very proud of it. He was very proud of her.

So, the least he could do was to read it. If only his mind wasn’t all over the place…

He took out a fountain pen and began to doodle on the page next to the article:

_Rudi Schmitt - old grudge - Wenzel Wolff. Heine Weiss - CEO title fight - Wenzel Wolff. Kay Klossner - career/love/money - Wenzel Wolff. Kay..._

“Marc?”

Marc looked up from the magazine. 

Kay had one hand on the door frame, the other hand holding an empty bottle of whiskey.

“Erm... Wenzel fell asleep,” he told Marc.

Marc took in Kay’s attire. He was still wearing his dark grey shirt and black chinos; he didn’t look like he’s been tumbling in bed. Maybe a man of Wenzel’s age can’t satisfy his young lover every night. Marc scowled at himself. _Note to self: It’s none of my business how often they fuck._

Kay wasn’t meeting Marc’s eyes, the tip of his nose was red. It finally dawned on Marc that he needed help but didn’t want to ask.

“So? What can I help you with?” He offered.

“He fell asleep on the sofa. Can you... can you come in and help me move him to the bedroom?”

Marc went inside and saw the problem.

Wenzel Wolff was drunk. Passed out drunk. He’s sleeping with his head tilted on the back of the sofa, snoring loudly.

A dead weight.

After throwing the empty bottle of whiskey in the kitchen bin, Kay rolled up his sleeves. “Can you hold his feet?” He suggested. 

“No. That’s not the way to carry someone who’s unconscious. Come around, get him on my shoulders. I’ll do a fireman’s carry.”

“Are you sure?” Kay hesitated but he did what Marc said.

They worked together wordlessly. Kay lifted Wenzel’s arms above his head and pulled him onto Marc’s shoulders. With some effort, Marc carried the sleeping CMO to the bedroom and laid him down in bed. Marc averted his eyes from the pack of condoms and lube on the nightstand. 

They stood and stared at the man in bed. 

“Kay... come here... come to daddy...” Wenzel murmured as he rolled onto one side and promptly started snoring again.

Kay’s expression was inscrutable. If he was embarrassed by Wenzel’s daddy talk, he wasn’t letting it show. Marc watched him take off Wenzel’s socks and shoes, pull up the duvet before turning off the bedside lamp methodically. Like he has done this hundreds of times.

They left the bedroom and closed the door.

“Thanks.” Kay gave him a tired smile. He looked relieved. 

Before he could change his mind, Marc asked, “does he do this often? I mean the drinking.”

“Not often. Only when he’s worried.” Kay shrugged. “But when he drinks, he tends to go overboard.”

Marc distinctively remembered the way Kay sipped his champagne at the awards event, he was only pretending to drink. Could there be a reason for that?

_This cannot be fun for Kay. Is a career really that important? And sleeping with your boss is the only way? Or is it the money? The penthouse? How did a sunny and happy kid like Kay ended up living like this?_

Marc knew he should leave, go back to his post. But he couldn’t seem to move his feet...

“Kay, I - “

“Marc, I need to talk to you.”

They talked at the same time. Their eyes met.

Kay lowered his voice, almost in a whisper, “Not here. Do you want to join me for a smoke?”

Marc notified the other bodyguard, Alex, to come up to take his post before he followed Kay to the roof top garden. 

It was exclusive for the penthouse owners and no one else was there at 11:45pm. 

Marc forgot he did not have any cigarettes with him. In fact, he had promised Bettina he would quit, so he tried not to carry any. Kay offered him one with an funny expression.

“Thanks.” Marc said quietly. He had millions of questions, but he had no idea where to begin. All the whats, hows and whys swirling in his mind.

He studied Kay closely for a few moments, looking at his long index and middle fingers holding the cigarette elegantly.

There’s damp in the night air, the plants and flowers in the garden carrying the scent of springtime. But Marc could swear he smelt instead the scent of pine trees and wet leaves, mid-summer in the air; he heard instead the sound of two pairs of running shoes pounding the muddy trail in the woods.

He cleared his throat. “I know you remember me.” Marc said, looking at the two little dots of flame in the dark.

It seemed forever, but probably only a few seconds when Kay finally looked at him and said, “Of course, I remember you, Marc Borgmann. You were my only friend.”


	8. God Has Other Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay tells Marc some truths and some lies  
> Scenes from 10 years ago  
> Kay talks to his hacker friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter with a flashback (personally I am not a fan of flashbacks in the middle of a story, but I feel it’s needed here), I hope it’s not too confusing.
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤️

(Kay)

  
  


Kay had no idea how good it would feel until the admission left his mouth.

And seeing the spark in Marc’s eyes. The beginning of a smile, that up turn at the corner of his mouth.

“I was the new kid in a new town. And for a few months, you were my only friend. For that, I will always remember you.”  _ And more. _

Marc nodded. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. He struggled, “I... I am sorry we lost touch after... After...”

“After my parents killed themselves.” Kay finished it for him. 

“I am sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s such a long time ago.” Kay flicked some of the ashes away. This part was easy. The pretending. To pretend he wasn’t still thinking about their deaths every day; to pretend he didn’t know his parents hadn’t killed themselves, that they had been murdered.

They both leaned against the railing, facing forward to the Stuttgart midnight skyline. Marc was quiet. He’s thinking. Perhaps considering how to broach his next question. Kay took the chance to look at his profile. Strong, narrow jaw; high cheekbones and smooth skin; long, straight nose; eyes so blue they looked like a pair of sapphires; thick dark lashes. 

Part of Marc’s allure was that he didn’t even know how attractive he was. It wasn’t something a school football captain would consider as strength. Unlike Kay himself, who has learned from an young age to weaponise his beauty, his sex appeal, to get things. 

Marc was a decent man. Marc was pure, unsullied.

Marc turned to face him again. “I am sure you know I did a background check on you,” he sounded a bit ashamed.

“You mean you told Wenzel you are going to find out which one of my ex boyfriends wants him dead?” Kay joked. 

“Erm...”

“But you are actually digging into my background,” Kay took another deep drag from his cigarette. Wenzel hated cigarette smell on him, so this was a rare treat. “So, what did you find out?”

Kay prayed inwardly that Marc hadn’t had time to dig too deep. If Marc still believed his parents’ death were suicides, there was no reason for him to look into his father’s legal case. Or Torsten Brandt.

Marc rubbed the back of his neck. “That you’ve changed your name. And you didn’t die in a car accident.”

Kay nodded slowly. Buying time. He figured Marc would find those out. It wasn’t too bad. These could be explained. He could still contain this, especially if he could convince Marc to stop.

“I was non-responsive when I was rushed to the hospital, the police at the scene thought I was dead and some newspaper reported it,” Kay began, his mind went to the day he woke up in a hospital bed, he swallowed. “I woke up in the hospital and they told me Oma has died. She was my only family left.”

“I’m sorry...” Marc said again. He looked distressed. And then, something magical happened. 

Marc put his hand on Kay’s

Kay stared at their hands resting on the railing. Marc’s hand was strong and warm, like a protective shield. Even though it was just a touch, one light tap, the warmth it brought spread through Kay’s whole body, he felt the prick of tears behind his eyelids. 

And suddenly Kay wished... he wished they didn’t meet again under such circumstances.

_ But here we are... _

Kay cleared his throat, gathering his thoughts. “After that, I was put under the State’s social care. They put me in a children’s home...” He could feel Marc’s body stiffened next to him. He wondered if Marc had any idea what those places were like.

“It was... it wasn’t a fun place to be...” 

The look of concern on Marc’s face tugged at Kay’s heart. But still, the next lie came easily. “Then things improved, I got sent to a foster home in Köln. That’s when I got the idea of changing my name. I wanted a new chapter in my life. In someplace new, starting over.”

Marc nodded but he wasn’t dumb. Kay could tell he still had questions.

“I understand why you would do that, but why lie about it?”

“I didn’t. I just didn’t volunteer the information. If they wanted to check, they could. Like you did.” Kay shrugged.

That has always been a gamble, if someone in Medikunft was determined enough, Kay could get found out. That was why he was almost relieved when he realised Wenzel wanted him - sexually. Because desire was easier to control and manipulate. And Kay had a lot of practice. 

That’s why Kay put in so much effort to make Wenzel believe he’s into older men, so he had no reason to question Kay’s motive.

“But Wenzel Wolff doesn’t know - “ Marc pointed out. “ - and... you don’t want him to know.” He slowly came to the conclusion.

Like he had thought, Marc was smart.

Kay knew the best lies were those mixed with a bit of truth. He licked his lips. “I was bullied in school. And people look at you funny when they find out you live in a children’s home. I don’t want it hanging over my head for the rest of my life.” He shook his head. “Just having the right qualifications is not enough. Wenzel would never have offered me this job if he knew where I grew up.”

Kay watched Marc struggle with a mix of emotions: shock, sympathy, indignation. Because Kay has just admitted that he was sleeping with Wenzel so he can have this job. 

A decent man like Marc would never understand, would never approve.

Finally, Marc found his voice. “Is... is Wenzel Wolff pressuring you in any way?”

_ Poor Marc. A knight in shining armour. Ready to rescue his childhood friend. _ Kay was disgusted with himself but he needed to rein in Marc. 

Kay laughed under his breath, a mixture of amusement and misery. “Don’t worry, I’m not a victim here.” He curled his lip. “Sure, Wenzel likes to fuck me to next Sunday but he also trusts my ability at work. I’d rather not lose that.” 

The crude words made Marc wince. He was clearly disturbed by what Kay had just admitted. But... there was something else too. The grimace on Marc’s face carried a hint of resentment. He didn’t like Wenzel Wolff, or the way Kay was treated... wait, not just that, there’s anger in it... there’s jealousy. 

Kay watched Marc’s profile carefully for a few moments. He remembered the way Marc had jumped in front of him like a superhero; the way he almost attacked Heine Weiss in the office today. 

It could totally backfire. But Kay knew his effect on men, especially seemingly straight men; he recognised the signs. 

Kay lowered his lashes, pushed away the last bit of lingering guilt; the request came out soft like a lover’s caress, “I need a favour. I hope you’ll keep your findings between us.” He looked up at Marc, licking his lips. “Can you do this for me? For old times’ sake?”

Colour creeped up on Marc’s pale face, his lips slightly parted, eyes widened. 

_ Ahhh... so I was right. _ Kay thought. 

Marc considered. After a few seconds, he recovered his composure and said matter-of-factly, “Wenzel asked me to check your ex-boyfriends, I see no reason to notify him of unrelated information.”

“Thank you.” Kay said. And he meant it.

Marc shrugged and smiled ruefully.

“And have you found any of my ex-boyfriends? I can give you their names.” Kay said it was like a challenge. If Marc had found out about Torsten, he would have asked Kay already, so he’s not worried.

Marc snorted; he countered with a joke, “Maybe you have scared them all off cos I can’t find any.”

“I can guarantee you they were all very happy. But I don’t kiss and tell.”

Marc didn’t seem to find it funny, his brows knitted. “Joey said...” His face was red again, but he pushed past his discomfort, “he said that you are into Daddies. Or whatever that means.”

_ Joey the big mouth. _ Kay sighed inwardly.

“Sure, I like older men. Like Wenzel.” Kay lied.

“But you don’t love him.”

Kay let out a genuine laugh. “What do you know about love? Are you married?”

Marc shook his head. 

“You’re not?”

In all these years, Kay had built up this image in his mind that Marc had married that girlfriend; that they had children and were living some idyllic life in a village. 

“I thought you’d be married to that girl with the butterfly hair-clips,” Kay blurted out.

Marc’s brow furrowed. “What hair-clips? Who....?”

“The redhead you were dating. She had those butterfly hair-clips on her long hair.”

But Marc just stared at him, still looking confused. He had no idea. 

Kay didn’t know why he found Marc’s baffling face so funny, and to think that for two weeks, his younger self had been consumed with raging jealousy over a girl Marc didn’t even remember. Kay almost choked on the bubbling laughter in his throat. He coughed and laughed out loud.

“That silly head of yours always has the craziest ideas,” Marc said affectionately. Then he started laughing too. 

It was as if a switch had been flipped. The strange tension between them snapped shut, and in a blink, their easy closeness slid back into its place. Like they were transported back to that summer 12 years ago.

After a while, they finally calmed down. Kay flicked his cigarette away and drew an audible breath. “Hey, enough about me. What about you? How did you become a bodyguard?”

Marc shrugged but he seemed happy to be asked. “I finished a degree course in Police university, worked in KriPo for a few years. Then I had an opportunity to set up a private security company with a friend and I took it. It’s very different from having a salary job and the first year was very stressful. But I like it.”

“Because no matter what, you are your own boss,” Kay said.

“Exactly.”

“That’s important, isn’t it? The freedom.” Kay lamented.

Marc’s expression turned thoughtful. “Kay, if you ever feel... I mean... “ he paused, then started again. “I am not saying I understand your relationship with Wenzel. Because I don’t.” His eyes looked troubled. “I just think you deserve better. You should be with someone who... shit... “ he stopped again.

“Marc...”

His eyes veered away before fixing on Kay again. “All I am saying is, if you ever want to get out of this, I will help you.”

  
  


That night when Kay went back to the penthouse, he took his work laptop with him and slept in the guest room. If Wenzel found him there the next morning, he could claim he was working and didn’t want to disturb him.

He didn’t want to sleep next to Wenzel Wolff that night. He knew nothing has changed because he would still let Wenzel fuck him plenty more times, until he got what he wanted.

But at least for the next 7 hours, he could pretend he’s clean. Untainted. Worthy of the warmth and friendship Marc had just offered him. 

_ “If you ever want to get out of this, I will help you.” _

Kay slept peacefully for the first time in years.

  
  


******

_ (10 Years ago - Kinderheim Trier - a children’s home in Trier) _

  
  


“Next time, don’t be a hero, Kay Engel!” Tobias kicked Kay in the stomach one last time before he walked off with his entourage.

Grisha, who had a cut on his forehead, was also breeding, he helped Kay to stand up. “Shit, Kay... let me take you to the nurse. We should tell Brother Peter...”

“No!” Kay whisper-shouted. “I told you. Don’t go to Peter for help.”

Kay gingerly checked his ribs and stomach, there was a large purple bruise on his side, but it didn’t hurt too much. The jiu jitsu he learned recently has helped. Tobias was still 20kg heavier and 5 inches taller than him, but Kay managed to dodge a lot of his punches, until his entourage arrived. 

It was Grisha he worried about.

“Are you okay?” Kay asked him. 

Grisha nodded, he said in broken German, “Sorry, I forgot Brother Peter no good.” 

Kay winced. Peter was more of a problem for Kay than for Grisha, but he still didn’t want Grisha to be close to that man, just to be safe.

In the end, they just went to grab the First Aid kit from the nurse station and took care of the wounds themselves in their room. 

It’s not a big deal. Just another day in Kinderheim Trier. After nearly a year here, Kay has learned to stick by two rules to survive: 

  1. Stay out of Tobias and his gang’s way 
  2. Don’t go to Brother Peter’s room.



“What did you do this time?” Kay asked Grisha. Tobias liked to pick on Grisha but there was usually a reason.

Grisha’s parents died shortly after they moved here from Ukraine. Grisha was 12 years old when he started bouncing around within the social care system, that was 4 years ago. He had bad eczema with red, itchy patches all over his arms and legs; his German never improved because no one would talk to him. 

Until Kay arrived. And that’s how they became friends.

Grisha rolled his eyes. “He said I took his iPhone.”

“Tobias has an iPhone?” Kay had heard about it but he didn’t know anyone who had one.

“Not his. He steals. In school.”

“So you don’t have it?”

Grisha grinned. “Of course I have it. Cracked it too.”

Kay laughed. Grisha was a good petty thief but he was even better at computer stuff. And he’s the only person who could make Kay laugh in this miserable place.

“I want to see it.” Kay said. He’s curious. 

“We go outside, use wifi. No filter. Internet porn, here we come.” Grisha was very proud of himself. “Naked women for me. Kay, I let you see gay naked men, good?” He draped an arm around Kay’s shoulders.

“Fuck off.” Kay laughed.

At that time, their plan was to get their high school diploma, then the two of them would move out and share an apartment. Grisha wanted to work with computers, Kay thought maybe he could join the police.

Until one day, Kay had a surprise visitor.

“Kay? How are you? My name is Torsten Brandt.”

The stranger was a man in his early thirties, he’s wearing a pair of glasses in thick tortoise shell frame and a blue shirt with a checkered pattern. He was smiling. He looked clean and educated. The eyes behind the glasses were kind. He reached out his hand to Kay.

Kay shook it and cocked his head. “You said you are my father’s friend?” He had never seen this man before.

“Kind of,” the man replied distractingly. He was looking at Kay unblinkingly for a few seconds. “You look a lot like your mother.” He commented out of nowhere.

Kay had heard this before. In fact, a lot of people have told him he looked too pretty. ‘Too’ being the operative word. 

He didn’t know what to say, so he just shrugged.

Torsten Brandt cleared his throat, like he’s preparing for a speech. Then he told Kay, “actually, I knew your father because I was one of the lawyers who worked on his case ...”

  
  


******

“I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?” Grisha’s red blotchy face appeared on the computer screen.

Kay sighed. “Bad news.” 

“The documents from the screenshots you sent me? They are just highlights, the full documents are stored somewhere else. If they are highly confidential, my guess is they stored them in a separate server, no wifi access, so they can’t be hacked.”

_ Great!  _ Kay expelled a frustrating sigh. That meant he had to find out the location of the separate server.

“It could be a separate data storage room in your office. Or it could be off site.”

“Any idea where I should start to look?” 

“The IT director’s office might give you some clue. Hopefully he’s so sloppy, he wrote down the password and location on a post-it note.” Grisha laughed, then apologised. “Sorry! But yeah, start from there.”

Kay hoped those flowers and gifts he had showered IT director’s secretary finally paid off, that he could gain access to the IT director’s office. It’s a risky move but he didn’t have much choice. 

“And the good news? Come on, give me something good.”

But Grisha suddenly put down the bag of crisps he’s munching. “Wow, wait! What’s that on your wrist? Show me!” He leaned close to the camera. “Is that a Patek Philippe Gondolo?” He exclaimed.

Kay glanced at his new watch. A gift from Wenzel. He forgot to take it off today, he usually only wore it in front of Wenzel.

Grisha whistled. “That’s a €20,000 watch! Even more if it’s a limited edition. What the hell are you doing for your sugar-daddy? Is he hand-cuffing you in bed? Put a butt plug in you?”

“Jesus, Grisha! Your unfiltered mouth! I don’t even want to know where did you learn these stuff since you have no sex life. And no, we aren’t doing anything like that, so fuck you.”

Kay had no idea how expensive the watch was. He just knew to act happy whenever Wenzel showered him with gifts.

But Grisha wasn’t even laughing at his no-sex-life joke, he was looking at Kay with a worried frown. “Fucking hell. Kay, are you safe? Men don’t spend that kind of money and not expect some stuff in return.”

“Wenzel is not so naive to think that I am with him purely because he’s a good looking Daddy. It’s better if he thinks I also like material things. People lower their guard or think they can control you if you are motivated by money or power. Because that they can understand,” Kay explained. 

Worry lines still etched on Grisha’s face; he was never fully onboard with Kay’s plan. He only relented because he knew Kay would go ahead with or without his help.

_ “If you ever want to get out of this, I will help you.” _

Kay shook away Marc’s voice in his head. Clearing the air with Marc has been a double-edged sword: it stopped Marc from further looking into his past, but it also brought those old feelings back. It made Kay contemplate an alternative universe, where Kay wasn’t a revenge-obsessed manipulative whore who fucked men to get things done, where he deserved a chance with someone like Marc. 

_ But god has other plans for me, that’s why he sent Torsten Brandt. _

“I am fine. I promise. Now give me the good news,” Kay hurried him.

Grisha pursed his lips, then put more crisps into his mouth. He talked with his mouth full, “I think I got something on the NordenMed guy, Rudi Schmitt.”

“You think?”

“Means it requires further hacking. But listen, you know Rudi is ex-Stasi, right? Except his contacts aren’t so over the Stasi shit. I have proof Rudi recently contacted his old pals to do some surveillance jobs for him, the messages weren’t black & white, but the initial ‘WW’ came up a lot. My guess is Wenzel’s death threats come from him.”

Kay had suspected that. It fit Rudi Schmitt’s Stasi background and his aim to unsettle Wenzel before a new drug launch and patent lawsuit.

“Can we prove it?” Kay would be able to kill two birds with one stone: gain Wenzel’s trust and drive a wedge between Wenzel and Heine Weiss. 

And thirdly, solved the death threats mystery for Marc.

“Unfortunately, no... I mean, Wenzel will believe it if you tell him but you can’t use it to threaten Rudi Schmitt. He’s not stupid, he left no concrete trace...” he paused. “But I found something else about him.”

“Oh yeah?”

Grisha did a drumroll sign with his fingers, he whispered, “Rudi Schmitt is a member of a BDSM club.”

Kay’s eyes widened. Okay, he didn’t expect that. But after the initial shock, he shrugged. “So what? Whips and chains are commonplace these days, it’s hardly a scandal.”

“It is when you want to wear a nappy and get spanked by a dominatrix goddess,” Grisha sniggered.

“Bullshit!” Kay’s jaw dropped. He thought of that 60-something ex-military COO... 

“Exactly.”

“You... have photos?” Kay swallowed; he was almost afraid to ask. 

“Not yet. But I can get them.”

Kay was hoping Rudi Schmitt had other kind of dirt. He didn’t really want to threaten anyone with their secret sexual fantasies. Kinks or not, if it’s consensual, it’s nobody’s business... but Kay couldn’t afford compassion, not when it gets in his way to get to the truth. 

“Okay. Get them.” Kay decided.  _ I am going to hell anyway after I am done with my plan. _

Grisha made an ‘okay’ sign. 

“Any progress on cracking the private messaging app?” 

Kay thought of that little snide warning Weiss said to Wenzel the other day -  _ “This time don’t come to me for help!”  _ These two used to be close friends. And Weiss’s rank in Medikunft has accelerated over the last 12 years. What if Wenzel owed him a big favour? Kay’s heart started hammering. What if the help Weiss was referring to was about his father? 

He needed to see those private messages.

“On-going. It will take time. But I am working on it,” Grisha scratched his blotchy skin.

“You know you should let me pay you...”

“Fuck off, Kay Engel. You saved my eczema ass more times than I can count. I don’t need your money.”

“Grisha - ”

“Just be careful, okay? And allow yourself to be Kay Engel once in a while. I worry about you and I miss my friend.”

Kay nodded numbly in front of the camera, couldn’t speak.

Sometimes he wasn’t sure if that person existed anymore.


	9. Under the Shadows of Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc accompanies Wenzel Wolff and Kay to an overseas business trip  
> Marc sees Kay in the hotel garden

(Marc)

  
  


_“If you ever want to get out of this, I will help you.”_

Marc looked at the bathroom mirror. He winced. _Jeez... what does that even mean? Help him how? Why the fuck did I say that?_

Like Frank had warned him before, Kay Klossner didn’t need to be rescued. He’s exactly where he wanted to be. 

Except he wasn’t really Kay Klossner; he’s Kay Engel. And when Marc was 17 years old - he had a hard time saying no to Kay Engel.

And for a few moments that night, Marc had caught a glimpse of the Kay he used to know, unguarded and free from Wenzel Wolff’s shadow. Kay had the most expressive eyes Marc has ever seen. The playfulness, the mischief in them, they used to do funny things to Marc’s stomach. _Maybe still do..._

Marc bit his worried lip. There was another thing that’s been troubling him. When Kay had asked if he’s married, Marc hadn’t lied, but he should have said that he’s engaged. He tried to convince himself that it was just a habit, a reflex response. 

His marital status had nothing to do with Kay, it wouldn’t help Kay, so there was no need to elaborate. He thought of those years Kay spent in a children's home. _Shit, can you blame him for wanting a different kind of life?_ Marc just didn’t understand why he had to settle for someone like Wenzel Wolff...

“You’re just a fool with hero syndrome.” He told his own reflection and left the bathroom.

Bettina was putting clothes and toiletries in his suitcase when he returned to the bedroom. 

“Have you checked the weather forecast in Chicago?” She asked.

Marc was going to the Windy City for a pharmaceutical conference. Wenzel Wolff was one of the keynote speakers. Medikunft decided the conference was important for the upcoming new drug launch. The chance of Wenzel’s stalker following him overseas was slim, but they were willing to pay for Marc and Limpinski for the trip to provide security.

And Kay would be there too...

“It’s not much different from here.” he shrugged. Marc patted the mattress. “Come to bed, I can finish packing tomorrow. The flight is in the afternoon.”

Bettina smiled and obliged. She had that happy glow on her face as she lay down next to Marc. “Nice of them to pay for your business class seat and everything. Extra perks. I wish I could join you. I read there are some large bridal shops in Chicago.”

“It’s not a holiday.” Marc reminded her.

“I know. I know. You hate shopping anyway.” Her soft hand rubbing Marc’s taut stomach gently. “Still, it would be nice to make use of a free hotel room for us. I can go shopping myself during the day.”

“I will be sharing a room with Limpinski, I don’t think you want to sleep anywhere near him.” Marc chuckled.

Bettina giggled, resting her head on his chest. Her hand moved lower and lower, slipping inside Marc’s boxer-briefs. Her slim fingers cradling and fondling his cock; waking it up. 

“Mmmm....” Marc moaned. He turned sideways and cupped her soft breasts over her slip nightdress. They undressed quickly and Bettina got on top of him. She pulled at his hardening cock a few times before she lifted herself up. 

Marc held both her hips, stopping her. “Let me get the condom first.”

She bent down and kissed him on the lips. She whispered, “It’s okay. Don’t you think we can do without it now?”

Marc hesitated. He knew that was their plan: marriage and children. But..

“Hmmm... maybe after the wedding? I don’t want to rush things.”

She wasn’t entirely happy about that but didn’t object when Marc reached for the condom pouch in the drawer.

As Marc rolled it on, the image of the box of condoms and lube in Kay’s bedroom flashed across his mind. He shook his head. But the next image popped up: Kay was wearing his tight white shirt, kneeling in front of Wenzel... _Fuck, get out!_ Marc cursed inwardly. Then it changed again. Kay was still kneeling on the floor but he’s unzipping Marc’s trousers. He was looking up at Marc, his steady gaze forced Marc to look right at him, while his rosy lips wrapped around his cock, his cheeks hollowed, sucking...

_Ahhhh!_ Marc squeezed his eyes shut. Heart hammering; hands shaking, he couldn’t enter Bettina fast enough, his hands ran all over her sensual and delicate body. Grateful for the touch of her feminine body, the comforting floral, lavender scent. He focused on her delightful soft moans, instead of Kay’s heavy grunts in his head. 

The final release was powerful and satisfying. Marc breathed out heavily as Bettina rolled off him. He threw away the condom before tucking her close to him again. She buried her face in the hollow between his neck and shoulders, murmuring sweet nothings in his ear. 

He brushed her auburn hair with his hand, his heart full of tenderness for her, even though for a brief second, he wasn’t quite sure who he had just made love to.

******

Chicago was having a heatwave.

“Turn up the air-con, for god’s sake. I’ll be drenched before we get to the hotel,” Wenzel barked from the backseat while loosening his tie. 

“Of course,” Limpinski turned up the air-con dial to the max in the rental car.

_Who told you to wear a 3-piece-suit on the plane?_ Marc mused. He looked at the rear-mirror and caught Kay looking back at him with a faint smile.

That has been a pleasant change. Since they had that talk on the rooftop, Kay seemed more relaxed around Marc and quick to smile. The real smiles that reached his eyes.

Marc couldn’t help but smile back. 

Kay was dressed appropriately for the hot and humid weather in a loose white linen shirt with sleeves rolled up. Looking like he’s just walked out from a magazine page after a 10-hour flight. 

“Are we all set? Did you make the changes to the speech like I said?”

Kay returned his attention back to Wenzel. “I did. Do you want to look - ” He began to pull out his laptop.

But Wenzel stopped him. “It’s ok. I trust you. We can go over it together tonight...” The lecherous tone in Wenzel’s voice made Marc’s skin crawl. “What about the other thing?”

Marc heard Kay clear his throat and lower his voice but he couldn’t make out what he was saying to Wenzel. After nearly a full minute, Wenzel Wolff barked out a nasty laugh. “That’s genius. Oh man, I can’t wait to see his face! Well done! You made me so proud... now, come here...”

Marc didn’t have to check the mirror to know that Wenzel was touching his assistant in the backseat. 

Kay made some half-hearted indignant noise with his nose, but Wenzel only guffawed louder. Whatever news Kay had told him, it has clearly put him in a good mood. 

Marc decided to fix his eyes on the moving Chicago street views instead. 

Without Joey the driver, Marc and Limpinski would be taking turns to drive the Mercedes Benz limo rental. After filling in countless forms for TSA and custom officers, they were allowed to take their firearm into the country, even though they weren’t on high alert, Marc felt safer carrying his gun in a concealed holster.

There hasn’t been any death threat sent to Wenzel for three weeks now. Marc had analysed the dates of the threats with Frank in detail and they coincided with Medikunft releasing updates or PR materials for the new drug. Kay’s theory about a rival company wanting to unsettle Wenzel Wolff during a crucial period fit in this scenario. Perhaps they should look closer into NordenMed and Rudi Schmitt.

There was no doubt that Kay was good at his job and has business acumen for the industry, he would be an asset to any medical companies. Which only made what he’s doing with Wenzel Wolff more maddening to Marc. 

_You don’t have to sleep with him to keep your job!_ Marc wanted to scream at Kay.

Stewing in his own annoyance, Marc only noticed the strange sounds coming from the backseat, when Limpinski nudged him by pretending to look for things in the glove compartment. 

Wenzel was openly kissing Kay. He even had one of his hands inside Kay’s linen shirt.

Marc closed his eyes and slowly breathed out. Then he heard the sound of a button being pressed and the privacy divider going up. An opaque partition separating them. Wenzel’s own Mercedes Benz didn’t have this function, no doubt the CMO thought it would be fun to snog his assistant in the backseat on foreign soil. 

Limpinski rolled his eyes and made a gagging sign with his finger. 

“Just get us to the hotel. Quick,” Marc muttered under his breath.

  
  


The hotel was situated directly opposite the conference centre, so Marc sent Limpinski to check out the venue while they checked into the hotel.

“Good, I’d rather go to the venue. I can’t stand any more of this homo May-December display.” Limpinski said to Marc while they waited for the porter to take the luggages inside.

“Watch your mouth. No funny words or faces in front of Wolff. Or to his assistant. Got it?” Marc said, knowing Limpinski had a foul mouth and short fuse.

“What? You worry about the gold-digging homo’s feelings? Don’t. The watch he’s wearing is more than what I earn in 6 months. Before tax! Fucking shameless.”

“Gregor! What did I just say?” Marc warned, clenching his fists. Marc felt like exploding, has been since the stupid privacy divider went up. He slowly counted to three in his mind to calm down before he said, “They are our clients. Just remember that.”

They checked into the hotel. Wenzel got an executive suite, of course. Marc and Limpinski got a twin-bed room on the same floor. Kay had his own room on the floor below, but Marc wondered if it was purely for appearances’ sake.

Kay hasn’t made eye contact with him since the car journey.

The hotel wouldn’t allow them to guard in the hallway, so Marc had his first shift inside the suite’s living room, while Kay and Wenzel worked on the speech in the adjacent small office area. Marc was relieved to see that they were actually working.

Just before midnight, Marc saw Kay go into the bedroom with Wenzel. He was prepared to harden his resolve to accept the life choice of his childhood friend. _He doesn’t need my help._ Marc repeated the mantra in his mind.

But 10 minutes later, Kay came out of the bedroom; he closed the door with a soft click, looking slightly dishevelled but at least he didn’t smell like sex.

“Erm. I am going to my room now. Are you going to be here -“

“Limpinski will take over my shift in an hour,” Marc answered.

Kay simply nodded. He was still not meeting Marc’s eyes when he mumbled, “Wenzel took some sleeping pills, so tell your colleague he will have to go in there to wake him up if he needs to.”

“Understood.”

Kay gathered his laptop and bag. As he walked past Marc, he said softly, “Good night.” Their eyes finally met briefly. Marc only just noticed Kay’s eyes were bloodshot and something was lurking behind them... something emotional.

Marc eyed the bedroom door a moment and asked carefully, “Everything’s okay?”

Kay seemed startled by the concern. He looked down at his own hands, considering his answer. “Just had a long day, that’s all.” He finally said. “You must feel the same.” He gave Marc a tired smile.

By now, Marc could read him a bit better. Avoidance and dismissal. Two things Kay was good at. And deflection. 

_He doesn’t need your help._ Marc repeated it to himself. “Alright. See you in the morning then,” he replied. 

  
  


******

Marc woke up after 1 hour of sleep. 

Jetlag. 

They had prepared for this problem, that’s why the shifts for this trip will be 4-hour each. Hopefully between the two of them, they could get enough sleep in-between. 

The conference would last for 3 days, but the good news was Wenzel was speaking on the first day and he wanted to return to Stuttgart the following day.

Marc gave up after tossing and turning for another five minutes. He got dressed and went downstairs. The hotel bar was still open, but that would be a mistake, so he opted for some cooler night air in the hotel garden instead.

It was a sizable garden with benches stationed among tall trees and bushes, illuminated only by the moon and carefully placed ground lights. 

Marc walked around quietly, enjoying the much needed night breeze, craving for a cigarette.

That’s when he heard someone say, “Let me guess... jet-lag?”

Kay appeared under the shadows of trees. He was wearing a crew neck white t-shirt and black joggers. The casual outfits made him look younger; his face was fresh and open, he seemed warmer, more approachable. He had a cigarette in his hand. 

“You can’t sleep either?” Marc asked.

Kay exhaled a long string of smoke. “Can’t tell if it’s jet-lag or my usual insomnia.” After the smoke finally dissipated, Marc saw the slight dark circles and the same sadness lurking in his eyes, like he had seen him earlier tonight.

“I read that it can take up to one day for every hour the clock is shifted. So it will take us a week to adjust to the time difference between Stuttgart and Chicago.”

Kay stared at him for a second before he burst out laughing. That delightful, melodic sound Marc didn’t know how much he missed until he heard it again.

“This is exactly the kind of trivial information I expect you to know.”

Marc smiled, feeling ridiculously proud for making Kay laugh. His attention was then drawn to the beer bottle in Kay’s other hand. “I thought you don’t drink,” he said curiously, more to himself.

“Why would you think that?”

“I noticed you were only taking small sips. I thought maybe you don’t drink and just do it in social situations.” Marc shrugged.

“Seems like you pay a lot of attention to me.” Kay teased, tilting his head in a seductive way, his face was inches away from Marc. “Maybe I don’t want to get drunk and spill my girly secrets?” 

Marc has never seen Kay acting flirty. Not to him anyway. He wasn’t slurring his words, so he wasn’t drunk but the alcohol must have lowered his guard. He was tipsy.

Marc decided he liked tipsy Kay Klossner. Tipsy Kay Engel. 

“Can I bum one of these?” He pointed to the cigarette in Kay’s hand. 

“Sorry, last one in the pack,” Kay said. Then he passed the one he’s smoking to Marc. “We can share. I had two already.”

Marc took it. He stared at the filter tip for a moment before putting it in his mouth. A jolt passed through his chest as he sucked on where Kay’s mouth had been.

“Déjà vu.” Kay huffed a happy sigh, like he’s remembering something fondly.

“Huh?”

“Remember that time we shared a joint in the forest?”

He meant the incident that had made Marc freak out for weeks? Had caused him to find a girlfriend who he couldn’t even recall her name now?

“Uh-huh. You were just a baby.” He passed the cigarette back to Kay.

“I was 14, not a baby. Thank you very much.” Kay retorted.

Marc put his hand in the air just above his shoulders, “You were only this tall. You were a shorty.”

“Fuck off,” Kay laughed. “I am taller than you now.”

Marc grinned. “Just barely. But I am stronger.” _Is it weird how much he loves the sound of Kay’s laughs?_ Infectious. It lightened Marc’s mood instantly.

“I’ll take your word for it, since you’re the bodyguard,” Kay winked; he took another sip from his beer. Marc’s eyes were unwittingly drawn to those lips wrapping around the bottle, remembering that messed up image last night... or was it two nights ago already with time difference?

Kay wiped his mouth with his shirt sleeves; he gave a little shake of his head and confessed, “The thing is... I wanted to kiss you so badly that day. If only I have found the courage -“

_Huh?_ After a second, Marc blurted out, “But you did.”

“What?”

“You kissed me. Well, it’s just a peck. But still.” Marc couldn’t believe it. That kiss had completely changed the trajectory of their friendship and Kay had been too high to remember. 

“Really? Shit. That’s so not fair. I was so looking forward to it.” Kay chuckled. The sadness Marc had seen earlier has gone, Kay now looked happy and buzzed. Marc would like to think he was responsible for that. Well, him and the beer.

Marc grinned. “Well, too late. You had your chance. Your loss.” He taunted, feeling bold and audacious.

Kay didn’t say a word. He snuffed out the cigarette with his sneakers, then took a step closer to Marc. 

Closer. Much closer. Invading Marc’s personal space. 

It was like watching something unfold in slow motion, Marc noticed every detail, felt every sense and smell: the lingering remnant of Kay’s Tom Ford cologne mixed with the cigarette smell; the few darker specks on his blond stubble, and finally the taste of beer on his breath.

Kay’s lips were millimetres away from his when their eyes locked. 

Marc wanted to make a sound... to alert... to protest... he wasn’t sure because his heart was pounding so hard in his ears, he couldn’t hear himself think. There was no time, because the next thing he felt was the hard press of Kay’s mouth on his.

This was very different from the light peck 14-year-old Kay had given him. 

This kiss was urgent and demanding. Kay’s fingers cupping the side of his neck, his tongue pushing between Marc’s startled lips. 

Marc heard a shocked little sound, a half inhalation, half moan. At first he didn’t even know he was the one making that sound. But Kay must have taken it as a positive sign, because he thrust his tongue in and made a delicious sweep along Marc’s teeth. The strength, the force and the texture of that rough velvety tongue flooded and completely overwhelmed Marc’s senses.

A kiss so different, so foreign from every other kiss Marc has ever experienced in the 29 years of his life. For a few moments, he didn’t know where he was and what he’s doing.

_In a hotel garden in the dark, being kissed by Kay Engel._

The relentless onslaught of senses and smells finally woke up Marc’s body, his tongue began its fight back in a fierce duel. Marc’s arm went around Kay’s waist, pulling him in; Marc’s thumb brushed against Kay’s stubbles. He was immediately rewarded by a pleasure sigh from Kay, who continued to kiss, to nibble his lips, his jaw, like a busy bee sucking and lapping the nectar he had just found. 

A remaining sliver of caution told Marc this was wrong and unacceptable on all levels, that it was totally reckless and insane. But at that moment, Marc didn’t, couldn’t give a damn about the consequences. _More._ His heart was asking. _He wants me._ His heart was singing. Desire and elation so full in his chest, there was no space for anything else.

In a split second, their roles reversed

Marc dared to take a break from the kiss and opened his eyes, the blissful expression on Kay’s face spurred him on. God, he loved the way Kay opened for him like he’s starving. Desperate, hungry for Marc’s kisses.

Stepping into the role of the aggressor, Marc pushed his tongue inside Kay’s mouth and sighed into the kiss. Being a fast learner, he began to imitate what Kay had done before: sweeping, biting and caressing, worrying Kay’s lower lip in his teeth like it was his favourite thing. Amazingly, he drew another needy groan from Kay, whose hands close around Marc’s back, touching his inflamed skin under the thin cotton fabric. 

Kay’s breath hitched as Marc squeezed their bodies closer. “Oh god... Marc... please.” The breathless request short-circuited Marc’s brain, his cock took note and was hardening in alarming speed. Without saying a word, they walked back into the shadows, until Marc’s back hit a tree trunk.

Kay pressed his mouth against Marc’s neck, kissing and sucking; he palmed the front of Marc’s joggers, finding what he wanted and gave it a good squeeze. He untied the drawstrings on Marc’s joggers and slipped his hand in...

“Ohhhh.... fuck........” Marc groaned. 

After that, everything was supercharged. Faster and messier. Kay’s long fingers alternate between fondling and pulling, his soft palm pressing and squeezing. All the while, he was kissing and humming against Marc’s cheeks and neck. Marc tried to regain some control by thrusting into Kay’s hand; he pressed Kay’s mouth in a searing kiss. They couldn’t seem to get enough of each other’s mouth. One kiss after another, each one hotter and feistier than the one before.

Marc knew he couldn’t hold it any longer; he didn’t want to hold it anymore. Suppressing a deep groan over Kay’s shoulder, he came powerfully and haltingly in short bursts into Kay’s hand. 

Kay’s hand continued to pull a few more times, like he’s milking the last drop. Marc tilted his head back against the tree. His mind was a jumbled mix of emotions, like dropping from great height, he felt light headed, his heart lurching.

Kay rested his forehead against Marc, breathing hard. His semen soaked hand finally slipped out of Marc’s joggers. He wiped it against his own t-shirt.

For nearly a minute, they simply stayed like this in a loose embrace.

“Kay...” Marc broke the silence. He brushed Kay’s short hair softly with his hand.

The sound of his own name seemed to wake Kay from this feverish dream they’ve been sharing. He pulled back and jerked away, like he’s been burned.

“Shit...” Kay cursed. Panic flashed across his face. 

Marc tied his joggers’s drawstrings and raked a hand through his hair, he wanted to say something to Kay, but in his chaotic mind, he couldn’t find a single word.

“I am so sorry,” Kay said.

Marc looked up. “What for? Hey...”

Kay shook his head. His eyes were bleak. “You don’t understand.” He sounded distraught, close to tears. “I... I fucked up everything.”

Then he turned and sprinted back to the hotel. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... they kissed (and more) 😝 even though this time it was Kay who ran away.


	10. A Destroyer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay worries about Marc’s reaction  
> Marc asks Kay to meet up later  
> Someone unexpected shows up at the airport

(Kay)

  
  


When he entered his room, the light in the room was low. Kay had left a single table lamp on when he left for a walk and a smoke in the garden. 

He slowly slid down to the floor by the bed, pulling both knees close to his chest. Kay studied his hand in the dim light. It was still sticky with semen... his hand, his T-shirt still smelt like Marc. His lips still tingling; his whole body still humming; his heart still galloping.

He had escaped to the garden to clear his head, to mire in his own misery, the dirt he created, without any witnesses. He hadn’t meant for any of these to happen.

After Grisha told him he had the photos of Rudi Schmitt inside the BDSM club, Kay knew he was going to destroy this man’s career, perhaps even his life. Someone who had never done Kay any wrong; someone who just got in the way of Kay’s plan. A pawn to be sacrificed. 

It took Kay a while to convince Wenzel not to make those photos public; that it’s better to use them to blackmail Schmitt to back off from the patent legal case. 

“You don’t want to push an animal to a corner. You don’t want it to be desperate because it has nothing to lose.” Kay had explained. 

“That’s because you are too soft and too sweet, my boy. I will shoot that animal down while I have the chance.” Wenzel had said, brushing Kay’s cheek in a less than fatherly touch. “But we will do it your way this time,” he kissed Kay. “I’ll save Rudi Schmitt’s ass this time just because you asked me to.” He said it like an emperor pardoning someone’s life. “Now, you have to give Daddy something in return...” 

Luckily the sleeping pills had kicked in before Wenzel could do much to claim his reward... 

Kay shivered and shied away from that memory. It was getting harder and harder to be with Wenzel. In the past, Kay always had this fantasy image in his mind: Wenzel’s shocked face when he realised who had stabbed a knife on his back. Just that look would have been enough for Kay to endure every fuck, every blowjob, every kiss with Wenzel. Because Kay knew he would avenge for his father; he would have the last laugh.

But now... Bad enough that he had tainted Marc with his filth, he had nearly fucked up everything. And for what? Five minutes of heaven?

Five minutes of something he could never have. 

Kay finally got up. He undressed, brushed his teeth and lay down on the white bedsheets. The bed felt large and empty but he didn’t mind. The absence of Wenzel’s breath and the heaviness of his hand on his body was a welcome respite. 

Kay closed his eyes and waited for exhaustion and sleep to claim him. The air-conditioning unit hummed quietly to cool down the room and Kay’s feverish skin. 

Marc had made him laugh tonight, had made him forget the shitty things Kay had just done, all in just a few minutes. Like a magician. And then when Marc teased him about the kiss 12 years ago... Kay had only wanted to reclaim the kiss that he had been too high to remember. But once his lips touched Marc’s, something funny happened. 

Some unnamed need suddenly erupted from inside of him, it caught fire so quickly it blazed through all of Kay’s self preservation, making him throw caution in the wind. 

But the moment that really made him completely lose control was when Marc kissed him back. 

A long forgotten feeling re-emerged - for the first time since his parents died - Kay was happy. Blindingly happy. And he wanted... he needed... to hold on to it. So he took and took. Greedily. Selfishly.

Maybe that's what heroin was like to drug addicts, Kay wondered. 

Behind his eyelids, he began to catalog different parts of Marc he had seen tonight, committing them to his memory: Marc’s handsome face, the concern in his eyes, the crinkles around his mouth and eyes when he laughed, then the softness of his lips, the force of his pointy tongue, that luscious gasp of air he took just before he came in Kay’s hand and finally, that warm and strong pair of arms embracing Kay...

Kay wanted to stay under that tree, in Marc’s arms, surrounded by Marc’s warmth and his glow. And never get out. Forever. 

Kay knew what desire and lust looked like, he saw them in the men who fucked him all the time. But this wasn’t it. This was something else. Something strange and electrifying. And terrifying. It was almost like... love.

If Kay wasn’t so determined to destroy his enemies and bring down his own life with them, he could almost imagine a future with Marc. Almost.

  
  


******

All too soon, reality blew back in with a loud reminder. 

Kay was woken by some insistent knocks on the door. The sound so intrusive and unfamiliar, it sent him into a panicky state. He sat upright in bed, wondering where the fuck he was. Then his mind woke up too, and he remembered. 

He was in a hotel room in Chicago with Wenzel. And Marc... his heartbeat quickened. He checked the clock. 9:00am.  _ Fuck! I must have pressed the snooze button. _

He grabbed the bathrobe on the floor and opened the door. Wenzel was standing outside, all suited up. 

“Where have you been?” He said impatiently. “I need... “ He looked at Kay up and down, taking in his loose bathrobe and bare feet. “I need those fancy cards you prepared for my speech.”

“Sorry... I overslept... jet-lag.”

Wenzel watched him for a second, reining in his annoyance. Then his eyes softened, he stroked Kay’s cheek with his knuckles. “That’s why I told you to sleep in my room last night,” he said; he didn’t bother to lower his voice.

It took all Kay’s willpower not to flinch from the touch. He didn’t know why he woke up and felt so emotionally raw today. He spared a brief glance behind Wenzel, Limpinski was looking right at him with a contemptuous sneer. 

Marc must have just finished his 4-hour shift. Kay thought distractingly.

“Kay?”

He turned his attention back to Wenzel. 

“Get dressed. We can still have breakfast. I am speaking in two hours but I want to go and meet the delegates first.”

_ Shit... _ Kay mentally kicked himself. “Of course,” he said quickly. He snuck another glance at Limpinski and said to Wenzel, “I will meet you downstairs in five minutes.”

He could tell from Wenzel’s face that he wanted to go inside and fool around a little, perhaps get Kay to give him a quick blow job before breakfast. But Kay’s room was not a suite, there was no privacy with Limpinski following him like a shadow, he would have to drag Kay to the small bathroom. As much as Wenzel didn’t care what the bodyguard thought, the act was too vulgar, even for him.

_ Please don’t ask me to do this. Not this morning. _

The dirt he found on Rudi Schmitt saved him this time; Wenzel was still in the mood to indulge him. “OK.” He pursed his lips, letting Kay off reluctantly. “But tonight, sleep in my room.” He gave Kay’s cheek a light pat. “That’s an order.” 

Then he finally turned and left with Limpinski.

  
  


******

_ I hope he’s not avoiding me. _

Kay contemplated his full mug of hot coffee and took a tentative sip, trying to focus on the enticing aroma, the sharpness of the taste. He hasn’t seen Marc since last night.

Of course, he knew Marc had to be with Wenzel at the conference centre for his shift, but the few times Kay went over there, Marc was conveniently absent. Kay saw the mild disdain on Limpinski’s face and knew asking him for Marc’s whereabouts was not a good idea.

_ Stop obsessing. _ Kay berated himself. He had a lot to do. His own plan aside, being the executive assistant of a CMO was a real job with heavy workload. He answered all the work emails, made bookings for Wenzel, checked and updated progress reports. Then he called the conference centre to double check if the round-table debate session Wenzel took part in was on time. That would keep Wenzel there for another two hours. 

Kay opened his own laptop, logged on to the VPN that Grisha has set up for him and chatted with his friend for half an hour. He left instructions for Grisha to send Rudi Schmitt’s photos to a secure hosting site; he would not give Wenzel all the digital copies. Kay didn’t trust the CMO not to leak them after they forced NordenMed to back off. One hard copy photo should be enough to scare Rudi Schmitt’s old heart.

Helping Wenzel to win the NordenMed case would ruin Heine Weiss’s chances to become CEO. Kay hoped these two would turn against each other. Old grudges would get dug up, lips loosen and secrets spilled. And once Grisha cracked that messaging app, he might be able to find out the whole truth once and for all.

_ One step closer. _

With tasks for ‘The Plan’ done, Kay returned to the other subject on his mind - Marc. He only managed to catch glimpses of the dark-haired bodyguard today. They were never alone and Marc made no direct eye contact with him. 

That evening, Kay joined Wenzel for dinner in a Michelin-star restaurant in South Loop. When he got into the rental car, he was disappointed to see Limpinski driving.

Finally when they got back to Wenzel’s suite, he gave up resistance and asked Limpinski when his shift would be over. 

“Marc will be here at 7am when we leave for the airport.” he offered no further details. Kay wanted to ask what happened to the 4-hour shifts they planned for this trip. But maybe Marc changed it because of what had happened in the garden. Maybe Marc has already answered Kay’s question with his actions.

  
  


The next morning, just after they got to the airport’s Business Class Lounge, it was announced that their flight would be delayed for an hour. Wenzel decided to pleasantly lubricate himself with a complimentary mimosa at 8am. Limpinski looked on with envy, but he’s on duty, so he couldn’t possibly drink. Kay made up a duty-free shopping excuse to leave, so he could make a quick call to Grisha. He wanted to make sure the photos have all been secured.

He was looking for a souvenir gift for the I.T. Director’s secretary in the Duty Free shop when he spotted Marc paying at the cashier.

“Chicago Bulls? Didn’t know you are a basketball fan.” Kay tried to sound as casual as he could. Like they were just old friends catching up, not two sex starved men who has been lip-locking, dry humping and cock grabbing less than 36 hours ago.

Kay looked at the shopping bag in Marc’s hand, it was filled to the brim with Chicago Bulls caps, T-shirts. There was also a large bottle of perfume and some chocolates in it. 

“The Bulls stuff is for Frank. He’s the other partner in the company... he’s the basketball fan.” Marc explained. He seemed reticent. 

Having agonised over Marc’s reaction all day yesterday, Kay’s nerves were still frayed. He could barely maintain a neutral and friendly expression.  _ Please don’t hate me. _

“The flight is delayed for an hour,” Marc suddenly said.

“We heard. They announced it in the club lounge...”

They looked at each other in the middle of the Duty-free shop and suddenly they seemed to have run out of things to say. Kay could sense a nervous energy bouncing between them. 

Seconds stretched. Marc looked at his shopping bag again, as if he would find life’s answers in it. Then his gaze returned to Kay. “Erm. Do you want to have a cup of coffee?” He asked, giving Kay a shy smile for the first time that day.

It was like a fast acting painkiller, the squeezing ache in Kay’s gut began to ease and relax. Maybe he hasn’t completely ruined everything.

Kay nodded. 

They bought two cups of coffee and sat down in a quiet corner in the food court. “Listen... I...” Marc stared into his cup. “About that night...” he grimaced, sounding uncertain. 

Kay’s heart sank. He sat there waiting, feeling empty. Bracing for the killing blow Marc struggled to strike. Because he’s a good guy. Kay felt so sorry for putting Marc in such a state. He didn’t deserve it. Kay knew he should say something, put both of them out of their misery. But the selfish part of him retained that tiny bit of hope... that... perhaps Marc felt the same way about him. That impossible dream...

“I don’t really know what came over me.” Marc finally settled on that.

Kay met his eyes. Marc paused. Then he swallowed another mouthful of coffee. “But it’s not your fault... you were drunk... and... well, I can see your life is complicated... but I don’t know how I -”

“I don’t love Wenzel.” Kay heard himself say. 

Marc’s eyes widened. He stammered. “You don’t?”

_ Is that hope I hear in his voice? _ Kay desperately wanted to believe it.  _ Shit. Stop this nonsense. I am losing my mind. _ Kay pushed away that last warning. “You were right. I... I am only with him because... it’s good for my career.”

Marc blinked. Even though Kay had pretty much implied that before, Marc still seemed surprised by the frank admission.

He glanced around first then reached across the table and covered Kay’s hand with his. Kay knew he should pull away; he knew it’s dangerous but he didn’t have the will to refuse Marc’s touch.

“But you’re so good at your job, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve known. You don’t need to... you know. You don’t need to be with someone for that.” He told Kay eagerly. Kay noticed how Marc had avoided using words like ‘sleeping with your boss’ or ‘for money or career’. No dirty or bad words.

Marc’s hand was still holding his. “You being you is enough.” He said. And later, Kay would wonder if that was the moment he fell in love.

Just before they went back to the business lounge. Marc ran a hand through his hair and said, “I need to tell you something but we can’t do it here... do you want to meet sometime? After we get back?”

“I’d like that, yeah,” Kay answered.

  
  


During the whole flight Kay was in a state of a strange and sweet euphoria. He started to imagine his life after THE PLAN; he began to come up with possible excuses to tell Marc why he couldn’t leave Wenzel now, but how it would only be temporary. He even began to contemplate maybe there was another way to find justice for his father... maybe he didn’t have to maintain a sexual relationship with Wenzel anymore, he has found out a lot now and so close to the truth... although it would be difficult and he didn’t know... 

On and on, going in circles. Kay planned and plotted and allowed himself to dream about a life with Marc in it.

The plane touched down in Stuttgart. And once again, reality returned.

They collected their luggages and proceeded to exit through the customs checkpoint. Kay was reading the text from Joey, telling them he’s waiting outside the Arrival Gate.

“Oh Marc, look! Your fiancée is here.”

Kay heard Limpinski say. He looked up from his mobile.

A woman in a green summer dress with auburn brown hair was walking towards them. Her smile was so wide, it was blinding. Next to him, Kay noticed Marc hastening his steps to meet her halfway.

Kay registered three things at once: 1. She was pretty and petite, just reaching Marc’s shoulders as they hugged. 2. They look like a married couple. 3. Marc didn’t know she was coming.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Kay heard Marc say to the woman. And it wasn’t Kay’s imagination, Marc had snuck a quick glance at him first.

“Frank said you don’t have to work tonight, so I came to take you home.” 

“Yeah, go with Bettina. Mehmut is already here. We are all set.” That was Limpinski.

_ Bettina. _ Kay repeated the name in his mind. Feeling cold all of the sudden in the summer breeze.

There was no time for proper introduction, after a flurry of goodnights and goodbyes. Kay watched Marc get into a cozy and economical looking Golf with his fiancée. 

Wenzel’s arm went around his shoulders. “Kay, come on... we already lost an hour.” He hurried.

He let Wenzel manhandle him into the car, and heard his boss telling Joey to drive directly to the Penthouse. “I told Sofia I am coming back tomorrow, so we can spend another night together,” Wenzel said gleefully, rubbing Kay’s thigh suggestively.

Kay forced himself to keep his body deliberately loose and relaxed, but he felt the exact opposite. He felt devastated. Cheated.

_ Marc has a fiancée. Marc is about to get married.  _

That’s what Marc had been trying to tell him earlier. And Kay had thought.. What? That Marc wanted to ‘date’ him? He could hardly blame Marc for the misunderstanding.  _ I threw myself at him. I gave him a hand job he didn’t ask for. Marc was too polite to turn it down. And men don’t turn down free hand jobs, this much I know.  _ Suddenly Kay wanted to laugh. And cry. He wanted to howl at his own naivety.  _ But why did he have to kiss me back and let me think... _

“... set up a meeting as soon as possible.”

“Hmm....”

“... Kay?” Wenzel took his hand.

“Sorry... what?” Kay fought to concentrate.

Wenzel shook his head. “I said set up a meeting with NordenMed,” he frowned. “Shit. Your hands are freezing... are you not feeling well?” He touched Kay’s forehead.

“Just lack of sleep... you know, me and hotel beds.” He managed to sound merely amused, but his gut felt hollow.

Wenzel grinned. He whispered in Kay’s ear. “Well, let daddy take good care of you tonight.”

Kay mustered a wan smile with all his will. 

  
  


******

It was for the best. That was Kay’s final resolve.

That night, as he stared blindly into the darkness of the room while Wenzel entered him from behind, Kay forced himself to be rational. Gay or straight. Fiancée or no fiancée. It made no difference. It didn’t even matter if Marc was attracted to him in some small way. Because there was no future of any kind between them. Marc was as far away from Kay as another world.

“.... god... you feel so damn good... my sweet Kay...”

Kay closed his eyes. His world was right here. It’s the person fucking him right now. That’s what Kay needed to focus on. Not dreaming to be with Marc, living somewhere else. A new life.

He was not a lover; he only brought enemies to his bed; he’s a destroyer. Marc was a smart man, he knew Kay Engel was bad news. And he’s 100% right.


	11. Like You Could Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An encounter with Rudi Schmitt.  
> Marc asks Kay to go running with him.
> 
> *this chapter contains explicit content

(Marc)

  
  


“How’s Chicago?”

“Why did you come to pick me up when I told you not to?”

Bettina took her eyes off the road for a second and glared at him. “What’s wrong with you? I know you’ll be tired, so I thought I would save you a long drive. Excuse me for caring about my fiancé.” 

Marc knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop the irritation still bubbling in his chest. “I just don’t think it’s appropriate. Not when I am with the clients.” He muttered an excuse.

There had been no time to react. When Marc had spotted Bettina waiting in the arrival hall, she was already walking up to them. 

As Marc got into his car, he didn’t remember saying the goodnights and goodbyes. The last thing he remembered was giving Mehmet a quick briefing for his shift.

And that stunned expression on Kay’s face. Like Marc had slapped him on the face. Marc couldn’t shake the feeling that he had broken the fragile connection he had with Kay’s outside the airport.

_Shit._ This was not how he planned to tell Kay about his engagement. Although if he was honest with himself, he had no idea what that plan was. But not like this.

Oblivious to Marc’s agony, Bettina thought that was a valid excuse. “Sorry, maybe that does seem a bit unprofessional. I won’t do it next time, okay?”

Guilt began to set in. Marc reached over and gave Bettina’s hand a squeeze. 

She beamed. “Anyway, who’s that blond guy next to you? He looks like a model. Is he the famous executive assistant?”

Marc frowned. “How do you know?”

She gave a little chuckle. “Claudia. You know Frank is not the strong and silent type like you. He tells her everything.” Then in a conspiratorial tone, she added, “She also mentioned he is some kind of kept man, living in a luxury penthouse. It’s fascinating. I’ve never met a man like that. It could make a really good feature story.”

_Bloody Frank._

Frustration erupted out of him before he could stop it. “He has a proper job. He’s not a kept man. Why are you running your mouth about other people’s private business? You are a serious journalist.” Words tumbled out of his mouth. Marc instantly regretted it.

Bettina was speechless for a moment, like she couldn’t believe what she’s hearing. “Marc Borgmann, what’s got into you tonight? Are you looking for a fight? What is that guy to you anyway?”

_He’s everything and nothing. He’s the angel and the demon. All at the same time._

“Shit. I am sorry... I am just tired.” Marc shook his head, feeling guilty and depressed. “You know I don’t like gossip. He grew up in a children’s home, okay? So just... don’t.” 

“Really?” Bettina’s voice softened immediately. “God, that’s hard. You’ve read my last feature story? When I did the research, I read so many horror stories in those places.” She shook her head. “It changed them. What those children and teenagers went through.”

Marc had no answer to that. He looked out to the car window, remembering Kay’s sweet smiles and his fiery kisses under the tree. Kay Engel might have changed, but Marc still couldn’t say no to him.

Kay has always brought out feelings Marc couldn’t explain and didn’t understand. 

At first, Marc had dismissed the whole thing as a drunken incident, they had simply got caught up in the moment... Except Marc had been completely sober and he remembered very well every detail of that encounter. 

Too well.

In fact, it was all Marc could think about the following day and night. The sensation of Kay’s tongue inside his mouth, drowning out all Marc’s rational thoughts... and his hands! Kay’s long and nimble fingers and hands rubbing and pulling his cock, applying delicious pressure; those little needy sounds Kay made, like he’s pouring honey in Marc’s ears. He had jerked off in the shower thinking about it. Thinking about doing it again; about doing it to Kay and wondering what it would be like if it’s Kay’s mouth...

If the little peck of kiss had freaked him out 12 years ago, this one has shaken his whole world. Made him questioning some fundamental things about himself. 

_“I don’t love Wenzel.”_

That sentence had no right to make Marc feel so happy. 

  
  


******

  
  


It was the worst time to have two days off. 

Marc walked back into the Medikunft office building the following Monday, hoping to have a chance to talk to Kay alone. But he soon found out that his childhood friend, Kay Engel, has gone; that he’s facing Kay Klossner again. Kay’s whole demeanour has completely changed.

All business. No secret smiles. No warmth.

“We have a meeting with NordenMed this morning at 11, could you please clear and secure the room 20 minutes beforehand? I also want you to do a bug sweeping in the room, just to be safe. This will be a closed-door meeting. No one is allowed to disturb us unless there’s a fire, so please make sure of that,” Kay was looking at his laptop while he listed out all his demands in a cool voice.

“Of course,” Marc replied. Equally formal. He watched Kay walk back into his own office. Marc followed and closed the door. 

Kay looked up. He frowned like he just found a stray cat in his house. “Do you need something else?”

_Fuck. He’s going to make this difficult._ “Kay, I mean what I said at the airport... if you want to meet -“

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Wait...” Marc stopped. He wasn’t even surprised, but the swift rejection still hit him like a physical blow.

Kay put down his laptop and crossed his arms over his chest. Waiting. 

Marc tried to read that aloof facade Kay put on. He had seen that side of him before. The ruthlessly efficient Kay Klossner on the first day, with his impeccable suit, clean nails and sandalwood scent smelling skin. He mourned the loss of that t-shirt and jogger wearing, uncomplicated Kay Engel...

“I know I should have told you... about my engagement when you asked if I am married. I was going to, especially after that night in the garden.” Marc swallowed, trying to get to his point. “We should meet and talk... you can still talk to me.”

“You didn’t think your marital status is relevant,” Kay said it like he was reading some test results. “And you were right. It doesn’t.” He smiled. “So? Have you set a date for the big day yet?”

The question hung in the air like icicles. 

Feeling helpless, Marc gave a short and curt answer, “Not yet.”

“All the same, congratulations.” Kay nodded politely.

Marc didn’t have the heart to say thank you.

Kay shrugged. “I think it’s best if we forget about what happened in the garden.” He sounded gentle but firm. Like he’s coaxing a child to do something. “It’s my fault. I got drunk and took advantage of you.” Kay’s eyes locked with his. Marc thought he saw hurt and regrets in them, but more importantly, defiance. “If you want to tell Wenzel about it, I’ll understand...”

“Kay!” Now he didn’t care if Kay pushed him away, Marc grabbed both of his shoulders. “I won’t tell anyone. Jesus... I thought...” Mindful of the colleagues outside, he lowered his voice, “I thought you want to leave Wenzel Wolff.”

Kay blinked. His head turned to the side, staring at Marc’s hand on his shoulder. “I am not leaving Wenzel.”

Marc sighed heavily. “I know you are mad at me because you think I lied to you. But I am not lying when I say you shouldn’t have to be with someone you don’t love, just for...”

“For money. For my job. You can’t even say it because you think it’s disgusting. Yeah, I fuck him for all those things.” Kay’s expression became closed-off at last. He had heard enough. “I appreciate your concern, but I told you I am not a victim. I want to be with Wenzel. It’s my choice. If you don’t like it. It’s your problem.”

  
  
  


The closed-door meeting with NordenMed lasted only half an hour. 

Marc was guarding outside the meeting room. He heard sounds of a commotion, but since no one pressed the emergency button inside, he stayed put, just standing by. After that, it was pin drop quiet. Then two minutes later, the door was suddenly pulled wide open from inside. Rudi Schmitt from NordenMed stormed out. He had come to the meeting by himself today. 

“Rudi! Don’t forget I need your answer by the end of today,” Wenzel shouted gleefully from inside the room. 

Marc looked in and saw Kay rubbing his neck. 

He went inside.

“Are you hurt? Let me look.” Wenzel tilted Kay’s head back to examine a bruise on his neck. “That old bastard.”

“I am fine.” Kay flinched from the touch. The skin there was obviously tender. 

Marc stepped closer. There’s a bit of blood on it. Scratches. From fingernails. “You’re bleeding.” He said to Kay directly. 

“Huh?” Kay seemed shellshocked. He examined the blood smear on his hand like he didn’t know how it had gotten there.

Heine Weiss stood up from his chair. He snorted. “Well, I have to say, I enjoyed the spectacle. What the hell is in that envelope your fuck-boy gave to Schmitt? He looked like he wanted to kill him.”

Marc was chagrined, now he knew what the commotion was about. He interrupted, “Why didn’t you press the emergency button to alert me? Things could have gone out of hand.”

_Kay could have gotten seriously hurt. You assholes!_

Wenzel made a dismissive scoff, “I can handle Rudi Schmitt.” He ignored Marc’s complaint.

“So what’s in that envelope?” Like a dog with a bone, Heine Weiss wouldn’t let it go. He looked between Wenzel and Kay suspiciously. 

“Something Schmitt would rather die than having it made public...”

“Which is....?” Weiss persisted.

“Well...”

“Wenzel!” Kay’s voice was hoarse; he made an uneasy glance at his boss.

Wenzel laughed nastily. “Okay, okay. I know I’ve promised.” He turned to Weiss. “All you need to know is that I can guarantee NordenMed will drop the patent case. They won’t be a problem anymore.”

Heine Weiss tried to hide his surprise; he didn’t look convinced either. But he said nothing and sat back down.

Marc hadn’t wasted his days off, taking Kay’s suggestion, he had done some research on NordenMed and Rudi Schmitt. From what Marc had learned, NordenMed were suing Medikunft for a patent violation in the new drug. Heine Weiss had been tasked to handle the case, when he couldn’t settle it with NordenMed. The CEO brought in Wenzel to help with the negotiation. Everyone knew the NordenMed case was a contest between Wolff and Weiss, with the CEO title being the prize.

And now Wenzel Wolff seemed to have won. Thanks to Kay.

“Marc? Can you take Kay to the First Aid room? It's at the end of the hall on the floor below,” Wenzel said.

For reasons unknown to Marc, Kay looked reluctant to leave Wenzel and Heine Weiss alone in the room.

“Kay? Go on. Heine and I can handle the rest.”

Kay closed his laptop but left it on the meeting table, then he followed Marc to the First Aid room. He hasn’t said a word since they left the meeting. 

Marc sat him down on a chair, then went to gather antiseptic wipes and gauze bandage from the medical cabinet. “It’s going to sting a little,” he warned and began to dab and clean the blood on Kay’s neck. 

“What happened?” He asked.

Kay blinked hard, nostrils flared. But he didn’t answer.

“Why did Rudi Schmitt attack you?” He tried again.

“It’s over. I don’t want to talk about it,” Kay finally said. 

Marc nodded. He finished dressing the small wounds and put some ointment on for the bruises. He didn’t need Kay to tell him, he could tell from the pattern of the bruise that Rudi Schmitt had squeezed Kay’s neck tight in anger and his fingernails scratched his skin when Wenzel pulled him away.

“You found dirt on Schmitt. For Wenzel,” Marc said as a statement. 

After a beat, Kay’s red rimmed eyes met his. He bit his lower lip. “He looked so sad and so scared. I hurt this old man, even though he has never done anything to me.”

_Then why did you do it?_ Marc wanted to ask. He didn’t believe for a minute that Kay did it just to keep his job. This was way beyond what was required.

“Why is Wenzel Wolff so important to you?”

Kay sighed heavily, like he’s tired of explaining. “I told you. I want to be with him. The apartment. The clothes. The money.”

That’s the biggest pile of lies Marc has ever heard. Marc felt there was something bigger, something else was hidden behind Kay’s relationship with Wenzel. And now he wouldn’t find out the reason because Kay didn’t trust him anymore. 

The decision came out of his mouth before his brain had time to register it - “Meet me this Saturday. Wenzel plays golf in the afternoon, right? He wouldn’t call or need you.”

Kay flushed. He eyed Marc for a few seconds. Uncertainty and hope were having a big fight in those pools of blue. Marc could tell he wanted to say no but something was holding him back.

“We can go running in the woods. Like old times?” Marc suggested. Bringing out the big gun.

When Kay didn’t voice his objection, Marc smiled and said, “Let’s meet at our old spot at 2pm. You remember where it is?”

After a few seconds. Kay finally nodded.

  
  


******

_This is madness._

Marc registered the magnitude of the situation he has put himself in as he looked up at the grey and darkened sky.

“You want to go running in this weather?” Bettina had asked him as he got into the Golf. 

“It will clear up by the time I get there. I need the fresh air and the exercise. Too much standing around in this job.”

The first lie came easier than he had imagined. Marc navigated the weekend traffic as small drops of rain started splattering on the windshield. Kay didn’t call to cancel, so he wasn’t going to let his friend change his mind.

_I am just going to talk some sense into him. Marc told himself._ But even his hammering heart and shaking hands were contesting the lie throughout the whole car journey. Deep down he knew. He knew what this meeting might turn out to be. The significance. The ramifications.

There was a forest green coloured Jeep Cherokee parked in front when Marc got to their old spot.

He watched through the windshield as Kay got out of his Jeep. He had a black hoodie on and black short joggers. The sky was grey and it was still drizzling. Kay put the hood on and waited by the side of his car.

Marc took a deep breath and got out.

“Hey,” he greeted Kay.

Kay looked at him from under the hood. He flashed Marc a soft smile. “Nice weather.”

To Marc, it was like the sun had come out. He smiled back. “Perfect for running.”

Kay scoffed and laughed. Genuine laughter. The best sound in the world.

Kay did a few warm-up stretches on the spot then started to run on the muddy trail at a slow pace. Marc put his hood on and followed just a few steps behind.

They ran further into the forest, where it was denser with trees and the air was cooler. Kay turned around, running backward and shouted, “are you keeping up, old man?”

Marc increased his speed, catching up. He kicked the back of Kay’s ankle with his foot and ran ahead of Kay. “Who are you calling an old man now?”

Kay grinned and picked up his speed again. After that, they ran alongside each other on the deserted trail, dredging and splattering dirt on their legs and running shoes. 

They made no attempt to make small talk. For more than half an hour, there were no death threats; there was no Wenzel Wolff, no fiancée between them. Just two good friends breathing in fresh air, with rain hitting their faces and a spring in their steps.

They ran back to their starting point. When their cars were barely in sight, the rain suddenly turned into a heavy downpour.

“Shit!” Kay cursed. 

“Come on,” Marc nudged him with his shoulder. “Let’s hurry up.”

By the time they reached their cars, they were both soaked to the bone. “I have some towels in my car.” Kay said. They got into the roomy back seat of the Jeep.

Kay put a few towels on the seats and handed over another one to Marc. They took off their running shoes and hoodies and proceeded to dry their body and hair as much as they could.

Kay was rubbing his hair with a grey plush towel, his black t-shirt was still wet. He shivered a little. A rush of affection came over Marc; he leaned over and wrapped his towel around him. 

Kay stilled; he peered up at Marc from under his towel. His pale blue eyes were gentle and emotional. At that moment, he looked heartbreakingly vulnerable. 

Marc’s hand involuntarily moved upward; he brushed Kay’s cheek with his thumb. One. Two. Three times. Kay tilted his face and leaned into the touches, a small sigh escaped from his mouth. 

“I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,” Kay hesitated. Silence stretched before he said quietly, “Like you could love me.”

It was the bleakness in his voice that finally broke Marc’s last defense. He closed the small distance between them and pressed his lips against Kay’s. 

A moment of breathless stillness. Kay was stunned, he didn’t move but he didn’t pull away. Marc’s thumb was still rubbing against Kay’s cheek, his tongue began to probe for entry, licking and coaxing. Kay’s breath hitched before he opened his mouth. Marc dived in. 

Kay’s wiry arms wrap around Marc, pulling him in; his soft and hungry lips slid over Marc’s. Wet and open-mouthed, their kiss deepened to luscious sensuality, morphed into an urgent quest to devour one another with kisses and touches. Marc pulled away finally to catch a breath; he marvelled at the sight before him. Kay’s beautiful eyes flutter opened, a thin string of saliva still connecting their lips. 

Marc met his steady gaze as Kay peeled off his soaked T-shirt, then he reached over and took off Marc’s. The blazing touch of Kay’s hands on his bare skin obliterated the last warning and common sense in Marc’s brain.

Kay began to trace Marc’s ear with his tongue, then lower and lower, he kissed his way across his chest. Marc heard a pop sound and felt the backseats recline to a flat position. Kay didn’t even miss a beat, he was lapping and kissing Marc’s tight abs.

Marc’s senses were under assault. The scent of Kay’s skin, a mix of rain, pine tree and earthy mud; his skin felt like fire and ice under Marc’s hands. Like a spring awakening, stirring up a primal urge and a hidden desire in Marc, making him bold and audacious.

Marc latched his hand to the back of Kay’s neck and pulled him up, so they were lying down chest to chest. He leaned in and whispered against Kay’s lips, “I want you.”

The response from Kay was instantaneous. He made a sound close to a whimper, he buried his face in Marc’s neck while he pulled down his own joggers and underwear. Marc didn’t need instructions and followed. The first meeting of their cocks lit up Marc’s senses, Kay twisted his body and ground, the friction sparked an electric current running through him. 

“Oh god...” Marc couldn’t help it.

Their legs were too long for the car seats. Kay bent his knee and half crouched down between the front and backseats. His mouth now inches close to Marc’s engorged cock. So hard, Marc was afraid one touch and he would go.

Kay’s mouth closed around the top of his cock, Marc nearly sat up and hit his head. “Shit... slowly... baby, slowly...” 

Kay seemed to like the endearment. He released it then licked the head with his tongue. Slowly... like licking a lollipop. Marc could feel the smile around the corner of his mouth. He looked up and met Marc’s eyes before diving in again, kissing and putting the cock head into his mouth. Marc dropped his hand beneath Kay’s chin, cupping his face. Kay opened wider and took more of Marc in. Marc traced his finger over Kay’s upper lips, feeling the way it stretched around his cock. It was the most erotic thing Marc has ever seen.

Kay’s eyes were closed, he let out a little moan which went straight to Marc’s groin. His lips stretched wide and he gave a firm, measured suck. Then another and another. Until he found the perfect rhythm. His head bobbing up and down, his nose touching Marc’s pubic hair, like he was teasing him. Marc rested his hand on the back of Kay’s neck, massaging and squeezing. Marc’s own breath came in shocked gasps, every time Kay sucked harder or changed angle. 

“I am sorry, baby... but I want to...” Marc made a desperate plea. Kay made his consent known with another sweep of his tongue. Marc’s hand held tight on Kay’s shoulders; he began to thrust his hips, pushing himself into Kay’s willing mouth. 

Coherent words have completely fled his brain. All that’s left was a series of unintelligible grunts and moans. He was so close, so close... he could feel it. But even through this haze of lust, Marc didn’t just want to find release. He wanted to see Kay, wanted to feel more of him.

“Wait... baby... wait...”

It took a few moments before Kay looked up at him and released his cock from his mouth. His lips were swollen and red, his eyes glazed with desire, like sex itself. 

“Come here... “ Marc tugged him up and got on top of him. He could feel Kay’s hard cock poking against his stomach. His own cock was so hard, he’s one touch away from going off.

He kissed Kay again. They began to grind against each other. Marc saw Kay’s hand reaching for his own cock, but Marc got there first. He was touching another man’s cock for the first time; he’s giving a hand job for the first time. 

Their mouths met again in another blistering kiss. There were those needy little noises coming from Kay again. Marc’s hand pulled faster and harder. 

“Arghh... Marc....” Kay sounded like he was being strangled. He blindly reached for Marc’s cock in a frenzy. And one pull was all it took. 

They both let out a loud groan and came at the same time. Their cum pooling between their stomach, between their legs. Waves and waves of previously unknown pleasure swept through Marc, as he came down from the highest summit.

Marc could hear the sound of rain splattering outside, all the car windows have fogged up. They stayed inside the car, holding on to each other, not moving yet. Kay’s heart thumped messily against his own. And Marc knew whatever this was, whether he understood it or not, he didn’t want to lose Kay Engel again.

  
  



	12. The Double Life of Kay Engel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay and Marc carry on their affair  
> Kay finds the final piece of puzzle  
> Marc finds Kay doing something illegal
> 
> This chapter is in both Kay and Marc’s POV, as indicated by ( )
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤️

(Kay)

  
  


It was so quiet. The rain has finally stopped. 

Kay reached up and ran a finger on the fogged up window. He drew a little heart on it. It disappeared without a trace in a couple of seconds.

There was a pleasant heaviness on his thigh where Marc’s hand was rubbing and stroking in a hypnotic rhythm. Kay didn’t want to move from their positions, didn’t want to go back to the real world.

“Tell me about Trier,” Marc suddenly asked.

Kay thought for a moment. Where to begin? His Oma’s Apfelkuchen, the red foxes in the forest nearby, Kay’s first kiss with a boy in school behind the gym, that fateful car journey to the shopping mall because Kay needed new running shoes, the sound of cars skidding and colliding, waking up in the hospital, finding out he was completely alone in the world... before Torsten Brandt appeared.

“I thought about calling you.” Kay said. 

Marc’s hand stopped. “When?”

“When they first put me in the children’s home. I didn’t know anyone. No one was visiting me... I still knew your phone number by heart. I spent nights wondering if it’s the same number, if you still  remember me.”

Kay also remembered wanting to cry but stopping himself because it was useless, nobody would come to comfort him, except Brother Peter, who told Kay to go to his room if he couldn’t sleep... but Kay wasn’t stupid.

Marc held him tighter. “I remember you. I am sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

Kay shook his head. “You were 18, what could you do?”

Marc had no answer for that. 

This had bad idea written all over it, if they carried on, which Kay knew they would, Kay’s plan could get derailed or exposed. He could only imagine the lies Marc has been telling his fiancée, who was probably busy trying out wedding cakes and writing guest lists. 

They have both been reckless. 

Marc desired him. Kay knew this. Marc even cared about him. But how far could this go?

“I could have been there for you. Talk to you. I wish you had called me.” Marc kissed the side of Kay’s head as comfort. It was 12 years too late but Kay already knew he would take any scraps of affection from Marc.

They got dressed in silence, but the tenderness still lingered. Marc’s T-shirt was only half dry, he sniffed it and made a funny face. That unguarded happiness on his face made Kay’s stomach flutter. If he could only get a fraction of Marc’s heart, it would still be bigger than anything Kay has ever had.

Before he opened the car door, Marc licked his lips and asked, “Alles klar?”

Kay wondered if he’s worried about how he measured up to Wenzel or other previous lovers Kay had... The uncertainty in his eyes at odds with his usual confidence; it tugged at Kay’s heart.

“It was perfect.” He kissed Marc on the lips.

Marc flashed him a shy grin as they pulled away. “Do you want to run again next week?”

They had avoided all the bitter pill questions today, as if they were having a truce without ever having fought. Maybe they both knew nothing could be done about them. Kay would still be with Wenzel; Marc was still engaged.

A small step into a possible future. Or a small step on the road to heartbreak. Kay was afraid to find out. But it was already too late for him. When Marc said  _ “I want you.”  _ The die is cast. And Kay wanted to give himself to him, even if only within the confines of the forest.

Kay nodded. “Same time next week.”

  
  


******

“Go on. Open it.” Wenzel wrapped his arms around his waist.

Kay unwrapped the iconic Tiffany blue box. 

Like they had predicted, NordenMed have officially withdrawn the patent violation lawsuit a week after the meeting. Christoph Forst opened a bottle of champagne in his office to announce the good news to the Board, now they could all focus on getting the final stage approval and launch of the new drug. 

This has put Wenzel in a triumphant mood all week. As a reward, he bought a gold chain from Tiffany & Co for Kay.

It was very pretty and unnecessarily expensive. “I love it. Thank you,” Kay said softly, playing the twink to his sugar daddy.

“Keep this chain on but nothing else. Wait for me in bed.” He whispered in Kay’s ear as he put the gold chain around his neck from behind, his semi hard cock pressing against Kay’s buttocks through layers of fabric, giving him a clear idea what’s in store later.

Kay briefly fantasised hitting Wenzel with a hard elbow strike and tell him to fuck off with his watches and jewellery. But he couldn’t. Not yet. Not after listening to the recording he had gotten from that meeting room.

That day before he left with Marc to the First Aid room, Kay had activated the listening device on his laptop and left it in the room.

It was a shot in the dark. He had no idea what to expect. Except that he knew Wenzel liked to gloat, to show off; he couldn’t help it. And that he owed Heine Weiss a big favour from years ago, before the two had a fallout.

Turned out that big favour was Guntram Engel - Kay’s father.

The recorded conversation started with more gloating and bragging from Wenzel; he had also gone back on his promise to Kay by telling Heine Weiss the nature of the photograph they used to blackmail Rudi Schmitt. The two directors had shared a laugh at the old man’s expense, like two ageing frat boys. Then eventually Wenzel stepped over the line and told Heine Weiss to appreciate what he already had, that when Wenzel became the next CEO, maybe he would give him a bonus for old times’ sake.

_ Wenzel: “I told you I will look after you, old friend.” _

_ Heine: “You are one lucky son of a bitch, I’ll give you that. I took care of that legal case for you 12 years ago. And now you have this fuck-toy to take care of Rudi Schmitt for you.” _

_ Wenzel: “Kay will do anything for me.” _

_ Heine snorted: “You’re delusional if you think this whore is not after your money. Sure, he will bend over for you anytime, but I bet he can’t do what I did for you.” _

_ Wenzel: “I never asked you to! You made that decision all on your own. I asked you to get the evidence and you went all crazy.” _

_ Heine: “Just admit you didn’t have the gut to do what needed to be done.” _

Even in private, unaware of being listened in, the two directors were careful to never mention Kay’s father’s name or exactly what Heine Weiss had done. The conversation was of no use in court. But to Kay, it was loud and clear what these two were talking about: Heine Weiss had murdered his parents under the order from Wenzel Wolff. 

So there it was. Torsten’s suspicion was right; Kay was right. His parents hadn’t killed themselves because of shame and his father facing prison. They had been murdered. 

This was the final piece of puzzle Kay had been looking for. Who’s behind it. Who did the deed.

As Kay undressed in the bedroom and lay down on the King sized bed to wait for Wenzel, his mind was busy revising his old fantasy: instead of stabbing Wenzel in the back, Kay would put a gun to Wenzel’s head; Wenzel would cry and beg and shift the blame to Heine Weiss, because he was a coward. Then Kay would force him to stick a knife into Heine Weiss. And only then, will Kay finally pull the trigger and put Wenzel Wolff out of his misery.

Now he just needed to find the evidence to clear his father’s name and make these two pay. And he knew where to start.

  
  


******

Kay understands the art of leading a double life is compartmentalisation: two different selves who act in diametrically opposed ways. Lying becomes a way of life.

He’s been living this duality for more than a year now. He was Kay Klossner to everyone; Kay Engel only to his friend Grisha. But now, he had a third one - he was Kay Engel with a big secret when he’s alone with Marc.

Their Saturday afternoon rendezvous in the forest continued without a breath of hesitation for the next two weeks. Rain or shine, they would arrive at the meeting point on time. The initial awkwardness would dissipate after the first 10 minutes, as they reached for each other and stopped pretending they were here to run.

Passion and fervour were keeping doubt and guilt at bay. They did little running and lots of kissing. And touching. Lots and lots of touching. On bare skin or body parts covered in layers of clothing. They kissed under the tree, lying down on rough ground, on top of fallen tree trunks...

By the time they ran back to Kay’s Jeep, they would be so riled up, clothes and joggers would be peeled off from their body with force, discarded without a care. Marc, like a man possessed, would claim Kay’s mouth hungrily again, hands reaching for every part of Kay’s body. They would spend hours in the car, exploring each other’s body thoroughly with their hands and mouths, like an exploration. They would bring each other to the brink, before retreating because they didn’t want it to be over too soon, then went at it again. Pulling and pushing until they couldn’t stand it another millisecond, reaching their climax with each other’s name in their mouth...

Much to Kay’s surprise, Marc wasn’t hung up about giving hand jobs or having another man’s cock in his mouth. He was inexperienced or had no experience at all, Kay could tell, but Marc wasn’t shy, he took Kay’s lead and did everything without a touch of reticence. 

Kay had thought he knew sex. He was good at it - sex between men. But what he was doing with Marc was not the same thing. Kay might be an expert on the technical and physical sides, but he’s a novice on the emotional side. 

_ He wants to make me happy. _ Kay marvelled at this realisation like it was a great new discovery.

There was, however, a line that they haven’t crossed. They haven’t had intercourse. Which in itself was no big deal, not every gay man is into anal sex, whether in active or passive role. 

But Kay thought it was because of something else.

One time Marc was on top of him on the flattened back seats, sucking on Kay’s nipples one at a time, planting maddening tiny bites and kisses all over his chest, his cock heavy on Kay’ groin area, it was driving Kay crazy with wants. He slid down a little, hooked both legs behind Marc’s waist, so his ass cheeks were touching Marc’s cock. They ground against each other frantically, looking for frictions, the sound of their moans and heavy breathing fuelling the heat. And every time Marc pushed down, the head of his cock would lodge on the entrance of Kay’s asshole, a breath away from breaching it. 

Kay was so close to say ‘fuck it’ and ask Marc to do it. To fuck him. He wanted Marc to be inside of him, to be a part of him; he wanted Marc to fuck him so hard that he would ruin Kay for anyone else, because Kay didn’t want anyone else.

But it was as though they had reached a silent agreement by telepathy, they both suddenly pulled back. In the end, Marc decided to use his hand to bring both of them to climax.

Kay knew why he stopped. The act reminded him too much of what he was doing with Wenzel. Maybe it was silly to think that it would make any difference, but it was Kay’s tiny way to keep his double life from colliding; he didn’t want his dirty business bled over to what he had with Marc.

He didn’t know why Marc pulled back, maybe it was too intimidating for him; or maybe he was thinking of the last person who had fucked that ass and lost interest...

The ghost between them. The man who must not be named. 

Until this Saturday. 

Marc’s fingers were tracing the vertebral column on his back gently as Kay sat up and began to look for his t-shirt from under the seats. “I hate it when I think of his hands on you, touching you...” Marc said to Kay’s back. There was no need to say the name.

Kay turned around to look at him. 

Marc met his gaze head on. Kay could see the many questions Marc wanted to ask but were afraid to hear the answers. His hand on Kay’s back moved up to his shoulder, squeezing.

“If I ask you to leave him, would you?”

“If I ask you to leave your fiancée, would you?” Kay countered quietly.

Marc grimaced and looked away.

_ That’s what I thought.  _ Kay thought bitterly. It was unfair to Marc, of course. Because he was in no position to demand anything from Marc; he didn’t know if he could give Marc happiness beyond the limit of the forest. Why completely ruin Marc’s life when he might not even be around to pick up the pieces?

The stalemate cast a dark cloud over them, but Kay knew this was better than the alternative. 

  
  


******

(Marc)

  
  


Marc watched Kay holding Wenzel Wolff’s suit jacket and briefcase like a dutiful secretary. He was nodding as Wenzel rattled off a to-do-list for him; his expression was bland and professional. 

There was no kiss goodbye because Mrs Wolff was sitting in the car. The Wolffs were going to their country house for a 4-day-weekend. It was Sofia Wolff’s birthday party. Limpinski and Mehmet jumped on the chance for the weekend gig in the idyllic lakeside, they were already there clearing the giant mansion. Marc would escort the Wolffs to the countryside then return to the city by himself.

Kay ducked into the car and said to Sofia Wolff, “the chefs and caterers will be there tomorrow at 8am, Joey has all the details. And happy birthday.”

“Thanks Kay. I trust your organisational skills. I wish you could join us,” Sofia said politely. Marc couldn’t tell if she was playing some sick game or she really had no clue about her husband’s affair.

“Kay’s busy,” Wenzel said quickly, obviously wanting to cut short his wife’s interaction with his ‘paramour’. “Let’s go.” He got into the car.

“Enjoy the party,” Kay said to Wenzel. He gave Marc a brief glance before he left the car park; he didn’t look upset at all about not being invited to the birthday party. 

Marc contemplated their next run in the forest, maybe they could spend more time together this week. _In two days’ time._ He felt a fraction more relaxed as Joey started the car.

  
  


Wenzel Wolff hasn’t received any death threats in the post for a while now. Both Marc and Frank were now convinced that NordenMed or Rudi Schmitt was behind the death threat. And the current development could well mean the end of it. Because Rudi Schmitt has just lost all his cards.

Marc’s security company only had less than a month left on their protection contract. Frank was eager to get other business from Medikunft, so they had made a proposal to the CEO for a security review for their office. To identify both internal and external security flaws and to make recommendations. They have just gotten the go-ahead.

That evening when Marc got back from the country house, he and Frank decided to go to the Medikunft office after hours to do an initial inspection. This way, no staff would be alerted.

“Claudia said you’ve taken up running every Saturday, she told me to remind you of the barbecue party this weekend, in case you forget and run off to the forest.” Frank laughed.

Marc had completely forgotten about the barbecue party. He was so looking forward to Saturdays these days... shit... he needed to tell Kay. He wondered if they could run on Sunday instead, he knew Wenzel didn’t go to the Penthouse on weekends, but Marc had no idea how Kay spent his weekends, apart from their ‘date’ on Saturday... he had no idea if Kay had other friends...

“Marc?”

“Huh?”

“The party this Saturday.” Frank raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, sure, sure.” Marc muttered.

Frank watched him for a moment. “You know Bettina thinks you are having cold feet.”

That finally got Marc’s attention. “What?”

“She said you seemed uninterested in picking a date for the wedding and the rest of it.” Frank shrugged. “I told her it’s normal. Guys don’t want to get involved in wedding details. That if she picks a date, you’d probably go along.” He looked at Marc, his tone getting more serious now, “Am I right to tell her that? You aren’t getting cold feet, are you?”

His first instinct was to tell Frank to mind his own business, that he and his wife were too nosy. But he thought better of it and swallowed his annoyance. Frank was on his side. He was just worried.

Marc opened his mouth and closed it again. There was that strange urge again. The urge to come clean to his business partner, his best friend. 

Like when he had asked Kay if he would leave Wenzel and Kay had retorted with “If I ask you to leave your fiancée, would you?”... the same strange urge had come over him, for one insane second, Marc had wanted to say yes.

That was just his dick talking. Marc decided. It was crazy talk.

Frank was still watching him. 

“You know how impossibly boring all those things are? Come on, the cake? The flower arrangement?” Marc gave him a long suffering look.

Frank barked out a laugh, echoing in the underground car-park. “I went through the same thing. I feel you, my friend.” He shook his head and put his arm around Marc. “Let’s focus on growing our business instead! I’ll take the boardroom and executive floors. Why don’t you go to R&D and I.T. floors? Don’t forget the one-time entry code to the I.T. server room. They change that code every day.”

So Marc carried his notepad and camera and went up to the floor where the data server room was located. This was a restricted area, only accessible by a handful of I.T. and executive staff. Like Frank said, the entry code changed every day and all entries were logged and recorded.

The whole floor was deserted and very quiet in the hallway, but once Marc stepped into the server room, it was completely different.

That’s why at first Marc couldn’t tell someone else was in the server room, but as he walked further in, among all the fans and air-con units humming and the whirring and buzzing from the computer machines, there were some distinct fast typing sounds in the middle of it.

Marc wasn’t carrying his gun tonight because this was an inspection task, not a protection detail. He patted his side pocket and took out his trusted Swiss army knife. 

The typing sound was coming from further down in the server room. A separate area, according to the floor plan, with machines marked ‘I.T. Director Access only’

Marc was mindful of his steps, he listened for the continuous typing sound. Even from 10 feet away, he could see the light coming from a computer monitor. Someone was accessing something from a highly confidential server.

Marc proceeded slowly, holding his Swiss army knife, avoiding the area where he might cast a shadow and alert the perpetrator. The person had his back facing Marc, he was still typing very fast and completely unaware of Marc’s presence.

When Marc finally had a good look, he took an audible inhalation.

“What the hell are you doing here, Kay?”


	13. Criminal Minds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay gets caught by Marc and the aftermath.
> 
> This chapter has both Marc and Kay’s POV, as indicated by ( )
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤️

(Marc) 

  
  


The typing has stopped but Kay didn’t turn around. 

“Kay.” Marc said again. Louder this time.

After another second, Kay finally turned to face him. He was dressed in black hoodie and black jeans, his golden hair the only reflective colour on him. He had a peculiar expression on his face. It was like Marc was being dumped into a twilight zone in the future with all the strange computers around and a person who looked like Kay but didn’t act like Kay...

“Marc? Why are you here so late?” Kay finally spoke. The deflecting question threw Marc off for a brief moment, but mainly because he wasn’t expecting it. Marc used to be a cop. A KriPo cop. He had interviewed witnesses and criminals all day long. He knew when the interviewee didn’t want to answer a question. Kay didn’t sound nervous, he sounded more... distracted. And Marc knew it was also a tactic. Kay was buying time while his brain was trying to work out an explanation. A lie. 

“This is a restricted area, why are YOU here?” Marc said, hardened his voice, while inside he was screaming.

“Wenzel asked me to look for some old reports relating to the new drug trial -“

“Wenzel Wolff doesn’t have access to these computers, they are only for the I.T. Director and the CEO.”

Kay did a French shrug. “What do I know? I got the code from Wenzel. Maybe Christoph gave it to him. You know they both aren’t the most security minded people.“

“What were you looking for in there?” Marc glanced at the monitor. It was just a bunch of file names he didn’t understand. 

“Previous tests data.”

“Why are you accessing them at this hour if you are authorised to do it?”

Kay moved away from the monitor and leaned back against a concrete column in the room. He lowered his eyes, then shook his head. “The thing is, Wenzel didn’t want others to know. These are sensitive data. I am just doing what he asked me to.”

Marc watched him carefully. “So, if I call Wenzel Wolff now, he’s going to verify this?”

There was a glint in Kay’s eyes that Marc had never seen before. Not  _ his Kay _ . Kay held his head high, arms folding over his chest. “Sure, call him. Do whatever you need to do your job.” He said smoothly.

_ He knows. He knows I wouldn’t do that to him. _ _ Not until I hear his explanation. Possibly another lie. _ Marc thought, feeling impotent and defeated. Because Kay was right. 

Marc only had two choices: 1. report the security breach to Wenzel Wolff and Christoph Forst and hand Kay over to them. 2. Cover it up for Kay and then get the truth of him before deciding the next step.

And Kay knew Marc wouldn’t pick option 1. If Kay was doing something bad behind Wenzel’s back and Marc exposed him, he didn’t know what Wenzel would do to Kay. And Marc simply couldn’t live with that kind of consequences...

This grim realisation paralysed him with hurt and simmering anxiety. He looked at Kay’s defiant expression, another dark thought entered his mind:  _ Is Kay sleeping with me for this? No... no...  _

Once that idea entered Marc’s mind, it became relentless. “Don’t play games with me...”

“Marc, I already told you -“

“Stop lying to me!” Marc roared. His whole body was shaking, he felt his throat closing up, waves of emotion crashing onto him. “Just stop!” He didn’t care who might hear them.

“Shit.” In a flash, Kay was pulling him into his arms. “Shit... I am sorry, I didn’t mean to put you in such a position... fuck. I am so sorry.”

Only when Kay’s fingers brushed against his cheek did Marc realise he was crying. Tears of anger, tears of frustration... of heartbreak.

Marc sniffled. His forehead nuzzled between Kay’s neck and shoulder. Kay kept rubbing his back.

“Fuck...” Marc murmured against Kay’s ear. “Please tell me it’s not true.”

Kay’s body stiffened. “What’s not true?”

“That you seduced me to - “

Kay pulled away and looked at him. “You think I -“ The hurt in his eyes looked genuine. Or Marc hoped it was genuine. But he couldn’t be certain now, could he?

Kay’s eyes narrowed. “You think I sleep with you to gain access to this room? I didn’t even know you have access to this!”

Rationally, Marc knew this was true. But at that moment, with his mind racing, he couldn’t be sure. What did he know? He couldn’t be sure of anything about Kay now. 

The confusion and uncertainty made Marc lose his temper. “But this is your M.O., isn’t? You like to sleep your way to your goals.” Cruel words came out of his mouth. Words that he couldn’t take back.

“You don’t know me,” Kay spat.

Kay’s anger was just what Marc was needed; he doubled down on the insult. “You know what? You’re exactly right. What do I really know about you? The new Kay Engel. Except that you’re incredibly driven. You sleep with your boss, you lie, you dig up dirt on business rivals, you use people. You use  _ me _ .”

“Guilty on all charges.” Kay said quietly. Marc had heard that bleakness in his voice before.

The uncontested admission speared through Marc’s heart but it also hardened his resolve. He wiped his face with his sleeves and cleared his throat. Time for him to man up.

“Give me the thumb drive in your pocket,” Marc said. He felt like he was speaking under water. 

Kay looked up at him. For the first time tonight, he actually looked scared.

Marc snorted. “You think you are so clever that I didn’t notice it?” He had seen Kay pull the USB drive out discreetly before he turned around.

Kay looked at him, biting his bottom lip. His eyes full of misery, tears gathering.

_ Don’t fall for it. _ Marc told himself.

Kay handed over the thumb drive. Marc felt like a piece of shit but he walked up to Kay and patted him down, checking all the pockets until he’s sure there were no other thumb drives.

Kay stood there. Hands on his side. Not moving. Not even breathing. Tears were gathering but not falling. For a second, Marc wasn’t sure if he could go through with it.

“You have until next Monday to give me a reason why I shouldn’t report you. Or I will personally hand you over to Medikunft,” he said. “Or the police.” Marc laid out his condition in a flat voice. Bitterness tasted sharp and metallic in his mouth. His heart beating wildly in his throat, knowing he has just signed a death warrant to their affair.

The silence stretched, as if they were both shocked by what had been said. 

He saw a flicker of something unidentifiable in Kay’s eyes but he said nothing. Then like he was on automatic pilot, he walked past Marc and headed for the door.

  
  


******

(Kay)

  
  


He was barely aware of how he got out of the office building, what he did to distract the guard so he wouldn’t notice Kay didn’t scan his employee card. Or how he drove home, but somehow it all happened and he’s finally home.

It was just before midnight. Kay went straight to the wine cabinet and randomly extracted a bottle from Wenzel’s collection of expensive red wines. He didn’t bother with a wine glass, he tipped his head and downed the deep red liquid straight from the bottle. His throat worked hard to swallow and kept going until he finished half of the bottle. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, the alcohol effect was fast and satisfying. He slid down to sit against the kitchen counter with the wine bottle in hand, staring at nothing, blanking out his mind. But Marc’s voice still came through.

_ “You like to sleep your way to your goals.” _

Kay laughed. Marc saw right through him and he didn’t even know about Torsten Brandt. He poured more wine down his throat, the dizziness and gag reflex finally caught up, he made it just in time to throw up into the kitchen bin. 

Walking unsteadily, he made it to his bedroom. When he opened the door, the air-con unit was blasting cold air. He shivered, undressed quickly and slid beneath the duvet. The silver silk bedding was freezing. It was a new favourite of Wenzel. Kay thought it was cheesy and made the room look like a porn film set. But maybe it was fitting for him, being a whore and all. 

He closed his eyes. His head was spinning but he reached for the alarm clock on the nightstand, still got plenty to do tomorrow.  _ The world doesn’t end just because I fucked up. _ He set his alarm, switched off his light and lay in the dark. Kay closed his eyes and was back in that children’s home. All alone. And this time, he couldn’t even dream about calling Marc.

  
  


Kay woke up the next day not by his alarm but a video call from Grisha.

“Dude. Where have you been? Thought you were sending me those files last night.”

Kay struggled to open his eyes, his mouth tasted like sandpaper and completely parched. And he had a hammering headache. “Fuck...” he cursed and peeled off the duvet. The air-con timer was set to turn off at 6am and now the room was boiling hot.

“Woah. Dude, put some clothes on! My virgin eyes!”

“Fuck you! Maybe you should try to see what guys can offer since you don’t have any luck with the ladies.” Kay bent down to pick up his bathrobe on the floor, deliberately putting his ass on full display on his phone camera for Grisha.

“Eww... no, thanks. You need to grow a pair of big ones first. On your upper body!”

Kay chuckled. Good old Grisha. Today in particular, he was so grateful to his friend who never failed to make him laugh even in the darkest hours. Who always stood by him even when everyone else had abandoned him.  _ What’s the use of a boyfriend who turns on you at the first sign of trouble?  _ Kay reckoned that was a wound he could lick in peace later. He has got work to do.

“Give me a few minutes to wake up, asshole.”

Kay went to look for his shoes from last night and found them by the door. He turned the left shoe over and carefully removed a thumb drive hidden inside the sole. One of Grisha’s fail-safe gadgets for the criminal-minded. Kay had downloaded his father’s case files first in a separate thumb drive and hid it before he worked on getting other files. This way, even if he got caught, he could keep the most important files.

It wasn’t ideal to lose the other files, they were evidence to show Medikunft had a pattern of altering test results and doing other illegal activities. If Kay were to hand them over to the authority.

He quickly brushed his teeth and put a T-shirt on before returning to the video call by the kitchen counter.

“I am sending you the files with encryption as we speak.” Kay turned on the VPN and inserted the thumb drive into his laptop. 

After a minute, Grisha said, “Got them! Filed and locked.” Only then could Kay finally relax a little. In safe hands now. 

“Listen, I fucked up last night,” Kay told his friend.

“What happened?”

“I only had time to get my father’s case files. I got caught when I was downloading the other cases.” Kay thought of that other thumb drive mournfully. And the anger on Marc’s face. 

“Shit, shit, shit. Who? The security guard? Thought you had a backup story for it.”

_ It was my boyfriend...  _

Except he wasn’t. Not really. It was embarrassing the way he’d thought Marc as his boyfriend, that they were dating.  _ He thinks you’re a whore, but since you offered him a bite, of course he would take it, but it doesn’t change the way he sees you.  _ Kay felt only blazing derision now for his own naivety.

“One of Wenzel’s bodyguards. From an outside company.” Kay settled for this answer.

Grisha grimaced. “Can he be bought?”

_ Maybe with my mouth and my cock?  _ Kay laughed at himself. “I don’t think so... he’s kind of straight and arrow.”  _ Maybe not entirely straight, but...  _ Kay shook his head to dispel the self mockery. This was no laughing matter. He was going to lose Marc either way, but he would rather not ruin his plan too.

“He’s friendly with me, so he gives me a few days to explain before he reports me.”

“What are you going to tell him then? We don’t have a legal leg to stand on, except we are doing it to expose Medikunft. Hey! Maybe you can tell him you are a whistleblower. Like Snowden!”

That was one of the options and had some truth in it. He was planning to expose Medikunft. It would depend on if Marc believed him. 

Or he could tell Marc the whole truth. About his plan. Everything. But that was not an option. Even if their relationship crashed and burned, there was no way Kay would put Marc in harm’s way. If Marc knew what Kay was planning to do, he would try to stop him... or help him and become an accomplice to a crime. Either way, it’s a no.

“He might not give me back those files, but I think I can convince him not to report me.” Kay would have to. If Wenzel found out before Kay could find evidence to link them to the murders, it would be a let off to Wenzel and Heine Weiss. 

And Kay couldn’t let that happen. 

  
  


******

(Marc)

  
  


“This is better than running in the mud trail, right?” Bettina nudged him with her slim shoulder, passed another plate of sausages to him. “Such a beautiful day.”

Marc nodded and returned a half-hearted smile. He flipped the sausages on the grill again, he was quite sure he had just flipped the same sausages 5 seconds ago.

He looked up at the blazing sun and wondered if Kay was waiting for him in the forest. Technically they didn’t cancel their run this week but they hadn’t spoken since that night in the server room. Kay wasn’t in the office yesterday either. For one heart attack moment, Marc had thought maybe Kay was gone, like an undercover cop who had been exposed, disappearing into the night. But no. One of the secretaries told him Kay was working from home. 

Maybe he didn’t want to bump into Marc; maybe he never wanted to see Marc again.

He hadn’t had any good sleep since that night. After the anger and the adrenaline were gone, as he lay in bed in the gloom, he was forced to think it through calmly.

Kay was doing something illegal, there was no doubt about it and he tried to lie about it, that was also true... but... Marc hadn’t really given him any chance to explain, he had jumped to the worst scenario, accusing Kay of using Wenzel, using Marc himself, using sex to...

At the time, the tears in Kay’s eyes had felt like a mockery. Another trick to fool him. But now he wasn’t so sure anymore and the idea that he had hurt Kay, he couldn’t shake off that horrible feeling. And that has been the problem - Marc never knew which way was which when it came to Kay.

“I think the sausages are more than ready.” Frank was suddenly next to him.

“Huh?”

“The sausages?” Frank pointed to the grill. “They are all blackened.”

“Shit.” Marc pushed the sausages out of the centre of the grill.

Frank watched him. “Bettina said you’ve been tired and distracted this week, what’s wrong? Are we taking on too much work?”

“Why do all of you always talk about me behind my back?” Marc snapped. He threw the tongs on the grill in frustration, sending coal ashes and sparks flying.

“Hey!” Frank jumped off. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Suddenly everyone came over. His parents, Claudia and Bettina.

“Marc!” His father was glaring at him. He looked between Frank and Marc, couldn’t work out what was going on.

Marc rubbed his forehead, knowing he’s smearing coal on his face and couldn’t care less. He turned away, took a deep breath. When Bettina touched his shoulder, he flinched like she had burned his skin.

Fuck. He felt like the biggest piece of shit.

“I am sorry,” he said to Frank. “I am just tired.” 

Frank didn’t really believe him but he let it go for now, being the peacemaker.

Bettina’s soft hands went around his waist to untie his apron. “Go on, get yourself something cold to drink to cool down. I will do the grilling,” she coaxed. 

Marc went inside and got a bottle of beer from the fridge. He rolled the bottle against his forehead, felt like he’s running a marathon with no finish line in sight. Out of breath and out of his depth.

Then his mobile buzzed.

Kay was calling him.

He looked at the caller display - Kay Klossner - Marc has kept this secret for him and now... he answered it.

“Hallo.”

“Marc? It’s Kay.” 

For a few seconds, it was like something was lodged in his throat, he couldn’t speak. And all the noise around him has quieted, except the sound of Kay’s breathing through the phone line. In the background, he could hear some birds chirping sounds. 

Kay has gone to the forest.

“You are in the forest?”

After a long moment. Kay said, “Yeah.”

“I... I didn’t think -“

“No, I wasn’t expecting you today. Just want to clear my head. Running usually helps.”

Their conversation sounded absurdly casual considering how they had parted way two days ago. And Marc’s first thought was that he had missed a chance to see Kay. That alone was a clear sign he’s in big trouble.

Marc looked out to the garden from the kitchen window. Bettina was grilling, Claudia and his parents were setting the table. Frank was animatedly telling the same old jokes. They were all smiling and laughing. It was like looking at another world.  _ Where Kay Engel doesn’t exist; where he doesn’t belong. _

He didn’t want to imagine Kay leaning against his Jeep with a slow smile. Usually by now, they would be tearing each other’s clothes off inside the car, his mouth would be hungrily trailing down the long column of Kay’s throat, his hands would be touching Kay’s taut muscles...

Fuck, focus! He needed to man up.

Marc closed his eyes. “Do you have an answer for me then?” He tried to instil some steel in his voice.

After a second, Kay asked, “could you come over tomorrow around 3pm?” His voice sounded suspiciously croaky.

“To the Penthouse?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Marc was waiting for Kay to hang up. 

Another few seconds of deafening silence. “See you tomorrow,” Kay finally said and hung up.


	14. Fallen Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc and Kay meet in the Penthouse  
> A flashback from the past
> 
> *contains explicit content*
> 
> This chapter has both Marc and Kay’s POV, as indicated by ( )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: if you don’t remember, Torsten Brandt in the flashback part here is the lawyer who came to visit Kay in the Children’s home in an earlier chapter.
> 
> This turns out to be a longer chapter than I planned. Hope you enjoy it.  
> Thank you ❤️

(Marc)

  
  


Kay opened the door in a dark grey T-shirt and a pair of joggers; he was barefoot. He raked a hand through his short blond hair, it was still wet and smelled faintly of fruity scent shampoo. He looked young and unsure of himself. 

Again, Marc couldn’t tell if it’s real. Or just another role Kay played.

“Do you want to come in?” Kay stepped aside.

Marc crossed the threshold, noting in his mind that this was the first time he’s in this apartment alone with Kay. But it didn’t matter. To Marc, he felt Wenzel Wolff’s presence everywhere here. The Kay Engel who lived here was not the Kay Engel he met up with every Saturday in the forest.

Marc declined the coffee Kay offered and sat down on the brown leather sofa. He remembered helping Kay to carry a passed-out drunk Wenzel Wolff to bed from the same sofa; he wondered if Wolff had ever fucked Kay on the exact spot he’s sitting on. 

_Fuck. I am so not ready for this._ Marc stood up again and walked over to the window which led to a large balcony.

Kay followed him there with his cigarette case. He lit one up for himself and offered the case and the lighter to Marc. Marc took one.

They stood in the balcony, facing the city skyline, sucking on their cigarettes a little too fast, waiting for the other to break the silence.

“Wenzel hates it when I smoke,” Kay said. 

“You also don’t drink when you’re around him.” Marc had been trying to work out why that was the case. Now he might have his answer.

Kay nodded. There was a sad smile on his face. “People spill secrets when they drink. And I have too many.”

No doubt. Marc thought. “Why did you steal those files?”

Kay took another drag from his cigarette, like drawing strength from it. “Did you have a look at those files?”

Marc had. Against his better judgement. But between keeping business integrity and understanding what’s going with Kay Engel, he had chosen the latter. He nodded.

Kay looked surprised. He probably didn’t expect Marc to read those files because of their highly confidential nature. “So you should know they are evidence of Medikunft falsifying tests data and bribing officials. I was gathering evidence to expose them.”

Marc gave a disbelieving snort. “You are a whistleblower, is that what you are telling me? That this whole thing is political?”

Kay’s eyes narrowed. “Medikunft did a lot of harm. Someone should stop them.” There was genuine venom in his voice.

Marc admitted he was appalled and deeply disturbed by what he found on those files, but he felt something was still off in Kay’s explanation. There was something very personal in what Kay’s doing, the extreme measures he employed... 

“Are you working for law enforcement? A rival drug company? Like corporate espionage? Competitive intelligence?” He asked.

Kay seemed to be digesting all the industrial terms Marc had thrown at him. Then he said, “I am a free agent. It’s always sweeter if I can bring down a bad egg in the process. But data goes to the highest bidder.” 

Marc could tell this was a rehearsed line. Something Kay had practised in front of a mirror until he could say it smoothly and convincingly. But he has underestimated Marc’s ex-cop instinct and observational skills. 

_Something doesn’t add up._

“What? Now you are saying you do all these for the money?” Marc couldn’t help but raise his voice.

“I like money. I do a lot of things for it, as you already know,” Kay said tiredly, like he’s sick of the subject already.

Marc’s face inflamed. That was a response to his insult that night. But Marc refused the provocation. Kay had a smart mouth and sharp brain and Marc knew he’s not afraid to use it to protect himself. This wasn’t the first time.

Marc shook his head. “What a crock of bullshit! One minute you are a whistleblower, the next you are a ruthless agent in corporate espionage? Which is it? Money or noble political ideology? No spy would go to the extreme you do for money.”

“You sound like someone who never had to worry about his next meal,” Kay sneered like a hurt animal. “You don’t know the first thing -“

“You are sleeping with someone you probably hate, so you can bring down his company. Who does that?” Marc snapped in frustration. He felt like screaming.

“I do!” Kay retorted, raising his voice too. He scoffed, “In case you haven’t noticed, sex is easy for me, sex is a tool for me. I use it on Wenzel, I used it on other men, I used it on you! Haven’t you said that yourself?” The last sentence came out croakily, like a lump was obstructing his throat. Kay turned away so Marc couldn’t see his face, but his shoulders were shaking. For the first time today, his in-control demeanours was beginning to crack; he was getting emotional and flustered. 

_And in pain. He is hurting._ Marc belatedly realised just how much he must have hurt him that night when he accused Kay of using sex to get what he wanted. And maybe he really did that with Wenzel, for whatever reason he was not telling Marc. But Kay wasn’t using Marc. In fact, meeting up in secret with Marc, sleeping with Marc could only hinder his spying activities. 

Before he could second guess himself, Marc reached out and ran a rough caress along Kay’s face. Kay flinched, but Marc didn’t move away. He felt the trembling of Kay’s body before he gradually leaned into the touch. Physical reaction that doesn’t lie. 

“I am sorry I said those words that night. I didn’t mean it. I was just... angry. With you. With myself,” he pressed his lips close to Kay’s ears. “What aren’t you telling me, Kay?” He pleaded quietly, his thumb rubbing Kay’s cheek. “You can tell me anything. I will listen and I won’t judge. I promise. I know you are hurting and it’s killing me.”

Kay pulled away a little and met his gaze. Marc watched his throat work, struggled to come up with words; there was a storm of anguish in those pale blue eyes. He was looking at Marc, desperately asking for understanding.

“I am not going to report you, but I think you already know that,” Marc added. After reading those files, he had known before he came here today that no matter what answer Kay gave him today, he wouldn’t hand Kay over to Medikunft. “Don’t you know that... I lo... I care about you.” Marc corrected himself at the last moment, nearly giving himself a heart attack with the other word on the tip of his tongue.

But maybe he had said it without realising it because the next thing he knew, Kay was pressing his mouth against his. The powerful relief of feeling Kay’s kiss again washed away the last bit of hesitation in Marc. He opened his mouth like he’s starving, cupping Kay’s jaw, he hungrily, greedily returned the kiss. 

Kay made a desperate noise and then turned his head, finding Marc’s neck with his eager mouth. Marc tilted his head, giving him access, while his own hands frantically reached underneath Kay’s T-shirt, touching the smooth feverish skin. He pulled Kay in tighter, until there was no space left between them. Kay was doing the same, his arms reached around, his hands palming and rubbing against Marc’s back, like he wanted to make sure Marc was really here. 

Marc’s cock twitched and jumped; he could feel Kay’s hardening against his as well. Impulsively, his hand slipped down and palmed Kay’s ass. That perfectly round and perky globe felt amazing under his fingers. He squeezed it once hard, earning a throaty moan from Kay.

Kay buried his face in Marc’s hair, rolling his head like he never wanted to leave. Marc held him. “Marc...” Kay finally pulled back far enough to study Marc’s face, his eyes glistened with emotion. “I want you to take me to bed...”

Such an old-fashioned term. A gentle request. Marc traced Kay’s upper lip with his finger. He knew what Kay meant. He wanted Marc to make love to him. Not fucking, not the urgent fumbling blowjobs or hand jobs they had done inside the Jeep, but long and slow love-making.

Kay took Marc’s hand and led him back in. Marc was surprised when they walked past the master bedroom. Kay stopped outside the guest bedroom. “I sleep here sometimes, when I want to clear my mind.” 

The guest bedroom was furnished in muted colours. It looked cosier and classier than the master bedroom. Kay was still holding his hand; he sat down on the edge of the bed and Marc stepped into the space between Kay’s knees. 

Kay looked up at him like Marc was something rare and precious. “I will tell you what’s going on. But right now, I want to feel you inside of me.”

Marc’s cock twitched at the directness of the words and the quiet determination in Kay’s voice. They had come close once or twice in the car to do the deed. Marc had held back because he had no experience and didn’t want to hurt Kay unwittingly. Also he didn’t know if Kay wanted him to. 

At Marc’s silence, Kay’s earlier bravado dipped, he added hesitantly, “unless that’s not something you want to do, which I -“

Marc cupped his face and bent down to kiss him. “I’ve been thinking about it since we kissed under that tree in Chicago.”

There was a spark in Kay’s liquid blue eyes. “Wait right here,” he whispered before leaving the room. 

Kay came back with the necessities: condom and a pack of lube. Licking his lips, he looked uncharacteristically timid when he handed the condom to Marc. It finally dawned on Marc that Wenzel Wolff had never slept in this room. This was the ‘Wenzel Wolff free’ zone that Kay slept in when he didn’t want to think about what he’s doing with his boss.

Kay got onto the bed with a pack of lube. He began to undress, first his T-shirt, then came his joggers and boxer-briefs. His eyes staying on Marc the whole time, never wavered.

Marc took a shaky breath. The mattress dipped as he crawled onto the bed. He nearly swallowed his tongue watching Kay lying on one hip, his bare, golden skin flexed over rippling muscle as he inserted a lubed finger into himself. 

The word erotic didn’t seem enough to describe that image. It was mind-blowing. Marc’s skin flashed with heat. He quickly peeled off his shirt and worked to get rid of his jeans, to free his straining cock. He rolled down the latex on it and had to stop himself from pulling it. He was so hard already.

Kay passed him the rest of the lube. Then he lay down on his back, spreading his legs wider. Marc’s gaze fixated on him. Mesmerised. He could see the glistening opening, Kay’s cock, long, hard and pointing upward. Kay ran a hand down his tight stomach, touching himself. Waiting for Marc. 

He quickly lubed up his latex-clad cock and moved into place. Heart pounding, Marc touched the back of Kay’s legs with his hands, all of sudden, unsure of how to proceed. “How do you want to...” he made himself ask.

“I want to look at your face when you do it.” Kay moved lower on the bed, his long, slim, muscular legs sliding around Marc’s waist and clinging there. Marc felt a powerful jolt running through his body as the blunt head of his cock brushed against his hole. Every nerve ending in his body tingled with anticipation.

Kay’s eyes were half closed, he watched Marc under hooded eyes. Then he ran a reassuring stroke along Marc’s forearm and whispered, “Do it. You won’t hurt me.”

Marc didn’t need more encouragement. He held his thickened cock in hand, pressed the head against the inviting opening and pushed forward. The first sensation he felt was the resistance from the tight ring of muscle around, for one nano second, he was afraid it wouldn’t fit, that it was impossible. But he gave another tentative push, then suddenly with a slippery shock, it gave way. The head pushed through and his cock was being sucked into a clenching tightness. Marc paused, breathing out heavily, before he moved again, slid past the contracting sphincter muscle, into the sweet, dark heat. He watched in amazement as his cock disappeared deep into Kay, until he bottomed out. 

Finally two bodies in one.

“Oh god... Marc...” Kay gasped. His hands on both sides of Marc’s shoulders, there’s a bashful smile on his face, almost shy. He tugged at Marc to get closer, asking for a kiss. Marc was more than happy to oblige, he bent forward, folding Kay’s body in half and pressed a hard kiss on his mouth. Kay sucked on his tongue. The movement propelled Marc’s cock to go deeper, hitting something inside of Kay that made him jump and moan into Marc’s open mouth. 

“There... oh Marc... do that again... please...” Kay writhed underneath as he was torn between pain and pleasure. 

Marc couldn’t speak. It felt so fucking amazing he could hardly stop his heart from jumping to his throat. He had no idea what exactly he had done that made Kay give out another delicious grunt, but he didn’t need more instruction. Marc pulled out an inch or two, the slickness of the lube making each motion into a sensuous slide, then he slammed back in again, tugging his hips back, tightening their connection. Pleasure so powerful, Marc was afraid he would pass out from the intensity.

Kay rocked back, matching every push, seeking Marc relentlessly. Marc watched in wonder as Kay bit down on his lower lip, eyes all glazed over. The blissed out look on his face. He looked like a fallen angel drunk in love. 

“Fuck... Marc... please... more,” Kay whimpered desperately. 

Marc felt the clenching muscle tightening, squeezing around his cock, like it was being sucked and enwrapped into a hot, dark clutch. The sweet unknown. Like a new sensation previously unknown to him, the magnitude of it stunned him. Not in his 29 years of living, had he never imagined such pleasure was possible. 

“Jesus, Kay... what you doing to me...” Marc finally found his voice.

Feeling more confident, he dislodged Kay’s legs and placed them over his shoulders, holding the back of Kay’s thighs as leverage, he began to thrust harder, faster. Pulling his cock all the way out and then back in a fast stroke. Ruthless rhythm. And Kay pushed up to meet every shove and pull like his life depended on it. Every now and then, Kay would grab the back of Marc’s neck and pull him down for a hungry kiss, panting and moaning into his mouth. Marc’s own breath was ragged, he gasped between every pump.

If Marc was worried about the force he was using, his last worry was thrown out of the window with Kay’s fingernails crawling and gripping his biceps, demanding Marc. “Harder... oh god, Marc... don’t stop...”

Kay didn’t want him to slow down, so Marc changed the angle of his thrust, his cock kept pumping in the tight heat. He saw Kay’s own cock slap against his stomach, trapped between their two bodies, still fully erected.

Marc leaned back and reached for Kay’s cock. The mere touch of his hand on it seemed to have sent an electric jolt to Kay, he writhed and pushed down on Marc’s cock. Marc wrapped his hand around it and began to pull. Faster and faster, matching his cock ramming into Kay, enjoying the sight of Kay thrashing his body in sheer pleasure, straining to arch up. Then finally, he felt a spasm of Kay’s cock in his hand and long gushes of semen spilled out, coating over his chest and stomach. Kay, panting breathlessly, licked a finger on the pool of semen and put it in Marc’s mouth. 

Marc sucked on it. 

That salty taste of Kay’s essence was the final push that took Marc to the edge. He pulled out one last time, felt the tightening and tingling in his balls, spreading down to his legs, he gave one final shove into Kay. Not wanting to leave any distance between them. He wanted to look Kay when he came, craved for that connection between them, body and soul. Pleasure rose and rose until Marc finally exploded. He continued to thrust as he shot into the condom.

  
  


They exchanged no word for almost 10 minutes afterwards. Just stayed in a loose embrace with their limbs touching, brushing against each other, basking in each other’s presence.

Marc then reluctantly got up to the guest bathroom to discard the condom and clean up. Kay was still languishing in bed when Marc brought a wet warm cloth. He proceeded to gently wipe Kay’s body, feeling Kay’s eyes tracking the movement of his hands.

Kay held Marc’s wrist, took over the cloth and threw it away. He pulled Marc to lie down next to him. They lay on their side and faced each other. There was a sheen of sweat on Kay’s pale gold skin. He reached out and ran a finger down Marc’s nose bridge. Marc noticed it’s something Kay liked to do post-coital. His jealous mind briefly shifted to the dark thought of Kay doing the same to Wenzel... 

But at that moment, far from a sexually experienced homme fatal, Kay looked more like a young man who’s unsure of his place in the world; someone who was looking for understanding. 

“My father worked in Medikunft,” Kay suddenly said and lowered his eyes. “They put the blame on him when a drug trial went wrong.”

Marc stared at him. 

_Shit..._ Marc quietly berated himself for not having considered this before. He exhaled a shuddery sigh. “This is the real reason behind everything you did,” he said in dawning understanding. 

_Kay wants to expose the company who has done his father wrong. Who has destroyed young Kay’s world._

“Not everything,” Kay’s sweeping lashes still stayed down on his cheeks. He wasn’t looking at Marc. “You were not in the plan. You _are_ not in the plan,” he corrected. Kay put his head on Marc’s chest. “You have to believe me. This... this thing between us... I am not using you. I’d never -“

A surge of tenderness flooded Marc’s heart, he knew there must be a personal reason behind it. He reached for Kay’s hand and kissed it. “I know, baby, I know.”

Kay looked up at him with a smile so bright like Marc has granted him a new lease of life. Marc thought he has never seen anything more beautiful in his life. 

“What’s your plan then? Are you handing the files over to the authorities or the press... or?” He asked carefully.

“Not yet,” Kay said quietly, there was a hint of sadness in his voice, eyes troubled. 

“If you are looking for someone you can trust in the police department, I can use my contacts to -“

Kay put his hand on Marc’s chest, stopping him. “Don’t worry, I have someone helping me... we still need more proof, but we are getting there. I don’t think you should get involved.” He met Marc’s eyes. “Your company has a security contract with Medikunft, you will get into all kinds of legal problems. You can’t throw away your business over this. This is between me and Medikunft.”

_How can I not worry?_ Marc opened his mouth, he wanted to protest, wanted to argue, but the truth was, the security company was not just his business. It’s Frank’s as well. Something they have worked so hard to build. It’s not up to Marc to take such risk.

However, the idea of Kay taking those risks, staying in a relationship with Wenzel Wolff... it slew Marc in half just thinking about it. His heart ached; he felt frustrated and powerless in the face of life’s impossible choices. 

Kay has obviously read his mind. “It’s just my body. I don’t feel anything for him,” he murmured against the hollow of Marc’s neck. This was no consolation. The words sounded harrowing in Marc’s ears. 

He touched said naked body, still warm and pliable under Marc’s hands. Another dawning realisation entered his mind as he recalled the intensity of their joining, the way Kay had looked at him as he moved inside him. And Marc knew. 

That they had made love today. And he was in love with Kay Engel.

  
  


******

_(8 years ago)_

(Kay)

  
  


Kay watched Torsten Brandt step off from the train. The lawyer looked to his left and then right, broke into a big smile when he spotted Kay.

Kay ran and met him halfway on the windy but quiet platform. They hugged. Kay squeezed his arms tight around Torsten’s shoulders, breathing him in. He smelled like coffee and mint chocolate. 

Torsten chuckled at Kay’s enthusiasm. He returned the hug, his hand lingering briefly on Kay’s cheek, his gentle gaze moved to Kay’s lips... and then he let go. He never went further than that. Always just those longing looks. But Kay knew.

“Good trip?” Kay asked, wanted to take Torsten’s weekend bag from him but Torsten wouldn’t let him. He ruffled Kay’s hair, then moved down to his wool sweater covered arms. “You are not wearing enough clothes again. Did you get the coat I sent you?”

Kay nodded. He did. “It’s so fancy looking I don’t want to use it every day.” The fact was he’s sharing his coat with Grisha who didn’t have a thick enough coat for the winter.

Torsten checked into the hotel first before they bought lunch and ate it by the Mosel river. This has become a routine whenever Torsten comes to visit. Sometimes they would even play tourists and get on a mini-cruise on the river. Torsten was fascinated by all the Roman and medieval structures Trier offered; another thing Torsten liked to do in Trier was to go shopping. He would buy as many things as Kay would accept as gifts.

For Kay, it’s more simple, he just liked being with Torsten. He saw Torsten as someone who was sent to him as answer to his prayers. Someone who knew his parents, who tried to help his father and who kept coming back to visit him in the Children’s home over the years. Torsten was the last connection he had with his parents.

Kay had once asked Torsten why he kept coming back to see him. The older man then confessed his guilt for not able to do better in his father’s case and when he’d heard that Kay was sent to a children’s home, he wanted at least to check on him. 

Kay used to feel conflicted about his father’s legal case. Naturally, he’s curious about it but he’s also afraid to find out the details. Afraid to learn that his father had done something so bad that his parents would rather die than facing the consequences. 

And then Torsten showed up. And Kay thought: surely his parents couldn’t be evil or guilty if the lawyer cared so much even after a year? Because you wouldn’t feel guilty for not defending a bad person well enough?

As time went by, the more he saw Torsten, the more Kay wanted to find out about the case. Torsten had been cagey about the detail of the case though, claiming for legal reasons he couldn’t talk about it. And Kay had believed him because Torsten had no reason to lie, right?

“How’s school?” Torsten asked. He was quite insistent on Kay finishing his Abitur; he even talked about helping Kay to go to university if he did well.

Kay knew now it was the right time to bring up the subject. “Actually I want to talk to you about something.”

Torsten nodded, his attention entirely focused on him.

Grisha thought Torsten was too old for Kay, but the 15 years age difference didn’t bother Kay; it also didn’t matter that Kay wasn’t sure if he loved Torsten. What did he know about love anyway? Maybe it doesn’t exist? Maybe it was something made up by adults who wanted to feel good about themselves. Kay didn’t need love, whatever it was. He needed someone he could count on, someone who cared about him. And Torsten was the first person Kay felt he could start a life with. So what if it wasn’t the heart-stopping feeling he had had for Marc? Marc wasn’t here. Marc hasn’t spoken to him for years; Marc probably has completely forgotten about him. 

This hasn’t been an easy decision or an easy thing to ask, but he has made up his mind. Kay licked his lips. “You know I will be 18 next month? I want to leave the Home and I am thinking... “ He met Torsten’s eyes. “Can I come to Köln with you? I promise I will only bother you for a few weeks. I will find a part time job and find a small place for myself. I can finish my final school year there and maybe go to university there. I have checked the universities around there and I think I can get into one of them.” Kay tumbled out his plan in one-go. 

It wasn’t often he’d seen Torsten speechless, but for a couple of seconds, Kay saw him struggle with conflicting emotions. Torsten swallowed, he said as carefully and as gently as he could, “Kay... I don’t think this is -“

“I want to be with you.” Kay blurted out.

Torsten’s eyes widened; he seemed too shocked by that statement to continue with what he was trying to say. Still, he rallied, “you don’t know what you are doing.” There was an equal part of sadness and elation in his voice.

But Kay knew what he’s doing. He knew Torsten was attracted to him for years now, but he also knew Torsten would never do anything or tell him.

Kay reached for Torsten’s hand tentatively and placed it on his cheek. He leaned into it. Torsten looked around, there were a few other people by the riverbank but no one was paying them any attention.

“I am not a boy anymore, Tor. I know what I am doing.” Kay said.

  
  



	15. The Guardian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc looks for answers  
> Kay and Marc share a moment in the office  
> Marc meets Torsten Brandt
> 
> This chapter has both Marc’s and Kay’s POV, as indicated by ( )
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes:
> 
> While universities are tuition-free in Germany, students are required to pay something called “semester fees”, it’s usually a few hundred euros only for each semester.
> 
> I don’t really know how the legal and social care system work in Germany, though I did research, a lot of things here are made-up. 🙃

(Marc)

  
  


Marc sank into the warm bath and leaned back against the tiled wall. It was infused with the familiar scent of lavender bath oil and bath salt. Bettina’s latest health obsession. Marc was sure she had mentioned something about doing research for an article, but he couldn’t remember whether it’s about bath salt or salt in people’s kitchens.

He closed his eyes and submerged into the water. Wanting to clear his head, let the quietness and the warmth washed over him. Calming him down. He resurfaced later, found him surrounded by steam, with water lapping about his ribs, he blinked up at the blurred ceiling and thought of Kay.

He had left the Penthouse after three unimaginable hours and came home a changed man. 

Marc traced a fingertip over his bottom lip, trying to recapture the feelings. New. Explosive sensations. His skin tingled, where Kay had touched, which was everywhere. It was as if Kay had left imprints all over his body, that Marc would never be rid of him. The scariest part was: Marc didn’t want to be rid of Kay. He wanted to be with Kay.

_Fuck._

When Kay said Marc wasn’t in his plan, it had felt ominous, because Kay wasn’t in Marc’s plan either. He was a 29-year-old man who was about to enter into a new chapter of his life: successful business, about to marry a woman he adored, children on the horizon. Bettina had hinted again yesterday at the party about a spring wedding; his mother was talking about resizing their grandmother’s heirloom ring...

Now all Marc could think about was another man’s beautiful backside, the few tiny moles scattered on his flawless skin, how Marc had taken the time to kiss and mark every one of them while Kay whimpered and writhed underneath him; Kay’s intense gaze when Marc moved inside him; and the sound of Kay uttering Marc’s name in ecstasy.

Now all Marc worried about was when he could see Kay again and what he was going to do if something happened to Kay. And that tomorrow, when Wenzel Wolff returned from his country house, he would have his hands on Kay again. 

Marc couldn’t let go of that thought. The extra evidence Kay said he needed, the reason why he’s still Wenzel Wolff’s lover even after obtaining those files. What could be so important? Something was still off. Marc could feel it in his gut.

_Fuck._

Marc closed his eyes and sank back beneath the surface of the water again.

“Marc? Don’t stay there for too long. Your parents are here and dinner is almost ready,” Bettina poked her head into the bathroom.

  
  


Dinner with his parents have always followed the same pattern. His father would enquire about his security business, then found a way to insinuate that Marc would have made Detective Chief Inspector by now if he hadn’t left the police force. Then Marc would remind him that he had the potential to earn more with his own business, they would argue until his mother stopped them and asked about the wedding.

But tonight, Marc had something else on his mind. 

“Papa, do you remember what kind of legal problems the Engels had when they killed themselves?” 

Wolfgang Borgmann put down his fork and knife. “I don’t know the details. Something to do with some patients died in a medical research trial. I am not really friends with Guntram Engel,” he winced. “He seemed too academic for me.”

“They seemed nice to me! His wife, Maria, always had a smile on her face.” Marc’s mother chimed in.

Wolfgang scoffed. “People don’t get sued for this kind of thing lightly.” 

“What I don’t understand is, Maria was very optimistic, she said it was all a misunderstanding, that it would get sorted soon... and then suddenly...” His mother shook her head. 

“I guess nobody really knows anyone.” Wolfgang shrugged. “Why do you ask?”

“Nothing. Just thought of it the other day,” Marc quickly said. But he wasn’t listening. He was still thinking of what his mother had just said - that the Engels had thought they would be cleared of the charges...

  
  


******

Marc finally realised the mistake he had made before. He had been too focused on Kay’s life after his parents’ death, it had never occurred to him to check the circumstances surrounding his parents’ death. The single most important event in Kay’s life.

He ratified this the following day by asking a police friend to gain access to court case records in Stuttgart. There weren't a lot of details available, not without a warrant. But it was enough for Marc to understand the case and the people involved. 

Guntram Engel was employed by Medikunft as senior medical researcher when he was accused of fabricating consent and illegally tested an antidepressant on teenagers under state care. During the trial period, 10 test subjects showed signs of suicidal tendency and two teenagers committed suicide. Medikunft settled the civil charges of the case for an undisclosed sum and the criminal part was dropped after the Engels killed themselves. 

Marc also went back to his earlier findings on Kay’s background. Moving to Köln and changing his surname seemed to be a significant point. That night on the rooftop, Kay had told him, he was transferred to a foster home there in his final school year. Back then Marc had no reason to question it, but now...

Pulling another favour from his police contacts, he managed to talk to social services in Trier and they confirmed that Kay had left the state care system a month before his 18th birthday. He wasn’t going to a foster family, he was released to a new guardian.

Someone named Torsten Brandt.

Marc knew he had seen that name before. He went back to the court case files and searched for the name. Torsten Brandt was one of the lawyers in Guntram Engel’s defence team.

Once you knew Kay Klossner and Kay Engel were the same person, adding Torsten Brandt into the search, the rest of the search became a lot easier. Because Torsten Brandt was everywhere in Kay’s life.

Torsten Brandt was the owner of the property Kay lived in Köln; he was also the name on the cheques that paid for Kay’s university semester fees; he was the Emergency/Next of Kin contact on Kay’s school admission form. 

But nothing since a year before Kay joined Medikunft. 

Lucky for Marc. Torsten Brandt was still a lawyer in Köln and he still lived in the same address. The one Kay used to live.

  
  


******

(Kay)

  
  


Kay spotted Marc standing outside the meeting room, he was writing something on his shift logbook. He recognised the signature frown on his face when he concentrates on a task, always so serious, like he had the world on his shoulders. The dark blue blazer he was wearing matched his cream coloured tie perfectly, Kay wondered if his fiancee laid out his clothes for him in the morning like some TV shows. Or she was a feminist who shunned all things patriarchy?

_I’d gladly dress Marc every morning and undress him every night._

But the thought of Marc’s other life spoiled Kay’s musings. There were only two weeks left from their security contract, Marc was on office day-shift today. 

Better this way. Kay didn’t want Marc to do the night shift because he knew Wenzel was coming tonight. Thanks to his wife’s new fundraiser event, Wenzel hasn’t been able to go to Penthouse since they had returned from the countryside. The whole morning in the office, Wenzel had been very handsy with Kay, grabbing him to sit on his lap and telling Kay what he’s going to do to him tonight in bed. 

Kay banished that revolting image from his mind.

Grisha had just taught him how to install a spyware program on Wenzel’ 2nd mobile, one that could avoid detection, so Kay planned to get it done tonight. Then maybe. Maybe he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

So he needed to suck it up and play along...

It’s just that after last Sunday with Marc... the idea of having sex with Wenzel again felt like cheating, which was funny because he was with Wenzel first before Marc. And Marc... Kay wasn’t stupid enough to ask, but he was pretty sure Marc was still sleeping with his fiancée. 

_Bettina. That’s her name. Are they still getting married?_ That was a question Kay wanted to know the answer but would never ask. 

He finally caught Marc’s eyes from across the office. Their gaze met. Marc gave him a shy nod then they both looked away. Kay had to bite his lower lip to keep himself from smiling. Because despite every obstacle in front of him, that fuzzy, warm and happy feeling since last Sunday was still buzzing through Kay’s entire body.

A brand new feeling. It wasn’t something Kay had ever experienced before. He understood good sex, great friendship; he even understood deep affection, but what he felt for Marc, especially after Sunday, was something else.

Kay finally understood what it meant when people say they would die or kill for love. The all-consuming, can’t-live-without-you sort: Marc was his first thought in the morning; he was Kay’s sweet dream and every waking moment in between. 

Marc also made him want to be good... to be clean. So, how was he going to sleep with Wenzel tonight?

Kay skittered away from the impending night with Wenzel and tried to concentrate on his work. A new batch of drug trial results had just come in and he knew Wenzel was not going to be happy. They were still tinkering the dosage and this could likely push back the launch of the new drug for another six months. He started to write notes and make highlights while Wenzel was still locked in a senior management meeting with the CEO.

It was after 6pm before he looked up again from his laptop to the sound of a knock on the door. 

It was Marc.

“Hey,” Kay greeted him with a tired smile.

“Hey you.” Marc glanced back at the office outside once before he closed the door. He walked up to Kay’s desk.

Like two magnets naturally pulled together, Kay stood up and moved close to him, he pressed a light kiss on Marc’s mouth. Marc murmured something Kay didn’t catch and then leaned in to return the kiss, deepening it, capturing Kay’s bottom lip with his teeth, his thumb brushing his stubble. Kay sighed, fingers winding into Marc’s soft brown hair.

When Marc pulled back, he studied Kay with an uncertain expression, as if he didn’t dare speak the words hovering on his lips.

“What?” Kay asked. He checked the door once, thinking maybe Marc was worrying about Wenzel’s whereabouts.

“This is madness,” Marc said. He was looking at Kay with such an expression it fixed him to the spot. He couldn’t move, lost in those deep blue eyes. “I know,” Kay could only say. _Please don’t say you regret what we did on Sunday..._

Marc pressed his forehead against Kay’s. “I can’t stop thinking about you. All day. Every minute.”

Relief flooded through him. Kay whispered, “Me too, I can’t wait to be with you again.”

Marc kissed his temple gently. “I want to take you away from all these.” the sadness in his voice tugged at Kay’s heartstrings. He palmed a hand on Marc’s clean shaven cheek, “One day.”

The wish and the promise, exchanged with fervour but lacking in conviction. Kay lay with his head on Marc’s shoulder and hands around his waist, holding him close. He was finding it increasingly hard to let go. 

“Do you want to go running this Saturday?” Kay asked. They haven’t talked about how they were going to meet up. The status quo or something new. Something more. 

Marc brushed his hair, his eyes were intense and serious. “I have a business trip tomorrow, but I will be back on Friday. Same time?”

That sucked because it meant he wouldn’t be able to see Marc for the next two days, but Kay put on a brave smile, sealing the date with another kiss. It went a long way to soothe his disappointment when Marc turned it into a long lingering kiss, his hands still touching Kay’s back.

_Madness._ They shouldn’t really be kissing in his office, Wenzel could be back any minute. Kay reluctantly pulled away. He didn’t want Marc to see him leaving with Wenzel. “Have a good trip tomorrow,” Kay said.

Marc had a strange expression on his face, he said softly, “I’ll miss you. See you Saturday.” Then he was gone.

  
  


******

(Marc)

  
  


Marc arrived in Köln with two options in his mind. He could make an appointment to see Torsten Brandt in his law firm or he could ambush him at his home in the evening.

He was an ex-cop, so he preferred the ambush.

The apartment building was on a tree-lined residential street, a renovated period building. As Marc walked directly up to the 3rd floor, he imagined a younger Kay pounding the green limestone staircase in his running shoes. 

Torsten Brandt was home. Alone. He opened the door hesitantly after peeking through the door viewer.

“Good evening. Herr Brandt? Torsten Brandt?” Marc used his cop voice.

Torsten Brandt frowned but he nodded and asked politely, “Can I help you?”

“Sorry to bother you at this hour. My name is Marc Borgmann,” Marc paused, watching Torsten carefully. “I am a friend of Kay Klossner. You might know him as Kay Engel.”

******

In the back of his mind, Marc had suspected it. And now he saw the confirmation written on Torsten Brandt’s face when he asked Marc, “Did something happen to Kay? Is he okay?”

Those etched worry lines on his face; the longing in his eyes and the desperation in his voice. 

It was so gut-wrenching, Marc almost had to look away. _Poor guy._ Marc had no idea what exactly had happened between Torsten and Kay, he recognised a heartbroken man when he saw one. And Marc knew right away. That Torsten Brandt hadn’t just taken Kay out of the children’s home to Köln for a new life; he had been Kay’s boyfriend... lover... another sugar daddy. Marc didn’t know anymore. 

“He’s okay.” He reassured Torsten before he studied the man in front of him. He’s about Marc’s height, slim built with thick sandy brown hair combed neat and back, kind dark eyes behind a pair of Tom Ford square frames. He looked educated, soft spoken and mild-mannered. 

Torsten nervously pushed up his glasses and asked, “You said you are a friend of Kay? How did you know him?” It could be the cop-vibe he was sensing, suddenly, Torsten brought out his lawyer instincts.

Marc had to rein in his jealousy first. He quietly did some calculations in his head. The man looked to be in his late 30s or early 40s, so he’s at least 10 years older than Marc. That meant he was at least 13 years older than Kay. According to social services in Trier, he became Kay’s guardian just before Kay turned 18 and Torsten had been in his early 30s.

_Jesus._ Marc winced. It wasn’t illegal but to Marc, Torsten Brandt was still a fucking cradle-robber.

“Can I have a glass of water please?” Marc asked. The new discovery threw him off; he needed to calm himself down before he could go further. 

Torsten went to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of mineral water. Marc walked and looked around the apartment. It had a spacious open plan living room and kitchen, tastefully decorated. He had noticed a small study room by the hallway when he first walked in. Only one bedroom in this apartment.

“Here you go.” Torsten gave him the bottle and a glass. He sat down opposite Marc and gave him a stern look. “Now, tell me why you are here and who you are to Kay.”

No more nice guy.

But he was no match for Marc. He drank almost half a bottle before he finally spoke. “I need to ask you about the Medikunft case 12 years ago.” 

The direct approach was intended to shock Torsten and it worked. A soft gasp escaped from the lawyer’s lips. But he recovered. “Why do you want to know? You haven’t told me your relationship with Kay.”

Marc didn’t have time to set bait, so he levelled with him, “I’ve known him since we were teenagers, back in Ludwigsburg. Before his parents killed themselves. We met again a few months ago and now...” Marc paused, feeling self conscious that he’s talking to someone who had a sexual relationship with Kay. There was no doubt Torsten Brandt loved Kay. Was it reciprocated back then? Or was Brandt just another man Kay used? Like he had told Marc.

“I care about Kay. A lot.” Marc emphasised that. He met Torsten’s eyes head on, getting his meaning across.

A complex set of emotions flashed across Torsten Brandt’s face. He whipped his head to the side, visibly taking a few shallow breaths. When he faced Marc again, he plastered a smile on his face. “No wonder your name rang a bell. Kay had mentioned you to me before.” Nodding to himself, he said, “You were the football captain. He called you his puppy love, made you sound like some kind of hero. He worshipped you.” Torsten met his eyes. The realisation, however, seemed to have eased his worries; he knew Marc wasn’t someone who would harm Kay.

“I’ve always thought he was remembering you through rose tinted glasses because you never had the chance to disappoint him. Unlike everyone else in his life,” he finished it with a sad smile.

There was a lot to unpick in that final sentence, but Marc wanted to focus on the urgent issue first. “I think Kay is getting himself in trouble,” Marc said, watching Torsten’s reaction carefully. Before he had all the information, he couldn’t rule out the possibility of Torsten still working for Medikunft.

“I know he’s trying to clear his father’s name. His parents.” Torsten said quietly, rubbing his hands nervously. “I couldn’t talk him out of it. I tried... he wouldn’t talk to me...”

“Is Medikunft still your client?”

That provoked a strong reaction from him, Torsten’s head snapped up. “No! I left that law firm after... after Kay’s father's case. In fact, I’ve avoided working for companies like Medikunft after that.” He sounded distressed.

Marc nodded. He had a theory in mind and he knew Torsten would be the key to prove it. “Kay is gathering evidence to expose Medikunft’s illegal activities. He’s close to getting everything he needs. But there’s something I don’t understand... he seems to think that isn’t enough and I have a feeling that it has to do with Wenzel Wolff, he’s the CMO -” 

“Oh god.” Torsten gasped and suddenly he bent his head down between his knees. “No... no... no... oh god... no,” he kept mumbling to himself, his eyes squeezed shut. “Shit, this is all my fault.” He put his hands in his hair. 

Marc didn’t expect Torsten would react so strongly at that so he knew he must be on the right track. “Why do you say that?”

But Torsten wasn’t listening to him. He looked up at Marc with red-rimmed eyes. “What is Kay doing with Wenzel Wolff? Few weeks ago, I saw a picture of Wolff attending a Medical Awards Gala in a magazine and I thought I saw Kay there -“

“He’s Wolff’s executive assistant,” Marc said, then he dropped the bomb. “Kay is sleeping with him.”

Torsten stuffed his fist in his mouth and stifled a painful cry. He’s shaking.

“Torsten, why did you say this is your fault?” Marc asked again, his own heart racing. He turned Torsten to face him. _Come on, man, pull yourself together._

But Torsten kept shaking his head like he was in shock. After nearly half a minute, he finally spoke. “Because I was weak. Because I was selfish. I should have said no when he asked. He didn’t know what he was doing. He thought I was a friend of his father and I let him believe that because... because I was in love with him and I wanted him for myself.” He made a choking sound and tears began to stream down on his cheeks. “Oh god...”

_Fucking hell._ Marc cursed inwardly.

Marc had some inkling but he still needed the full details from Torsten, so he kept going, “Tell me what you’ve done. Tell me what happened to that case. And why Kay keeps going at it even after he got the evidence. I need to know this so I can keep him safe. Do you understand?”

Torsten sniffled, wiped his tear stained face with his shirt sleeves, looking genuinely distraught over this. He finally nodded.

Over the next half an hour, he began to tell Marc how he was assigned to the Medikunft case to defend Kay’s father over the allegations of producing false consent documents that led to two teenagers killing themselves. How Medikunft was paying for the legal fees but they weren’t looking after Kay’s father’s interest. How Kay’s father insisted he’s innocent. How just before the court date, Kay’s father told him he had evidence to prove his innocence. How he thought it didn’t make sense that a few days later Kay’s parents killed themselves. 

Marc stopped him at that. A chilling thought hit him. “Are you implying...”

Torsten nodded. “I think they were killed.”

Murder. No, murders. This wasn’t what Marc has been expecting. Falsifying test results, bribing governing bodies, finding scapegoats, Marc had been expecting those. But Murders? He pushed down his own alarm and asked, “By whom? People from Medikunft? Did you tell the police?”

Torsten shook his head, his eyes were full of misery. “No one can prove that. The police ruled it as double suicide. All I know is that his father’s evidence implicates someone else in Medikunft but the evidence disappeared after his death.”

Marc leaned back against the sofa and exhaled a long sigh. So this was it. This has been Kay’s ultimate goal. It wasn’t just about exposing Medikunft or clearing his father’s name. It was about finding his parents’ killers.

“You think it was Wenzel Wolff?” Marc asked. He hoped for both Kay’s and Wenzel’s sake that it wasn’t, because that would be one hell of a monumental fuck-up mess. 

Torsten was pulling his hair. The news about Kay sleeping with Wenzel had clearly spooked him. “I don’t know! I don’t know! Kay asked me many times after he found out. He begged me to tell him! But I really don’t know. I was a junior partner, they didn’t tell me everything. All I know is that Wenzel Wolff was Kay’s father’s supervisor at the time.”

Marc wondered how much Kay knew already. That brought out the next question. “How did Kay find out about the case?” Marc didn’t think Torsten Brandt would volunteer the information.

Torsten barked out a rare cynical laugh. “You know what? I knew it. I knew this would happen and I still couldn’t resist it. Couldn’t keep my hands off him when I got the chance.” He shook his head. “Couple of years after we moved in together, I finally let my guard down, that’s when Kay began to look through my old case files. It took him a long time, but eventually he pieced everything together. And -“

“And he wanted to seek revenge.” Marc finished the sentence for him.

“He was obsessed with it. It was all he could think about.”

“He said a friend is helping him. So, it’s not you -“

“Must be Grisha. He’s Kay’s friend from the children’s home. A computer hacker and the only person Kay trusts.” Torsten huffed humourlessly. “Grisha hates my guts, he thinks I was taking advantage of Kay. He’s probably right.” He seemed to have finally calmed down, looking at Marc with clearer eyes. “You need to help him. He... he will do this by any means necessary. He will get hurt. Wenzel Wolff is dangerous. You have to stop him.”

The truth, finally laid out in front of him. _What is Kay getting himself into?_ Marc was more lost than ever. How could he begin to resolve this? How could he help Kay? Would Kay even let him?

Torsten was a wreck by the time Marc took his leave, he almost didn’t want to ask the final question. But he needed to know. “How come Kay doesn’t speak to you anymore?” 

Torsten Brandt looked out the window, like he was looking for answers in the evening twilight; or maybe he wanted to turn back time. “Because I was the one who told Medikunft that Kay’s father had the evidence. I was the one who got his parents killed.” He said it like he has lost all hopes.

  
  



	16. Shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay finds it hard to keep up the charade  
> An incident at work  
> Secrets will out
> 
> This chapter has both Kay’s and Marc’s POV, as indicated in ( )
> 
> *contains mature-explicit content

(Kay)

  
  


Kay closed the door behind Wenzel and leaned back against it. 

His mind was a complete void. Emotionless. A dark endless pit. Until a sudden gush of bile rose up in his throat. He ran into the bathroom, just made it in time to vomit into the toilet bowl. What little bit of dinner he had managed to eat that night was gone; after that, bracing the toilet, he dry heaved until there’s nothing left, until he’s sweating, shaking and finally letting the tears spill out.

_Fuck._

In the past, Kay had always felt he was in control; he was the one orchestrating the events. But not tonight. It was the first time that it felt close to being assaulted, like a helpless victim. There was nothing victorious when Wenzel bent him over on the back of the sofa and pulled down his trousers roughly. Kay had tried his usual tricks: blanking his mind; thinking of the eventual payback; just allowing it to happen like it was a random hook-up. But nothing worked. He kept thinking what would Marc think of him if he saw him being used like this? What would his father think of him... 

Kay got up and took off his clothes. Only one piece left; a white shirt missing three buttons after Wenzel tore it open. Thank fuck his wife called him to come home for an emergency before Wenzel could have round two.

He turned on the overhead shower and tuned the water temperature to as high as he could stand. Then he began to wash, to scrub, to rub every inch of his body until his skin was all red and thin. And he still felt dirty. 

He slid down in the middle of the shower stall, pulled up both knees to his chest and braced himself, letting the water continue to cascade down on him, mingled with his tears. 

He thought maybe if he stayed here long enough, he could finally be clean enough to be with Marc again.

  
  


******

(Marc)

  
  


Marc drove back to Stuttgart with Torsten Brandt’s lonely silhouette in the sunset in his mind that night.

He arrived well after midnight in Stuttgart on Thursday night and didn’t plan to go to the Medikunft office on Friday. With the death threat winding down, Mehmet and Limpinski were enough to cover the shifts. Plus, he hasn’t figured out how to approach Kay with his new discoveries.

He was discussing the new security proposal and other new clients with Frank in their office when two things happened within a few minutes of each other.

The first alarm was a text from Kay, saying he needed to work tomorrow, so he couldn’t meet him in the forest. Marc knew right away something was wrong. He didn’t reply right away, wanting to wait until he’s alone to call Kay directly.

Few minutes later came the second alarm. Limpinski showed up at their office after his day shift at Medikunft.

“Oh man, you missed the biggest drama today.” Limpinski said to Marc, throwing down an incident report on his desk.

“What happened?” Frank got up and joined them. 

A feeling of dread took residence in Marc’s stomach when he saw the nasty smirk on Limpinski’s face. He grabbed the incident report. But he didn’t need to read it because Limpinski couldn’t wait to tell them the story in person. 

“Sugar daddy got into a fight with his little gold-digger after a meeting today.”

“What?” That was Frank.

“Did Kay get hurt?” Marc blurted. 

Both Frank and Limpinski turned to look at him with raised eyebrows. But Marc didn’t care how he sounded, “Stop fucking around and just say it.”

Limpinski shrugged, “I didn’t see the whole thing. Wenzel Wolff came out of some big meeting looking like he wanted to murder someone. Then he dragged that little cocksucker into his office and closed the door. I heard them shouting at each other. About this or that report and test results. But what do I know? It’s none of my business, so I just waited outside. Then things seemed to have gotten out of hand. I went in when I heard the sound of smashing glasses.” 

“Did anyone get hurt?” Frank looked bewildered.

“Wolff threw a vase at his boyfriend and missed.” Limpinski sniggered. Upon Marc’s glare, he added dismissively, “Come on, it wasn’t that serious. The gold-digger is fine. From what I could see, Wenzel Wolff just slapped him a couple of times. He got a split lip and a giant hand print on his face, like in some cartoon.” He chuckled like it was the funniest thing he had seen. “I have to give that little cocksucker some credit though, he actually tried to fight back. But I got in just in time to stop him.”

Marc couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Not serious? He’s assaulting his staff! Why didn’t you intervene earlier? Why did you allow it to escalate?” Jesus, he could strangle Limpinski right now.

“I thought our job is to protect Wenzel Wolff, we aren’t their relationship counsellor. Who knows what that cocksucker did? Maybe he’s sucking another dick and got found out?”

“You shut your filthy mouth.” Marc bunched up the front of Limpinski’s shirt.

“Marc!” Frank got in between them, scowled and pushed Marc away.

Then he turned to Limpinski. “You watch your language too. You can get us in trouble with that kind of talk. And Marc is right. You should have intervened earlier. Assault is assault, even if he’s our client. We shouldn’t allow a volatile situation to get out of hand.”

Limpinski pursed his lips, clearly not happy with the reprimand. 

Marc thought of Kay’s text message. That’s why he didn’t want to see Marc tomorrow. He’s afraid Marc would go straight to Wenzel Wolff and tear his head off, which was exactly what’s going through Marc’s mind right now. Every fibre of his being was screaming to hit Wenzel Wolff into a bloody pulp.

Frank shook his head. “Where is Wenzel Wolff now? Did he go home as scheduled?”

Limpinski nodded. “Mehmet took over the shift, they are all at the Wolff residence now.”

“And Kay Klossner?” Frank asked. 

“Huh. The dude has some back bone. He grabbed his laptop and left the office. To be honest, by the end, Wenzel Wolff looked like he was already regretting it. I guess the gold-digger must be a really good fu- “ Limpinski snuck a glance at Marc and decided not to finish his sentence.

“We only have one more week to go. I want to keep our client happy for future business, so don’t do anything stupid.” Frank told him. “The same goes for you, Marc. I know you like Klossner, but his thing with his boss is a fucking time bomb. It’s better if we stay out of it.”

Marc was in no mood to talk business strategy after this; he made up an excuse and left the office. He had just gotten to his car when his mobile buzzed. Every muscle tensed. He hasn’t returned Kay’s text yet. 

Bettina’s name was on the screen.

>>can you buy some eggs on your way home?<<

Marc stared at the text message. The choice was between his orderly family life and Kay’s messy revenge and possible heartbreak. 

After a few seconds, he texted back. >>something came up at work. will be late. don’t wait up.<<

Then he drove to the Penthouse.

  
  


******

Marc knew Kay didn’t want to open the door. He could see movements behind the door, so he knocked again and said, “Kay, open the door. I know what happened.”

Another beat. Then the door was finally opened. 

Kay had a grey hoodie on with the hood up, partially hiding his face. But Marc saw it anyway. And it made his blood boil. Kay’s left cheek was still inflamed, tiny blood vessels burst underneath the smooth skin; his bottom lip had a small cut in the middle. “That fucking asshole!” He reached out to touch the red bruise but Kay flinched and turned away.

“It looks worse than it is,” Kay lifted an disinterested shoulder. “I threw a punch at him too before your colleague stopped me.” He walked back into the apartment. 

There were some ice cubes and a tea towel on the kitchen counter. Marc finished wrapping the homemade ice-pack and pressed it against Kay’s cheek. Kay was reluctant at first, he seemed more embarrassed than angry. But when he looked into Marc’s eyes, he softened his stance. Marc put his other arm around his shoulders, keeping him close.

Kay gave up resistance. He pulled down the hood and leaned onto the ice-pack.

“What happened in the meeting today?” For one horrible moment, Marc thought maybe Wenzel Wolff had found out about Kay’s real identity, but he wouldn’t just let Kay leave the office if that was the case. It could have been a lot worse.

Kay huffed a rueful breath. “Wenzel doctored the new drug’s latest test results, tried to pass it on as good enough to submit for approval. He does that a lot. Fake it til you fix it, he calls it. He thinks he’s so clever when actually, he’s risking people’s lives for his own power grab.” His voice filled with spite for Wenzel.

“You sabotaged his plan?”

“When I found out Wenzel has changed the data, I secretly sent the actual results to a few senior staff in R&D this morning, so when Wenzel presented it in the meeting, they raised questions. Wenzel was struggling to explain himself and was humiliated,” Kay smiled like he was happy with the results.

“He found out it was you?” Marc didn’t understand. He thought Kay still needed to gain Wenzel’s trust.

“There’s no avoiding it. Only our department has access to that. I told Wenzel I made a mistake and accidentally copied them in an email.” 

“Does he believe you?” It wasn’t like Kay to make mistakes at work.

Kay exhaled a long, tired sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe he suspected something. He was so angry, I thought he was going to fire me on the spot.”

Marc frowned. “Why did you do it? You are taking a risk with this, aren’t you?”

Kay put down the ice-pack and wound his arms around Marc’s neck. “I am not going to let him get some dodgy drug approved. People can die! I had to stop him... even though, yeah... it’ll raise suspicion and my cover can be blown.” He put his head on Marc’s shoulder, seeking warmth and comfort, like he’s tired of it all. “Anyway, it might not be so bad if he’s mad at me...”

It took a second before Marc understood with a plunge of shock what Kay was implying.

_Does that mean..._ Marc’s chest felt agonisingly tight, hope sprung in his mind. Excitement and fear. Fear of hope. “Are you saying, you don’t need to be with him anymore?”

Kay nuzzled into his neck with his stubble and his lips; he murmured, “I can’t... last night when he... I wanted to die afterwards... I tried to block it out, but I can’t, I can’t pretend anymore, not after we...” He tightened his arms around Marc.

“Oh fuck...” His words made Marc’s heart ache. At the same moment, the image of Wenzel forcing himself on Kay sent him into a blind rage. He said it against Kay’s ear. “You don’t have to do that. There must be another way to do it.”

Kay lifted his head. “I had to be with him this week because I needed to put something on his secret phone. Now that is done... I am just waiting for him to make a mistake.”

_A mistake in which Wenzel confesses to a 12-year-old murder?_ Marc didn’t know what kind of plan Kay was cooking with his friend, but he knew Kay was skirting around with his words because he didn’t know Marc already knew about the murders. And Torsten Brandt.

He knew Kay wouldn’t be happy but it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. “Listen, I lied to you the other day. It wasn’t a business trip. I went to see Torsten Brandt.”

Kay stared at him. He walked back a few steps. Marc felt the sudden empty space between his arms like a physical blow. Kay tilted his head, like he’s trying to hear better. “What did you say?”

Marc licked his lips. He needed to be careful now. “I found out he’s the guardian who took you out of the Children’s home and... that he worked in your father’s case.”

Kay whipped his head to the side, his eyes squeezed closed. When he glanced back at Marc, his eyes looked like two black holes. He appeared to be both appalled and fearful. And Marc couldn’t blame him.

“Brandt told me everything,” Marc said gently; he reached out his hand, desperately needed Kay to come back to him, needed that physical closeness. “I know you are trying to find your parents’ murderer.”

Kay stood perfectly still there. His body casting a long shadow in the evening sunset. “How’s Torsten?” He asked quietly.

_The man is a wreck._ Marc sighed, unsure what he should say. “He’s worried about you.”

It took a long time before Kay said, “I know he didn’t mean to hurt my parents, he was just trying to impress the big client.” He snorted, “so he could make senior partner.”

Marc was pretty sure Torsten Brandt has regretted that decision every day ever since.

He turned to face Marc. “Then you also know I will do anything. By any means. I used Torsten.”

Marc shook his head. “No. No. You didn’t know. If anything, Torsten Brandt was the one who took advantage of you.”

“I thought he was my father’s friend, that he was on his side,” Kay said with disdain, the shock of the old betrayal didn’t seem to have lessened. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I stayed with him for years because I wanted to find out what happened to my parents.” His eyes were liquid with anguish. “I used people. This is who I am.”

“You know that’s not true. You just prevented Wenzel from getting a drug approved even though it could jeopardise your plan. You always do the right thing when it matters.” He laid a hand on Kay’s shoulder. “You didn’t use me.”

Kay lowered his eyes. “You are not going to stop me?”

_Should I?_ Marc hasn't thought about that. Torsten Brandt seemed to think Marc should, to prevent Kay from getting hurt. But his ex-cop instinct told him that it would be futile. If someone murdered his parents, he knew he would do everything in his power to hunt the person down.

“Did you find out? Is it Wenzel Wolff?” Just that idea chilled Marc to the bone.

Kay leaned back against the kitchen counter, crossed his arms. “Wenzel only wanted to find the evidence my father had. I think it implicates him. He sent Heine Weiss to do it but Weiss went one step too far and killed my parents.” Marc could tell from the careful, detached way he said it, like relaying a news story, that Kay was trying to control his anger; because the truth was right there but he couldn’t prove it.

_Jesus fucking Christ._ “Kay, these people are murderers. Let the police deal with them.”

Kay looked at him; he scoffed. “Who do you think ruled my parent’s death as suicide? Nobody is interested in reopening the case, not just on my word.”

Marc knew it was true and he had no answer to that. 

Kay seemed to have sensed Marc’s distress, his facial expression softened. “That’s why I hacked his mobile. He had encrypted messages with Weiss on it, maybe I can find something there. Only until then can I go to the police.” 

“I still have contacts in the Federal Police, their corporate crime unit would jump all over the evidence you have, we can convince them to take a look at the circumstances of your parents’ death too.” What Marc didn’t want to ask was, what if Kay never found the evidence about the murders? What if Wolff and Weiss got away with it? But he knew better than to rush him. Their trust was still fragile.

Kay nodded with less conviction than Marc would like, but he could hardly blame him, Kay has been let down by police before. At least Kay didn’t push him away again, that had to count for something. Marc ran a hand down Kay’s back, keeping him close, keeping him safe. 

For now.

_Frank knows more people in the Cyber and Corporate crime unit, if only..._ Marc was running his contact list in his mind when he spotted the open suitcase on the sofa. 

“You’re packing? Where are you going?”

Kay’s raked a hand through his hair, looking a little bit unsure. “I was going to tell you. Yeah. I am thinking of moving out tomorrow. I still have the lease of my old apartment. There was no point for me to stay here after what happened today. This way, I can concentrate on the next step - “

Marc didn’t care what other reasons Kay was about to say, if it was up to him, he would take Kay as far away from Wenzel Wolff as humanly possible. He pressed a soft kiss on Kay’s mouth, mindful of the cut there. After a stunned moment, Kay eased into the kiss, trailing a few kisses along his jawline. “I take it that you approve?”

Marc smoothed Kay’s still red cheek with his thumb. “I’ll personally drive you there.”

Kay rolled his eyes and gave him a shy smile. His gaze was laced with exasperation and something else. Something warm and unrestrained, like he’s been set free. Marc was quite sure this was a side of Kay that other people didn’t get to see. Like Kay reserved that look just for him. And it made Marc’s knees go a bit weak.

“So... do you want to stay to share a frozen pizza?”

  
  


******

This time it was slow and gentle.

They lay on their side in bed, Kay’s back pressed to his front. His hand slid a rough caress across the plane of Kay’s stomach, then down to the back of Kay’s hip and thigh. He nuzzled into the nape of his neck, every sense felt heightened. The citrusy soap they used earlier in the shower mingled with the musky scent of their combined male bodies. He could feel the vibration of every breath Kay was taking, as he rocked steadily back into Marc. Leisure, sensual flow of his body, moving like waves. 

He was so fucking beautiful. Marc wanted to tell him that. It was still a bit strange to consider a man beautiful. He had checked out men before, just measuring himself against them, like his father would say, but not seeing them as objects of desire. But Kay has always been the exception. Marc has always watched and sought out Kay, even when he knew he shouldn’t.

So instead he asked, “good?”

Marc felt a luscious clench around his cock accompanying Kay’s answer. “Never been better,” Kay said, a little bit breathlessly. 

Marc locked his arms around Kay’s chest, hoisted himself up a bit as he changed angle. Pulling out a little slowly just to see his cock disappearing and tunnelling into Kay’s body again. There was something about seeing their joined body that kept Marc in rapt fascination.

“Open more for me,” he murmured, now feeling bold enough to voice his request. Kay rolled to lie on his chest, his face buried in the pillow, he spread his legs farther. A soft moan escaped Kay’s mouth as he raised his hips higher, giving Marc complete access.

This was a vulnerable and trusting position. Marc thought of how exposed and fragile a person could be during sex, and Kay didn’t always do it for pleasure or for love. 

He gripped Kay’s hips with his hands, spreading the cheeks farther apart, and slid back in gently and slowly. He wanted to make it good for Kay, wanted him to know the difference. That this was something else, something between them only. It was honest and real.

“Oh Marc... ” Kay sighed contentedly as Marc bottomed out. 

Kay’s pale gold skin flushed with colour as he breathed out. Marc began to move with intent, still gentle but with increasing speed, he ran his hand up and down the beautiful backside in front of him while Kay matched him stroke by stroke. They got into a good rhythm, filling the guest bedroom with their loud grunts and moans; a variety of desperate blasphemes and each other’s name on their lips.

Marc felt the orgasm unfurling in his stomach. Followed by his spine. He bent down to cover Kay’s body, his hand reaching for Kay’s cock underneath, only to discover that Kay had already come. Without touching himself. The thought that Kay could come just with his cock inside of him pushed Marc to the edge. Kay was clenching his cock so tight, Marc gasped and was powerless to hold out any longer. He shook and spurted into the condom, deep inside the person he could no longer live without.

They rolled to lay on their side again. Marc’s softening latex-clad cock still lodged inside of Kay. He knew he needed to move away, clean up... but he wasn’t ready to let go of that peace that always came over after sex with Kay. He has never felt so close to anyone in his life.

“I love you,” Kay murmured. His voice so low, Marc had felt the words more than he heard them. 

Marc rubbed a hand up and down his back and then all the way up through his soft golden hair, feeling the fragile shape of his skull under his hand. The tenderness in his heart at the moment threatened to break him in half. 

“I love you too, baby,” Marc said. Can someone fall in love so quick, so hard in such a short period of time? Maybe he has always loved Kay, since they were teenagers. Maybe he has never stopped.

Kay turned around and faced him, his eyes bright with emotions, his sweat dampened skin glistening under the glow of the bedside lamp; he was looking at Marc like he’s been waiting to hear that all his life.

Marc made a quick trip to the bathroom. When he returned to bed, he gathered Kay into his arms, like setting up a shelter for the coming storm. They lay in the darkened room, listening to nothing but each other’s heartbeat. 

Marc’s last thought before exhaustion took over both of them was, _I can just sleep for a little bit before I leave..._

  
  


The knocks sounded like they were coming from outer space. Marc blearily opened his eyes, the room was still dark and he’s using Kay’s shoulder as a pillow. He fought the fogginess in his brain and tried to listen for the sound again. 

Kay stirred next to him and snuggled closer. “What’s up?” He asked with his raspy morning voice, rubbing his eyes. 

Marc was momentarily distracted by the warmth emanating from Kay’s body. “Did you hear -“ He opened his mouth to ask the same moment he saw a tall shadow standing by the bedroom door. 

Someone suddenly flipped the bedroom light on.

“Marc, you fucking idiot... “

Frank stepped into the room and stood at the end of the bed. His eyes bugged out and widened, he looked like he’s about to have a heart attack. 

Marc jumped out of bed so fast, he nearly tripped himself with the duvet.

Frank turned his face away. “For fuck’s sake! Cover yourself. Get dressed!”

Shocked and completely humiliated, Marc didn’t dare to spare a look at either Kay or Frank. He frantically picked up this clothes from the floor and began to get dress in the quickest way he could, while trying to explain, “Frank, wait... this isn’t -“

Frank gave him a death glare. “Shut up, buddy. Get dressed. I will deal with you in the living room.” Then he turned his eyes on Kay, who was sitting in the middle of the bed naked and motionless. “Wolff couldn’t reach you last night, he was worried, so he asked us to come and check if you are okay... so you’d better...” he scoffed, gave up and walked out of the bedroom.


	17. It’s the Hope that Kills You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank demands an explanation  
> Kay moves out of the penthouse  
> Another bombshell waiting for Marc
> 
> This chapter has both Marc’s and Kay’s POV, as indicated by ( )
> 
> Thank you of reading ❤️

(Marc)

Marc could see the veins on Frank’s neck protruding and throbbing, blood pumping away, his cheeks flushed red with unconcealed anger.

“Have you completely lost your mind?”

Frank stood in front of him. Fists clenched. Marc was mentally preparing for those punches. Because he deserved them.

“What the hell do you think you are doing? You are putting a half-million euro contract in danger, OUR business in danger. For what? For some forbidden ass?”

“Frank, this is not...” Marc sighed. 

“And you are cheating on Bettina, who is my friend. Fuck! Claudia will kill me.”

“I... we are not -“ Marc tried to get a word in, but first he had to untangle the jumbled mess of words in his brain. “Can you just give me a minute!” He said frustratingly. “I am not fucking around, this is...” he halted, swallowed. The word, spoken so heartbreakingly beautiful by Kay last night, was now stuck in Marc’s throat, choking him. 

Frank’s angry finger was pointing right up to his nose. “Don’t you fucking dare say it’s nothing. I caught you naked in bed with him. I am not blind.”

But that was not Marc had wanted to say. It was not nothing. Maybe that’s exactly the problem. 

Marc was sure if he told Frank, this was not nothing because he loved Kay, his friend would still throw that punch he’s been holding back. For the first time in his life, Marc felt he was far, far out of his depth. Things around him have been changing and shifting like treacherous tides. So violently fast he could barely keep his head above water. He has been so focused and so consumed by what Kay was doing, feared and worried about him, he has completely ignored all other parts of his life. Other people in his life. People who have been nothing but supportive.

If this was love, then what were his feelings for Bettina?

Marc flopped down on the sofa. Hands in his hair. Suddenly images of Bettina, his father, his mother, Frank and his wife popping up in his brain like a runaway reel of film. “I... I care about Kay. I want to help him.” he finally said, chipping off 50% of the truth. 

Frank gave a delirious snort. “Help him with what? With your cock up his ass? You want to be a Romeo and a hero, is that it? You barely know the guy. He’s playing you, you fool! He’s a grown man who chooses to fuck his boss for money. He doesn’t need your rescue. I’ve warned you this before!” 

“He’s not playing me! You don’t know what you are talking about!” Marc couldn’t help but shouted back. 

Frank raised his arms like he’s giving up. “Oh yeah? Then tell me. Give me one good reason.”

Marc opened his mouth to explain. But nothing came out. He couldn’t. They were Kay’s secrets, Marc had no right to spill them to save his own ass. He couldn’t even tell Frank that he knew Kay from before. That they had a history. There was no guarantee Frank wouldn’t tell Wenzel Wolff about Kay’s real identity. If that came out, Wenzel would know the rest and Kay would be in trouble. And a lot of danger.

The only thing Marc could be certain was that Frank would not tell Wenzel Wolff about his relationship with Kay. In fact, Frank would definitely hide it in order to protect their business.

“Wenzel Wolff is a bad man. He is dangerous.” Marc rubbed his forehead. He only has this card left, hoping to appeal to Frank’s sense of decency.

“You think I am dumb? This guy is in a billion dollar industry, gets death threats all the time, of course he has probably done bad things to someone! But it’s none of our business. Our business is to protect him! HIM. Not the assistant he’s fucking!”

“He’s assaulted him! He’s treating Kay like shit.” Marc continued to make his case.

Frank said with weary impatience. “Again, it's not our business to interfere. Also that doesn’t explain why you are sleeping with him.” He shook his head like Marc was hopeless. “Fuck. I didn’t even know you’re that way. All these years, only ever seen you with girlfriends.” He looked at Marc uneasily, “so... so what... now all of a sudden, you’re gay?”

“I am not gay!” Marc answered without thinking. 

And perhaps too loudly and defensively, because as the words were still ringing in his own ears, he saw Kay standing at the corner of the living room, his face pale, drained of colours.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._ He didn’t mean it like that. 

Kay was looking straight at him. Marc couldn’t decipher his expression, except that it reminded him of 14-year-old Kay’s face when 17-year-old Marc had told him to find someone else to go running with. 

Kay was wearing a black t-shirt, dark jeans and the grey hoodie from yesterday. He was holding a suitcase. 

Frank seemed to have sensed the presence of Kay behind him, he turned to glance at him, then back to Marc. He snorted loudly and walked over to the kitchen, letting Marc and Kay continue with their staring contest.

“Kay, I am trying to explain to Frank...” Marc walked closer to Kay, wanting to reassure Kay that his secrets were safe with him. But paralysed with fear and guilt, that was all he managed to say. He didn’t even know to whom he’s feeling guilty about. Kay? Bettina? Frank?

Then suddenly, like he had just come out of a trance, Kay turned to Frank and said, “It’s my fault.” He went to stand by the kitchen, leaned against the countertop with hands behind him, like a student apologising. “Marc was just here to make sure I was okay, he was being a friend.” His tentative smile was met with Frank’s stony face. Undeterred, Kay licked his lips and said, “The thing is... I’ve always fancied Marc, so I took the chance to... shall we say... seduce him.” He eyed Marc’s body up and down, his voice playful. “We had a good time and it’s been fun but it’s just a one-time thing.” He shrugged. “Straight men are allowed to be curious, you know?” Kay chuckled, tilting his head like he was teasing. “Though I think it’s better for everyone here that we keep this incident to ourselves. Wenzel doesn’t need to know. Don’t you agree?”

The acting was flawless if not for that little slip of his smile by the end of that impressive speech. Just a fleeting moment. No one would notice. But Marc saw it anyway because he always saw Kay. And his heart ached for him. He was trying to save Marc from the wrath of his business partner.

Frank’s eyes were fixated on Kay like he’s the devil incarnate, but he accepted the narrative like it's the most logical explanation. “Herr Klossner, I agree. And I trust that you won’t further complicate things for us. We are still working for Medikunft and we have a duty to Herr Wolff.” Frank’s tone was formal and seething with anger.

Kay didn’t seem to mind, he nodded. “You’ve probably learned what happened yesterday between me and Wenzel. I am moving out.” He pointed to the suitcase with his chin. 

Now Frank was surprised, he spared a curious look at Marc. “What should I tell Herr Wolff?”

Kay raised his chin. “You can report this back to Wenzel if you like. I will be at the Medikunft office next Monday unless Wenzel wants to fire me. In that case, he knows how to contact me.”

Frank winced. A tough task. This was not a message he would like to relay to Wenzel. He took out his mobile phone and walked away, maybe he needed to consider what he should say to Wenzel.

Only then did Kay look at Marc again and allowed him to see the misery in his eyes. 

Marc stepped closer to him. “Thank you for that... I’ll call you later, alright?” He said urgently but kept his voice down.

Kay met his eyes, a mix of hurt and apprehension flashed across his face. Marc didn’t know what Kay had made of that thoughtless ‘I am not gay’ remark he had blurted in panic. _Fuck_. Marc didn’t even know where that came from, everything coming out from his mouth this morning had been a disaster. He hoped Kay understood he just needed a bit of time to think this through. They both needed time.

Kay simply nodded; he forced a smile out and whispered, “You should go. I’ll be okay.”

Marc watched him, looking for the tiniest clue if Kay was telling the truth.

Then Frank was back. His hand firmly grabbed Marc’s shoulder, like a mother hen keeping his unruly children away from a fox. He said to Kay, “I will tell Wolff that you’re fine, that’s what he asked me to do. But I won’t tell him you are moving out. We are not getting involved in that. That’s between you and him.” 

“Fair enough.” Kay didn’t seem to care one way or the other; he walked to the door with unhurried grace. “Now if there’s nothing else, I’d like to finish packing.”

  
  


******

(Kay)

  
  


Of course it hurt. 

Frank and Marc had been too absorbed in their argument, their voices were getting louder and louder; they didn’t know Kay had heard all of it. Okay, maybe not all of it. The important part anyway.

_“You barely know the guy. He’s playing you, you fool! He’s a grown man who chooses to fuck his boss for money. He doesn’t need your rescue. “_

Kay understood Frank was trying to protect his friend and their business. And he knew nothing about Kay. Anyone looking in from outside would draw the same conclusion about him. So it shouldn’t hurt. It did because now Kay had hope. Hope of a future with Marc. A future where Frank would still be Marc’s friend and business partner. Now Kay wanted Frank to like him. 

That wouldn’t matter anyway. Because what hurt the most was what Marc said afterwards. When he told Frank he’s not gay.

Kay tried not to let paranoia set in, he knew it was just a knee-jerk response from Marc, he probably didn’t mean it. Although he sounded awfully like all the straight men Kay had known before, who would lash out at the merest challenge of their masculinity. That Kay was just an attractive distraction from their perfect heteronormative life; good for a fuck, but not to bring home to meet the family.

He pushed that maudlin thought away and finished his packing. It wasn’t much, he only needed to carry one meagre suitcase to his car, that’s all. He didn’t take any expensive gifts or suits bought by Wenzel. Most of his personal belongings were still in his apartment anyway.

Kay let his head rest on the steering wheel for a few seconds, eyes screwed shut. He took a few shallow breaths, trying to push down the sick feeling seething, churning in his guts. Marc said he loved him, he had to hold on to that. Whether that could survive in the real world, Kay didn’t know. He had no idea how real relationships work. _Is love alone enough? More important than everything else?_

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, gave himself a few moments then he straightened up again and started his car. 

He had a lot to do this weekend.

His old apartment was dusty and had a musty smell, but to Kay, it’s paradise. He went to open all the windows to allow fresh air to come in. He was putting on new bed sheets when a loud buzz from his mobile alerted him of a new message. He hoped it was Marc. But it was Wenzel.

>>where are you?<<

If Wenzel was texting, it meant his wife was around. Kay checked the time. They were probably on their way to the country club to play golf.

Kay quickly replied. >>in my apartment<<

The reply came back almost instantly. >>why are you doing this?<<

Then the rest came in quick succession. 

>>i am sorry, okay?<<

>>i was upset<<

>>i lost my temper. but can you blame me?<<

>>your mistake can cost me the CEO title<<

When Kay didn’t reply. The message turned demanding.

>>kay, answer me!<<

Kay decided to take a gamble and typed, >>am i fired?<<

>>no. I want you to go back to the penthouse<<

>>then i will see you in the office on monday<< Kay texted back then turned off his mobile.

When he turned the mobile back on a few hours later, there were three missed calls from Wenzel but nothing from Marc. 

Kay felt weak with want to pick up the phone and call Marc. The longer the wait, the worse the images in his mind got. He imagined Marc cuddling his fiancée on the sofa on a Saturday afternoon, his fingers carding through her reddish brown hair at this very moment. She sighed a happy sigh as she snuggled closer, blissfully unaware of the existence of Kay. Or perhaps they were having a late lunch with friends. Because that’s how normal couples spend their weekends, right? Kay had never had that. He had lived with Torsten for years but he had never met a single friend or colleague of Torsten’s. Torsten was crazy about Kay, but he wasn’t crazy enough to introduce a 18-year-old boyfriend who looked like a rent-boy to his lawyer friends. 

Nothing in his life has ever fit the norm anyway, so Kay hadn’t cared before. Until now.

Because he knew this was what Marc wanted. A kind and gentle man who cared about his family and friends, who would protect his pack without question. Marc would always have your back, even when he knows you’re wrong... Kay didn’t want to be the outsider looking in; he wanted to be the one giving Marc that life.

Kay went for a run in the nearby park to clear his head. He had a video call with Grisha later tonight, that should keep his mind busy for the rest of the day. 

As he ran back to his apartment block, he noticed a blue Audi A3 parked around the corner. Kay could swear it was the same car behind him when he left the penthouse this morning. If Wenzel was frustrated enough, it’s possible that he would send Joey to follow him. After all, he had done it before when Kay had first become his assistant, to find out if Kay had a boyfriend.

But this wasn’t one of Wenzel’s cars, so it couldn’t be Joey. 

Probably nothing. Kay shook off his worries and went into the building. Blue Audi A3 were everywhere in Stuttgart. 

  
  


“Fuck, Kay. What have you done this time?” Grisha grimaced.

“Huh?”

Grisha pointed to his face. He was referring to the bruise on Kay’s cheek. After the clusterfuck with Frank this morning, he had almost forgotten about his fight with Wenzel. 

“Long story. But it’s nothing. I moved out of the penthouse, by the way.”

“Wise choice and right on time,” Grisha said.

Kay perked up. “You found something on the phone already? You are a fucking genius!” He couldn’t believe his luck.

Grisha’s already red face turned a shade redder at the praise. “Hold on. Not so fast. Like always, good news and bad news. Bad news is your sugar daddy hasn’t talked about anything useful on that app since we started spying on him. The good news is I figured out a way to retrieve old encrypted messages between him and Heine Weiss.”

This was amazing news. That meant Kay didn’t have to wait for Wenzel to make a mistake to mention the murders.

“How?”

“The app archives up to two years’ worth of messages and because these corporate IT dogs are lazy, they usually use off-the-shelf encryption software, so all I need is to test them one by one to find out which. It shouldn’t take too long. Then after that, we can trawl through the data.” Grisha said with total confidence. This was his domain. 

Two years. What were the chances of Wenzel and Heine rehashing their old crime among themselves? Quite high, Kay reckoned, judging by how often Heine Weiss liked to remind Wenzel he owed him a big favour.

Kay felt a big boulder had been lifted off his chest. Especially after this morning, when he had dropped from having the whole world in his arms to hopes slipping away in the space of 20 minutes. _If Marc changes his mind about us... at least I can still do right by my father._

“Yo! Earth to Kay. What are you day-dreaming about? Ryan Gosling?” 

Kay rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to his friend.

“No, wait... Tom Hardy is more your type, right? Broodingly handsome and strong. A protector.”

Broodingly handsome and strong, checked. A protector, checked. Just not Tom Hardy. “Shut up. What do you know about men?”

Grisha leaned close to the camera and squinted his eyes. “Why are you smiling? I know that smile. You are sweet on someone. Who is it? Someone in your age group this time, please.”

“Fuck you, Grisha.”

“You wish! You are not getting this ass.”

Kay huffed a laugh. He made fun of Grisha’s sex life a lot, but in reality, he knew Grisha had a online girlfriend who was a fellow gamer and hacker and they planned to meet in person soon. Kay thought maybe one day, even his weird little friend would settle down and have a family, someone precious who understands and shares his world.

“Do you want to get married someday? Raise a couple of hacker kids of your own?” Kay asked.

Grisha scratched his face. “Sure. If she will take this face, I’d marry her in a heartbeat. Although both of us being hackers is a surefire way to guarantee our children won’t be interested in that, we probably need to pretend we don’t want to teach them.”

Kay chuckled. Grisha and his well thought-out parenting theories.

“Is it the bodyguard from the server room who didn’t report you? He’s the one you are sweet on?”

For a straight guy who had no sex life, Grisha was very perceptive. Kay didn’t even know if he and Marc were still a thing after today. It’s nearly 11pm and Marc hasn’t so much as sent him a text.

But if Kay couldn’t even tell Grisha about Marc, there was no hope. So he nodded. “Yeah. But he has a fiancée. The female kind.”

“Oh man, you do not need a floundering bi-curious dude at this point in your life. Fickle bastards that they are.”

Even in his dark mood, that almost made Kay splutter. “Stop reading gay agony aunt stuff on Reddit.”

“Just saying,” Grisha quipped. Then he turned more serious, “I am sorry, my friend. That really sucks.”

_Story of my life._

“What are you going to do?”

_Hope that he will choose me over her? Hope he will choose a guy who knows how to fuck but has no experience in real relationships?_

Kay smiled without mirth. “Nothing. There’s nothing I can do.”

In the end, Marc didn’t call or text him at all that weekend.

  
  
  


******

(Marc)

  
  


Frank’s parting words to Marc that morning had been: “I told Claudia to tell Bettina you were called in for an emergency night shift. But I am not done with you on this.” He glared at Marc. “Now go home to Bettina. She’s worried.” Then just before Marc got into his car, he had run back and thrown him a deodorant stick. “Rub some of this on, for Christ’s sake. You smell like him.”

Bettina was worried. And angry. Because on top of not coming home last night, Marc had also forgotten that they were supposed to have a dinner party with Bettina’s editors at home. She had to scramble an excuse to explain his absence.

“Why didn’t you return any of my texts? I was worried sick about you. I didn’t want to call Frank because I know you hate it when I butt into your work stuff, but this is unacceptable. I was so embarrassed! We’ve talked about this dinner party for a month. I added it in your calendar!”

Marc stood in the middle of the living room, head bent. He has been letting things between him and Bettina slide for weeks now. Months even, if he was honest. Ever since Kay Engel came back into his life. 

_Shit._

“My career is important too, you know? But I would never be so forgetful or embarrass you like that,” she hissed.

Marc had never seen her so angry, she has always been a caring and easy going person. His chest felt empty. _This is all my fault._

“I am sorry. I have a lot on my mind,” he mumbled. The explanation was pedestrian but heartfelt.

Bettina watched him carefully. “It’s not just work then, is it? I’ve asked Frank and he told me not to worry, but are you having cold feet? About getting married? Because this isn’t like you, Marc. I’ve never seen you so... so distracted!”

The accusation tone in her voice stole Marc’s breath. “What... No... I am really sorry about last night. It won’t happen again.” he said quickly, but even as the denial left his mouth, it sounded unconvincing and hollow to his own ears. 

They said nothing to each other after that weak answer, Bettina was still staring at him with suspicion in her eyes, but Marc avoided her gaze, afraid she could tell the truth from his eyes. After a few strained minutes, Marc finally escaped to the bathroom to take a shower.

His mind was reeling. He needed time. He needed to think. He needed... he needed to see Kay... then immediately shut that thought down... then he thought... it wasn’t fair to Bettina, he should come clean... If all of them could just give him some space so he could figure out a way to let her know, maybe let Frank know... without compromising Kay’s cover... 

_Maybe they will understand. Fuck._ Marc pressed his head against the tiled wall, hot water raining down on his back. He knew he’s kidding himself if he thought Bettina would understand. He’s going to hurt someone. It’s either Bettina or Kay...

He came out of the shower without a solution or a clue what to do.

The smell of fried potatoes, bacon and eggs permeated the house. Bettina was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, at least she seemed to have calmed down. “I had to borrow eggs from our neighbours, but here’s your Bauernfrühstück.” She switched off the stove when she saw Marc approaching with a towel around his neck.

She grabbed the towel and began to dry his hair for him, there’s a faint smile on her face. Her nimble fingers gently and skilfully massaging his skull, it was almost hypnotic. Marc closed his eyes and slowly exhaled, enjoying this short respite, feeling stress and tension slowly receding.

“There’s something else I wanted to tell you last night.” Bettina said,

“Yeah?”

“I am pregnant.”

Marc’s eyes snapped open. He stared at Bettina from under the towel; she was still talking. He could see her mouth moving but suddenly he couldn’t hear anything, except twin gushes of wind rushing into his ears.

He blinked. 

“Marc, did you hear me?” Bettina frowned. She put a hand on his forehead. “Are you ill?”

He got out from under the towel and took a step back. “What...” he took a big gulp of air, feeling light headed. “But we’ve been... we are using condoms.”

Bettina watched him. There was an ominous silence.

“You do know those things don’t offer 100% protection?” There was a funny expression on Bettina’s face, she looked part exasperated and part wounded. Marc knew this wasn’t the reaction she wanted from him. This wasn’t the reaction a woman would expect from the man she’s about to marry. 

“Nice to know your first reaction is to question the effectiveness of condoms,” Bettina’s lip curled. There was enough sarcasm in her voice to kill. She walked away.

Marc watched her go. 

_“I love you.”_ Marc remembered feeling the vibration of those words through his hand on Kay’s back. Kay, quietly declaring his love with his face away from Marc, his back trembling lightly. Marc had known then and there that Kay had never said those words to anyone else before. And now he said it to the wrong person.

Marc had no idea how long he had stood there before he finally unglued his feet. He went after Bettina, found her in their bedroom. He sat down next to her and took her hands in his. Still lost for words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I am throwing a lot of things at Marc all at once 😝


	18. The Last Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wenzel confronts Kay in the office  
> Marc goes to see Kay  
> Marc confronts Frank
> 
> *this chapter contains a scene of sexual assault (not long), but if this is a trigger for you, please feel free to skip that part. ((Hugs)) this, however, will be the only chapter with such content.
> 
> In Kay’s and Marc’s POV, as indicated by ( )

(Kay)

  
  


On Monday morning, Kay saw Mehmet outside Wenzel’s office. Mehmet was younger, more energetic and a lot friendlier than Limpinski. He went over to him and gave him a cup of coffee, lots of sugar, no milk. “Morning. You again? What happened to Marc?”

Mehmet relaxed his posture, he took the coffee with a big smile. “Frank said Marc has been assigned to another client, so just me and Gregor this week.”

This was the last week of the protection detail. Kay nodded. He wasn’t surprised but he was still disappointed. Still radio silence from Marc. 

_No words needed. I got the message loud and clear._

Kay mustered up a smile. “There are Berliners in the kitchen if you want one for your break.”

“Kay, come in here.” Wenzel called from inside his office.

Kay went in. “I just sent you the revised schedule, are you happy with it?” He asked, all business-like. 

Wenzel ignored his question; he went around to close the door. There was a gift box on Wenzel’s desk. Another watch? Kay knew the drill and kept his distance from Wenzel.

“I really messed up this time, didn’t I?” Wenzel rubbed his chin between his thumb and finger. “You left everything I gave you in the Penthouse. I guess this is your message to me. Tell me what I can do to make it up.”

_You can confess causing the death of my parents_. Kay thought bitterly.

“I don’t want anything.”

“Maybe a promotion? I can give you a raise. Get you in the executive grade, you can get company shares with that.”

Kay shook his head.

Wenzel frowned. Clearly began to lose patience. He picked up the gift box and gave it to him. “I bought it for you anyway.” He murmured sweetly, “Come on, be a good boy. Open it.”

Kay put it back on the desk. “I think it’s better if our relationship remains in professional capacity only.”

The temperature in the room dropped several degrees after that.

For someone like Wenzel, this was as much patience as he would spare. He narrowed his eyes. “Why are you playing hard balls now, huh? You’ve found another daddy, is that it? Someone richer?” He grabbed Kay’s wrist. “Maybe it’s not about money then. Maybe a daddy who’s rough in bed, huh? Cos that’s what you like, isn’t it? You little shit.” He squeezed Kay’s wrist in his grasp painfully.

“Let go of me!” Kay shook him off easily with a push, Wenzel staggered back and hit the corner of his desk, he yelped in pain. The excessive force was a mistake, Kay had only wanted to keep things calm between him and Wenzel, so he could still keep an eye on him and Heine Weiss closely.

“I’ll be outside if you need me.” Kay said and turned to open the door. 

He had just reached the door handle when he felt a hand around his neck. In a flash, Wenzel was pulling him back and smashing his head against the wall. The sharp pain so sudden Kay didn’t even have time to shout before a rush of dizziness set in. His legs went weak as Wenzel smashed his head against the wall again; he twisted one of Kay’s arms behind him and held him captive between the wall and his body.

Kay tasted blood in his mouth. Either his nose was bleeding or he had bitten his own lips, he couldn’t tell.

“If you want rough. I can give you rough!” Wenzel said menacingly to his ear. His head spinning, Kay felt his trousers and boxer-briefs being pulled down, a rush of cold air greeted his exposed ass. Wenzel’s hand was urgent and ruthless. He inserted one of his fingers inside Kay roughly, without any lube, not even saliva. The pain felt like a thousand electric shocks, blasted through Kay’s consciousness, he pushed, writhed and wriggled, his body tried to expel the invasion... “Heine was right. Someone needs to teach you a lesson. Now daddy is going to give it to you real good. So you’ll know you belong to me.” His finger dug deeper. “Only me, you hear me?” Kay squeezed his eyes shut. 

The finger finally left his body, but Kay knew what was coming. His mind raced, heart beating so fast he felt like he’s not getting enough oxygen. _No, no, no, no, I am not going to get raped by my parents’ murderer._ He fought through the dizziness and panic, fought with all his might, trying to push his body away from the wall. Wenzel’s cock was poking against the entrance of his asshole but he couldn’t aim it. His hands moved down to grab hold of Kay’s hips, trying to keep him in place.

With his upper body free, Kay knew now was the chance. He mustered all his strength, shoved a backward head-butt, and then hit Wenzel’s mid-section with an elbow strike. 

“Get the fuck off me!” Kay shouted as loud as he could. Finally found his voice.

Wenzel doubled over in pain. Kay took the chance to get under him and went for the door. He almost smashed into Mehmet as the bodyguard rushed into the room.

“Herr Wolff? Sorry but I heard...” Mehmet halted. He first looked at Kay, then at Wenzel, who was still bent over with his head on his desk. He hasn’t moved since Kay shoved him away.

Mehmet’s eyes widened, almost comically huge. Kay didn’t know what shocked him more. His bloodied face or that his trousers were around his ankles. 

“Are you okay? Can you stand up?” He offered his hand to Kay. 

But Kay waved him away. He held up his trousers and slowly got up. His shirt sleeve was bloody when he wiped it against his mouth and nose. Kay spit out some blood, briefly relieved that he hadn’t lost any teeth. The blood probably leaked from his nose to his throat. He walked gingerly out to his office.

Amazingly, no one else from outside his office seemed to have heard anything. Maybe they were used to ignoring any funny noises coming from Kay and Wenzel’s offices, because pretty much everyone knew he was Wenzel’s plaything. Kay sat down on one of the guest chairs in his own office, he put his head between his knees, trying to get his heart rate to slow down.

It was so close. He could still feel the disgusting sensation when Wenzel’s cock nudged between his ass cheeks. Like the moment before you die. How did it come to this? Kay suddenly wondered how he had managed to endure nearly 8 months of sleeping with his enemy. Before Marc, it had been like a task on his plan, an item to check off the list, so he could get to the next step. But after Marc, he just couldn’t. 

Even though Marc might not care if he slept with Wenzel or not anymore. He shook that thought away. Thinking of Marc only made the nearly-happen incident seem even worse. Kay closed his eyes.

“Erm...” Someone was clearing his throat.

Kay looked up. Mehmet had sat down on the chair next to him.

“Herr Wolff asks if you want to go see a doctor, says he can arrange it.”

Kay snorted. Then he shook his head.

Mehmet bit his lower lip. He lowered his voice and said, “If you want to press charges, I can be your witness... I know what he was doing.”

Kay shook his head again. What was the point? Wenzel would just say Kay was his lover, that they were fooling around; that Kay liked it rough. He didn’t want Wenzel to get a snap on the wrist for sexual misconduct; he wanted him in prison for his parents’ murder.

“Well, it didn’t happen, so no, I don’t want to press charges.” Kay was surprised by how calm his voice was. Maybe he was still in shock. Maybe he didn’t get out in time, this was just a better dream his brain made up like some kind protection mechanism.

Mehmet grimaced, struggling between relief and outrage. “Alright,” he finally said. “Maybe you should go home then. Get clean up and... do what you have to do.” He said gently.

Kay looked at Mehmet. This guy had a good heart. 

“Kay.” It was Wenzel. He was leaning against the door frame between his and Kay’s office, one hand holding his lower abdomen where Kay had hit him. There was a red bruise on his forehead where Kay had head-butted him. His eyes had this haunted look like he was the victim in the event he initiated. 

When Kay met his eyes, he gasped, shocked by his own handiwork. “Oh god, Kay... I am so sorry.” Wenzel looked like he had aged 10 years in a few seconds. His voice was full of remorse.

Kay didn’t care. He didn’t respond. 

“Kay -“

“I quit.” If he and Grisha couldn’t find anything incriminating on the messaging app, then he just had to find another way again. He couldn’t stand another day of this. “Effective today. I will leave my work laptop to Rosa, she knows my filing system.”

  
  


******

  
  


Four days later, Kay came home from the park and found Marc waiting outside his apartment.

“Hey.” Marc pulled away from the wall he’s been leaning on. 

The light in the corridor was dim, so Marc couldn’t see the small band-aid on his nose. 

His nose wasn’t broken, the bump on his forehead and the cut on his lips have healed; there were bruises on his arm when Wenzel twisted it behind him but the sleeves were long enough to cover it. He had underestimated Wenzel’s propensity for violence, so the real injuries had been on his self-respect and self-worth, nothing new and nothing he couldn’t handle.

“Hey,” he replied, keeping his distance.

Marc wasn’t looking at him anyway. In fact, he was avoiding Kay’s eyes. He was looking at his shoes when he mumbled an apology. “I am sorry I didn’t call you earlier. Things have been... it’s been difficult at home.”

_Home._

The word popped up in Kay’s mind like a ‘Do Not Enter’ red neon sign. He nodded robotically and said, “I figured.” What else could he say? _Is this how people talk when they break up? Was I even in a relationship with Marc?_

“Can I come in? I need to tell you something,” Marc said. 

_Now that sounds more like an opening line for a breakup._ Like in the movies he watched. 

Marc followed him into the apartment. With the flip of a light switch, he finally saw the skin coloured band-aid. 

“Shit. What happened?” Marc reached out to touch his face, but Kay turned away.

So, Marc really didn’t know. 

Or Frank Richter decided he didn’t need to know. To think that he had once hoped Frank would like him one day. Kay laughed inwardly at his own naivety. 

At least he had plenty of time to prepare for an answer. “Nothing. I hit a low beam in the basement here. Forgot how low the ceiling is there.” Kay shrugged, touching his nose bridge and rolling his eyes for better effect.

Marc looked at him skeptically but he didn’t pry further; probably had more important things in his mind, like how to break up with his male lover. Marc looked haggard, the frown lines around his mouth deepened as he grimaced.

Kay’s stomach churned, waiting for the words. His sentence.

Marc set his eyes on him, blue like sapphires and anguished like hell. “I am getting married in December.”

He thought he was prepared for it. The silence for the past week should have prepared him for it, but when he heard it, it still felt like being mowed down by an 18-wheeler. Crushed beyond recognition.

Marc rubbed his face with both hands. “Bettina is pregnant and I... I can’t...”

The news hit him like the second oncoming truck, rubbing salt to the wound. A gaping wound.

_He can’t leave his unborn child._ Kay thought it was only appropriate that he fell in love with a decent man who would do the decent thing.

“I understand.” Kay heard himself say.

“I have to do the right thing,” Marc continued to explain like he hadn’t heard him. 

Kay could do nothing but nodded. He was numb to the bone.

“It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. You must know this isn’t something I planned.” Marc continued to say urgently, as if talking was a way to absorb whatever guilt he was feeling.

“You’ll be a great father.” Kay didn’t even know where that came from. Just saying whatever came to his mind first at this point.

But Marc must have interpreted it as sarcasm because he turned his face away in shame. He swallowed. “I want you to know that I still want to help you. With your father’s case.”

For some reason, this was worse. This was like some food scraps Marc threw out after a meal - Sorry I can’t be with you because I want to have a normal life, but let me help you with your sob story, you deserve this much. Like Kay was some charity case.

Kay wanted to tell him to save it. To leave him alone. That he didn’t need his charity. But he didn’t because keeping control and his composure at that moment was paramount, he couldn’t afford to let the dam break, or he would lose it all. “I appreciate that,” Kay managed to squeak the words out, they tasted like sand in his mouth.

Marc winced at the formality of the word but he dug into his jeans’ pocket and took a small paper card.

It has a name, email address and mobile number on it. >>Oliver Bauer, Polizeihauptmeister, Corporate Crime unit<<

“Bauer has a solid background on similar cases and he’s known for his integrity and anti-corruption stance. I’ve made initial contact with him, gave him a brief on the case, but I didn’t give him your name or the company name. He’s very interested to talk to you, just mention my name when you make contact.” 

Marc tumbled out Bauer’s credential in a rush, clinging on to the safe subject like a life raft. “Or I can come with you when you’re ready to talk to Bauer. I can keep track of it for you, I still have friends in the unit.” He suggested eagerly, offering his help, his undying friendship.

When Kay just stood there motionless, he thrust the paper into Kay’s palm and closed his own hand around it. 

It was the softness of the touch that eventually broke Kay’s heart. He knew Marc really meant it, no matter how misguided it might be, Marc has always wanted to do the right thing. 

Kay stared at the clasped hands between them, then moved up to his face. Their eyes locked. He heard Marc’s breath hitched as Kay stroked his thumb against his cheek, red like he’s holding his breath. Then Kay brought his face closer, rubbing it against Marc’s like an eskimo greeting, soft and gentle. Kay inhaled, Marc smelled like clean sweat and lavender, a different soap he used at home, perhaps, Kay thought. 

Marc went absolutely still under his touch before he suddenly let out a half sob. 

“Shhh...” Kay murmured, his thumb caught the first tear that rolled down on his cheek. His mouth caught the second as he kissed Marc. The salty taste mingled with their breaths as they opened for each other. Marc kissed him like he’s been parched for days without a drop of water, painfully desperate, full of sorrow. Kay slipped his tongue in and sighed into Marc’s mouth because he’s a greedy bastard. If this was the last kiss he’s ever going to get from Marc, he wanted it to be the best; he wanted Marc to remember this kiss as he grew old with his wife, as he watched his child grow up. 

“Kay...” Marc choked up, tried to catch his breath, but Kay wasn’t allowing any time to waste, he began to kiss Marc’s barely there stubble, his jawline. His chest pressed against Marc’s, feeling the fast heartbeat vibrating against his rib cage. He felt Marc’s hand move up to cradle the back of his neck, drawing Kay closer. Their mouths kissing and mapping each other’s face, ears and neck, every part they could reach. 

They both knew what this was. This wasn’t a kiss that was leading to sex or a future. This was their goodbye.

Acid rolled in Kay’s stomach as he accepted this in his head. He began to slow down his kisses, pressing soft ones on Marc’s forehead, his temples and his hair, comforting kisses. Marc’s hands clung onto him around his waist, like someone asking for forgiveness for the pain he had just inflicted. And Kay forgave him.

Reality returned in the form of a buzz. Marc’s mobile phone buzzed and vibrated on the kitchen counter.

And Kay finally let go of Marc.

  
  


******

  
  


(Marc)

  
  


Marc looked out to the garden. Bettina had a big floppy sun hat on, a light tan on her cheeks. On the surface, she was enjoying the sun and chatting with Marc’s mother with a smile. They were planting some flowers or seeds. He had no idea what and even less interest to find out.

Frank had cut him off Wenzel Wolff’s security detail and has been keeping him out of their own office too. “Take a week off. Sort out your mess. This is your final warning.” He had warned.

So Marc has been stuck in the house with Bettina with the news of their unplanned pregnancy hanging over them. At least they haven’t told his parents or anyone else, Bettina didn’t want to announce it until after the first trimester. 

Things with Bettina have been... strange. Marc couldn’t find a better word. They had made up; he had reassured her of his commitment. They had even set a tentative date for the wedding in December. With the baby news, Bettina wanted to move it forward. 

Then why did he feel like he’s being put on probation? Under constant observation by Bettina’s shrewd gaze? Maybe it was just his guilty conscience talking. 

They turned to wave at him. He returned it with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. 

He reached into his jeans’ pocket. His fingers itching for the mobile phone. He wanted to call Kay. Oliver Bauer had called him yesterday, said Kay had made initial contact and had sent over the first batch of files. 

_“Thanks for everything. I’ll let you know when I call your contact.”_ The last words Kay had said to him that night. Marc rubbed his face, remembering that that evening in Kay’s apartment. His mouth tingled, his face inflamed just thinking about that kiss. Their last kiss. 

That was five days ago and Kay hasn’t called him since. 

He checked to make sure his mother and Bettina were still in the garden, before he could change his mind, he took out his mobile and called Kay. It went straight to voicemail.

Marc tried Kay’s office direct line, it was redirected to the reception. When he asked to speak to Kay Klossner, the receptionist forwarded his call to someone named Rosa.

“I am afraid Herr Klossner is not available. May I know who’s calling?”

“Is he off sick?”

“Erm. Sorry we can’t give out such information. May I have your name?”

“Never mind. Thank you.” Marc hung up.

Marc’s chest filled with dread. He could feel it. That something wasn’t right. Their security detail finished a few days ago. Out of Frank, Limpinski and Mehmet, there was only one choice.

“He resigned last week.” Mehmet said hesitantly, probably wondering why Marc didn’t know or why he was asking.

Marc’s heart rate was beginning to slow down. That’s good, right? That Kay decided to leave. 

“When?”

“Monday.”

Marc was surprised. That was a few days before Marc went to see him and Kay hadn’t mentioned it at all... 

“It was all in the incident report... Did I forget to mention that Kay quitted?” Mehmet sounded bewildered. “I mean, can you blame him? Even though he’s a client, I still think we have an obligation to -“

“What incident?”

There was a hard silence from the other end of the phone line. Mehmet must have realised Marc hadn’t read the report. Or that Frank didn’t want Marc to read it.

“What incident?” Marc repeated. Loudly. Suddenly he remembered the band-aid on Kay’s nose. 

_Fuck._

“Shit. I don’t know... I gave it to Frank and he said he will handle it, said to wait til our contract is over. I thought you know... I... I feel sorry for the guy, even though he looked like he was ready to kill Wolff...” Mehmet began to babble.

Marc hung up. He grabbed his car key and ran out of the house.

“Marc? Where are you going?” Bettina called as she ran to the driveway.

Marc was already reversing the car. He stopped. “I need to go to the office. It’s urgent.”

Bettina gave him a pointed look but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll tell you later, okay?” He avoided her accusing gaze and started the car.

  
  


Frank was on the phone when he got to the office. He frowned and gestured to Marc to sit down.

Marc stood there, glaring at his friend. Incident reports were filed electronically as well as hard copies, he should have received a copy in his email but he didn’t. Because his best friend decided he knew what’s best for him.

Frank reluctantly ended his call. “What are you doing here? I told you to get a week off.”

“Where’s Mehmet’s incident report?”

Frank froze. Then he recovered and said slowly, “It’s not your concern. I have handled it.”

Marc’s heart sank. _It must be bad._ He pounded both fists on Frank’s desk. “It’s my company too! Give me the report!”

Frank didn’t even blink. “I am not giving you shit until you calm the fuck down and stop thinking with your dick!” He scowled.

Marc reached over and grabbed the front of Frank’s shirt. His fist raised and ready to strike, blood rushing, pulsing in his ear.

“Oh yeah? You are going to hit me? Go ahead!” Frank taunted.

Marc let out a frustrating shout and released Frank. “What have you done with it? Why didn’t I see it in my inbox?”

Frank looked slightly ashamed. He avoided Marc’s eyes. “I didn’t log in in the system, only keeping the hard copy.”

“Why?” 

“Wenzel Wolff requested us to handle it discreetly.”

Marc felt the dread spreading to his limbs, a dead chill set in. “Give me the hard copy.” His voice low and dangerous. “Give me the hard copy now or I swear I will walk out of this partnership and never come back.”

It was the first time that Frank looked like he believed Marc would carry out his threat. He finally unlocked the drawer and took out a file. 

“It’s only a nearly-happen incident, okay? And he’s not pressing charges.” Frank handed the file over. 

Marc ran his eyes through the report quickly, swallowing and breathing hard as his mind began to connect the written words with images in his head. His legs gave out first as he staggered back, nearly crashing into the metal cabinet. His chest went next as he gasped for air. When he got the end of the report, he slid down on the floor and let out a painful cry.


	19. Finally, We Meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc walks into a dangerous situation  
> Kay and Bettina meet
> 
> This chapter has both Marc’s and Kay’s POV, as indicated in ( )
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤️

(Marc)

  
  


The worst part was knowing this had happened before Marc went to see Kay that night. That the whole time Kay had been suffering inside and out. _And what did I do? I told him we don’t have a future. I told him about my ‘little’ problem instead._

Marc shook away the self-pity and tried to focus. There was nothing else in his mind except the raging need to connect his fist to Wenzel Wolff’s face. He pressed down on the gas pedal, speeding down the road, knowing in another 5 minutes, he would storm into the Medikunft office.

Frank’s last ditch attempt to stop him still ringing in his ears. “For god’s sake! It’s done. I promise we won’t do any business with them, okay? Marc! Listen to me! Marc!”

Marc only slowed down as he approached the car-park entry barrier. He hoped his temporary pass still worked. 

“Mr Borgmann, haven’t seen you for a while.” The guard greeted him in a friendly voice. 

Marc kept his voice calm and gave a vague response. “Yes, just tidying up something.” 

With adrenaline still pumping, Marc parked in the nearest spot he could find. He was about to get out of his car when he spotted two men getting out of a blue Audi A3 from his wing mirror.

Marc did a double-take. It was Kay and an older man.

They were far away enough that they didn’t seem to have noticed Marc’s car. The man was glancing around as he walked behind Kay. Marc ducked his head lower but his eyes stayed on the wing mirror. He finally got a better look at the older man and recognised him.

It was Rudi Schmitt. NordenMed’s COO. The man Kay had found dirt and blackmailed for Wenzel Wolff. Marc also remembered Kay had mentioned Rudi Schmitt used to work for Stasi back in the day.

Dread and panic spread through his body, but Marc’s cop instincts soon took over. He quietly opened his locked glove box, relieved to find his gun there. His body screamed to get out and run after Kay, but he knew it would be a bad idea to make his presence known. 

He watched Kay walking in front with Schmitt close behind; he noticed the stiff way Kay walked and knew Kay was under duress, that Schmitt might be armed. They were going to take the lift to the office floors.

Marc made sure they'd turned the corner before he jumped out and ran over to the car-park attendant. “Call the police. Tell them there’s a developing incident at Wenzel Wolff’s office. Possible hostage situation. Suspect might be armed.”

The car-park attendant opened his mouth in a perfect O. 

“Do it, now!” Marc hissed. Then he ran for the lift, there was no way he could stand around and wait for the police to arrive. He knew which floor they were going.

When he got to the 5th floor, everything looked business as usual. He recognised the receptionist. “Where did Herr Klossner go?”

She recognised Marc as well. “He just arrived. They are in Herr Wolff’s office. It’s a closed door meeting though. Do you want to -“

“Listen. Clear everyone from this floor now! Quietly.”

“What? What do you mean...” She stopped asking questions when she saw Marc taking out his gun. 

“Rudi Schmitt. He’s armed. Your security is aware and the police are on their way. Now keep your voice down and get everyone out.”

Marc didn’t care how she’s going to do it, he went straight to Kay’s old office. It was open and no one was in here, but the door to Wenzel’s office was closed. 

Marc knew Kay had a key to Wenzel’s office in his drawer. It was still there. Marc had his back against the door. He could hear voices from inside but not able to make out much. Heart pounding, he imagined Schmitt pressing his gun to Kay’s head. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ He ordered himself to calm down. _Do your fucking job._ He needed a view to assess the situation. Or maybe he should wait for the police. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t just sit here and do nothing.

Marc took a gamble and turned the lock quietly, the door opened to a tiny gap, but Marc had a view to the room. 

Two things were in his favour: 1. Rudi Schmitt had his back to the door. 2. Kay was alive, he’s facing Schmitt, two feet away from both Wenzel and Schmitt.

Things not in his favour: Rudi Schmitt was pointing a gun alternately at Kay and Wenzel. And he’s angry. Very angry.

“I told you it wasn’t me, Rudi! Put the gun down!” That was Wenzel Wolff.

“Shut up, you faggot! You ruined my life! Do you know they fired me? I gave them my whole life and they fired me!”

“It wasn’t me!” Wenzel shouted. 

Rudi Schmitt took one step closer and pressed his gun against Wenzel’s temple. “I said shut up! I know it was you.” Wenzel recoiled and raised both of his hands in a surrender position. “Or you had your faggot boyfriend to do the dirty deed, that’s how you operate.” Marc’s heart almost stopped as Schmitt now pointed the gun at Kay.

Kay was expressionless. 

“At least what I do isn’t against nature. Unlike you pair of faggots. In my days, I would have thrown you two in labour camps, you should be living on the fringe of society, not running an international company and flaunting your boyfriend at parties.”

_Keep talking. Talking is good._ Marc breathed out quietly. 

“What do you want, Rudi? Tell me! I’ll give it to you. You want a new job? We can arrange that.” Wenzel Wolff still thought he could talk him out of it. But Marc knew from experience this was a dangerous situation because there was no going back for Rudi Schmitt. 

“Shut up!”

Marc straightened up, he held the gun by his chest, still pressed behind the door; he was just waiting for the moment Rudi was distracted. 

He looked in again and this time he met Kay’s eyes head on. There was a minuscule widening of his eyes but Kay’s face remained tight like granite. He averted his eyes, made sure Rudi Schmitt wouldn’t look at his direction. _Smart._

Marc calculated the best hope was to divert Rudi Schmitt’s attention away from Kay. But fucking Wenzel began to edge himself closer to Kay. “Rudi, my friend. I am serious about the job offer. With your experience in the industry, we can definitely use someone like you.” Wenzel kept moving as he talked. He too, had spotted Marc now, but instead of remaining calm. He’s drawing attention, glancing at Marc’s direction.

“Fuck you and your job offer!” Schmitt spat. “I am here to give you two what you deserve!” His gun still steady on Wenzel.

“He’s the one who found those photos. I didn’t even ask him to!” Wenzel pointed to Kay. 

_Fucking Wenzel Wolff._

Rudi Schmitt wasn’t impressed though. “Selling out your faggot boyfriend already? You coward! Do you even know your little boyfriend here has a lover? Younger and stronger than you. Just what I expected from people like you. No loyalty. No moral.” He turned to Kay. “What do you have to say then? Your sugar daddy is selling you out.”

Before he answered, Kay glanced at his left and tilted his head a little, knowing Marc was watching him. He’s indicating the guest sofa.

_Kay is going to dive behind the sofa when Marc is ready._ That’s his message.

“I think what you do in your private space and time is nobody’s business. I am very sorry that we had to use it to blackmail you.” Kay said. His voice was clear and calm.

Rudi Schmitt ripped his gaze from Kay to Wenzel, then back to Kay, the apology seemed to disarm and confuse him for a moment. He narrowed his and lowered his arm. His gun was pointing down for the first time.

In his peripheral vision, Marc could see that Kay had begun to nod his head. _This is it!_ Marc banged the door wide open, he charged forward and pointed his gun at Rudi Schmitt’s back. “Drop the gun,” he shouted.

Kay dived, the same moment Rudi Schmitt turned around with his gun. But Kay didn’t dive to the left behind the sofa as Marc had thought, he had propelled himself instead into attack. The explosion of speed and power, similar to a runner’s sprint start, both shielded Marc and cut Schmitt’s legs from under him.

As Schmitt lost his footing, he fell and fired his gun.

And Marc fired his.

“Kay!”

“Marc!”

White dust and flying debris rained down on them. Marc had his gun trained on Schmitt on the floor, who was bleeding, a patch of dark red spreading on his shirt.

Schmitt’s shot had hit the ceiling. Marc had shot him on the shoulder.

The twin popping sound was ear-splitting, Marc couldn’t hear his own voice as he shouted again, “Kay?”

“I am here.” He felt Kay’s hand on his shoulders first before he saw him. Kay was behind him. Marc reached back for his hand, squeezing it tightly. He had never felt so alive just from a single touch with another person. Kay, flesh and bone, safe and in one-piece.

Rudi Schmitt’s hand twitched, reaching for his gun on the floor; Marc put his foot on his wrist. “Do not move,” he repeated, then kicked the gun away. 

Marc was shouting for an ambulance when the police stormed in.

  
  


******

(Kay)

  
  


Kay’s restless gaze fell on the mini recorder the detective had placed on the desk. They have been questioned by the police for hours now. Separately. He desperately wanted to ask what was happening to Marc. 

Kay knew even though it was a hostage situation, Marc had fired a shot, he would be investigated. Rudi Schmitt’s injury wasn’t fatal; he had surgery and was now in the hospital under police custody. The question was whether the police believed the shot was self-defense and justified.

The detective rubbed his chin and said slowly, “So, here is what we know so far. Rudi Schmitt dragged you into his car shortly after 2pm today outside your apartment building. Then he forced you to take him to the Medikunft office because he knows Wenzel Wolff would see you, even though you are no longer an employee.”

Kay nodded.

“Care to elaborate on your relationship with Wenzel Wolff?”

Kay’s jaw moved. “I was his executive assistant.”

The detective smiled. “Rudi Schmitt swears that you have a sexual relationship with your ex-boss.”

“Rudi Schmitt will say a lot of things to save himself.”

“And your relationship with the other shooter, Marc Borgmann?”

“He’s one of the bodyguards who provide protection detail to Wenzel. Wenzel has been getting death threats and we suspect Rudi Schmitt is behind it. The two companies were in a legal dispute, as you know...” Kay looked at the detective. “Rudi has gone mad, waving his gun. He was totally unstable. Marc had no choice. He saved us.” He emphasised. 

The detective nodded. He said with a faint smile on his face. “We are also trying to determine why Mr Borgmann was in Wenzel’s office even after their security contract has ended. What was he doing there?”

That damn blue Audi A3. Rudi Schmitt had been following him for weeks, he probably found out about his relationship with Marc, and now tried to spin and muddle the water with some lovers’ spat scenario between Marc, Wenzel and Kay. 

Kay schooled his face to a blank expression, he shouldn’t give the police any reason to question Marc’s involvement. “I know Marc and his business partner are trying to get other new business with Medikunft, maybe that’s why he was in the office today.” Kay had a pretty good idea why Marc came to the office but he was not volunteering that information. Marc didn’t need more trouble because of him.

If Kay had to guess, Rudi Schmitt didn’t want the police poking into his BDSM scandal, so it’s unlikely he would mention the blackmail. The police had him locked tight with kidnapping and hostage-taking. He would not give the police a motive to charge him with attempted murder.

“We are investigating the death threats. Rudi Schmitt denied it. He said it’s just business rivalry getting out of hand.” The detective’s tone was borderline incredulous. He thought there was more to it. But the police could guess all they want. Without evidence, that’s all they could do. 

“Will Marc be charged for the shooting?” The hell with it. He needed to know.

Kay held the detective’s shrewd gaze. After a few seconds, the detective finally said, “no, we are not going to charge him. He has a gun licence. Both you and Wenzel Wolff gave evidence that Rudi Schmitt fired the first shot and that Marc Borgmann was trying to stop him,” he nodded. “Plus he’s an ex-cop. His words still carry weight around here.”

Kay dropped his head on his folded arms on the table; he could finally breathe easier. When he looked up again, the detective was watching him thoughtfully. Then he finally stood up, turned off the recorder and said, “funny that Borgmann kept asking about you too. He’s waiting outside.” 

  
  


It was almost 7pm by the time he left the interview room. The detective pointed to an area referred to as ‘the bullpen’ to him. Marc was sitting there, talking quietly to another plain-clothed police officer. Frank Richter was there too.

The talking stopped abruptly as Kay appeared at the entrance. 

Their eyes met across the room. Marc walked over and pulled him aside to the corridor.

Kay stood with arms by his side; he opened his mouth to ask if Marc was okay but Marc pulled him into his arms before he could form the words.

“Shit. I thought they were going to keep you there all night, are you alright?” Marc whispered next to his ear. 

After a two seconds delay, Kay finally returned the hug. He closed his eyes and buried his face in Marc’s hair, no longer caring to hide that he was about to fall apart. This whole day, from the threat to his own life; the threat to Marc’s life, to the threat of Marc being charged for the shooting, has been relentless. Now it was finally over. Relief flooded him, the lump in his throat was so huge he could barely swallow. 

He didn’t raise his head until he heard Marc’s voice tremble and said,“When I saw Rudi Schmitt with you in the car-park, I kept thinking I was too late, that I wouldn’t get there in time. And then you jumped in front of me... Jesus, Kay, you nearly gave me a heart attack.“ He pulled away and looked at Kay. “He could have shot you instead of the ceiling. You fool.” The last two words came out in a sigh. 

“He was aiming the gun at you,” Kay said. He didn’t remember making the decision before he propelled himself forward, it was pure instinct. In his mind, that had been the only option when he saw the gun aiming at Marc.

Marc’s eyes were gentle, he gave a weak smile. “Well, you were charging at Schmitt like an Olympic sprinter. I don’t think he stood a chance.”

Kay remembered the sound of the gunshots, one after another. A deafening sound from such a small object. He had never seen or heard a gun being fired before. He remembered the loud ringing in his ears and the few horrifying seconds when he thought Marc had been hit.

“They told me you’re cleared of the shooting.”

Marc nodded. “It was justified self-defense. They see it as me doing my job. To protect Wolff.” He snorted. “When in fact, I was on my way to beat the shit out of him.”

Kay touched his forearm. “You didn’t tell them that, did you?”

Marc shook his head, his face twisted painfully. “Why didn’t you tell me? I came to your place that night and you didn’t say a word, like nothing happened. When the bastard -“

“Nothing happened.”

“It looked damn close from the report!” Marc’s eyes were liquid with anguish. “Fuck.” He looked around, then lowered his voice even though there was no one around, his hands still holding Kay’s shoulders, pleading, “Kay, I don’t like this. You are in way over your head. Just give all the evidence you have to Bauer and let them deal with Wolff. He probably gets prison time just for that,” he rushed on, as if Kay’s life would be in peril if he didn’t take him out of this situation right away. He said urgently, “Baby, please. I can’t stand the idea of you getting anywhere near that man.”

The endearment slipped out. Just like that and Marc didn’t seem to be aware of it. But it only reminded Kay of a future that he was never going to have. He knew Marc was just trying to convince him. Wolff and Medikunft had unlimited money and resources at their disposal. These white collar crimes might damage their reputation, they will get fined and Wolff might even have to resign, but chances of him going to prison was zero. 

Kay’s throat worked, a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. He said with more confidence than he felt, “Don’t worry. He won’t catch me off guard like that again.” 

“No, Kay, listen -“ Marc insisted.

“Marc.” Frank called him. 

They both turned to look at him. Kay dropped his arms and took a step back as Frank approached.

Frank gave him a look. Not exactly friendly, but less hostile than last time. He still thought Kay was a troublemaker who was messing with his best friend’s life, this much was clear.

“Your father’s downstairs. The Chief Inspector here was your father’s friend, he called him,” Frank said.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s a shooting incident and you’re not a cop anymore. You’ll need all the friends you have in the force.” 

“That’s bullshit,” Marc rubbed his forehead, he sounded more resigned than annoyed.

Kay knew this was his cue to leave. “I should go.”

“No, Kay, wait... ” At Frank’s exasperated look, Marc settled for a quick “I’ll call you.”

Kay knew how well it had gone last time Marc said he would call him. His face must have shown what he was thinking, because Marc quickly grabbed his wrist. “No, I mean it. This is not done. I will call you...”

But just as quick, Marc dropped his hand. Without the need to turn, Kay knew Marc’s father was here.

Not just his father. Bettina and his mother were here too. Kay stood aside to let Marc have his little family reunion. Wolfgang Borgmann was asking for details immediately, he was eager to have a word with his old Captain. 

Kay observed them quietly. Marc’s mother hasn’t changed much, Kay remembered she used to come over to their house to give Kay’s mother gardening tips. When they had first moved into the neighbourhood, she had been the first one to invite Kay’s family for dinner. That had been the first time Kay saw Marc. Marc had spent the whole dinner brooding and making a point of ignoring Kay.

Marc’s mother briefly glanced at Kay without any sign of recognition. Bettina, on the other hand, was staring at him unblinkingly.

_Finally, we meet._ Kay thought. He forced out a small smile and said, “hello.”

Bettina returned a tight nod but didn’t say anything.

His eyes couldn’t help but drifted to her belly. She’s pregnant, Marc had said. That’s why they were getting married sooner. She was wearing a white & blue striped top tucked into her jeans, her belly was flat. Probably early days. _What do I know about pregnancy?_

Her eyes followed his to her own belly then back to Kay’s face. Kay looked away.

_I need to get out of here._

Kay cleared his throat and turned to face Marc. Their gaze held; several uneasy and fraught moments passed between them. Kay decided to make the first step. He offered his hand to Marc for a business handshake. “Thanks again for your help. You saved us today.”

Marc stood motionless. His eyes moved from his hand to his face. Sadness and heartbreak flashed across his handsome face. But in the end, he shook it.

Kay murmured a quick “Have a good evening” to everyone, not meeting anyone’s eyes, especially not Bettina’s. Then he walked out of the police station alone.


	20. Karma is a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc has a chat with Frank  
> Kay is avoiding Marc  
> Marc gets a mysterious call
> 
> This chapter is in Marc’s POV
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting ❤️

(Marc)

“I understand you’re upset. I’ve compromised our ethics and let you down. You have the right to be angry with me.”

“I am not angry with you,” Marc said wearily to Frank. He’s angry at the world. At himself. He was the one who had let Kay down. “I know you are thinking of our business. Something I should have done more. I am sorry that I kept things from you... things have been happening so fast.”

They were at a bar near their office. Frank had just had a meeting with Medikunft regarding the shooting incident and their future working relationship. In full sense of cosmic irony, Marc had unwittingly fulfilled what their protection detail contract had set out to do - to save Wenzel Wolff from getting killed.

Now Medikunft wanted to give them a long term contract for full in-house security. A multi-million euros contract, it would secure their business for the next few years.

Marc knew all big companies have likely done something shady and this new contract had nothing to do with Wenzel Wolff personally, but it still made him uneasy. What if they cross paths with Kay’s plan? Marc wouldn’t care what contract he might have signed if it meant he had to hurt Kay.

On the other hand, he couldn’t ask Frank not to take the opportunity. It wasn’t fair to him.

It took Marc everything to say this out loud. The words hurt his throat, his heart, every part of his body. The company was his world. Until Kay Engel came along. “Maybe I should resign from the company, you can buy out my shares with the new contract...”

Frank couldn’t put down his beer bottle fast enough. “What? No!” He looked at Marc. “No! This is our company. Not just mine. Ours! We make decisions together.”

“I can’t... I can’t work anywhere near that man. Not after he tried to -“ Fuck. Just thinking of that incident filled his chest with fury. 

Frank rubbed his forehead. “I know. That’s why I think I’ll handle the Medikunft account by myself. We need to hire more people anyway and to be honest, security planning is my forte. You don’t need to get involved in the day-to-day work of it. We still have other business and other clients.”

This was a big concession from Frank. They both knew the Medikunft contract would represent nearly 60% of their entire operation and Frank was ready to shoulder that on his own. 

Marc didn’t know what to say. He told Frank exactly that.

“Just say yes. Stay with me and grow the company with me.”

Marc nodded.

Frank smiled; he rubbed the beer bottle like it’s a talisman. “About you and Kay Klossner. You might not believe it, but I get it. Well, sort of...” he sounded uncomfortable but he ploughed on, “I’ve heard the way he jumped between you and the gun.” He shook his head. “And I saw the way he looked at you at the police station. It isn’t just that one time I caught you two, is it? You are having an affair with him. But fuck! Even I could tell that kid loves you. It’s clear as day. There is no other word for it.”

The truth, that word, spoken by Frank without hesitation, gave Marc’s heart a jolt. His face instantly heated up. “We were. We are not anymore. I ended it.” _And it feels like death._

Frank’s face blanched. “Not because of how I reacted, I hope. I mean... I was shocked. And angry because of the business and Bettina, and because I thought you were fucking around... but now I know. Shit, Marc, this is your life. I want you to know that I don’t care about the gay stuff. Or bi. You are bi, right?” He grimaced at his own graceless speech. “Fuck, what I am trying to say is, I love you like a brother, no matter what.”

Marc said quickly, “I know.” He knew Frank wasn’t a bigot. But it’s still reassuring to know he would have his back, should he be with Kay one day. Problem was that day seemed impossible at the moment.

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

At last, Marc shook his head. “The fact is I can’t do that to Bettina. Not when we have a baby on the way.”

Frank looked surprised. “Really? Thought you two want to wait a couple of years.”

Marc nodded. “We didn’t plan it. She told me that two weeks ago.” He felt ashamed of how little enthusiasm he felt about it. He really should do better. He had made his choice; had given up, had hurt the person he wanted to love and protect over this. He should at least be a good father. A good husband.

Frank patted his shoulder. “Well, I guess, congratulations then. This is good news, right?”

Marc mustered a smile in return.

“Huh. I am surprised Claudia didn’t know. I thought those two were thick as thieves.” Frank frowned.

  
  


******

  
  


>>Sorry I missed your call. What’s up?<<

Marc stared at Kay’s text reply. Nothing was up. Marc just wanted to check in with him. Or actually, something was up. With Marc. Because he was using every energy he had to stop himself from going to Kay’s apartment, to knock on that door, to go in there and kiss Kay until they were both out of breath.

But Marc did none of that. Since he knew he had no self control when it came to Kay, if he was in the same room with Kay, there would only be one outcome. No, he couldn’t go to Kay’s apartment. Phone-calls, text messages were safer. 

Marc walked out to the empty garden and called him.

He must have seen the caller ID but Kay’s voice was hesitant when he answered, “Hallo.”

“Hey. Thought it’s easier if I just call you.” _And better because I want to hear your voice._

Another hesitant second. Then a simple “Okay.”

The knots in Marc’s stomach twisted and coiled. He knew Kay has been avoiding him for the past two weeks. While Marc tried to do the impossible task of keeping Kay at arm’s length and protecting him at the same time. It drained all of Marc’s mental energy. Every day he woke up, he had to fight the urge to ask Kay to meet him. Just for a beer or two. Like two friends. Just to make sure he’s safe and away from Wenzel Wolff. _They can still do that, can’t they?_

He asked with fake nonchalance, “What are you up to these days anyway?” 

_I miss you._

Kay finally said, “A lot of job applications. I am trying to find a new job,” then he joked, “Revenge can’t really pay my rent.”

It was meant to sound witty, but Marc felt there was an edge to the flippant remark.

“Have you heard anything from Oliver Bauer?”

“They are verifying and checking the evidence I sent. It will take time, he told me. But yeah, he’s keeping me updated. You know how these things work.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell Bauer about your parents’ death? Maybe he would refer to it to KriPo to have another look at it.“

“No, not yet.” Kay sounded worryingly vague.

Out of his peripheral, Marc saw a movement. Bettina was watching him from the patio. Then she sat down with her laptop on the lounge chair.

Marc turned slightly away from her view. “Has Wenzel Wolff contacted you since?” He lowered his voice.

“Marc...”

“Kay!”

Kay let out a weary sigh. “He offers me another position in Medikunft. Says I don’t need to work with him but he wants me back.” There was no doubt what Wenzel wanted Kay to be back for. Marc’s fist clenched tight. 

Kay added, “I think the police might have told him about us, Rudi Schmitt was telling anyone who would listen.”

“I don’t fucking care if he knows!” Marc hissed. “The fucking nerve of that asshole, after what he did. He wants you back -“ Marc spat loudly, then he glanced back at Bettina. But she wasn’t even looking at him.

“I am not taking the job, okay? I am not crazy, especially now I am ratting the whole company out.” Kay’s voice went a notch softer. “I promise. I will be careful.”

That promise sounded hollow to Marc’s ears because he wasn’t fucking there to make sure that man couldn’t go anywhere near Kay.

“Shit... Kay...” But there was nothing more Marc could say. A million I-am-sorries wouldn’t help Kay.

Then after a few moments, Kay suddenly said quietly, “I’ve accepted it, you know? That it’s over before it really has a chance to begin.” Marc could almost see the bitter smile on his face when Kay said, “Kind of like that summer we spent running together. Poof! And it’s over.”

Marc’s fingers were clutching his mobile so tight, they were digging into his flesh, his eyes squeezed shut, his mind was transported back to that summer. Of the two of them lying on the grass in the forest. Kay’s dopey bright smile, his face looming above him as he pressed his lips against Marc. 

“I just want to be here for you,” Marc said.

The silence from the other end stretched. When Kay spoke again, his voice was croaky, “Give me some time. Right now... it’s just too hard.”

Kay’s concession of defeat stole Marc’s breath, that hint of despondence in his voice cut deep into his heart. He startlingly realised he was hurting Kay by insisting he continued to talk to him, confide in him. Marc had no right. By staking his claim, he’s hoarding Kay’s heart, not allowing him to heal, to move on.

But Marc couldn’t say it; couldn’t let him go. 

They stayed on the phone line with just sounds of their breathing. Finally Kay said, “I have to go.” 

The line went dead before Marc could reply.

Marc stood in the middle of the garden, surrounded by the vibrant flowers his mother had planted, smell of honeysuckles in the air, fucking birds were chirping merrily. And yet, with a phone in his hand, he felt... numb. Empty. Hollow.

He snapped out of his preoccupation when he felt a hand on his wrist. Bettina was behind him; she asked, “My editor has invited us for dinner this Friday. Sort of round two. Are you free?”

“Oh.” He turned and took her hand in his, relieved to find that his hands were steady even though his heart was still hopping mad. “Of course. What time?”

“7pm.” She gave him a curious look and warned, “Don’t forget again.”

  
  


******

  
  


“Bettina told me you were involved in a shooting incident a couple of weeks ago. I believe it made the local news.” Bettina’s editor, Ema refilled his wine glass.

Marc’s face heated up. He couldn’t think about that incident without thinking of Kay or why he was there in the first place.

“Their CMO has been receiving death threats, we were providing security detail. But yes, it very rarely escalated to such a level. Not in Stuttgart, anyway.”

“Marc wasn’t even supposed to be there that day. It was pure luck,” Bettina chimed in, then added jokingly, “or it was pure bad luck, actually.”

They all laughed.

That had been the version he and Frank gave Bettina and his family, that Marc was just in the neighbourhood that afternoon and decided to go in to collect some equipment.

“Well, I’ve told Bettina maybe she can write a feature about personal security in the corporate world. That’s a growing market, isn’t it? Question is how to make it interesting or exciting.”

“Guns and shooting incidents are pretty exciting.” Bettina quipped. “But I am more of a soft news kind of journalist. I am happier writing about culture, human interest stories than the dark side of the business world.”

“But your social service piece was so good!” Ema exclaimed, she turned to Marc, “Did she tell you that we are nominating her article for the year-end award?”

Bettina was positively beaming with pride.

“That’s great news. Why didn’t you tell me?” Marc asked, looking at Bettina. Her face fell, for a split second, she looked irked. The answer was right there on her face, Marc belatedly realised. She must have told him the news already but he didn’t remember. 

Bettina didn’t answer him; she raised her glass instead. “I probably won’t win it, but Ema, thank you for the opportunity. I can’t do it without the amazing editing work you’ve done for me.”

They clinked glasses. Marc followed suit. “Congratulations,” he said to Bettina. It was too late and worthless. He felt like the worst kind of fiancé.

After that, he made a conscious effort to participate in the conversation, trying to give a good impression to Ema. 

As dinner progressed, Bettina finally defrosted a bit more. By the time dessert wine was served, Bettina was laughing and giggling in Marc’s arms while telling Ema some old jokes from when they first met.

“When I first met him, Marc was quite brusque and assertive, so I didn’t expect him to be... so respectful,”she giggled. “We didn’t do the deed until, what? Our 5th date? I was afraid he’s about to give me a promise ring instead of taking me to bed,” Bettina chuckled. 

“Hey! I was simply being a gentleman,” Marc groaned. This has been a constant source of amusement whenever they met new friends. He’s rather tired of this joke.

“Well... I am an impatient woman!” Bettina proudly said. 

“Impatience is so underrated!” Ema declared. They all laughed again.

Marc reckoned they were all a little bit tipsy. Thank god they decided to take uber instead of driving tonight, he thought. Then suddenly, something caught his attention, he was staring at Bettina’s dessert wine glass, trying to work out what’s wrong in this picture... 

Marc’s mobile pinged and vibrated in his trousers.

“Shit. Excuse me,” he glanced at the caller ID. It wasn’t anonymous, but he didn’t recognise the name. Because it wasn’t a name. It says ‘Karma is a bitch’.

Marc stood up. “Erm... sorry, I have to take this.”

Bettina was in such a good mood she simply waved him away.

Marc took the call as he walked outside to the back garden.

“Hallo?”

“Marc Borgmann? Co-owner of RB Sicherheit and Mr bodyguard?” The voice had a heavy accent. Not Polish, not American... Russian?

“Who are you?”

“You don’t need to know my name. I am Kay’s friend. Probably his only friend now since I heard some closeted case went back to his fiancée.”

Marc knew instantly who this was.

“You’re Grisha.”

“Yes, the one and only.”

“What do you want? Is it... ” _Fuck..._ Marc felt a bucket of cold water just poured over his alcohol haze brain. _Please. Please don’t tell me something happened to Kay._

But Grisha asked instead, “Do you have VPN on your phone?”

“What?” It took Marc a second to understand, he said, “Yeah, I have it.”

“Good. I am going to text you an IP address, turn on your VPN and go to that IP address. Then we can talk safely. Face to face.”

_Fuck._ “Is Kay okay?”

“Marc, focus! VPN. Then the IP address. And turn on your camera. You should have the text now.”

_Fuck!_ Marc ended the call, he signed on to the VPN, Frank had installed this for him as part of secured communication training. Then he opened the IP address on his browser.

Shortly after, Marc saw a skinny guy appear on the screen with a background image of the inside of Star Trek Enterprise. He looked about 24 or 25 years old, Kay’s age, but he’s at least 20 pounds lighter than Kay. Clear big green eyes, dark floppy hair and a few red blotches on his face.

He spent the next few seconds watching and measuring Marc with keen eyes. Then he sighed quite dramatically. “You are exactly Kay’s type.” He said it like it was hopeless.

“Grisha, what’s going on. Did Kay ask you to call me?”

“No, it’s worse. Kay has gone dark.”

“What?” _What the hell is this crazy hacker talking about?_

“Gone dark. He’s not communicating with me. I need you to go find him and stop him. If you still have any feelings for him.” 

“What do you mean? What is Kay doing?” Marc hasn’t heard from Kay since that last phone-call a few days ago. But he was fine. He told Marc he was looking for a new job, that he would be careful... _Fuck!_

“He’s been busy buying a bloody gun. What do you think he is going to do with it?” Grisha looked exasperated.

Marc thought his heart had stopped. He swallowed a painful lump which just formed in his throat, tried to push down the panic rising. “No, wait! How do you know he bought a gun?”

“Where else can Kay get a gun except through my contact in the dark web, you dumbass?” Grisha rolled his eyes. “He bought a gun from my guy without telling me. Then he stopped returning my calls and texts two days ago. Kay has never not returned my calls.” Grisha sniffed. He was obviously upset and worried. “I will go find him myself if I am not hundreds of miles away and I can’t drive...”

“What is he getting a gun for?” Marc was almost afraid to ask. He felt someone had just pulled the rug from under his feet. But something was missing. “You are not telling me something.” 

Grisha lowered his head and hit it against his desk with a loud bang. “I am going to kill him myself. Stubborn asshole! He thinks he can do it all by himself! Arrrrrrgh!!” He exclaimed, sniffed and then cleared his throat. Finally he said, “We were trawling through Wolff and Weiss’s message archive. Kay found out Wenzel Wolff has kept an incriminating recording about the murders. We think it’s Wolff’s insurance against Weiss, to control him or something, which is pretty dumb, if you ask me. But it’s backward-ass tape recording and it’s in a safe deposit box. I think Kay is -“

“He’s going to threaten Wenzel Wolff with a gun to get the evidence.” Marc finished it for him.

_Fuck._


	21. Devil’s Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay executes his plan  
> Marc tries to stop him
> 
> This chapter has both Kay’s and Marc’s POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually thought I didn’t have time to put this chapter out today - have been distracted by Max’s latest podcast/interview which brought some much needed good news about FF2 - they are still working on it and Max sounds quite excited about it still🤞❤️
> 
> So now we wait (again)
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting ☺️

(Kay)

>>have you used this before?<<

>>no<<

>>ok. first rule, don’t be greedy. small dose goes a long way and will buy you at least 8 hours of compliance. grind one tablet into powder and put it in a coloured drink, make sure the person drink all of it, you don’t want him to come out of it or pass out halfway<<

>>ok<<

>>any questions<<

>>i am good<<

>>alright. nice doing business with you<<

Kay logged off.

The hotel room smelled of clean linen and air freshener. A gun and three tablets of scopolamine were on the nightstand. Kay lay down on the white bedsheet and thought of Marc. 

Five missed calls from him since yesterday, he was pretty sure Grisha had freaked out and contacted Marc. Kay had moved into the hotel since yesterday, he needed to get this done today. 

According to Rosa, Wenzel didn’t have urgent meeting today and he knew Wenzel had a thing about sex in the afternoon and he certainly still desperately wanted Kay. Well, at least the fucking part. If Wenzel thought he had a chance to sleep with Kay again, he would come to the Penthouse.

It didn’t matter how or what Kay needed to do to make that happen. 

Few weeks ago Kay thought he had a chance at a different life. A different future. A chance at that strange and elusive thing called happiness. Now? Putting aside the thing with Marc, which he did not want to think about and still hurt like hell - the shooting incident in Wenzel’s office had made him realise that he could not delay it any longer. His plan was putting innocent people, bystanders in danger. Other staff in Medikunft. Marc. Even Rudi Schmitt was a casualty, if it hadn’t been because of Kay, he wouldn’t have been driven to kill.

Kay picked up the handgun. It was more solid and heavier than he had thought. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that - the nuclear option. For there would be no going back if he went down this route; but on the other hand, there was nothing waiting for Kay to come back to.

His mobile buzzed again. Another text from Marc. 

>>baby, please. tell me where you are<<

Kay touched the message on the screen with his finger, remembering Marc’s face when he had said the same endearment to him at the police station. 

Then he deleted the message. 

  
  


Just as he had expected, Wenzel was happy to hear from him. Kay didn’t want to sound too eager, so he asked Wenzel if he could go back to the Penthouse to get a Hugo Boss suit that he left there, because he had an interview to attend next week.

“You know all those suits are still yours. I bought them for you,”Wenzel said. “You can have a new job here too, if you want.”

“Thank you, but I only need that one suit, can I drop by this afternoon? You know, I still have the key to the Penthouse...” Kay tried to sound he was between a softened resolve and full forgiveness.

“I am glad you’ve kept the key,” Wenzel’s voice laced with renewed enthusiasm. 

“Well, I can leave the key there for you afterwards.” Kay applied some innuendo of his own, “If you want.”

“You know what I want. I want you to move back there.”

Kay didn’t say anything, pretended to consider it. 

It didn’t take long, Wenzel eagerly suggested after a few seconds, “How about I meet you at the Penthouse this afternoon? You can tell me what I need to do in person.”

“Wenzel...” Kay whispered, sounding slightly mollified. 

Wenzel jumped right into the trap. “Come on, sunshine. Meet me there. Daddy misses you.”

  
  


******

  
  


Wenzel’s spicy cologne was strong and familiar as he leaned in to kiss him, Kay turned his face just in time, so this kiss landed on his cheek instead.

Wenzel pulled back; he smirked. “Still mad at me?” 

Kay pursed his lips. 

Then came Wenzel’s arm around his shoulders. “I know we had a few bad weeks between us. And I heard you found a new boyfriend. You are tired of daddies now? Want some younger, harder dick?” 

It spoke volume what kind of a person Wenzel Wolff was that he had just bundled physical assault and sexual assault into ‘just a few bad weeks between them’ and somehow he was the victim.

But if there was one game Kay knew how to play, it was that of manipulating a vain man’s ego.

“It hurts that you don’t trust me,” Kay crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Wenzel’s voice hitched, he narrowed his eyes, “are you saying it’s not true? You are not fucking that bodyguard?”

Kay rolled his eyes. “Just that one time. Can you blame me? It’s been a while since anyone is nice to me. Marc was curious, so I gave him a taste. It’s hardly the real thing for me,” he turned to face Wenzel, looking up at him under dense lashes, “you know what kind of sex I like. I thought you knew me inside out.”

Wenzel’s eyes turned lustful. He pressed his mouth down hard on Kay’s. Both of his hands got under Kay’s shirt in an instant. Kay closed his eyes and returned the kiss, thinking of the gun in his backpack; thinking of the ground scopolamine waiting by the kitchen. He kissed Wenzel like he missed him; kissed him like he couldn’t live without his touches; kissed him like Wenzel owns him.

“Christ, I miss this... can’t wait to get inside of you. I am going to fuck you so hard, so good, you’d never want another cock,” Wenzel squeezed his ass, almost painfully. Kay whimpered. His mind racing a hundred mile an hour. _Next step. Next step._ It screamed _._

He pulled gently away from Wenzel, licking his lips, “Yamazaki 12-year-old?” Kay asked. That was Wenzel’s go-to Japanese whiskey. He has always liked a glass before sex.

Wenzel smirked. He let go of Kay with another squeeze on his ass.

Kay walked over to the kitchen. His heart pounding against his rib cage, his hands began to shake; he clenched them closed. The tumbler has been laced with one tablet of ground scopolamine already, all he needed to do was to pour the drink and watch Wenzel finishing it.

Wenzel was sitting on the sofa; he had loosened his tie and unzipped his trousers. Kay felt sick. If Wenzel wanted him to give him a blow job before he finished the drink, Kay would be tempted to smash the glass against his head instead. 

Kay passed him the drink.

Wenzel put it down on the coffee table and let out a wolfish laugh. He pulled Kay to sit on his lap playfully, his exposed cock poking and rubbing against Kay’s jeans. He trailed his finger along Kay’s lips. “These are made for my cock.”

Kay glanced longingly at the tumbler on the table. There was no time. He had to take a risk. Kay straddled between Wenzel’s thighs, wriggled his hips and ground himself against Wenzel, the frictions made Wenzel roll his eyes back. “Christ... Kay... need you now.”

Kay brought the tumbler to Wenzel’s lips and whispered his ear, “Do you remember the first time you had me? The way you let me ride you? So I can feel every inch of you inside, I want that...”

Wenzel made a growling sound; he grabbed the tumbler and down the whole thing in one gulp. 

Kay put the tumbler down slowly, his eyes fixated on Wenzel. The man who sold him the scopolamine said it would take effect swiftly, but didn’t tell him what signs to look for. 

Shit. Wenzel was still looking at him expectantly with lust. Kay couldn’t tell if the drug has taken effect.

“I’ll take a quick shower and get ready for you,” Kay said quietly, thinking it couldn’t go wrong with this suggestion.

But Wenzel simply stared at him. After a few seconds of complete stillness, Wenzel suddenly said, “Sorry, what did you say?” he said. He had a creepy mellow smile on his face. If Wenzel wasn’t tearing Kay’s clothes off by now, the drug must have taken effect.

Kay decided to take a bolder test; he stood in front of Wenzel and said, “I said why don’t you get dressed and we go out together?”

Wenzel looked up, the mellow smile was still there, and he said, “Sounds good.” He began to zip up his trousers and tucked in his shirt. The scariest thing was, his eyes were clear and he wasn’t slurring his words, but it was like a bodysnatcher, some slow moving, friendly alien has taken over Wenzel’s body, making him do things.

“Let’s drop by your bank first. Shall we? We need to take something out from your safe deposit box, remember?”

  
  


******

(Marc)

It’s been more than 36 hours since Marc talked to Grisha.

Kay wasn’t in his own apartment, he hasn’t been to the Medikunft office either. Out of desperation, Marc made up an excuse to talk to a secretary named Rosa, she was named in Mehmet’s incident report before. Someone who took over Kay’s job temporarily. 

And she recognised Marc. The ‘heroic bodyguard’ who saved the day.

“Is Herr Wolff in the office today?”

“Herr Wolff left the office an hour ago,” she said. Marc didn’t know what kind of office gossip she had heard, but she leaned closer and added in a conspiratorial whisper, “I think Kay called him.” She shrugged. “You used to follow them for months so you must know. I knew they would get back together sooner or later.” 

“Do you know where he’s going?”

She raised her eyebrows at the invasive question. 

“The police still have questions about the Rudi Schmitt incident.” He lied.

She sighed. “He’s going to the Penthouse.” Her face went red. “You know they used to do that a lot? Leave together in the middle of the afternoon to -“

Of course, the fucking Penthouse! Marc didn’t need that image in his head. Sex in the afternoon with Kay. More like death in the afternoon for Wenzel if Marc couldn’t find them first.

“Thanks.” Marc ran out of the office.

He called Joey. 

“Where are you?”

“Hello to you too, Mr hero bodyguard.”

“Joey, is Wenzel still in the Penthouse?”

“What...” Joey paused. Then he must have sensed Marc’s seriousness, he said, “Well, I took him there, then Kay came down with him after 20 minutes and they sent me away for the day. Kay said he will drive Wenzel home later. Who knows what those two are playing at? Since Wenzel is in the doghouse, he will do whatever Kay says...” he sniggered.

Marc had some idea where Kay was taking Wenzel to.

“Do you know which bank Wenzel uses? Which branch?”

“What does it have to -“

“Joey, quick! It’s about his personal safety.”

“Shit. Is Rudi Schmitt out on bail?”

“Joey!”

“Right. Okay... it’s a posh private bank. The one on Schlossplatz, with white columns and marble steps.”

Marc got off the phone. He knew which private bank it was.

  
  


They wouldn’t let him into the bank without an appointment, Marc couldn’t just ask if Wenzel Wolff was inside. He paced on the steps outside. There was no metal detector at the entrance for these banks, so Kay could have easily carried his gun inside. Marc walked around the building to scope out the layout. 

The good news was there was only one door to the bank as entrance and exit. Joey said they left the Penthouse together 45 minutes ago. It was a 10 minutes drive to here. Without a prior appointment, it would take longer for the bank to arrange access to their safe deposit box, so it’s very likely that they were still inside.

_I just have to watch and wait outside._ Marc leaned against one of the white columns of the bank building, his gaze drifted uneasily to the two armed guards outside. _Shit._ If Kay was really threatening Wenzel with a gun inside, things could go horribly wrong. 

As an ex-cop, he knew the best course of action was to inform both the police and the bank of a possible hostage situation. But no, that was not an option. Marc couldn’t take that risk. He knew Kay was not going to surrender himself if he got caught; that he would rather go down with Wenzel. That’s why he did all these things, cutting himself off from both Marc and Grisha. If things went wrong, he wasn’t planning to come back from this. 

So, no police.

Marc wanted to die just thinking of what has driven Kay to take such extreme measures. _He thinks he has nothing to lose. Because he thinks I have given up on him._ He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his hands. His stomach squirmed with anxiety. The gun holster under his arm felt like hot iron...

When Kay finally emerged from the bank with Wenzel walking next to him, Marc thought he had fallen asleep and dreamt this image up.

Wenzel Wolff, in a crisp white shirt and a navy blue suit jacket, was smiling. Marc tore his eyes away and looked at Kay. He was wearing a grey linen shirt, he looked serious but unhurried.

There was a flash of alarm in Kay’s eyes as he met Marc’s gaze. 

Kay turned to Wenzel and said, “Wait here, please.”

_What the fuck?_

Marc pulled Kay away from the bank entrance first. Away from the armed guards. “Kay, what are you -“

Kay touched his arm and said in a low voice, “Don’t say anything. It’s okay. It’s done.”

“What’s done?”

Kay looked like he’s in a haze of bewilderment himself. He took a deep breath and said, “I got it. I fucking got it. The evidence. Marc... I did it.”

Marc swallowed. He glanced at Wenzel again. The bastard had a stupid serene smile on his face. Knowing what kind of a person he was, the smile was creepy rather than reassuring. 

_Something’s seriously wrong here._

“What have you done to him?” Marc asked. He was still keeping an keen eye on Wenzel, expecting him to come out of whatever the fuck he’s under.

Kay licked his lips and smiled. “Devil’s breath.”

Scopolamine. It wasn’t a common drug criminal used in Germany, only occasional cases in bigger cities. It was a notorious drug used in a lot of robberies in Colombia, nicknamed The Devil’s breath. It renders the victim into a compliant, malleable state, following instructions like a zombie. Victims often had no memory of their actions afterwards.

Marc had never seen the drug in action himself, but he had received training for it a few years back when he was a detective; he looked between Kay and Wenzel. Suddenly he had no idea what to do. 

Kay found his voice first. “You should go. I don’t want you getting involved in this. I am okay... I am just going to -“

“The hell I am leaving you here!” Marc hissed. The force of his anger surprised himself. It was an accumulation of days of worries and guilt. He grabbed Kay’s shoulders. “Fuck, Kay... this was dangerous stuff. You could have killed him.”

Something was lurking behind Kay’s eyes. Marc could tell from the lump in Kay’s throat that he had hit the crux of the problem. Kay didn’t set out to kill anyone. Not even Wenzel Wolff but he also couldn’t let his parents’ murderers get away. 

“You need to go. This is all on me. All the consequences. I will make a digital copy for Grisha to keep, then I am going to give this to Oliver Bauer. I don’t care what they are going to do to me, as long as they put Wenzel and Heine Weiss in prison. Leave, I don’t want to drag you into it.”

“I told you I am not fucking leaving you.” Marc hissed.

The declaration, clear and full of conviction. For a second, Marc wondered what he exactly did he mean by that. Not leaving Kay today? Or not leaving Kay ever?

Kay stared at him. Shaking his head, Kay twisted his face like he was in pain. “Don’t do this. Don’t let me... “ He stopped, expelling a long sigh and walking away.

“Come on, Wenzel. Let’s go.” The CMO, made no indication of any rational thinking, followed Kay to the car like Rain Man. 

It was almost funny the way it looked. But Marc didn’t feel like laughing. He got into the back seat of the Mercedes Benz and closed the door before Kay could protest. He was glaring at him through the rear-view mirror.

“I am not leaving. Just drive,” Marc said.

  
  


They went back to the Penthouse.

First thing Marc noticed was the open bottle of a high end Japanese whiskey, then the empty tumbler on the coffee table. Everything else was neat and tidy. His selfish and traitorous heart told him to peep into the bedroom; he was relieved to find it untouched. 

Wenzel was still standing around like a smiling idiot; he looked harmless. Even vulnerable. Kay took his suit jacket off, carefully folded it and put it on the back of the sofa. He took Wenzel’s hand and led him to the bedroom.

Marc followed closely behind. “What are you -“

“Shh...” Kay put a finger on his lips before he turned his attention back to Wenzel. Kay sat him down on the bed, undressed him gently and carefully. “You are tired. Maybe you should take a nap?” 

Wenzel gave Kay a goofy smile and promptly lay down in bed. Kay undressed him all the way, discarding his clothes and underwear around the bed, then covered him with a summer duvet.

In less than a minute, Wenzel was asleep.

Kay got up and walked out of the bedroom.

Suddenly all strain and grief and the breath he had been holding finally got out, Kay bent down, holding his knees and breathed. 

Marc walked close to him. He placed his hand on Kay’s back. The slight tremor he felt through the thin fabric burned Marc’s hand like a hot plate and tugged at his heart.

His head still down, Kay began to speak, “We were in the middle of... well, he thought he was going to fuck me, so when he wake up naked in bed, he will probably think we had sex and then I left. That will buy me some time before he figures out what happened.”

The first emotion that entered Marc’s head was jealousy, no, not jealousy. Rage. That Wenzel had laid his hands on Kay again. But rage and jealousy were cheap and useless. 

And Marc wanted to be helpful. He let his ex-cop self take over. Clearing his throat, he said to Kay in a rough voice, “let’s clean up the evidence.”

Kay looked up. His light blue eyes met Marc’s. It was like getting kicked in the chest, he felt that look straight to his heart. Kay’s expression was something between exasperation and gratitude, like he wished Marc wouldn’t do this, that his kindness and concern only made it harder. Marc could see the war unfolding inside of Kay: he wanted Marc’s help; he didn’t want to be indebted to Marc. He wanted to send Marc away; he wanted Marc to stay and never leave.

Marc ended this internal war for Kay by pulling him into his arms, fingers gripping Kay’s stubble jaw. His mouth found his like the perfect key to a lock. Dispelling the doubt, mending the hurt between them. Marc's arms closed tighter around Kay’s back. His hot mouth latched onto Kay, tongue demanding entry between Kay’s lips. They kissed like two shipwreck survivors who found each other, floating in the rough sea together, carrying trauma and relief in equal measure. 

Marc tore his mouth away and said to Kay, “I am not leaving you. Ever. You hear me?”

  
  



	22. By the River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc helps Kay to clean up evidence  
> Marc spends the night with Kay
> 
> *this chapter contains explicit content
> 
> In both Kay’s and Marc’s POV, as indicated by ( )

(Kay)

They worked quickly and silently together. 

Marc had an intensely focused look on his face. He was wiping the surface down with a common household cleanser - less suspicious this way. They flushed the other two tablets away; they cleaned the offending tumbler thoroughly three times, they washed the whole set of tumblers, so it wouldn’t stand out from the rest. 

As Kay watched Marc meticulously getting rid of the evidence, he understood the grave consequences of his actions - he’s making Marc his accomplice. Marc, who was an ex-cop, who had been upholding the law all his life, was withholding information, committing a crime because of him.

Marc didn’t say much, except giving instructions to Kay what to do. 

That emotional declaration Marc had made earlier paled in comparison to his actions. After all, Kay had heard it all before, he had learned not to trust words from men, especially when they said them out of desperation. Kay didn’t want to remind him that a few weeks ago, Marc was telling him he had a wedding date in December and a baby coming. What happened to them? 

Marc wanted to keep him out of harm’s way, he got that. But Kay couldn’t allow himself to hope again. When this was done, Marc would remember his other duties again, like last time, and the time before. 

But this - getting rid of evidence for a crime your secret boyfriend just committed? This spoke louder than a thousand words. This is love, whether Marc would admit it or not. So even if Marc walked back on his words again, at least Kay knew he’d been loved.

Marc checked on Wenzel one last time to make sure he’s sleeping and breathing normally. The snoring sound was, for once, reassuring. 

When he came out of the bedroom, Marc asked in a gruff voice, “where’s the gun?” 

Kay knew this was coming. “It’s in my backpack.” Without another word, he went to retrieve it.

Marc wiped it down carefully with a cloth and put it in a ziplock bag, like he’s bagging evidence. Then he took out a roll of duct tape and put the gun in his bag with it. He had a pinched expression on his face with simmering anger beneath it.

“Let’s go. We need to get rid of the gun,” 

Was it strange that Kay was almost happy that Marc was angry? Because now that it’s done, he realised what a rash and stupid decision it had been, getting the gun and telling himself he would use it if he needed to. He would be angry too if their roles have been reversed.

They rode together in Kay’s Jeep Cherokee and drove for 30 miles to a remote area by the Neckar river. 

“You can stop and park here.” 

Kay stopped the car.

Marc got out of the car with the duct tape and the ziplock bag with the gun inside. Kay followed behind him silently. He saw Marc pick up a fist-size rock by the riverbank. He used the duct tape to bind the rock and ziplock bag tightly together, keep wrapping them until he’s satisfied with the shape and the weight. Without looking back at Kay, he walked closer to the river, swung his arm with great force and threw the gun into the river. It dropped far away and sunk like a stone.

Marc eyed him for a long moment. He expelled a long sigh and pinched his nose bridge wearily, Kay knew he was trying to get his temper under control. 

“I am sorry I put you in this position.” Kay said. Even though Kay knew it was Marc’s own decision to get involved.

“You had no idea what kind of crime this gun might have been used for.” Marc said angrily in his cop face and voice.

Kay nodded.

“It could be a robbery, it could be a murder. Or murders!” Marc continued.

Kay nodded again.

“Do you understand?” Marc pleaded.

Kay walked closer to him.

Marc looked skyward for a second. When his eyes set on Kay again, they were glistening. “Last night I dreamt that after you shot Wenzel, you turned the gun on yourself.” He swallowed. “Do you know what you’ve put me through the past two days?” 

The cop has gone, only anguish and fierce longing left in Marc’s sapphire blue eyes. 

Kay stood in front of him and placed his hand on the side of Marc’s face. After a beat, Marc leaned into it with his eyes closed. 

Kay brushed his thumb against Marc’s face, his stubble more than a day old, its velvety roughness felt like home. That night when Marc came to tell him he’s getting married in December... effectively took away Kay’s already fragile hope. That hurt had seemed bearable for the first time when he got the gun, because Kay thought he had found a way out. A way out of this trap he had set for himself years ago.

His hand still resting on Marc’s cheek, he said to Marc, “I thought to myself: it’ll be okay, he will grieve but he has his family and a baby coming, he will move on and forget about me in a year. Then years later, I will be nothing but a footnote in his life.”

Marc gazed at him with something close to bereft. “Well, you’re wrong.” Marc’s voice came out rough and husky. 

Kay looked towards the pink and orange horizon. It’s getting late and the sun was about to set. He took Marc’s hand in his, working up the courage to say the words, once again. 

_It’s okay. You’ve done enough for me._

But Marc beat him to it. “I know you don’t believe me, but I mean it. I am going to tell Bettina the wedding is off.” He said in a low but steady voice, “Something I should have done weeks ago. I was just trying to do right by everyone... and - “

Kay turned away. He couldn’t... he didn’t want to hope again. Then he felt two arms wrapped around him. 

It was a few minutes later before Kay mustered up enough courage to ask, “What about the baby?” He still couldn’t imagine Marc walking away from such responsibility.

The short silence followed was expected, but the sadness in Marc’s voice and what he said next were shocking. 

“I am beginning to think there isn’t one.”

******

Marc was on him like white on rice the second the hotel room’s door was closed. His hand reached out blindly to clutch at Kay’s shirt, bunching the wrinkled linen in his palm, backing Kay against the wall, holding him there, tight and captive. Using his body to declare that he’s not letting Kay out of his sight again. 

Kay thought Marc’s mouth would come down fast and hard, but Marc whispered, “Kay...” before he brought his mouth forward, going slow, not rushing at all. Kay opened for him, allowing his tongue inside, the sweetness of it, took his breath away. Kay had thought he would never have the chance to taste it again. They kissed, wet and deep, pressing against each other until the need to gasp in a lungful of air was stronger than the pleasure.

“I’ve missed you,” Kay murmured against Marc’ lips.

That quiet confession drew a moan from Marc. He yanked on Kay’s shirt, unbuttoning it with shaky fingers. Kay did the same until they both got impatient and pulled the shirts out from over their heads. 

Finally, bare skin came together as their arms went around each other. 

Marc groaned. “Fuck, feels so good to just touch you.”

Kay rubbed his face against Marc’s neck, unable to speak, still couldn’t believe Marc was here. Marc pulled back a little, running his fingers down Kay’s chest. ”Let me look at you,” he said, his breathing ragged.

Kay complied and leaned back against the wall. He watched Marc’s gaze trail from his face down to his chest, his stomach and to the bulge under his jeans. 

“Tell me where he has touched you,” Marc said. It was a request, but there was enough heat in it to make it sound like an order.

No need to say that name out. Kay met Marc’s gaze, then he put his hands around his own hips then reached back to cup his own ass. 

Marc’s eyes narrowed and in a heartbeat, his hands were brushing and stroking Kay’s ass. Like he’s removing dirt, a mark. The touches were gentle but insistent and urgent. 

“Anywhere else?”

Kay shook his head. “We kissed.”

Marc’s mouth captured his lower lip first, then methodically moved higher, his teeth gently biting his upper lip, his tongue busy sweeping against his gum, running across the roof of his mouth, front to back, wiping the last trace of Kay’s past away. 

“I don't want to be with anyone else but you,” Kay breathed out. 

Instead of answering, Marc dropped down to his knees, his face buried in Kay’s stomach. 

Kay’s fingers stroked his thick brown hair; he wished there wasn’t this ugly chapter between them, that 17-year-old Marc and his 14-year-old self had never been parted. But maybe that wouldn’t have worked out; maybe this was the only path, however winding and difficult, that would bring them together, pain included. Forever a part of them.

Marc unzipped his jeans and kissed his cock through the cotton fabric of his boxer-briefs. His hands moved to ease down Kay’s jeans over his hips.

Kay stepped out of his jeans and underwear. Marc sat back on his heels, his gaze a mix of lust and tenderness, roamed all over Kay’s body, like he’s recommitting it to his memory after those few weeks. Kay felt self-conscious under the intense gaze.

“You’re so beautiful.” He told Kay.

“Marc...” Kay barely made the name out before he felt Marc’s wet and hot mouth wrapping around his cock. The spike in his heart rate was instant and pulsating. He spread his legs wider, accommodating Marc better, who was alternately between lapping and sucking his cock. 

Marc didn’t do this often - they never had the luxury of time to do that often - but he was never shy about how much he wanted Kay. 

Kay banged his head back and leaned against the wall for support, afraid his legs couldn’t hold him straight under the onslaught of the tender administration of Marc’s mouth. 

A sobbing moan escaped his mouth as Marc increased the speed of his suction. Kay held Marc’s head, his hands massaged his skull through the soft brown hair. How he loved carding through it with his fingers. He began to fuck Marc’s mouth earnestly, hands touching his jaw, fingers brushing the lips that now held him prisoner. Kay lowered his head and took a peek at the sight: Marc’s eyes raised to meet his; his hands gripping Kay’s hips, his lips wet and shiny, stretched and wrapped around Kay’s cock. And he knew. That no matter what happened next, Kay would always remember this, that they would always have this. Kay didn’t care how many men he had fucked before, no one, no one came close to Marc at this moment. Probably the most erotic moment of his life.

“Marc, I am going to come,” Kay warned him. But Marc seemed to see that as a challenge rather than a warning, he didn’t back away and instead, holding Kay’s cock in his mouth firmly. Kay bent forward, his hips bucked involuntarily, a final push, as orgasm ripped out of him. He watched through half closed eyes as Marc swallowed. 

“Fuck... oh god...”

Kay didn’t know whether it was him or Marc who said that. Marc lingered, still kissing and licking Kay’s inner thighs and stomach, like he still couldn’t get enough. Kay’s legs felt like jelly, but he tugged at Marc’s underarms and pulled him up. 

The kiss after was the best, Kay could taste Marc and himself in it, like they were a single unit. They spent another minute just kissing and nibbling each other’s mouths, throats and jaws. When Kay reached for Marc’s zipper, he stopped his hand. 

“Not now. I just want to enjoy this moment with you,” Marc murmured; he licked the tender skin behind Kay’s ear. “Right now, I just want to feel your body close to me.” He sighed. “To know that you are safe and warm. And here with me.”

This was, perhaps, the most vulnerable Marc has ever been in front of him. And Kay knew this was the moment. This was the moment it could all really begin. Whatever was done now could not be undone; crimes have been committed, principles have been compromised. They would both have to live with whatever decisions they’ve made.

“I am here. I am not going anywhere,” Kay said, pressing a fierce kiss to the side of Marc’s head.

  
  


Marc was spending the night in the hotel room with him. Kay didn’t see him making or taking any phone-calls; he knew there was no need to ask ‘what about your fiancée’. An unspoken promise had been forged in the course of the day, from their actions. 

They had a video call with Grisha together with VPN, who still threatened to come and kill Kay himself, once he had passed his driving test. 

After giving them instructions on how to make and send a digital copy of the recording to him, Grisha cheekily asked, “Look at you two. Am I hearing wedding bells?”

Marc looked away, his face darkened. Then abruptly, he excused himself and walked out to the balcony. 

Kay wanted to kick Grisha’s skinny back side.

“Oops. Too soon?” Grisha winced. Kay simply glared at his best friend. 

“I have to say, Mr bodyguard here? The way he freaked out after you disappeared? I think he loves you more than he loves himself. So, unless his fiancee is Daenerys, safe to say, he’s yours.”

Kay didn’t entirely get the reference, he assumed it’s either from Game of Thrones or Dungeons and Dragons. “I don’t know. Marc was a bit vague on the details about his engagement status, but he told me he’s staying... I have to trust him.” 

_In any case, it’s already too late for me._ Kay thought.

“I like him,” Grisha said, like announcing a verdict; he has made up his mind. “And finally, someone from your own age group.”

Kay flipped him off with his middle finger and then logged off.

He got up and went outside to the balcony. Marc must have remembered the hotel’s strict no smoking policy at the last minute, because he had an unlit cigarette between his lips.

“They have a smoking area just outside the hotel lobby, if you want to go.” Kay stood next to him.

Marc turned around and gave him an apologetic smile. “I am sorry... I... It’s not a laughing matter to me.”

“It’s no laughing matter to me either,” Kay said urgently. He understood the magnitude of it, for someone like Marc to take a chance on someone like him. Kay had spent a large part of his life single-mindedly pursuing a goal that had less than 50% chance to succeed, not caring what was going to happen to anyone, including himself. If he was a used car, he would be chucked in the pile of ‘total write-off’.

Marc grimaced. He turned his face back to the night view of the city, the top of his brown hair blowing gently in the night breeze.

“Give me your hand,” Kay said.

Marc looked at him quizzically, but he reached out his hand.

Kay took it and led him back in, then sat him down on the bed. “Give me a few minutes.” He gave Marc a dry kiss, then disappeared into the bathroom.

Years of living in relative luxury with older men had its own merits. Kay had a lot of pampering tricks and knew how to run a killer bath. He picked out the bath gel and oil from the hotel amenities, turned on the tap and set the water temperature to a satisfying degree. Then he untied the plush bathrobe and hung it by the vanity counter.

“Kay?” Marc stuck his head in. He saw Kay and whispered, “What are you doing?”

Kay has already undressed down to his boxer-briefs, he took them off, watched Marc’s eyes widened, his pupils blown ever so slightly at the sight. 

They had sex plenty of times by now, but they didn’t get the chance to do couple things. Normal things. Like watching a movie on the sofa together, cooking dinner together, soaking in a bath together.

“Now let me take care of you for once,” Kay said.

******

(Marc)

  
  


The water was getting cooler but still in a pleasant temperature. Marc expelled a happy sigh and leaned back against Kay’s chest. 

Of course they tried to fuck in the bathtub. Marc’s cock was already hard before he even got into the bathtub. They had ended up improvising in the steam filled and tight space, Marc taking Kay from behind against the tiled wall, grabbing whatever shower gel he could reach as lube.

Kay was panting and whimpering when Marc was holding his unshielded cock in his hand, positioning it against Kay’s entrance...

“I am clean...” Kay had murmured. His blond hair a shade darker in the steam, his body pliable under Marc’s hands. 

The reassurance had tugged and broke Marc’s heart a little. Why should Kay be the one who had to reassure Marc of that? Someone should protect Kay too. Someone should have been doing that a long time ago. 

He kissed Kay’s shoulder blades, flexed his hips and entered him in one slippery and smooth thrust. That sudden feeling of skin on skin inside, so powerful, Marc had nearly tripped in the bathtub from the pleasure shock. 

“Oh fuck... Kay,” Marc had moaned, his words catching in his throat, his head falling forward onto the nape of Kay’s neck. Fuck... fuck... he hadn’t expected the intensity of that. The impact of such a small change. Or perhaps it had been the significance of it that made it so powerful. What it meant. Their trust. Their future. In one tiny detail. 

_Like we have found a new way to get even closer._ Marc thought. 

The soapy water lapping around their tired but relaxed bodies; the bubbles have almost all gone now. 

“Tell me about your father,” Marc asked.

He felt the stillness of Kay’s body on his back. Then a soft breath escape before Kay answered, his voice soft, almost dreamy, “He was funny. He always made us laugh out loud, Mama and I. He liked to read National Geographic, we had piles and piles of it at home. He was a decent man. People get decency mixed up with weakness, but they aren’t the same thing. It takes a lot of strength to do the right thing when it would serve you better to play dirty.”

Marc held Kay’s hands in front of him. “I wish I had the chance to know him better.”

“He would have really liked you,” Kay sounded certain.

“Did he know... or your mother...”

“That I am gay? I am not sure I knew for sure back then, except how much I wanted to spend every minute with you.” Marc could feel Kay’s smile behind him. “But no, I don’t think they knew, but there was never any doubt in my mind that they would have been okay with it. They would have loved me no matter what.”

Marc was pretty sure his own father would have a different reaction. But that seemed like a secondary problem. First he had to sort out his mess with Bettina. 

They haven’t talked to each other much since the dinner at Ema’s house. Marc had been too busy trying to find Kay, even when he’s home, Bettina had left him alone most of the time. They haven’t called or texted each other since Marc had gone out this morning. The night before, Marc had been sleeping in his study, they both pretended it was because he had just fallen asleep there while working.

“Hmm... should we get out of the tub? Our fingers are all pruny,” Kay chuckled.

Marc looked over his shoulder at Kay, who was watching him with clear and candid eyes; a boyish smile playing at the corner of his mouth. 

It was only the two of them now, in their own little world, not thinking about the storm outside. Just two men lying in a bathtub in a nondescript hotel room.

Marc has never felt safer or more protected; he felt strong and free. He closed his eyes and leaned back against Kay’s chest again. 

“Five more minutes?”


	23. Two Truths and a Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc and Bettina talk lies and truths  
> Kay and Marc talk about food
> 
> This chapter has both Marc’s and Kay’s POV, as indicated ( )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some German food:  
> Apfel Puffer: apple pancakes  
> Bauernfrühstück: Farmer’s breakfast (have all kinds of things in it, like a big omelette)  
> Spaghettieis: ice cream made in the shape of spaghetti  
> Saumagen: sow’s stomach, it’s a mince pork dish with potatoes, carrots and onions etc

(Marc)

  
  


It’s getting harder and harder to say goodbye. No, not goodbye, that sounded way too permanent. To leave Kay. Even just for a day. Marc wondered if he had developed some kind of separation anxiety the past few days after Kay’s disappearing act.

They lingered by the hotel room’s door the next morning, a quick kiss turned into an open-mouth one, then just got deeper and longer, until their lungs screamed for oxygen. Marc closed his eyes, his forehead pressed against Kay’s, his hands on Kay’s shoulders.

“Stay here. Don’t take Wenzel’s calls. I will contact Bauer and make the arrangement.”

Kay, on the other hand, seemed lighter, happier than he has ever been. He had done his part - to uncover the truth for his parents. The road to justice was still a long way to go, but at least now his conscience was clear. Marc could understand that. 

He nodded to Marc. There’s a dimple on his left cheek when he said, “I will catch up on my sleep, someone’s been keeping me up last night.” 

Guilty as charged. Marc’s face reddened, but Kay’s cheekiness relaxed him a little. 

Kay agreed that he would stay in the hotel for a few more days. Wenzel would likely try to find him, whether he remembered the trip to the bank or not. They needed to give the recording, which was inside a mini handheld voice-recorder, to Oliver Bauer as soon as possible.

Just like the confidential documents Kay had handed over, the Corporate Crime Unit would ask how he got hold of the recording. Since Kay had already admitted having a sexual relationship with Wenzel, it was easy to come up with an excuse. It was unlikely that Wenzel would report Kay drugging him, because that would lead to admitting the existence of the recording. 

But first, Marc had to go home.

  
  


Their house looked different.

Marc spent a minute sitting in his car and staring at the house he bought with Bettina. 

It was like he’s looking at it for the first time. The house seemed... foreign, ostentatious and picturesque in an artificial way, like a film set for play-acting. Marc noticed the chipped paint and the rusty handles on the two flower boxes outside the door. He had volunteered to repaint and fix them. That seemed like a lifetime ago.

He found Bettina in the back garden, sitting on her favourite lounge chair with a laptop on her lap. 

She looked up and sat up straighter as he approached. Marc avoided her gaze and sat down on a chair next to her. 

Neither spoke.

There was a glass of pink lemonade on the small table next to the lounge chair, sweating under the sun. Marc hasn’t forgotten that dessert wine glass from the dinner. What his sub-consciousness had registered but his conscious mind tried to dismiss as nonsense. Because it was too unthinkable. 

_Why would she lie about something like that?_

“I suppose you don’t even try to pretend now, do you?” Bettina’s voice was so quiet Marc could barely hear it.

Marc hated confrontations, but he hated this limbo situation even more. 

“I will tell you everything.” Marc began. He finally looked at Bettina in the eye. “But I want you to answer me truthfully about one thing first.”

She huffed with a sound between exasperation and anger. “No. You don’t get to dictate the terms. You are the one who’s cheating. You are the one who didn’t come home last night.”

Bettina was not the type to go hysterical or to throw things at Marc. No, she was collected and... prepared.

But the look she gave him at that moment, so full of contempt and disdain, Marc almost didn’t recognise her. He has never seen such an expression on her face in the three years they’ve known each other. 

“Kay Klossner.” She stated the name like announcing a winner in a contest, she turned sideways to face him, tilting her head. “It’s like sleeping with your boss’s mistress, isn’t it? Is that what gets you off? The taboo? The secrecy? Did you seduce him?” She asked, like an investigative journalist talking to her subject. Then she answered them herself, “No, I bet he made the first move. He looks like the type. Like a peacock, he knows his sex appeal, knows his effect on people like you and he uses it well.”

Marc’s jaw moved. He wanted to ask her ‘what type of people she thought he was’. And even though his guilt was as big as the Pacific Ocean, Marc’s first reaction was to tell her to shut up with her amateurish psycho-analysis of Kay. It would have been easier if she was angry, he thought. But not this. This detached and cynical way. Marc couldn’t... this was not the Bettina he knew. 

“Did Frank - “

“It wasn’t Frank.” She shook her head and snorted, “Though he obviously knows. Now that I recall the panic way he kept glancing between you and Kay Klossner at the police station.”

Marc swallowed.

“It was the old-fashioned way how all the women in the world found out about such things. We checked the cheating man’s mobile phone.” She looked up like she’s recalling something. “Funny I never knew you like to text so much. Let’s see... there are pedestrian ones like, ‘I can’t wait to see you’, ‘thinking of you’ to something a bit more desperate like, ‘baby, please tell me where you are’” She rattled out a few examples like she’s pitching ideas.

A chill started to seep into his bones and skin. Marc shuddered inwardly. A horrible thought emerged in his mind. “How long have you known?” _Before or after you told me you are pregnant?_ He screamed inside.

“Which part? The you-don’t-want-to-get-married part? Or the you-are-cheating-on-me-with-a-man part?” Bettina put away her laptop and stood up. 

She walked over to the edge of the garden, looking at the flowers she had planted with Marc’s mother a few weeks ago. With her back to Marc, she asked, “I suspected there was someone. You were... distracted since you got that bodyguard contract. But I had no idea where or what to look for until that day at the police station. After that, I just have to keep my eyes and ears open.” She chuckled, the laugh was dripping with bitterness. “You weren’t exactly hiding. In fact, sometimes I think you want me to find out, the way you leave your phone and laptop around.”

Because he had never thought she would go behind him.

Out of everything she has said so far, the bit that hit Marc the most was when she said he had been distracted. Marc couldn’t pinpoint exactly when things began to fall apart between them because he hasn’t been paying attention for a long time. Little by little, with every minute, every hour he spent away with Kay, it chipped away the life he had built with Bettina. 

His old life. His life before Kay reappeared. Disappearing without him knowing until there was nothing left but a showroom house and a pretend unity at dinner parties. Marc’s body might have stayed with Bettina, but his heart has long moved away.

The question at the front of his mind had to come out. “There is no baby, is there? You are not pregnant,” Marc asked. Even though by now, he was almost certain of it, his heart was still pounding. _Why? Why would she?_

There was no surprise on Bettina’s face. She knew he would find out, which meant she had no intention to fool him for long. To what end then? Bettina had claimed she didn’t know about him and Kay until that day at the police station. 

“Did you ever read that feature article I wrote? The one which I got nominated?” She asked.

Knowing there must be a reason why she brought it up, Marc simply nodded. Then after a beat, “but I didn’t finish it,” he admitted. It had been the night he went up to the roof garden with Kay, when Kay told him his real identity.

Bettina huffed. “I figured as much. If you had, you probably would have suspected something earlier. I kept waiting for you to ask me...” She shook her head like he’s hopeless. Then she cleared her throat and continued, “I mentioned in that article that I’ve interviewed a young woman who grew up in a Children’s home run by the State government. She has an illness... well, not exactly a disease,” she paused. “More like a kink. She likes to pretend to be pregnant. She does the whole thing, the fake tummy, the maternity clothes. She goes to support group meetings to chat with other mothers-to-be.” Bettina looked at Marc’s quizzical expression. “I was as puzzled as you are now. So, I asked her why. And she said she just wants to be seen. She wants to have people’s attention; people on the buses giving up seats to her; people in the shops ask her how far along. She said she isn’t invisible when she’s pregnant and she likes it because all her life she’s been ignored in children’s home.”

She took a deep breath after the long speech.

“And I was invisible. To you. Those days... even when you were home, I knew you weren’t listening to me; you weren’t even seeing me!” Her voice cracked a little. “And I thought, instead of giving you an ultimatum about the wedding, what if I tell you I am pregnant? What if I let myself be seen, be the centre of your attention? And it worked.” She frowned like she couldn’t believe she had pulled it off. “You saw me. For the first time in months. You were gentle with me, you wanted to move the wedding date forward, I figured you even broke up with whoever you were sleeping with.” Bettina tilted her head. “And I got my confirmation later. You did. You broke up with him. No wonder he was looking at my tummy at the police station. Suddenly it all made sense... you told him about the pregnancy. That hurt on his face.”

Marc watched that little triumphant smile on her face and he felt sick to his stomach. 

“Is that what you want to build our marriage on? Just to keep me around. Based on a lie?”

“At first, I was planning to tell you the truth, thinking you’d understand after I explain the reason behind. I thought maybe we’ve turned a corner,” she bit her lips. “That didn’t last. You stayed but you weren’t really here.” She glanced at Marc, her expression turned churlish. “But don’t flatter yourself, I gave up on you after I found who you’ve been fucking this whole time. You think I would want you to touch me after you slept with that man?” she spat.

Her crass words felt like a slap across his face.

As Marc silently absorbed this, a small part of him was relieved that he didn’t destroy this all by himself, that Bettina had done her part. But a bigger part of him also knew that he was the one who had driven her to this. This path of mutual destruction. 

Marc thought of how close and how much worse this destruction could turn out to be. He could have told his parents about the baby and they would be heartbroken; he could have married Bettina and they both would be miserable; Kay could have died thinking he had nothing to live for. 

This spider web of love and hurt they’ve woven. Suddenly, he had no energy to argue anymore. 

“I can’t carry on like this.” The apology he had prepared died in his throat. He still owed her that, but at this moment, he just couldn’t. “I am moving out today.” His voice was soft but firm.

Bettina made no reaction to that.

The whirring noise of their next door neighbour’s lawn mower was not as loud as the silence stretching between himself and Bettina.

They weren’t just calling off a wedding. Marc realised. This was the end of their relationship. As future spouses, as friends.

He got up. 

“Are you gay? Have you always been this way and I am just your...?” It was the first question that she sounded scared to know the answer.

Marc knew he’s in way too deep to deny it with the same ‘I am not gay’ answer, but the truth was, he still had no idea. “I don’t know.” Marc shook his head. “I don’t know if I like men... or it is just.” He expelled a long sigh. Suddenly he had the urge to be honest, more to himself than to answer Bettina’s question. “There’s something about being with him that makes me feel...” he picked his words carefully, not wanting to insult or inflict more hurt. “I don’t know, it’s like a hidden path has been revealed in front of me. One that I can finally be myself. Be free.”

_And it isn’t because Kay is a man. It is because it is Kay._

The frost on Bettina’s face told him that she had no interest in hearing him waxing lyrical over his feelings for a man who had destroyed her picture perfect future. 

She narrowed her eyes and studied him for a good minute. Marc met her gaze head on, plenty of guilt but no shame and no regret. He watched her expression change, her frown lines creased between her eyebrows, her lips quivered. Shaking her head, she said, “No, it’s worse. You love him.”

Marc knew if he denied this, he would do both Bettina and Kay wrong. After a few fraught seconds, he said quietly, “I do.”

Neither of them had anything to say after that. 

An hour later, as Marc packed a single overnight bag and walked out of the door. The distant sound of her sob came sudden and painful.

  
  


******

(Kay)

  
  


“Kay?”

He heard Marc calling him from the bedroom. Followed by the now familiar sound of his footsteps. Marc was a light walker. He had told Kay he used to live in an Altbau and his downstairs neighbours would frequently complain about the noise he made, so he has learned to walk lightly on those ancient wooden floors. 

Kay found all these tidbits of Marc’s previous life fascinating. He wanted to know all of them. He wanted to spend the rest of his life building new tidbits like this with Marc. 

After staying with Kay in the hotel room for a few days. They decided to move back to Kay’s apartment. The coast seemed to be clear. For now.

Wenzel Wolff had been calling Kay. Kay only returned his call once, gauging Wenzel’s reaction. It seemed like Wenzel hadn't found out about the trip to the bank, he was still under the impression that he had fallen asleep after they had fucked that day, and Kay had left after that. To buy time, Kay pretended he only wanted to have occasional hookups with Wenzel for now. 

_Well, until the slow moving legal system finally catches up with you, asshole._

Now it’s a waiting game. He had to rely on Oliver Bauer and his contacts in the homicide unit. 

Plus Kay had another urgent issue in front of him to deal with - Marc.

Marc hasn’t told him much about his talk with Bettina, just that there was no baby. Never had. It was a lie. Kay couldn’t wrap his head around why anyone would do such a thing. Marc seemed sad and... heartsick. Kay wasn’t sure if it was over Bettina or over the baby that was never there.

He had only seen Bettina twice. Once at the airport, the other time at the police station. Kay thought she was pretty in a bland sort of way. Like she had found a picture in a magazine and tried to copy it. From the striped sailor top, capri cropped jeans and ballet pumps to the way she tied her hair in a loose bun, all kind of generic chic. There was nothing original or... sexy about her. 

_Well, at least unlike you, she doesn’t sleep with men to get what she wants. What’s so good about yourself? Except that you are good at fucking? Is that what you think you can keep Marc? With your sexiness? Your body?_ Kay began his daily mental exercise of self-berating.

_But he’s here. With me. That’s all that matters._ Kay answered his inner-self.

And Kay was determined to cheer Marc up.

“What the hell are you doing up so early?” Marc came up behind him in the kitchen. He frowned at the content in the frying pan.

“I am making Apfel Puffer.” 

Marc was wrinkling up his nose in the universal expression of distaste.

“You don’t like apple pancakes?”

Marc made a face.

“Who doesn’t like pancakes?” Kay asked; he turned around and glared at Marc.

“I don’t like eating sweet stuff first thing in the morning.”

Kay winced. “Are you one of those cool cops who only drinks black coffee for breakfast?”

He was glad that prompted a rare laugh out of Marc. 

“Nee. I am more of a fried eggs and toast guy,” Marc planted a minty taste kiss on his cheek. “Or Bauernfrühstück, if I have all the ingredients.”

Kay made a mental note to get all the ingredients for the farmer’s breakfast. He wrapped his arms around Marc’s waist. “There are eggs in the fridge. Why don’t you get me two and cut the bread?”

“That’s more like it.” Marc leaned in to kiss him on the mouth. They lingered and gave each other a thorough mouth inspection with their tongues until the sizzling sound of the pancakes demanded their attention.

Marc peeked at the apple pancakes. “They look just like the ones my mother makes. Maybe I can have them for lunch.”

Kay smiled. He had a good teacher; he learned it from watching his mother making them when he was a kid. “What’s your favourite food then? What would be your death row last dinner?” 

That drew another guffaw from Marc, who nearly choked on the orange juice he’s drinking. “You and Grisha have the strangest association of ideas. How could death row be the first thing you link with favourite food?”

Kay shrugged. It didn’t seem so strange to him when he was living in the Children’s home with Grisha. “Come on, what is it? I want to know. I will tell you mine first. My favourite food is Spaghettieis.” 

Marc rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised? You and your sweet tooth.” Then suddenly his eyes turned soft and his thumb brushed against Kay’s cheek. “I remember the first day I met Wenzel Wolff. He told Joey to get a Franzbrötchen from a well-known bakery... later when I found out that was for you... I had this strange feeling of jealousy even though back then I didn’t even know you were... _you_.”

Kay licked his lips, remembering. “You scared the hell out of me that day. Seeing you again after all these years.” He lay his head on Marc’s shoulder. He couldn’t believe a few months later, he would be standing in a Bachelor’s pad kitchen, making breakfast with Marc. “You had no idea how much I wanted to tell you everything that day.”

Marc’s hand on his back was a soothing reminder. Strong and gentle at the same time. Like a haven, single handedly keeping the storm out. Kay marvelled at the new sensation he hadn’t felt since his parents’ death. He felt safe. Happy and safe.

“My favourite food is Saumagen,” Marc said.

Kay pulled away. He pretended to wrinkle his nose. “No!” 

They both laughed.

******

Oliver Bauer called them later that day.

“Kay, I want to give you a heads up that the homicide team in KriPo has decided to reopen your parents’ case.”

Kay felt Marc’s gaze on him. But he couldn’t speak.

Marc got hold of his hand and took over. “Thanks. Anything you can tell us? How long will they be able to make an arrest?”

Bauer was a little bit hesitant. “The Chief Inspector I spoke to said they needed to tread carefully... because they suspect there was police bribery involved in the first investigation. Could be the coroner. It’s all speculation for now. But they don’t want to alert the detectives who handled the case before, they have both retired now. It’s also better if the two principal suspects aren’t aware of the case being reopened.”

Even though he had suspected it, it was still disheartening to learn that police corruption had played a part in his parents’ case. 

Marc nodded even though Bauer couldn’t see him. “I understand. You know my father knows the Captain of the KriPo team from the previous investigation. So if you need any help to reach out to them -“

“Thank you, that’s good to know. I have already briefed the team, they have both of your contact details. You will get a call from them soon, I expect. The two teams are working closely together, because if we arrest anyone from Medikunft on corporate crime charges, Wolff might be spooked about the old murder case. So, it needs to be a coordinated effort.”

Bauer’s confident voice and his attention to detail were reassuring but Kay knew he wouldn't be able to relax until Heine Weiss and Wenzel Wolff were arrested and charged.

“I am not saying I don’t trust the unit, but it’s a big KriPo team. So if words got out, I need to know Kay will be safe.”

Marc answered right away, “I am with him. I will make sure of that.”

Oliver Bauer didn’t even question why Marc could make such a claim. He just said, “That’s good to know. Like I said, we will keep you posted but lay low and stay safe.”

They said goodbyes and ended the call. 

Kay has been putting this off for weeks. This loose end. Now it’s time. It was also the right thing to do. He turned to Marc and said, “I need to warn Torsten. I should go to Köln, better to tell him face to face. I owe him that much.” 

When Wenzel eventually found out who Kay was, he would connect the dots and know it was Torsten who told Kay about the existence of his father’s evidence against Wenzel.

Marc was still holding his hand; he said without missing a beat. “I am coming with you.”

  
  



	24. I’d Do It All Over Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc and Kay in Cologne  
> Marc has a talk with his father
> 
> This chapter is in Marc’s POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> German word:  
> Weib - refers to woman, usually used as a derogatory term. Similar to calling a woman a “broad”. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting! Not too long to go now.

(Marc)

  
  


“Kay!” Torsten opened the door after just one knock. A nervous smile on his face, he leaned forward with his arms open. But Kay hesitated. They ended up in an awkward half bear hug. 

Torsten’s smile slipped a little when he saw Marc appearing behind Kay.

“Hey Tors. I guess you’ve met Marc already,” Kay mumbled and walked into the apartment without waiting for an invitation.

Torsten Brandt gave Marc a curt nod. He looked slightly embarrassed. About what Marc couldn’t be sure. That Marc had witnessed his reunion with Kay? Or Marc being here reminded him of his mini breakdown last time.

He looked a lot better than that evening. He was dressed in a freshly pressed shirt, his hair just washed and styled; he smelled faintly of some expensive aftershave.

Marc sighed inwardly. _Welcome to the Kay Engel Fanclub._

Kay was looking around, checking a few things in the apartment like he was visiting a museum. Torsten followed behind him and pointed out a few new things he had bought. 

“You finally turned the gym room into a library,” Kay noted. He peeked into the study/library. “It looks nice. I like the wooden shelves.”

“You punching bag and treadmill are still in the storage room in the basement if you want - “

Kay shrugged. “You paid for them anyway, you should sell them.”

Marc knew if Kay just said the word, Torsten Brandt would turn that room back into a gym again in two days.

After that, they moved to the living room. Marc sat down next to Kay on a 3-seater sofa, Torsten sat in an armchair opposite them. Marc watched Torsten’s eyes follow the movement of his arm, as he lay it on the back of the sofa behind Kay, not quite touching Kay’s shoulders, but the message was clear. If he was acting too much like a territorial alpha dog, then so be it.

Torsten’s gaze veered away.

Kay rubbed the back of his neck. After they got the niceties out of the way, Marc could see the strain on his face. He knew Kay’s relationship with Torsten Brandt was a complex one. A tangled mess of gratitude, affection, betrayal and regret. How should one feel about a man who had helped you so much but had also played a part, albeit unwittingly, in your parents’ death?

“Tors, I... we want to tell you that the Stuttgart police are reopening my parents’ case. They are treating it as double homicide.” Kay got right into the purpose of the trip.

Torsten looked up, a smile began at the corner of his mouth. “That’s good news. Isn’t it?”

“It is,” Kay met his eyes. “For me, at least. But there is a chance that Wenzel would try to clean up any evidence or - ”

Torsten finally caught on. “Tidying up loose-ends... like me?” He suggested. 

Kay gave a tight nod. “He didn’t know who I am yet but he will. And he will know you were involved in my life.”

Torsten nodded. He got up and started to pace. 

“Wenzel will know you were my source.”

Torsten halted at those words. “Your source,” he parroted numbly. Those two words were like two daggers going straight into his heart. Marc reckoned, perhaps it was too close to what Torsten has always been afraid of - that he was nothing more than a useful source of information to Kay. A mean to an end.

“Marc told me about you and Wenzel Wolff,” he suddenly said. His voice husky, he was looking at Kay pleadingly, like he was hoping Kay would deny it. 

Kay frowned. It was clear that he was irritated. “I don’t see how it’s any of your business. We broke up a year before I got the job at Medikunft.”

It was the first time Marc heard Torsten raised his voice to Kay. “But sleeping with that man? Jesus Christ, Kay... why would you do that to yourself?” The age difference between them was getting more prominent, now Torsten has taken a more fatherly tone. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you about your father’s case before, I wanted to protect you, I knew you would do something... something crazy.”

It must have been on his mind for a long time for Kay to be so quick with his comeback. He talked over Torsten. “Give me a break! You didn’t tell me about the case because you were guilty as shit. And you wanted to get into my pants. What a dilemma that was for you, right?” 

Like the “my source” comment earlier, this seemed to hit Torsten Brandt particularly hard. Torsten’s face twisted in pain. “Kay... I swear I didn’t know.”

“I know that!” Kay cried. His voice unsteady. Getting up from the sofa, he exhaled a shaky breath, hands on his hips. “Tors, I know... “ With his outburst out of the way, Kay’s voice became softer. “I know you didn’t mean to get them killed. I don’t blame you...” he paused. “Well, I did. But not anymore. I just... I can’t be with you after that.”

Torsten looked like Kay had just punched him in the stomach. No doubt this was a fact Brandt had known and had already accepted, but hearing it from Kay’s mouth was still difficult. He doubled over like he was in pain.

Kay stepped closer and reached out his hand like he was about to hug Torsten, but he stopped at the last moment.

Marc looked at him and gave a little shake of his head. _Don’t give him mixed signals._ His eyes were telling Kay. 

Kay bit his lips and sat back down on the sofa. 

Marc placed a steady hand on Torsten’s shoulder. The lawyer looked up. 

“If you want, a friend of mine here can refer you to a few personal security companies in Köln.”

Torsten looked lost there for a minute before he recovered. “Wenzel Wolff is a nasty business man, but he’s not a mobster. I think I will be okay.”

“I won’t underestimate Wolff’s resources.” Marc felt the need to remind him.

“Marc is right. Wenzel had help back then. He didn’t mean to have my parents killed. He was looking for Papa’s evidence... it was Heine Weiss who did it,” Kay said.

This was new to Torsten. He looked surprised. “Heine Weiss? The Regional Director?” 

“He’s now the COO of Medikunft. He was the one who did the dirty work for Wenzel. They were old friends.”

Torsten cursed quietly, “Shit.” His expression turned serious. “I didn’t know Heine Weiss was involved. He wasn’t implicated in the case back then, but he was responsible for the recruitment of drug test subjects. I interviewed him once, he was abrasive and short-tempered...” His eyes were troubled. “I heard that he had a juvenile record but it was expunged a few years later.”

“A violent crime?” Marc asked.

Torsten nodded reluctantly. “The rumour was that he caused the death of a classmate in a pool accident. They were playing water polo. Both Heine Weiss and the dead kid were 12.”

Marc knew how to read between the lines. An accidental death wouldn’t give someone a juvenile record. That meant the police suspected Weiss had drowned his classmate.

“I am leaving you my friend’s card here. He can help with any personal protection needs.” Marc put down the card on the table.

Torsten nodded. Then he turned his gaze back to Kay. “Thank you for thinking of my safety. I will help the case in any way I can, I promise you that.”

  
  
  


The mattress dipped and they rolled into each other’s arms. 

It was late by the time they left Torsten’s home. Marc didn’t want to do the 4-hour drive in the dark. And one look at the drained emotions on Kay’s face, he decided to find a hotel to spend the night in Köln.

Kay’s body radiated warmth. The scent of the generic hotel soap and the cool and crisp bed sheets were a welcoming change after a taxing evening. His mouth found Kay. They kissed, not urgently like their usual kisses. There was no need to hurry. Now it was a time for comfort and healing.

“Thank you for coming here with me,” Kay said quietly, nuzzled him and then pressed his face against Marc’s hair.

“I know it must be hard for you to see him again.” Marc said.

Kay stayed still for a moment. Then he asked slowly and cautiously, “Does it disgust you?”

“About what?” Marc was puzzled.

“Me and Torsten. You know it was me who seduced him? I knew he wanted me but he wouldn’t have done anything if I hadn’t encouraged him. Even though I never loved him. Not even before I found out what he’s done...”

“So what? You don’t have to apologise for not loving someone...” then Marc began to pick up Kay’s brainwaves. He knew where this was going. “He was the grown up in your relationship. He’s entirely responsible for his own actions,” Marc said.

“I used him. Just like I used Wenzel, even though he deserves it. But not Torsten.”

Marc was fairly sure Torsten Brandt didn’t regret those few years he had Kay with him, no matter what happened afterwards. “You were young. You had no one. Torsten cared about you and he was more than willing. You didn’t use him. You were trying to survive.”

Kay seemed to consider what Marc had just said. Then he conceded unconvincingly, “I don’t know... Maybe... but it would be nice if I didn’t need to...”

Marc knew it would take more than just a few platitudes to make Kay change the dim view he had for himself over his actions in the name of seeking revenge.

“You are the only person I’ve known who has been so determined to achieve what you’ve set out to do. You had a plan, you executed it, you persevered. Do you know how hard that is?” 

“Dancing in the grey area between determination and illegal activities,” Kay gave a shaky laugh.

“The smooth criminal,” Marc quipped. Glad to hear the lightness back in Kay’s voice.

But Kay wasn’t joking anymore when he said, “I will never forget what you’ve done for me... with the gun and the tablets...”

Marc kissed the side of his head. “If I had to choose, I’d do it all over again.”

Kay wriggled more comfortably against him, his face finding that favourite spot behind Marc’s ear. His fingers touching Marc’s face in the dark. “Papa was renovating the attic, he wanted to give me the whole floor as a birthday present, like a treehouse inside the house, he said,” Kay said dreamily. “I fell asleep on an old mattress there that night.”

Marc knew which night Kay was referring to.

In the dim room, he could barely make out Kay’s face, but he could feel the frown on his face when he said, “maybe that’s why Heine Weiss didn’t find me, maybe Papa told him I wasn’t home... he could have killed me too that night.”

Marc gathered him closer still, winding him tightly in his arms. His heart thumped powerfully at the morbid possibility. A twist in fate that changed the course of their lives.

“Just close your eyes and relax,” he said.

Kay obliged. Marc focused on rubbing his back, just soothing touches, not trying to initial sex, just want to give his lover... his boyfriend some simple comfort. The term ‘boyfriend’ still felt funny to Marc’s ears, but there was no denying it. Too many people in Kay’s life had ulterior motives already. Maybe including Marc too... selfish ones, like he wanted Kay all for himself, not sharing, no Torsten Brandt, no Wenzel Wolff. 

But tonight, he wanted to give Kay something uncomplicated. No strings attached.

It took a while but eventually Marc felt the gentle breeze of Kay’s warm breath against his neck, and felt Kay’s arm on his waist become heavier. 

Marc blinked into the darkness. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you. They have to get to me first,” he murmured.

  
  


******

  
  


Marc returned to the office the following Monday. The first thing he saw was Frank giving him a warning look - Marc’s father was waiting for him in his office. 

He had expected it but it still came too soon.

“Where are you staying these days?” Wolfgang Borgmann’s question came out more perplexed than angry.

Marc ignored the question. He got behind his desk and took his time to sit down on his chair, a posture tactic he had learned from his own father - make your position official and with authority, to show the visitor who is in charge.

“The engagement is off. I have moved out of the house for now.” Marc kept it short, aiming for a controlled detonation of the bomb. 

“And you didn’t think you should tell us about it? You think it’s a good idea for us to hear about it from Claudia? Bettina wouldn’t take your mother’s calls. She wouldn’t even let us in the house!”

Shit. It took some effort for Marc to control the instant leap of anger. He forgot how close Bettina and her mother were. But he really wished they would leave Bettina alone. At least until they have sorted out their affairs. Marc rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Papa... don’t bother Bettina. She needs some space. it’s between me and her. And no one else.”

Wolfgang snorted loudly. “Oh yeah? How about that Weib you are sleeping with?”

Marc has never heard his father used that derogatory term, his mother would not tolerate that in their house. The irony was he couldn’t be further from the truth and Marc was quite sure his father wasn’t prepared to hear the truth.

“There is no other woman,” Marc said calmly. _That’s not a lie, is it?_

“No need to lie to me. Claudia said it was because you were cheating on Bettina. Are you still going to bars and clubs with the guys? I thought those days were over. You are settling down.”

“People break up all the time. What’s the big deal?”

“People do. But Bettina is practically family, so I want to know why.”

Marc began to lose patience. “Papa! I am almost 30 years old. I am allowed to break up with someone without the permission from my parents first.”

Wolfgang looked indignant. “We are not butting into your private life. We just care about you... and this?” He shook his head. “This isn’t like you.”

That brought Marc up short. “What isn’t like me?”

“This! Making a life changing decision in a rush. You bought a house with Bettina, she’s a few months away from taking our family name. You have always been a planner. Few months ago it was all you were talking about. The business, the house, the wedding... now suddenly you don’t want to get married, you broke up with Bettina.” Wolfgang pointed a finger at him. “And I have my sources. Gregor was saying you’re taking on lesser duties in the company these days. Marc, this company was your pride. Your life goal! What happened to you?”

_Kay Engel happened. That’s what happened._ Marc almost wanted to say.

Deep down he knew this would come out sooner or late. He wasn’t avoiding it. Ok, maybe he was a little bit. He wasn’t sure his parents were ready. Hell, he wasn’t sure Kay was ready for the kind of reception he would get from his parents. And Marc couldn’t. He wouldn’t know what to do if his parents were hostile to Kay.

And then he remembered what he had said to Bettina that day. That with Kay, a new hidden path has been revealed to him, the only place where Marc could be free and be himself.

Marc leaned forward in his office chair. His clasped hands on the desk in front. Words lodged in his throat, almost painfully. But Marc pushed past his fear. 

He started with the business part first. “Of course, the company is still important to me. Frank and I are just rearranging our responsibilities. I will concentrate on expanding our private investigation business, that’s my forte. Frank will handle our account with Medikunft by himself, that’s all.” 

Wolfgang seemed slightly mollified by the explanation, but he asked, “I thought you were the main guy for the Medikunft gig.”

“It has gone beyond the scope of personal protection detail now. Frank has more experience with enterprise security.” Marc took a deep breath inwardly and said, “Also, I am involved with someone who used to work there, we thought it’s better if I take a back seat after the initial contract is done.”

“So, it’s true. You have met someone there!” Wolfgang exclaimed like a mystery has been solved. “Some secretary you met there?”

_Executive Assistant._

Marc nodded. He kept his voice unwavering, made sure he’s maintaining eye contact with his father. “You’ve met him. At the Police Station. He was one of the hostages, he’s the one who jumped in front of me.”

The stoic but confused look on Wolfgang’s face was a strange sight to see. His father was a shrewd policeman, he didn’t make higher rank to Lieutenant because he preferred to do real police work instead of dealing with departmental politics. 

Marc saw the exact moment his father worked it out.

“You are telling me - “ Wolfgang narrowed his eyes.

Marc didn’t wait for his father to finish his question; he nodded again. “Yes. His name is Kay Klossner. But you knew him before as Kay Engel.”

  
  



	25. How to Meet the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay meets Marc’s parents  
> Marc has a request
> 
> (Kay’s POV)
> 
> *this chapter contains explicit content.

(Kay)

  
  


Kay doodled on the white sheet of paper in front of him. 

He was supposed to be updating his résumé, because it’s time to get a new job. Marc had asked what kind of work he wanted to do last night. Kay didn’t really have an answer. Before this, Kay had only wanted to work in Medikunft, and before that, he had worked in other pharmaceutical companies, so he could gain more experience in this field - in order to get a job in Medikunft. Now that’s done. Suddenly he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his life. 

He only knew he wanted to be with Marc. What he needed to do for a living seemed secondary, trivial to Kay.

_Maybe I could learn to be a bodyguard and work with Marc._ He briefly entertained that idea, but then he thought of Gregor Limpinski. The idea didn’t seem so appealing after all.

“If you have a degree in International Business and Economics from a good university, you can do whatever you want in the a lot of fields.” Torsten’s advice when he applied for university rang in his ears. Before their relationship fell apart, Torsten has always been his mentor, his life coach.

Kay couldn’t possibly write down ‘a successful whistleblower’ or ‘sleeping with my boss’ as tasks accomplished on his résumé. 

But none of these really mattered, because he might not survive tonight. Marc told him they were going to his parents house for dinner.

OK, let’s rewind a little bit. Two weeks ago Marc said he had told his father that they were together. And not only that, he had also told his father Kay’s real identity. The outcome, according to Marc, was a mix of shock, bewilderment and confusion. 

“Papa knows the Captain from the original investigation. He wants to help,” Marc had said. That was all good but what about the other thing? _What about the part that you’ve broken up with your fiancee for a man. What about the part that their only son’s new boyfriend is a man?_ Kay wanted to ask.

He shifted in his chair. That’s why he’s doodling on this sheet of paper instead of listing his strengths and weaknesses for his potential employers.

He started to draw two columns.

He wrote his and Marc’s names on top of one column and Bettina’s name on the top of the other column. Then he wrote Frank’s wife Claudia, Marc’s father and Marc’s mother under Bettina’s column. Kay thought a bit and put Frank in both columns because he seemed like the kind of guy who would sit on the fence. Grisha was definitely on their column. He thought of the young and kind bodyguard, Mehmet... maybe Mehmet would be on their side too, he wasn’t a homophobe like Limpinski, who was definitely on the other side. 

Kay looked at the two columns. So, he and Marc had Grisha, Mehmet and half of Frank on their side. The other side had Marc’s ex-fiancée, his parents, his best friend’s wife, half of said best friend and one homophobic colleague. Plus all the relatives and friends of Marc that Kay had yet to meet. 

_Still feel good about your chances?_ Kay asked himself.

He balled up the sheet of paper and threw it in the bin. Then he opened his laptop and googled - what to wear to see your boyfriend’s parents.

Of course, all the results came back recommending different dresses. Kay quietly cursed the heteronormative reality. He changed his search to - how to meet the parents...

His mobile buzzed.

“Hey... “ Marc said, then he was talking to someone else in a boss’s tone in the background before he came back. “Hey... sorry. We are interviewing a lot of people today. I don’t think I have time to come home first. Can we meet at my parents’ house at 7pm?”

“What?” Kay didn’t mean it to come out in a high pitched tone.

“I promise I won’t be late. If you arrive a few minutes after 7pm, you won’t be alone.”

“I am not arriving late to your parents’ dinner! I will be there before 7pm.” Kay had never met any boyfriend’s parents, but even he knew he could not be late for such things.

Marc finally picked up on his nervousness. Kay heard him getting up and walking. Maybe going to a quieter area of the office. Then he whispered, “It’s just a casual home meal. They want to meet you, that’s all. Especially after I told them who you are.”

“But what about the - “

Marc was quiet for a few seconds. “They aren’t thrilled about _that_. I am not going to lie. It’s difficult for them to imagine... they need time.” 

Kay was afraid ‘that’ part was what his parents were going to focus on. 

Marc was still talking, “but they are shocked about what happened to you and your parents... for everything else, well, we have to take it one day at a time.”

The thing was, he knew Marc’s parents were good people. In the Children’s home, he had seen kids get kicked out by their parents for less. This dinner invitation was meant to be an olive branch. Or they could use the opportunity to tell Kay to back off...

“Well, I hope your father doesn’t have his old service pistol at home.”

“That silly head of yours.” Marc laughed. That lovely sound eased the knot in Kay’s stomach. “I’ll see you there at 7pm then. Or you want to come to the office and wait for me? We can leave together.”

Kay considered it. Then he thought of Frank’s permanent awkward expression and Limpinski’s scorned face. One difficult situation a day only please. “I’ll meet you at your parents’ house. But don’t be late!”

“I won’t.”

  
  


At least the Borgmanns have moved out of the old neighbourhood in Ludwigsburg. Kay didn’t fancy going back to the same street where he used to live, where his parents were killed.

He arrived in a tree-lined, idyllic suburb just outside Stuttgart city, 10 minutes before 7pm. He sighed when he didn’t see Marc’s car outside. Kay sat inside his Jeep for another 5 minutes. Before leaving his apartment, he had read some advice by a blogger on the internet for such an occasion: _you shouldn’t be late but shouldn’t be too early either, in case the hosts are still preparing. And don’t forget to set your mobile phone to silent mode._

Kay smoothed the front of his light blue shirt, he just ironed it in the afternoon. It’s too warm for a suit jacket, so Kay wore a light grey linen blazer with no tie, going for a ‘smart casual’ and respectable look. Yes, that’s what he was going for. Respectable. He remembered Marc liked this blue shirt on him, though Marc also couldn’t wait to take it off him... Kay smiled, felt a little stir in his groin, thinking of Marc’s impatient fingers fiddling with the pearl-coloured buttons. 

_Shit. Now is not the time for that._ Kay ordered himself. He took one last look at himself on the rear-mirror and got out of the car.

The house was exactly as Kay had imagined it. It was a 1960s style modernist bungalow, clean lined and spacious, with large wall to wall windows, to capture the warming, healing and joyful qualities of light; the quintessence of postwar contemporary living during the decades of Wirtschaftswunder. This type of house was still prevalent on the periphery of German cities and in the suburban sprawl around them. Kay found it strangely comforting to be remembering lines from his old Social Studies textbooks. 

Marc’s mother opened the door. 

She was wearing a cotton cardigan with a green floral pattern, her blond hair was shoulder-length with a patch of white in between. She looked at Kay with widened eyes and mild panic.

_Is she not expecting me to come?_

“Good evening. Am I too early?” 

She seemed to have shaken off her haze of bewilderment. “Come in,” she simply said. Leading the way to the living room. “You can call me Inge. Why don’t you take a seat? Marc just called. He will be here in 5 minutes.” Then she escaped back to the kitchen.

_He’s late. I am going to kill him._

The smell of roast pork and potato dumplings filtered through from the kitchen. Kay walked around in the living room, looking at the many photos on the wall and shelves. There were photos of young Marc from his football captain days; Marc graduating the Police university and Marc having his arm around Bettina outside a house with a ‘SOLD’ sign post. 

Kay swallowed and decided checking out photos made him feel even more like an outsider.

Marc’s father, Wolfgang, walked into the living room from the garden in a black windbreaker. He stared at Kay.

The measuring and investigative gaze reminded Kay once again that he’s a retired policeman.

_You must express gratitude for the invitation in the first instance._ “Thank you for inviting me,” Kay said. He already kicked himself for forgetting to say this to Marc’s mother earlier.

Wolfgang nodded. He didn’t take his eyes off Kay, nor bother with any small talk. “Marc told me you solved your parents’ case by yourself.”

_Maybe they decided to treat me as ‘the kid who lost his parents’ rather than ‘the man who’s sleeping with their son’._

Kay licked his lips and gave a shake of his head. “I found out what I could. It’s now in the hands of the KriPo team.”

Wolfgang made a sound of acknowledgement. “A shame that the first investigation has failed you. That was a monumental mistake.” He sounded genuinely regretful. “You called our house before you called the police, do you remember?”

Kay didn’t remember that. Over the years, he has learned not to think about that morning, which wasn’t hard, because he didn’t remember much. Except the image of his parents’ bodies slummed inside the car, the choking smell of carbon monoxide. He didn’t remember calling Marc’s house or Marc’s father being first on the scene.

Wolfgang expelled a long sigh, “I hope they will find out what happened with that investigation. Though it will break my old Captain’s heart if it was someone from his team who took a bribe.”

Kay didn’t know the details except all things pointed to some kind of bribery had taken place. To be honest, he didn’t care if it’s a detective or the coroner, as long as the new team could right the wrong this time.

“They said it might be the coroner,” Kay offered.

Wolfgang grimaced. “That still didn’t excuse the detectives, they could have done a more thorough investigation.”

“Marc told me you weren’t in homicide.”

Wolfgang nodded. “I was in the trafficking and organised crime unit. The homicide unit is not big, this is a safe city. Maybe the lack of experience played a part too.”

Kay didn’t know what to say. They messed up. It was either corruption or incompetence, he didn’t know which one was easier for Marc’s father to accept.

Saved by the bell as Marc arrived.

Marc looked hurried and a bit worried. He made an apologetic glance at Kay before nodding to his father and hugging his mother. 

“Sorry I am late. We are doing interviews for new investigators and bodyguards today,” he said to his parents. 

Marc touched the back of Kay’s elbow. “Hey, you arrived okay?” He enquired softly, his hand moved up to Kay’s shoulder and stayed there. The warmth from his hand spread through Kay’s whole body. It wasn’t too obvious or intimate, but it went a long way to calm Kay’s nerves.

Kay met his eyes and smiled.

Wolfgang cleared his throat and said in a rough voice, “Let’s eat.”

It was 10 minutes into their dinner that Kay realised this was Marc’s regular dinner night with his parents. He or sometimes with Bettina would have dinner with his parents at least once a week, usually on a Thursday. Sometimes it would take place at Marc and Bettina’s house.

Kay felt like he’s stepping in a shoe that would never fit him. The one Bettina used to wear. And he bet in Marc’s parents’ eyes, she fit that shoe perfectly.

They talked about the candidates Marc interviewed today; Wolfgang had sent a few ex-cops their way, so they had a long discussion about them. Who had potential, who would get a 2nd interview. Then Inge mentioned some cousin of Marc who had recently quitted police academy. Kay watched on without getting into their conversation. 

_This is what normal people do. Dinner and conversation. Not sneaking around with your boss or looking for one-night-stands at a club._ He thought. 

Then he felt a tickling sensation on his leg; Marc’s calf brushed against his under the table. Kay nearly choked on the potato dumpling he’s chewing. He glared at Marc, who returned a cheeky smile. They were too damn old to play footsie, but Kay took his revenge with a small kick to Marc’s heel.

“Ouch...” Marc cursed softly. 

Kay gave him a triumphant smile. But when he looked up, his smile froze under Inge Borgmann’s intense gaze. _You should not act flirty around the parents._ Kay’s face turned beetroot red. 

Marc’s mother topped up more beer in Kay’s glass and said, “I almost didn’t recognise you. You were such a sweet little kid last time I saw you. I am so glad to know that you are alive and well, we all thought you died in Trier. It must have been some terrible misunderstanding.”

Kay swallowed and wiped his mouth with the napkin before he answered, “It was misreported in the newspaper. I was non-responsive at the scene.”

She grimaced. “But your Oma died? Who did you live with after that?”

Kay knew he shouldn’t treat it as a stigma, but the years he spent in the Children’s home were not something he liked to talk about. “I was in a Children’s home in Trier until I was nearly 18.” _Then I took advantage of a man’s attraction to me to dig myself out of there._ Kay wasn’t proud of that. He hoped Marc’s parents never found out about that part of his life.

Marc put his hand on top of Kay’s on the table. 

His mother averted her eyes, but there was genuine sadness in her voice when she said, “That’s tough. You were still so young, 15?” She sighed and turned to her son. “Marc, remember Bettina wrote an article about those homes? Some of them are like a horror show.”

Marc made a non-committal uh-huh.

Kay couldn’t tell whether it was deliberate on Marc’s parents’ side to bring up Bettina. Maybe half and half. It was clear that Bettina has fully integrated into their lives, especially with his mother, who apparently, still talked to Bettina nearly every day. 

Kay knew Marc had known Bettina for three years. So that was three years’ worth of weekly meals with the future daughter-in-law vs one uncomfortable dinner with the strange boyfriend.

Bettina’s name was brought up again when Marc mentioned Frank had recommended an estate agent to him. 

“What the hell? You are selling the house?” Wolfgang sounded like Marc had gone mad. “You just bought it less than half a year ago!”

“Does Bettina want to sell too?”

Marc looked flabbergasted. He spluttered, “Of course, we are separating...”

“You will lose a lot of money just on fees and taxes,” Wolfgang reminded him.

“I don’t see there’s any other way. We are not paying for the mortgage of a house we don’t even live in,” Marc said. All very reasonable and practical reasons. “The house is too big and too expensive for Bettina to pay on her own. She would rather find something smaller and closer to the city - “

“Did she tell you that? Bettina loves that house.” Wolfgang didn’t seem convinced.

“And what if you change your mind two months later, huh? When you want to move back to the house?” Inge raised her voice.

“What are you even - “ Marc stared at his mother, but he didn’t finish his question. He didn’t have to. 

Listening to them, Kay suddenly realised the olive branch Marc’ parents offered was only for the guilt and curiosity they had over Kay’s past. The whole ‘that poor boy’ sentiment. But the other part - the boyfriend part - was entirely another matter. They weren’t expecting Marc to stay with Kay for long. No. They thought Marc just got swept up in excitement, has mistaken affection with love, or has gone temporarily insane; but it wouldn’t last, he would wake up one day and decide he should go back to Bettina.

Another fact became clear to Kay now - they were only tolerating, trying to be civil around Kay. They didn’t understand what Marc was doing with a guy he barely knew more than a decade ago. And they didn’t want to understand. 

Kay thought of all the answers he had prepared for tonight, in case Marc’s parents asked about his job, where did he go to university, what were his hobbies etc. And his face heated up, feeling foolish.

All of a sudden, his shirt’s collar was too tight and restrictive, he felt light headed. He looked down at his half eaten plate of food - _the internet blogger said you must praise the quality of the meal and finish everything on your plate to show your appreciation_ \- Kay thought at this point, it probably wouldn’t make any difference. He rubbed his thighs under the desk, trying to stop his hands from shaking.

Kay wished he wasn’t here.

“Bettina and I are not getting back together. I don’t know what I need to do to make you understand.” He heard Marc telling his parents in a controlled and calm voice. 

“Marc...” Inge threw a quick glance at him. But Kay couldn’t; he couldn’t look at anyone. Then she turned back to Marc, “All we are saying is don’t rush into things like that. Wait for a month or two, then you and Bettina can make a final decision. I mean... a few months ago you didn’t know that... that Kay exists.”

_Shit._ Kay closed his eyes.

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor jolted him to open his eyes again. Marc was standing up. “Mama, Papa, I am sorry. This is a mistake. It is obviously too soon for you two... But it’s... it’s not right.“ he seemed at a loss for words. Marc shook his head. “Talking like this when Kay is sitting right next to me. I am not having this discussion. I understand you need time. Bettina and I too. We all do. But I am not going to change my mind about who I want to spend my life with.”

Kay felt Marc’s hand on his shoulder. It was shaky. Only then did Kay notice Marc was not as collected as he appeared, that it took everything to maintain his calm facade. “It’s late, we should go,” Marc said.

Kay stood up slowly. “Thank you for the meal. It was delicious,” he said to no one in particular. _At least I’ve followed all the advice._

  
  


Marc had taken an uber to his parents’ house, so they were driving back together in Kay’s Jeep.

The 20 minutes car journey was filled with silence. Not uncomfortable silence, Kay was glad to notice. More like two soldiers came back from the battlefield, weary but unscratched. Mission unaccomplished.

“I am sorry, baby. I thought they were ready.” Marc broke the silence.

Kay looked ahead on the road - he has always been a careful driver since the car accident. He reached for Marc’s hand by the gear stick and clasped it. “You have nothing to say sorry for. Like you said, they need time.”

In some small corner of Kay’s brain, he even sympathised with Marc’s parents. They had their son’s future all planned out perfectly in their mind, only to have someone like Kay to step in and break things.

“They will come around.” Marc said with a note of finality. 

Kay didn’t share his optimism. But for him, even if Marc really changed his mind after a few months, it was still worth it. However long he could be with Marc, he’d take it. Without any doubt or regret.

  
  


******

“Did I tell you how handsome you looked tonight?”

They were in bed. Marc put his hand on Kay’s back, counting the vertebrae with his fingers, he was extra tender, extra sweet tonight.

Kay turned to look at him. “Handsome naked like right now or handsome in my favourite blue shirt?”

Marc chuckled lightly. “That’s a difficult choice.” Then his hand moved further down to Kay’s waist, his hip bones, then to his ass.

Kay shifted, leaning into the touch. He was about to get ready to lie down on his stomach when Marc suddenly whispered, “I want to try it. I want you to do it.”

“Huh?”

Marc met his gaze, communicating his wish through his sapphire eyes.

Kay’s mouth went dry in an instance. OK... of course Kay had done it before with other men, with Torsten. He liked doing the other role just fine. He just never expected Marc would want to... Kay just assumed that since Marc was so inexperienced he would be more comfortable sticking to the more familiar role. More than comfortable, Marc loved to fuck him. Kay was sure of that. And the feeling was mutual.

“You know you don’t have to prove anything to me.” Kay reckoned this was the reason behind the suggestion, especially after the dinner.

“It’s not about proving anything,” Marc said, still with a faint smile on his face. “I want to experience it... I want to know what triggers that look on your face when I... well, I want to do everything with you. Is that a good reason?”

Kay saw the determination on his face and knew he wasn’t teasing. There’s something else too. He saw trust on Marc’s face. _Yes, Marc trusts me._

That realisation somehow seemed more powerful than all the I-love-yous.

They went about getting the supplies. No condom, just lube. Lots of it. Now that they were going to do it, Kay felt the strong need to make it good for Marc, to make it perfect, memorable...

Marc lay on his side. A doubtful look on his face. “How do you want me?” He asked. 

Kay laughed. He pressed his mouth against Marc’s. A reassuring kiss. “It’s not brain surgery... but it’s easier if you lie on your stomach for the first time.” 

Marc got on his hands and knees immediately without hesitation. 

Kay moved closer and ran a hand down his back, felt the slight vibration on Marc’s body, it’s humming with anticipation. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Kay whispered, his hand slowly and steadily moving down to Marc’s ass, stroking the round globes, the hard and lean muscles on his thighs. His other hand opened the cap of the tube of lube and squeezed out a generous amount.

“Now take a deep breath and relax...” Kay murmured next to Marc’s ear. His lubed finger poised at the entrance.

“Baby, just do it... “ Marc said just as Kay’s fingertip breached him. “Ahhh...” he sighed. 

“Impatient,” Kay teased. He could feel the initial resistance gave way as Marc pressed his forehead onto the pillow and breathed out. 

Kay pushed farther in. “You okay?” The muscle ring clenched around his finger, tight like a vise. 

Marc nodded, his ability to speak seemed to have left.

Kay did a few in and out movements, when he felt Marc had finally relaxed, his finger dug deeper, made a little hook and brushed against the spongy bundle inside. 

The response was instantaneous and sharp. Marc gasped. His breath caught in his throat for a second before he cursed, “oh fuck oh fuck... oh fuck...” He shivered.

Kay leaned forward, pressing his lips to the small of his back, warmth radiating through Marc’s skin. He kissed his way up each link in his spine, while adding another finger into Marc, feeling the hypnotic sensation of muscle clenching and sketching. It was so hot, so tight inside. It felt amazing to be doing this. To have Marc trusted him to do this. Kay closed his eyes and pressed his face against Marc’s back, hearing Marc’s thumping heartbeat matching his own.

Kay took his time, allowing Marc to adjust to the size and the movement of his fingers. Marc was already sweating, his cock was hardening and lifting against the bedsheet, Kay reached over and stroked it. With fingers in his ass, Marc’s cock became super sensitive, it jumped at the lightest touch.

“Jesus... baby... I am not going to last if you keep this up,” Marc muttered, his lips were shining from biting down his bottom lip. 

Kay gently removed his fingers. With shaky hands, he applied more lube on his cock, made sure there was still plenty inside of Marc. 

He planted more kisses on Marc’s back before he positioned his cock against the entrance. Kay pushed forward.

Marc let out a grunt. Kay knew it burnt. It had to be, even with lube. For a tiny second, he was afraid he was hurting Marc. But he couldn’t withdraw, that would hurt more, so he stayed still. Giving Marc time to adjust, giving him breathing space.

Marc made another gasping sound before he shuddered and pushed back.

“Fuck!” Kay groaned at the sudden friction. He could feel Marc clenching tight around his cock, sucking it in. Kay rested his hands on Marc’s hips and slowly began to push, plunging in farther. He could see sweat gathering on Marc’s back, his arms straining to support his upper body. 

“Oh... fuck... oh...” Marc was reduced to monosyllables.

Kay started to thrust into him. Marc matched him nearly stroke by stroke, pushing back strongly. Their rhythm was fast and erratic at first, after a few push and pull, they found a tempo, a perfect harmony between them. Kay closed his eyes, he couldn’t believe how good it felt. This was a first for him too. Because all the men before Marc were different. They weren't genuine articles. This was it. Marc was it.

They raced to the finishing line together. Not a competition, more like they were bound together. Two people in one. Kay felt like he was flying, the sensation, the emotions coursing through his whole body. 

He wanted to last longer, wanted to stay inside of Marc, but he could feel Marc’s cock lifting and roaring to go; he could feel his own orgasm coiling in his stomach, spreading to his groin, his balls. Kay gave Marc’s cock a final pull, felt Marc’s spine becoming taut and rigid. A loud shout of something unintelligible and Marc was spilling all over his hand.

Kay smeared the cum around Marc’s stomach, his hand sticky and sweaty. The room smelled of sex and sweat and something else. Something magical like love, if love has a scent. He shoved into Marc hard one last time, earning a delicious moan from Marc. Or maybe it was himself, Kay couldn’t tell. Then he came powerfully inside of Marc.

He collapsed on top of Marc.

Marc’s hand reached back and grabbed his. They clasped hands and breathed out in unison. Kay nuzzled his face in Marc’s thick hair, he felt love all around him. Unconditional and abundant amount of it.

Marc rolled over to lie on his back, hauling Kay into his arms. All wet and sticky but they didn’t mind one bit. 

“Thank you. It was amazing, baby,” Marc whispered, followed by a sloppy kiss on top of his head. Kay doubted either of them had any energy left to do anything more.

Kay looked up at him. The happy and blissful expression on Marc’s face was all he needed. He didn’t think it was possible for him to love Marc even more, but he did. 

_So, to hell with everyone else._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than I planned! I guess i got carried away with Kay’s internal monologue 😅  
> Thank you for reading!


	26. Imposter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey warns Kay  
> Marc meets with Bettina  
> Kay goes to a job interview
> 
> This chapter has both Kay’s and Marc’s POV

(Kay)

  
  


On a Friday, Kay saw the familiar Mercedes Benz outside his apartment building and he knew. That Wenzel has finally caught on.

Movement inside the car made Kay’s heart rate jump. But it was Joey who got out of the car.

“Hey Kay,” Joey greeted him in a subdued voice.

Kay glanced around his surroundings. No other suspicious cars were around. Joey was a chauffeur and an occasional spy for Wenzel, but he wasn’t violent or a criminal.

He nodded. “Hey Joey. Long time.”

Joey wasn’t his usual cocky self, he leaned against the side of the car, looking uncomfortable. “I saw Marc coming out of your apartment, so you two are together now?”

So Joey was doing Wenzel’s dirty work again. They weren’t hiding and now there was no reason to, so Kay said, “I see you are stalking me again.”

Joey made no comment on that, he said instead, “The police came by Wenzel’s house yesterday.”

Oliver Bauer had mentioned last week that the arrest wasn’t imminent, but they were ready to question Wenzel about his parents’ murders, after a review of the coroner report from the first investigation. They had found enough evidence to suggest that there was foul play, the coroner himself was being investigated.

“What do you want, Joey?” Kay said warily. Joey could be motivated by a lot of things. Money was one of them, Kay couldn’t be too careful.

Joey flushed. He said, “I have to confess something.”

This didn’t sound good.

“After the police left. Wenzel asked when was the last time I saw you. I told him the same day he did, when you two were... at the penthouse.”

“That’s correct.”

Joey rubbed the back of his neck. “Then I told Wenzel the same day Marc called me and asked what bank he uses... Wenzel totally flipped out hearing that. He went to the bank right away and well... he nearly fired me.” 

_So, that’s how Marc found me and Wenzel that day._

Kay watched Joey carefully, still wasn’t sure why he showed up here today. “Do you know why the police are questioning Wenzel?”

Joey snorted. “I know it’s not about money or sex, which were what I’d peg him to get in trouble for.” Then Kay saw a flash of fear across his face. “I heard it’s about an old murder case.”

Kay began to work out what Joey was afraid of - that he had unknowingly gotten involved in a murder case. He wondered what other things Joey might have helped his employer with.

“It’s a 12 years old case. Nothing you’d have been involved in,” Kay said. There was no need for Joey to be in a stew over this, he wasn’t on Kay’s warpath.

The relief on Joey’s face was huge. “Thank fuck!” He put his hands on both sides of Kay’s shoulders. “Thanks, my friend.” 

Kay wasn’t sure if they were friends exactly, but he certainly didn’t want anymore innocent people got swept up in this. “Wenzel is not a good person, maybe it’s time to find another employer.” Kay said it plainly, Joey could interpret it in whatever way he wanted to.

“I know.” Joey said wearily, almost introspectively. He flicked up a glance at Kay, like looking at him with brand new eyes. “You aren’t really into daddies, are you? You were with Wenzel for another reason.” 

When Kay didn’t answer, Joey said, “Wenzel hired a real P.I. this time to check your background. I’d be extra careful if I were you.”

  
  


******

(Marc)

  
  


Bettina looked different today. But Marc couldn’t pinpoint what. Her hair was the same; same french chic style clothes. 

It was the red lipstick. Marc realised when she flicked up a glance at him. It suited her. She looked feminine, classy and daring at the same time. Almost edgy.

She lowered her gaze again, continued to read the contract, flipping the pages slowly.

“Did you get the digital copy Stefan sent?” Marc asked. The sales agreement was sent to them two days ago.

“I had. Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t check it again. I am not the one in a hurry to sell.” she retorted in a curt tone.

“I didn’t mean it like that.“ Marc grimaced. Fuck, better keep my mouth shut.

The estate agent Frank recommended found them a buyer in record time. A cash buyer who wanted to buy their house as rental investment. The buyer even offered to rent the house back to them if they wanted. But neither Marc nor Bettina wanted to stay in a house with memories of their ruined engagement.

Bettina suddenly looked up at him; she frowned. “You are splitting the proceeds 50/50? But you paid for most of the down payment.”

“I know. But it’s our house. It’s only fair - “

She scowled like Marc was insulting her. “What is this? Guilt money? Save it. I only want to get my share back.”

“Bettina -“

Marc’s mobile buzzed. He glanced at the caller ID. It was Kay.

Shit. He got up. “I am sorry... I have to take it.”

Bettina didn’t even acknowledge him, she went back to reading the contract.

Marc stared at her for a second. Then he walked to the patio door and took the call, “Hey.”

“Shit. I just remember. You are with Bettina this afternoon, aren’t you?” Kay sounded like he was out of breath.

“Uh-huh. What’s up?” Like all young people, Kay usually only called him when it’s urgent. Otherwise, text messages only.

“Nothing. We can talk about it tonight...”

“Kay,” Marc tried to keep his voice down but he knew it was definitely not nothing. “What did we say about not hiding anything anymore?”

“I am not hiding anything. I will tell you tonight.”

That stubborn, gorgeous man. It only made Marc want to know more urgently.

“I am not hanging up until you tell me,” Marc got an uneasy feeling. “Is it Wenzel Wolff?”

The silence followed was the confirmation. Fuck.

“Tell me,” he ordered. Still nothing. Marc knew it was ingrained in Kay to lie when he felt he needed to protect someone, or get himself out of a difficult situation. Probably some protection mechanism he picked up from the Children’s home. It’s something they were still working on. Trust alone wasn’t enough. They needed to translate the trust into action. 

Reluctantly, Kay told him about his conversation with Joey this morning. That Wenzel Wolff now definitely knew who he was and that Kay had gotten the incriminating recording.

“We should move to a hotel,” Marc said.

Kay seemed to have anticipated Marc’s suggestion and he had an answer ready. “And then what? The court case will take forever, we can’t stay in a hotel forever. Plus, I don’t think Wenzel will come after me.”

“You don’t know that!” Marc didn’t mean to shout. But goddammit... he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Kay raised his voice too, “I am not even a witness, I won’t be testifying. Whatever evidence I have, I have handed over. It’s too late. There’s nothing to gain from hurting me.”

Marc raised his voice, “If you think Wenzel wouldn’t want to harm you after he found out who you are and what you’ve done, you’re crazy.”

“I know Wenzel! He’s not - ” Kay paused. Marc knew he was trying to placate him, but that sentence just touched a raw nerve in Marc, reminding him what Kay had needed to do to get his revenge, how close he got to Wenzel Wolff. He cut Kay off. “Wenzel Wolff won’t be thinking rationally. Not now.” Marc managed to keep his voice level by sheer discipline. 

“I am not hiding from him!” Kay said defiantly. Marc could hear the frustration and mulishness in his voice. He knew Kay was tired of it. That he wanted it to be over with. Marc suspected Kay might even relished the idea of facing down Wenzel Wolff, to confront the man responsible for his parents’ death.

“Kay, it’s not about hiding from him. It’s about letting the legal system do its job. Wenzel Wolff and Heine Weiss belong in prison. That is your goal, isn’t it?” Marc said patiently. He glanced at Bettina, who was pretending not to be eavesdropping but there was a strange expression on her face. 

It was another few seconds before Kay said, “I know.” 

“We will figure something out tonight, okay? Be careful and call me right away if you were being followed. Anything suspicious.”

Marc finally hung up. He quietly went through options in his mind. Kay was also right that they couldn’t stay in hotels forever. Since Kay wasn’t on the witness list, unless there was solid threat, the police wouldn’t offer protection.

“Your mother told me about what happened to him and his parents,” Bettina suddenly said.

Of course she had. Marc knew his mother was still in daily contact with Bettina. 

Marc gave her a tight nod. Not sure how much he should say and how much Bettina really wanted to know. “The police are questioning the suspects and arrests are imminent.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “It’s strange. You never once mentioned him to me. Your history with him.”

Because there wasn’t much of a history, at least not the kind that Marc was ready to admit, even to himself. 

Kay had been a secret in his heart without Marc consciously knowing it.

Chuckling quietly, Bettina continued, “Do you know how strange it is to wake up one day and don’t recognise the person sleeping next to you?” She watched him. “Because you’ve changed. Suddenly. In a short period of time. Like flipping a switch.” The frown lines were back on her face like she’s trying to solve a difficult maths question. “All those excuses for why it was taking us so long to get married. Has it all been a lie? Have I ever been with the real Marc Borgmann?”

_Has she?_ Marc tried to work that out himself.

For so long Kay has been living inside of Marc, like a truth buried deep inside. And on the outside, Marc the imposter, dutifully fulfilled what life and others had expected of him. The school football captain, the KriPo detective, the proud son and loving boyfriend. Then came his own business, his house and a family on the way. The whole time, his true self, along with the memory of Kay, still hiding. Until fate forced him to face the truth, to breathe freely for the first time, to simply be Marc - the man who was in love with Kay, not because it was expected of him, but because it was his true path.

“I am truly sorry for hurting you.” That long prepared apology finally found its way out. “But this is who I really am. This is me.”

  
  


******

(Kay)

  
  


Despite what he had told Marc, Kay was taking Joey’s warning seriously. They have installed a security camera at home; Kay has changed his routines and he has been keeping an eye on suspicious people and cars. 

What he had underestimated was Wenzel Wolff’s reach in the industry.

Kay arrived at the office of TK Medizintechnik five minutes before his 2:30pm interview appointment. It was a medium sized medical equipment company and they were looking for a new medical sales specialist. 

When the secretary showed him to a meeting room, Kay was expecting to meet the regional sales director. But it was Wenzel Wolff who was sitting at the head of the long conference table.

Kay took a quick look at the closed door and frosted film on glass panels, people could not look from outside. He wondered if the room was sound-proof as well.

“Don’t worry, sunshine. The door is not locked and people can hear if you scream,” Wenzel said wearily, swivelling in the head leather chair.

Minute tremors tore through him as Kay stood at the edge of the conference table, staring at his former boss; his former lover; his mortal enemy. He schooled his face into a stoic blank. At least he had good practice for this.

Wenzel stood up. He moved a few steps closer, but halted when Kay moved his feet into a combat ready mode. “The regional sales director plays golf with me. I told him to let me know if you apply. You see? I can tell him a lot of the qualities you are not putting down on your résumé,” he chuckled. “Though Lothar is straight as a pole. He probably won’t have much use of that sinful mouth of yours.”

Kay exhaled slowly, his hands clenching at his sides. He hardened his voice. “Let’s see if he’s still your friend when you’re in prison. Let’s see how your peers will see you when they find out all those dodgy things you’ve done to get drugs approved. You’re a fraud and they will all know it!”

His nostrils flared, the first flash of anger appeared on Wenzel’s face. “You stupid little thief. You can forget about getting a job in the medical industry! I will make sure you can’t even be a doorman in this field!”

Kay sneered. He didn’t care and didn’t bother to talk back. He knew desperation when he heard one. This was Wenzel’s last grab of his power. He wasn’t someone who would willingly stand down even when he’s losing.

“So, you’re Guntram Engel’s son,” Wenzel’s voice had a hint of curiosity in it. “Huh. Guntram was a brilliant medical researcher, but he wasn’t much of a looker, but I remember his wife, Maria, was gorgeous. Guess you took after her.”

“You shut up about my parents. You murderous piece of shit.” Kay knew he shouldn’t but words still came out in a fit of anger. 

“You were wrong about that,” Wenzel said, looking contrite for once. “I would never do that. It was never my intention. All I wanted was to get the evidence back. The crazy murders were all Heine’s idea.” Wenzel reasoned like causing Kay’s parents’ death was just a minor misunderstanding. 

Then he pointed a finger at Kay, his temper suddenly back with a vengeance. “Unlike you! What the hell did you do to me that day, huh? Drugged me like that? What did you use? Some voodoo Colombian drug? You could have killed me, you little shit!”

Kay had spent a lot of time thinking of that day - what would happen if he did accidentally kill Wenzel, with the drug or the gun - and Marc was right. Kay didn’t really have it in him to be a killer. Killing Wenzel would have destroyed Kay in the process. Even if he could get away with it, he would never recover from that; he would never be able to look Marc in the eye or to be with someone like Marc.

But Wenzel didn’t need to know that. And Kay wasn’t stupid. He couldn’t be sure if Wenzel wasn’t recording this conversation, like he had done to Heine Weiss. So he said, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” 

Wenzel stared at him. After a few seconds, he threw his head back and laughed like a maniac. 

“Oh, my sunshine. You’re one sexy and clever fuck, I’ll give you that.” Then he shook his head. “But if you think you can destroy me with some confidential documents and an inadmissible recording, you’re too naive.”

The sheer arrogance of that statement stopped Kay’s heart but he fought to keep his expression blank.

Wenzel shrugged. “Sure, I will have to resign from Medikunft, lose my company shares and what not. But I can afford that. Medikunft will be the one who pays the penalties and fines. As for your parents’ death, that’s Heine Weiss’ problem. I can prove in a dozen ways that I had nothing to do with it.”

Kay had no idea if any of it was true. Or it was just Wenzel’s last attempt to play the upper hand, to intimidate. But there was no way he would let Wenzel see his fear.

“Oh yeah? If you are so confident, you wouldn’t feel the need to list it all out and reassure yourself in front of me,” Kay said mockingly, knowing how much Wenzel hated it when he’s cocky.

He must have hit the bull’s eye. Because Wenzel’s lip curled up. It was an ugly, hateful look. With two steps forward, he was suddenly towering over Kay. “You cocky little shit.” He raised his arm but stopped himself halfway. This wasn’t his office, he wouldn’t dare do anything outrageous.

Still, that terrible memory made Kay flinch. But he stood his ground. _Don’t let him get to you. He’s been beaten. You’ve beaten him._ He told himself. 

Wenzel lowered his arm, his eyes never left Kay. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.

“You’ve got some guts, I respect that,” Wenzel smiled, shaking his head like he’s laughing at himself. “And even now, after all the shitty things you’ve done to me. I still want to bend you over this table and fuck you one last time.” He reached out his hand to touch Kay’s face.

His reaction was pure instinct. Kay didn’t even remember when and where he had learned this. Long ago from some self-defence class, perhaps. But as soon as he saw that hand coming, he grabbed Wenzel’s fingers in a tight grip and bent them backward.

“Arrrghhh... you fucker!” Wenzel screamed, holding his own hand. When he tried to advance again, Kay followed up with a hard punch in the middle of his throat. 

Wenzel choked, screamed in pain and slid backward into a chair. Missed it and landed on his ass on the floor.

Kay took the chance to get to the door, he flung it open. “See you in court, asshole!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!❤️
> 
> The next two chapters will be the last chapter and an epilogue.


	27. When I Start My New Life, I Won’t Touch the Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I decided not to write chapter summary for the final chapter 😝  
> In Marc’s and Kay’s POV.  
> I hope you’ll enjoy it.

(Marc)

  
  


The lights were low when Marc walked into the apartment and Kay wasn’t in the living room. 

There was a dinner plate wrapped in tinfoil on the kitchen counter, left for him from Kay. Marc already knew what it was - pork schnitzel in gypsy sauce - because it was Schnitzel Tuesday. Kay had told him Tuesdays used to be his favourite day in the Children’s home because they always had schnitzel for dinner. Somehow it became a thing over the years for Kay. On Tuesdays, he cooked Schnitzel. And by now, Marc knew he always ate it with gypsy sauce.

Marc put the plate in the oven at 160C and went to look for his boyfriend.

Kay wasn’t in the bedroom or the bathroom.

Finally following a whiff of tobacco, Marc found Kay in the balcony, sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, smoking.

“Hey. What are you doing here? I was looking - “ Marc paused when he caught Kay wiping his eyes with his wrist in a hurry.

Marc crouched down next to him. “What’s wrong?”

Kay’s red-rimmed eyes met him. Without another word, he flicked away his cigarette and crushed into Marc, his arms wrapped around Marc in tight embrace.

“Hey... hey... ” Marc held him, his hand went to brush Kay’s hair in autopilot. Kay’s face was pressed against his chest, Marc felt the gentle roughness of the blond stubble, the warmth of Kay’s skin, the quickened rise and fall of Kay’s breathing. His heart broke and bloomed at the same time; hurt to hear the fear in Kay’s voice; glad that Kay sought comfort from him. “Tell me what happened,” Marc coaxed.

Kay sniffed; he shook his head. “It’s stupid.”

“You can still tell me.”

Kay drew back, wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He sighed, “I shouldn’t let him get to me. I know it’s bullshit but I can’t get it out of my head.”

What Kay had just said didn’t reveal much but Marc knew right away who he was referring to. And it’s enough to make Marc’s temper flared. He asked, “Where did you see Wenzel Wolff?” 

It couldn’t be here or downstairs. Marc had checked the security camera remotely from the office today, there was no one else except Kay here.

“He was waiting for me at the office for the interview.”

“What?”

Kay grimaced. “Yeah. He plays golf with the regional sales director there.”

_Fucker._ Marc cursed inwardly for failing to foresee that. He felt a spasm in his hand when he realised he’s been squeezing Kay’s hand, his own hand was clammy. “What happened?”

Kay pursed his lips, looking ahead at lights inside neighbouring apartments. “Nothing happened. He said his piece about me drugging and stealing from him. We traded insults. And I nearly broke his fingers if that’s what you worried about.”

Marc was pretty sure he would go find Wenzel and finish the job if something had happened to Kay. But something must have happened, if Kay was so distressed... “What did the fucker say?” Marc asked and waited.

It took a while, but Kay finally gave in. He closed his eyes, anger and frustration simmering under his taut shoulders. “He said nothing will happen to him. That he will lose the job and shares in Medikunft, that’s it. And that he can prove he has nothing to do with the murders.”

“That’s bullshit! He’s just posturing.” 

“That’s what I think too... it’s just that - “ Kay opened his eyes and they looked troubled. “I can’t stop thinking - What if he really got away with it? He has the best lawyers and what if he bribes someone again? Even though it was Heine Weiss who killed my parents, but Wenzel was the one who caused those deaths in the drug tests, he was the one who framed my father, he was the one who started the whole thing and I can’t...” He looked up at Marc. “I don’t know what I would do if he just got off like that... the years I spent planning... men I slept with... just so I could play the part... all for nothing.” Kay sounded winded, as though he ran out of breath.

_Shit._

“Hey... hey... look at me,” Marc cupped both sides of his face. “Take a deep breath... come on,” he said softly, pulling Kay back into his arms. “You are getting work up over nothing.” Marc murmured next to his ear. “That fucker was just messing with your head.”

Kay clung tight to him while admitting, “I know this. Rationally I do... but I just can’t stop thinking about it. What if I fail? What if - “

“You can’t fail. Because you’ve already succeeded. You found the truth. You cleared your father’s name. No one can take those away from you.” 

“But - “

“No but, no if. He’s lying. You know it’s all bullshit. Oliver said just the fraudulent test results and bribery charges alone carry prison terms. Wenzel Wolff always has to have the last word, even when he’s going down. That’s why he told you all these lies. Because he’s scared. ” 

Marc continued to hold him, giving him time, letting Kay’s anxious mind slowly absorb the words, allowing his breathing to return to normal.

Kay let out a shuddery breath, his eyes flickered. “I said the same thing to him today.” 

“Great minds think alike.” Marc was relieved to see a faint smile appearing on Kay’s face. “Was it before or after you broke his fingers?” Marc teased him.

Kay opened his mouth, but they were interrupted by a beeping sound from inside. 

“It’s the gypsy schnitzel you made.” Marc said. 

Kay got up from the floor, rubbing his hands on the back of his jeans. “Should have made more. Now I am hungry again.” He sounded tired but perfectly calm. 

Marc studied him, the worrying voice inside him finally quieted. “Let’s go in then. Maybe I’ll spare you some peppers and mushrooms.” He took Kay’s hand.

They ate by the kitchen counter. Kay took out two bottles of cold beer from the fridge. Marc shared more than peppers and mushrooms with him. 

“You are a good cook,” Marc commented after polishing off all the remaining gypsy sauce with a piece of bread. “This sauce is better than the one my mother makes.”

“The secret is good quality smoked paprika.” Kay had a funny smile on his face. “I cooked a lot when I was living with Torsten,” he glanced at Marc. Maybe to gauge the jealousy-o-meter on his face. Marc tried his best to maintain the ‘you-can-tell-me-anything’ look. “Kind of my way to contribute to the household.” Kay shrugged.

Marc banished the image of Torsten Brandt playing house with Kay in that swanky apartment in Köln. He knew Kay didn’t need any trappings and luxuries, as long as they could be together. “I am quite handy with a can-opener,” he quipped. 

Kay laughed. “Good to know.” Then his eyes turned softer. “I am sorry I got in the way of your plan. If I hadn’t shown up again in your life, you would be having a perfect family life, have normal dinner with Bettina and your parents...”

“I am not sorry. I don’t need normal. I am glad you showed up.” Marc pressed a quick kiss on Kay’s mouth. They both tasted like hot paprika and beer. “And who says we can’t have a family life of our own?” Marc watched him. “If that’s what you want. Or maybe you want more excitement? We can go clubbing every week, if that’s what you want.”

Kay snorted. “They will eat you alive in those gay clubs.” His arms went around Marc. “Plus I am not sharing.” He bit Marc’s bottom lip.

“Not even on the dance floor?” Marc said before he deepened the kiss.

“Hmmm....” Kay was saying something unintelligible as they continued to lock lips, trade spits. When they finally pulled apart to breathe, Kay said, “I guess it depends on your dance moves.” His eyes twinkled. They laughed and kissed some more. Marc felt an anchor had been lowered and hooked, steadying both of them. 

“Seriously though, I had all the excitement I need in my life.” He pressed and rubbed his forehead against Marc. “I only need you. We can live in a wooden shack for all I care,” Kay said.

Shack. That gave Marc an idea.

“Why don’t we go on a beach holiday?”

“Beach holiday? Here?”

Marc nodded eagerly, feeling giddy to share a secret. “Frank has a holiday home near the Baltic sea, just a one bedroom cabin, but it’s right by the beach. It’s in Travemünde, a seaside town in Lübeck. Have you been there?”

Kay shook his head, still looking doubtful. “I went to Amsterdam with Torsten a few times, that’s all. I’ve never been to the sea.”

Marc took both of his hands. “You’ll love it. It’s still late summer. We can make use of the weather.”

Kay’s eyes widened like two saucers. “You mean now? You want to drop everything and go on holiday tomorrow?”

“Why not? I have time and you’re between jobs.” Marc leaned closer, interlacing their hands. “Plus I want to see you getting some sun and a nice tan.”

He could tell Kay was warming up to the idea, even though he said, “But what about the court case? The trial? I need to be here.”

“They haven’t even made the arrests yet. Let them do their job. We are talking about a one-week holiday. Oliver will call us if there’s any update.” The more Marc thought about it, the better the idea seemed to be. He could take Kay away from all these. Away from Wenzel Wolff, murder and mayhem. Even just for a week. 

“Come with me to the Baltic sea?”

  
  


******

(Kay)

  
  


The sound of the waves carried at night. It had a particular rhythm to it, a tempo. Ebb and flow. Powerful and yet, melodic and soothing. 

Kay lay in bed, listening to it. Enjoying the new sound. Peaceful and hypnotic. _The sea is alright._ Kay decided. Both of them were bone tired from swimming in the sea and lying on the beach all day. 

“The relaxing kind of fatigue,” Marc had called it.

They had left a window open in the bedroom. The light breeze brought a distinct scent of saltwater in the air, another new to Kay. There was another scent in the mix. Sunscreen lotion. Kay smiled to himself. Marc had smothered a lot of it on Kay’s body all day as they had soon discovered how pale and how easily burnt he was. 

Kay took a few shallow intakes of air, breathing this strange mix of scents in, wanting to commit it to his memory. While he watched Marc’s hand rise and fall on his chest. 

“Can’t sleep?” Marc mumbled. 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He thought Marc was sleeping.

Marc looked up with tousled hair and a lopsided smile. “You can wake me up anytime, baby. We are on holiday.” He demonstrated his point with a rough caress on Kay’s stomach. 

Kay shivered. Marc’s touch was firm and possessive, it made his skin tingle. “Just enjoying the gentle sound of the waves and smell of the sea.”

Marc chuckled. “You are becoming very poetic. Is it the sea or me?”

Kay stared into Marc’s smiling eyes. “It’s always you.”

Marc’s eyes turned hot and lascivious in the next second. He arched upwards to kiss Kay, all lips and breath, light as air. Kay rolled and lay half on top, returning the kiss, soft at first, then with more pressure, his tongue sliding hot and wet, teasing Marc, pulling back whenever Marc pushed forward, until Marc caught that teasing tongue between his teeth and sucked it in. 

Kay moved his arm up Marc’s back, pulling gently against his hair. The open window offered a welcoming cool breeze as their kiss got more heated. They picked up pace, Marc arched up and flipped their position.

Illuminated only by the reflection of the porch light outside, Marc hovered above him, all soft shadows and lights. Kay wrapped his legs around Marc’s waist as they made love for the second time today, his head thrashing on the pillow as Marc thrust deep and slowly. They returned to their favourite face-to-face position, Kay watched and cherished every emotion gliding across Marc’s face, wanting to savour every moment. Their grunts and moans over took the sound of waves, filling every inch of the room. 

Marc’s sapphire eyes flew open wide as he came, like opening a window to his soul, inviting Kay in.

When it was over Marc slid out slowly, collapsing onto him. “Never…” he gasped into Kay’s neck. “Never enough,” Marc said, finishing his sentence after getting his breathing back to normal. 

“Hmmm?”

“Never enough. When I am with you, I always want more.” Marc’s fingers lightly grazed his stubble. 

Kay looked into those intense blue eyes and whispered, “Don’t worry, you will have a lifetime supply of me.”

  
  


******

They avoided all the tourist spots and opted for a long walk along the coastline to the nearby Timmendorderstrand.

Marc picked up a panama straw hat from a retail stand by the harbour and put it over Kay’s head. “Just because the temperature is mild doesn’t mean you won’t get sunburn,” he reasoned.

Kay stuck his tongue out to protest; he fiddled the hat with his hand but let it stay on. And truth to be told, he did get a mild case of sunburn on his shoulders and the back of his neck, despite constant use of sunscreen. Kay noticed it was in Marc’s DNA to be a protector - be it a life and death situation or risk of sun exposure. Kay decided to pick his battle and let him be. And secretly, he quite enjoyed being spoiled by Marc. 

He thought of the way Torsten and Wenzel Wolff had spoiled him too, with material things and used it as a way to exert control. They had made Kay feel inadequate, childish and suffocating. With Marc, it was completely different, Kay knew it was an extension of love. For the wellbeing of the person you love. 

Plus, he knew a way or two to spoil Marc too.

“You looked so good in this shirt, you should keep it,” he said to Marc, admiring the loose-fitting white linen shirt he lent him. Marc had a nice tan on his face already; he looked relaxed, happy and beautiful.

Marc looked down at his body self consciously. “It’s too fancy looking for me. But it’s perfect for taking a walk under the sun,” he admitted.

“One of the perks of having a boyfriend, you know?” Kay batted his eyelashes for effect. “We can swap and borrow each other’s clothes. Cost saving!”

Marc got him in headlock and laughed heartily. A sound Kay has been hearing a lot the past few days. _Must be the sea water._ He mused. 

The coastal hiking trail was scenic and thankfully not crowded. They weren’t being too demonstrative, just an arm around the shoulders, a helping hand when the road was rocky and slippery. But every little touch made Kay’s stomach flutter, like he was 14 again, spending time with Marc in a warm summer afternoon. When his world was simple and full of possibilities.

12 years later. Marc found him and he gave Kay that world again.

They stopped by a fish sandwich stand on their way back. It was after 3pm, so the lunch crowd was gone. They bought two sandwiches, two beers and found a quiet bench overlooking the beach next to the shop. 

Biting into his smoked mackerel roll, Kay let a contented sigh. “Always thought I was a forest person. But I can get used to this seaside living.” 

“Hmmm... In the mountains or by the sea. Life’s big question,” Marc said. 

Kay asked, “Which one do you prefer?”

Marc licked the remoulade on his lip and considered. “Either way sounds good to me.” He bumped the side of Kay’s arm. “But maybe we should stay in the mountains, otherwise I’ll have to drown you in sunscreen.”

Kay flipped him the finger. “I bet I will get used to it in no time.” _In the mountains or by the sea. As long as you’re with me._

“Oh, I know this song.” Marc suddenly said. An English song filtered through the shop’s mini speakers. Marc frowned in concentration, trying to remember. “It’s by a British band called Suede, I remember this song was everywhere that summer when I was on holiday with my parents. In this exact town! What a coincidence.” He looked astonished and pleased.

Kay listened to the lyrics carefully.

**_“... So we sold the car and quit the job_ **

**_and shook some hands and wiped the make-up right off,_ **

**_And we said our good-byes to the bank,_ **

**_left Seven Sisters for a room in a seaside shack,_ **

**_And when I start my new life I won't touch the ground,_ **

**_I'm gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground...”_ **

“It's a beautiful song,” Kay said when the dreamy and sombre song ended.

Marc nodded. “I like the lyrics too. What it says.”

“Which part?”

“About starting a new life and not touching the ground,” Marc said.

Kay thought about it. “Not touching the ground... Unbounded. Unchained. Free.”

Marc nodded with a big smile. “I don’t know if that’s what the band meant, but that’s how I see it too.”

_Leave everything. Go somewhere and start over._

“Is that what you want to do?” Kay asked.

Marc looked ahead to the beach in front. A faint smile on his face. “Not quite dramatic like in the song. But I am done living my life to fit the mold of someone else’s expectations.”

Marc Borgmann breaks free. Kay smiled at that thought. He laced his fingers with Marc’s on the bench. “You’ve got a partner for that.”

  
  


******

Kay remembered it was just after 8pm when Oliver Bauer called. 

They had just eaten a simple dinner in the cabin, taken out a case of beers and got ready to open a dusty box of Scrabble.

Marc took the call. 

It wasn’t unusual for Oliver to call. He had called them once two days ago, when the murder case has been passed to an investigative judge. That meant a formal charge could be made soon if the judge found sufficient evidence justified a warrant for arrest.

Kay stood next to Marc. He didn’t know what to think. At the beginning he was hesitant to go on this trip because he wanted to keep track of the case; now he wished the case would leave them alone. 

He watched Marc draw a sharp intake of breath and gasp. Kay straightened up when Marc turned his gaze on him. He couldn’t decipher what’s in Marc’s eyes. Not fear... a bit of worry... a bit of sadness... and a lot of shock.

“OK... I will tell him... yes... yes, we are... I don’t know but probably, yeah...”

Kay continued to listen to the one-side conversation. Marc took his hand in his and squeezed. Kay’s heart began to gallop, running away.

“Thanks for letting us know right away... okay... we will... we will speak soon. Good night.” Marc hung up.

Kay looked at him.

Marc still had that unidentifiable emotion on his face. With a tug on their clasped hands, he pulled Kay into his arms. 

He said calmly and softly against Kay’s ear, “Heine Weiss went to Wenzel Wolff’s house two hours ago. They got into an argument and Weiss shot Wolff in the chest three times. Wolff was pronounced dead at the scene. Heine Weiss was caught by the police half an hour ago in his own home. He’s now in police custody.”

There was a sound like rushing wind in his ears, fighting for dominance against the words coming out of Marc’s mouth, like a radio broadcast with spotty reception. Kay’s chest felt too tight, his heart beating so fast he thought it’s about to explode or burst through his ribs. He concentrated on catching the next breath. 

Marc’s arms tightened around him. “You’re okay. You’re okay. Just breathe.”

Cold sweat broke out over his body. Kay saw black spots swimming in his field of vision. His legs felt like jelly. But he wouldn’t fall because Marc was holding him, his steady hand was rubbing Kay’s back in a circular and soothing movement.

Marc half carried him to sit down on the sofa. “Breathe. Yes. Hold it in then breathe out slowly,” he coaxed. 

_Wenzel Wolff is dead._

Kay leaned against Marc; he pressed his face against Marc’s broad chest. _This is better._ He thought. He could hear Marc’s heartbeat. Faster than usual but not frantic like his own. Kay concentrated on Marc’s steady beat instead, breathing in the remnants of Marc’s aftershave and clean sweat. _Yes, I can do this._ Kay closed his eyes.

Marc’s hand was still rubbing his back when Kay opened his eyes again. He had no idea how long it had been. 1 minute? 1 hour? He could feel his heartbeat and breathing finally getting back to normal. 

“What about Wenzel’s family? Anyone else got hurt?” 

Marc shook his head. “Just Wenzel Wolff. His wife and daughter weren’t home.”

Kay nodded. _Just more murder and mayhem._

But before the thought could enter Kay’s mind, Marc’s voice interceded. “It’s not your fault. Don’t you dare blame yourself for it. Wenzel Wolff made his choice when he asked for Heine Weiss’ help all those years ago. This is theirs. And theirs alone. You didn’t cause this. You hear me?”

Kay nodded; he couldn’t speak. Not yet. He knew in time, he would believe what Marc had just said. In time, he would know this wasn’t his fault. In time, he might even believe that Weiss and Wolff got what they deserved. 

But tonight, all he could do was to stay in Marc’s arms. His shelter. His future. _And when we start our life, we won’t touch the ground._

Kay wrapped his arms around Marc and closed his eyes.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics quoted is from a song called “By the sea” by Suede.
> 
> Thank you so much for staying with this story, leaving comments and kudos! ❤️
> 
> Epilogue to follow.


	28. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years later...

(Four years after the last chapter)

  
  


(Marc)

  
  


“Kay, you ready?”

Marc walked into their bedroom holding his car key and nothing else. He glanced at the hold-all bag next to the bed. “What’s this?”

Kay was checking his outfits and hair in the full length mirror. He turned to Marc, “Just some toys.”

“What?” Marc thought he had heard it wrong.

“For the trip?” Kay frowned like Marc was stupid.

“Toys? Kay, the baby is one-week old. She doesn’t need a toy for a few hours' car journey. She’ll be sleeping through the trip.” _Hopefully and crossed my fingers_. Marc thought. He glanced at the pastel blue wool sweater and light grey jeans Kay was wearing. “And the baby is too young to appreciate your carefully picked outfits.”

Kay smiled. He ran his hand down the soft wool sweater and said, “This is not for Sara. This is for your mother. You told me she said I always dress well. I have to keep up with my reputation.”

“Everyone says you dress well.” Marc said and wrapped his arms around Kay’s waist, feeling the taut muscle underneath the soft woollen fabric. “Because you have the perfect body.” He rested his head on Kay’s shoulder, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “And by the way, you’ve decided on the name already? Sara? I thought we were still choosing between Sara and Hanna.”

“Sara is your Oma’s name, no? She’s from Sweden?”

Realisation dawned. “My mother told you that?” Marc asked, he could imagine his mother subtly inserted her influence to sway their decision. He shook his head and chuckled. It took a long time and a lot of hurt feelings on both sides, but his parents have finally accepted what Marc had known since that day he had thrown a gun into the Neckar river.

Kay smiled. “Sara is a good name. And if it makes your mother happy. Even better.”

The news of them adopting a baby and five months of preparation went a long way to improve the polite but distant relationship between Kay and his parents. It was Grisha’s idea for them to adopt a baby girl from an unwanted pregnancy of a teenage girl who lived in the same Children’s home as Kay did. Though technically, they were not adopting the baby girl, not yet. They would be her long-term foster parents, this was one of the safer routes to adoption in Germany for gay couples. They could apply to formally adopt Sara in two years.

“I want to have a family too, because that’s what you want. But we don’t need to make a baby. There are too many children being abandoned every day.” Kay said two years ago after they had gotten married. 

And Marc agreed. They both didn’t care whether the baby was their own flesh and blood. Neither did his parents, Marc was happy to find out. In fact, his mother was delighted with their decision.

The vetting and legal process had been long and winding. They also needed to attend training and counselling. Marc was surprised how determined Kay became when originally it had been Marc’s idea to start a family. Another side of Kay he kept discovering, after four years together.

Soon after they had gotten the go-ahead to become foster parents five months ago, Grisha introduced them to a pregnant teenage girl who wanted to meet and know Marc and Kay before making her decision. So every weekend, for four months, they travelled to Trier, watching her belly grow and getting to know her. The mother of their child.

Kay took out his mobile phone and read out a list, “ID cards. Carrycot pram. Hat. Baby gloves. Milk bottle. Blanket. What else?”

“You. I got everything in the car already. Come on, we need to go or we will be late.” Marc ushered Kay out of their bedroom.

They got onto the road, first to pick up Marc’s mother, who insisted on going to Trier with them. Because according to her, two men and a newborn baby on the road was a recipe for disaster.

_A family life of our own. Here we come._

  
  


******

(Kay)

  
  


Kay couldn’t believe how tiny she was. 

They had taken Sara home 2 weeks ago, but every morning when Kay woke up and peered into the cot next to their bed, he was still astonished by how small, how fragile she looked.

“Tiny Sara.” he cooed, holding her tiny hand between this thumb and index finger. Twin blue eyes stared unblinkingly at Kay, like she was trying to figure him out. “Morgen, I am Papa Kay, remember?”

He got goose-bumps just thinking of this small person putting her trust in them. That they had the responsibility to make sure she grew up in a safe and loving environment. After all the death and destruction in his life, Kay wanted nothing more than helping this tiny new life to begin her journey. He knew Marc would be a good father, just like he had told him a long time ago when Marc had to break up with him because Bettina was pregnant. Marc would give everything he had for Sara. 

_And I will too. We are going to take good care of you, tiny Sara._

“Baby... please don’t wake up the baby. I just fed her an hour ago.” Marc mumbled next to him in a sleep-deprived voice. 

“Sara is up. She’s looking at me.”

“That’s what babies do. They wake up and look around, then fall asleep again if you leave her alone.” 

“But she wants to play.”

“No, she doesn’t. And we are going to have a long day today. Get some sleep.” Marc rolled to the other side and pulled the duvet over his head.

“Papa Marc is a grumpy sleepyhead,” Kay whispered to Sara.

“I am not.” Came Marc’s croaky protest. 

Kay looked down and saw the smile on Sara’s face. “But we love him anyway, don’t we?”

  
  
  


It was still strange and awkward every time Kay saw Bettina.

She has changed from Marc’s fiancee to Marc’s family friend; she was still Claudia’s best friend and talked to Marc’s mother from time to time. 

But she never really warmed up to Kay. Which was completely fine, Kay told himself. He had lived through years of lukewarm reception from Marc’s parents, he could deal with awkwardness with Marc’s ex-fiancée for a day or two every year.

The party was to introduce Sara to their friends and family, so everyone was in their house today, even Limpinski. Bettina had every right to be invited. 

“That’s the ex-fiancée?” Grisha said quietly next to Kay. “She looked like a school teacher. The very strict but very sexy kind.”

Kay swallowed the beer he's been sipping. “Not today, Grisha. I don’t need your porn fantasy in my head.”

Grisha threw his head back and laughed. “You’ve become such a prude since you’ve gotten married,” he teased. 

“You’re a married man too!” Kay reminded him. “You want me to tell Mrs Karpenko you have a thing for sexy teachers?”

Grisha shut up right away when his wife was mentioned. Kay knew he worshipped the ground his wife walked on. 

“Anyway, she’s not a teacher. She’s a journalist for a regional TV network,” Kay told Grisha.

After breaking up with Marc, Bettina’s career has taken an upward turn. Now she’s an award-winning journalist producing quality documentaries and news programmes. Maybe there were silver linings in a breakup. Kay hoped that’s how Bettina saw it.

_You never know what life takes you._ Kay thought. He and Marc were now foster parents of a baby girl, his hacker best friend was working for Frank and Marc for computer security and investigative work. 

Their new life wasn’t untouched to the ground like they had thought, but they were grounded on their own terms.

Kay straightened up as Bettina approached. 

They nodded politely to each other as greetings. Bettina flicked a curious glance at Grisha, who quickly made up an excuse and escaped to join Frank on the other side of the garden. 

Bettina was wearing a green dress and a brown leather jacket, her trademark red lipstick made her porcelain skin glow. She said in a friendly tone, “Thank you for inviting me today. Inge has been talking about Sara for weeks. She’s a sweet baby.”

“She is,” Kay said proudly. Even though both he and Marc were only sleeping in 3-hour cycles due to the crazy feeding schedule, they were sleep deprived but happier than ever.

“Actually, there’s something else I want to talk to you about, if you have a minute,” she said. There was a hint of unease in her eyes.

A favour. She wants a favour. Kay’s ability to read people in need hasn’t diminished.

“Of course,” he said politely.

She eyed the sliding door to the living room for a moment. Kay knew right away that’s where Marc was standing. Then her gaze returned to him. 

“We are producing a documentary about questionable practices of the pharmaceutical industry. There was a section about Medikunft and their legal troubles with Wenzel Wolff a few years ago...”

Kay hadn’t heard that name for a while. For a few years, it was only mentioned when he’s talking to his then therapist. Kay knew Medikunft had gotten off with a large but manageable fine after shifting a lot of the blame to Wenzel Wolff, who was dead... killed by Heine Weiss, who was rotting in prison for three murders, old and new ones. Another name Kay hadn’t thought about for a while.

He stared at Bettina. She looked sincere, sympathetic and... eager. She wanted that story. And she wanted Kay to help her get it.

“I - “

But before Kay could say anything, Bettina added, “It’s not a sensational exposé piece. It will be dealt with utmost sensitivity and professionalism.”

Kay could only nod but he wasn’t hearing Bettina’s explanation. His mind was too busy screaming Wenzel Wolff’s name and he was waiting for his heart rate to accelerate, for his palms to become clammy, for cold sweat to break out, for his throat to close up until he couldn’t breathe... 

He waited. And waited. And... His eyes stayed on Bettina who started to look concerned. “Kay... sorry, I didn’t mean to - “ she began to say.

But nothing happened. The panic didn’t come. 

“Kay?” 

Suddenly, Marc’s arm was around his shoulders. “What happened?” Marc asked softly; he threw a glance at Bettina. Not the friendliest one.

“I am sorry... I was just talking to Kay about a new documentary on medical practices and since Kay had a lot of experience in the field, I thought that... maybe... ” she paused, seemingly trying to gauge how much she had fucked up.

Kay had heard the hesitation, and apparently Marc had too. Marc's eyes narrowed, but his voice was calm when he said, “Kay isn’t working in the medical field anymore.”

Bettina met his eyes. She nodded slowly. “I understand.”

Kay finally shook off the initial shock. _Fuck. That was... strange._ Like waiting for a heart attack that never came. He finally understood what his therapist had once said: that Kay wouldn’t know how much progress he had made until he had to face his demons again.

Until someone casually threw Wenzel’s name in front of him. 

Slowly, gradually, without Kay consciously acknowledging it, the name no longer drilled a hole in his heart every time it was mentioned. Until he didn’t even remember when was the last time he had thought of it. 

He had survived. 

But Kay didn’t feel like celebrating this realisation. There was no need. He had other, better things in his life now.

Marc was rubbing his back in a circular motion, like he always did when Kay was in distress, which hasn’t happened for a long time.

Kay could feel colour bloom on his cheeks, but it was from relief not from anxiety. He rested a reassuring hand on Marc’s bicep. “I am okay.” Kay tried for a smile. He looked at Bettina, his voice was steady as he said, “I would need to know more before I can make a decision. It will depend on the scope of your investigation.”

Bettina and Marc shared a look. She looked delighted and sheepish at the same time. “Of course, I can draft an outline for you. You don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to.”

Marc squeezed his shoulders. “You sure about this? You don’t owe anyone any favour or explanation,” he said, subtly telling Kay he didn’t need to do this because Marc had left Bettina for him.

Kay nodded. He mustered up a smile. “I was once a whistleblower, after all.”

******

“Grrr... grrr....”

Kay woke up with a start. He peered into the dimness of the bedroom, trying to locate the sound. Then he saw the baby monitor on the nightstand.

He found the empty space next to him in bed. He was alone in the bedroom because Sara wasn’t in the cot.

Kay pulled on a hoodie and went to look for Marc and Sara.

Marc was pacing in the living room, with Sara in his arms; he was murmuring something to her in Marc’s unique baby-talk voice. Probably some sweet nothings. His usual deep timbre turned a notch higher and lighter. It always made Kay want to giggle, hearing it.

Kay stood by the threshold, admiring the view.

Sara was still fussing. Marc shifted his hold and Sara latched on to him, burying her face in his shoulder while he stroked her back up and down.

“She’s gurgling?” Kay walked to stand next to his husband.

Marc’s tired but happy gaze met his. “Mama says that’s the problem with baby formula, it’s harder to digest than breastmilk, so we had to help her along,” he said as he continued to gently pat her back.

“I read about it too, that’s why I bought that rocking chair. She likes the rocking motion.” Kay brushed Sara’s soft hair. She had blue eyes and light brown hair. But Marc’s mother told them the eye colour could change. 

Black or blue or green or rainbow colour, Kay didn’t care. He already loved her so much.

“She also likes the sound of the crickets. Tonight was warm enough, so I thought I’d open a small window and let the night time symphony calm her down.” Marc kissed the side of Sara’s head. “Isn’t that right, Sara?”

Sara concurred with a loud burp.

Their smiling eyes met. Marc leaned in and kissed Kay with Sara between them. 

A new life between them.

\- The End -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for staying with me for this journey ❤️


End file.
